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The "How Do You Feel Right Now?" (4)


Lindsay

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8 hours ago, EyeC33U said:

Lol, found an ass pic of the girl in his phone that I was told is just a friend and reassured many times, that "it wasn't like that".  Lol, he keeps reiterating that she all the way in Texas and was a good friend for years before. Lol, I don't really see how it matters where she's at if he entertains her. Even if they "toned" it down and she "respects" our relationship now..... ugh, anyway I'm just tired..... I guess relationships just aren't meant for ugly people,or for me at least. Really made me feel not enough, but apparently I'm just pulling him into my "game" when I tell him that....... I'm tired, my chest literally felt like it was being ripped open. I can't take much more hurt. I don believe I deserved this. But he swears he loves me and his parents tell me the same. Even though most of his family dont know what he sees in me and think i look like a man or something. Lol.... he asked me what I want to do about us, I told him... I want him to find someone he finds attractive as well as smart and fun. He tell me "I don't want that, I want you" Lol, whatever that's supposed to mean. ..... my mom wants me to move back home,maybe I'll go or get my own place. I'm afraid if he's lied until he was confronted with evidence, he'll just cool it own until he feels safe to try these things again.... this has really made me feel like I should stay alone forever. I don't have the patience for these things, but I guess I don't have what it takes to keep someone's interest. In fact this post is most likely the equivalent of watching paint dry, but at least I can get it off my chest somehow..... Lol it's funny he tells me that it's not like it was a pic of her ***** or of her naked totally, lol. I can't even... sigh. Sorry for such vulgar words btw,but yeah.

That really sucks. I don't know what to say.

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I dreamed I was trying to drive somewhere and the road started to be I paved, then it got muddy, and then it turned into fecal matter. Lots going on beyond my control. I have to remember that once I start doing my own stuff--whatever is in my control, then the crappy feeling will diminish.

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2 minutes ago, salparadise6132 said:

I so sorry, Heather.  But I am glad you are here with us!  Please feel free to let us know what is wrong.

Thank you.  salparadise6132.  There's so much wrong I could write four volumes of misery.  But just hearing from people on here, like you, is a comfort.  *hugs*  --Heather

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1 minute ago, JD4010 said:

There's a lot of that going around. You have come to the right place to discuss the "messed up" stuff.

Thank you JD4010.  Yes, being on here is a comfort.  Thank you for your reply :)

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3 hours ago, CoolCat7 said:

Hugs to you, and love the kitten.

Aw CoolCat7, you've got an adorable pic of a cat, love it!  And thank you for the hugs, many hugs to you too!  You made my night! Have a good night :)    -Heather

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extremely unmotivated. just wanna play videos games and watch tv from bed. dont wanna study. too much effort for me rn. feeling helpless and dealing with the bad thoughts that no longer come very often, but can still be present. if i wore a sign on my shirt with a list of all my conditions, would people treat me better and not just think i'm some lazy slacker? probably not.

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1 hour ago, bellerose said:

extremely unmotivated. just wanna play videos games and watch tv from bed. dont wanna study. too much effort for me rn. feeling helpless and dealing with the bad thoughts that no longer come very often, but can still be present. if i wore a sign on my shirt with a list of all my conditions, would people treat me better and not just think i'm some lazy slacker? probably not.

I know bellerose.  It sucks when you're down.  Tere will be down times.  But I think the fact that we don't hear that much from you and that you said the thoughts "no longer come very often" is a very good sign.  Please don't let your down mood these past few days tell lies to you. People do care.  |We care! Your depressed mind, like mine, will tell you lies. They are not  true.  You will bounce back!!!

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My aunt who lives in New York passed away. I was supposed to visit her and spend some time with her but my illness got in the way.

I am currently in Toronto visiting which is close to New York but I did not bring my passport with me. My passport is back in Edmonton. If I had my passport with me I would have gone across the border to the funeral.

I did a lot of hard physical work on Monday and Tuesday. I worked up a lot of sweat. If I keep doing this it will be good for my muscles. For some reason all this hard work did not help my mind. I still kept day dreaming.

I text my friends back in Edmonton and we had a long chat.

HUGS for everyone.

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18 hours ago, JD4010 said:

I may still qualify...I do have an official diagnosis of course. I'm still employed as of today but I need to be "checking my options".

I dunno about this. 

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I had today booked off so naturally I drank too much last night and have only gotten a few things I wanted to get done, done.

I have a second date tonight - but I'm not enthusiastic.  I think my enthusiasm for a girlfriend is gone, for some reason.  Don't even know why I'm still in the game.  I was were my coach, I would have subbed me out long ago.

Generally, though, I've been drinking less, eating better, working harder at work, and meditating.  My novel is a slog, but at least I'm still at it (at least when I get up the nerve).

Hugs to all who need them, and to those who don't!

 

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