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Lindsay

The "How Do You Feel Right Now?" (4)

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19 minutes ago, duck said:

""""""Whenever you are feeling sad, just remember that somewhere in this world there's someone pulling on a door that says "PUSH".

 

Edited by duck

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3 hours ago, EyeC33U said:

Bad as it sounds, I think I'm going to just run off...hopefully I'll be killed if I don't do it first,**** this life. Theres no point. Everyone I know will be better for it anyway. Can't wait to get off work. Just have to plan so no one knows when I leave the house.

@EyeC33U   Sorry to hear you are having such a difficult time.  I am 50 and I am still hanging in so I hope you do too.

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5 hours ago, duck said:

@JD4010  Hi JD I will have to try the Google drive through. I have never done that.  Edmonton is not bad but it gets very cold in the winter.  Also winters are very long.  The only hot months are June and July. I have seen snow storms as late as May and as early at August.  

My doc now says he dislikes filing out insurance forms. He said he does not keep track if he gets paid for it.  He has a faulty fax machine so I am crossing my fingers and hoping the faxed forms went through to my insurance.  

The cold wouldn't bother me in the least. I can walk around in shorts and a T-shirt when it is 0C (32F). But the heat makes me flat out miserable.

I hope those forms get faxed!

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Wheee! First post on page 401 of this thread was from me! 401 is a great number. Two wonderful engines were 401 cubic inch displacement V8s. First was the 401 Buick "nailhead" V8 that came out in 1959. It was a real torque generator. Then there was the AMC 401 V8 that came online for 1971. It was a very powerful and stout engine.

GMC had a 401 V6 for their trucks back in the 1960s.

Finally, Case had a wonderful 401 inline six diesel engine for tractors back in the 1960s as well.

Sorry, had to geek out there.

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p***** off im a miesarble Barsteward today, I don't want to see anybody im sick of being broke im sick of trying in life and failing. Failed at any relationship I attempted failed at getting a career I have been on about 15 interviews didn't get any job, got hired at a gas station than fired im 26 have had my degree for a year and a month im single have no friends stuck with my parents im p***** off and just want to tell everyone off I come into contact with to **** off everyone is more successful than me I don't know why, I'll go to a career advisor get told the same bulls*** again I can't get a job if I can't get passed a interview doesn't matter how many qulafications i get if I just can't get people to like me I can't get ahead in life, I mean there are obviously jobs out there or I wouldn't get interviews. atleast my family is going on vacation I can be at home drunk with the dog not have anyone tell me to get myself together.

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14 hours ago, EyeC33U said:

Bad as it sounds, I think I'm going to just run off...hopefully I'll be killed if I don't do it first,**** this life. Theres no point. Everyone I know will be better for it anyway. Can't wait to get off work. Just have to plan so no one knows when I leave the house.

I feel the way you do every day.  Every day I want to walk out the door and vanish from my life without telling anyone I know where I'm going.  I want to start over somewhere where nobody knows me.

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Same [email protected], different day.  My life is, always has been and always will be a pathetic, miserable existence.  :coopcray:

 

I may have been gone for a while but I think about you guys all the time.  You are my safe place and I feel like I know some of you better than I know people irl.

Love and hugs to all of you!!:hugs:

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1 hour ago, PurpleStorm said:

Same [email protected], different day.  My life is, always has been and always will be a pathetic, miserable existence.  :coopcray:

 

I may have been gone for a while but I think about you guys all the time.  You are my safe place and I feel like I know some of you better than I know people irl.

Love and hugs to all of you!!:hugs:

I'm sorry you're down, Purple!!!!  Nice to hear from you, though!!!  Hugs.

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Losing hope.  My novel has been my only hope.  Now, I am doubting it is salvageable.  I always knew this day would come, when my last hope would get extinguished.  I had thought it would come when I published it and no one bought it.  Now, I think that even that's a dream.  I do not think I am capable of writing the book I had thought I was capable of writing. 

Make the final: Reality 106.  Me, 52.

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1 hour ago, salparadise6132 said:

Losing hope.  My novel has been my only hope.  Now, I am doubting it is salvageable.  I always knew this day would come, when my last hope would get extinguished.  I had thought it would come when I published it and no one bought it.  Now, I think that even that's a dream.  I do not think I am capable of writing the book I had thought I was capable of writing. 

Make the final: Reality 106.  Me, 52.

You write here nearly every day and I am riveted by the things you write.  If you're having "outline" or "organizational" problems, so what?  Just get down what you have to say and go back and "fix" it.  I wrote a book and published it myself.  I took a copy of it off the shelf the other night to see if I still liked it.  And I do.  It's substantive stuff, but I'm disappointed that I even GIVE it to people and they don't read it.  I asked for the address of the man I can't have so that I could send him a copy, and haven't heard a from him since.  He, who was calling me "beloved;" calling me; flirting with me -- when I look back on my relationship with him over the years, I remember he was frequently a source of great disappointment to me.  But, I digress. 

What bugs me is that three or four of the people I given it to haven't bothered to read it.  My aunt included.  She keeps it on display in her living room so that she can say, "my niece wrote a book."  I know the writing is good; it's not a novel, but essays, really.  My father loves to remind me that our disappointments are rooted in our expectations.  Well, that's tough for me because I expect people to keep their word.  I grew very cynical living in L.A., because people would actually say things--things they meant at the time they said them--and then act like it never happened. 

I'm working on three projects now, and the only one that is coming easily to me is one about a woman who decides to commit s.u.i.c.i.d.e.

Try not to fret.  It will come--probably in fits and starts--when you're ready. 

Love,

WOTL :console:

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I was supposed to have a date this week that never happened.  "The Date that Never Happened."  I'll bet a lot of people could write a lot on that score.

I met him on a dating website.  He was to be in town visiting his father and going to his college reunion.  We exchanged emails, the last of which I wrote, I put my phone number at the end.  He wrote back and did the same thing.  He asked if I would be available Wednesday or Sunday.  I said Sunday (today).  When I'd heard nothing from him by Friday night, I figured it was a no-go.  (I chase no man.)  He called me at NOON TODAY and left a message that he was in a nearby town and that he could come to my town (12 miles away): "It shouldn't be a problem, but there are some activities here I'd still like to find out about."  I called him back and left him a message that maybe we'd meet some other time, and wished him well.  He clearly didn't want meet today (his voice was very flat), and, to tell you the truth, I didn't either.  I had put on a dress I bought for "dating purposes" (I'm not a girly-girl and haven't worn a dress in YEARS), yesterday and all I could think was how ugly and ridiculous I looked.  There's a fine line between "stepping out of your comfort zone" and "being an impostor." 

So why do I feel like crying?

Edited by womanofthelight
verb tense

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15 hours ago, JD4010 said:

The cold wouldn't bother me in the least. I can walk around in shorts and a T-shirt when it is 0C (32F). But the heat makes me flat out miserable.

 

Omg JD, I'd be happy to wear one layer of clothes when it's 0C, but I've usually got so many layers of clothes on I feel like the Michelin Man!!! :cold:

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Horrible.. absolutely horrible. My fiance and I broke up. He has to leave the apartment this week, and I will probably move back to my parents' home. We lasted only 3 1/2 months as an engaged couple.

He just couldn't get a job, and I couldn't support us anymore. We had a huge fight at the end, instigating the break up. I am totally devastated... my heart is shattered into pieces. :broken_heart: It was truly awful. 

I did not see this coming.... I really did not. I knew he may have to leave soon and was fully aware of the situation, but I thought things would have come together, like he said they would.

Talk about depression coming back on full-blast. I may have to find a doctor again so I can increase my AD. UGH UGH UGH UGH UGH :coopcray: tears are streaming down my face right now.

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18 minutes ago, RiverLight said:

Horrible.. absolutely horrible. My fiance and I broke up. He has to leave the apartment this week, and I will probably move back to my parents' home. We lasted only 3 1/2 months as an engaged couple.

He just couldn't get a job, and I couldn't support us anymore. We had a huge fight at the end, instigating the break up. I am totally devastated... my heart is shattered into pieces. :broken_heart: It was truly awful. 

I did not see this coming.... I really did not. I knew he may have to leave soon and was fully aware of the situation, but I thought things would have come together, like he said they would.

Talk about depression coming back on full-blast. I may have to find a doctor again so I can increase my AD. UGH UGH UGH UGH UGH :coopcray: tears are streaming down my face right now.

Oh no RiverLight I'm so very sorry!  I know it won't ease your pain but I'm sending love and big hugs your way :console:

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54 minutes ago, RiverLight said:

Horrible.. absolutely horrible. My fiance and I broke up. He has to leave the apartment this week, and I will probably move back to my parents' home. We lasted only 3 1/2 months as an engaged couple.

He just couldn't get a job, and I couldn't support us anymore. We had a huge fight at the end, instigating the break up. I am totally devastated... my heart is shattered into pieces. :broken_heart: It was truly awful. 

I did not see this coming.... I really did not. I knew he may have to leave soon and was fully aware of the situation, but I thought things would have come together, like he said they would.

Talk about depression coming back on full-blast. I may have to find a doctor again so I can increase my AD. UGH UGH UGH UGH UGH :coopcray: tears are streaming down my face right now.

I'm sorry.  I was hoping so much that things would work out for you.:hugs:

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Dear River --- this is a bad time, but you will get through it!  Everything passes.  Truly, it does.  I don't know with what finality your relationship broke, but as I've read your posts, I see a picture that you may not see.  Everything is temporary.  Close your eyes, dear; breathe and acknowledge your own power.  No matter what you think or fear, maybe this exactly right; perfect for the present moment; a lesson in humility that will strengthen you and open you even more to the world in which we change and evolve every day.  We're never the same twice.  You're a warm human being who radiates compassion and understanding, who warms others with gentleness, empathy and love.  You have the power to illuminate souls.  Money comes and goes, but love is rare and powerful, and losing love over money must be especially painful!  Just don't forget you have the power to shine, Riverlight, and because of that shining, you will attract what you need.  I truly believe that.  I HAVE SEEN you get through other tough times and make it through to a joyful conclusion. 

So many people are victims of the economy!  Business owners saving money with part time jobs so that they don't have to insure you. No, you can no longer support him.  Your circumstances are not within your control.  But I believe in you.  You are a world class Manifestor.  I'm sorry you may have to move in with your parents temporarily, but maybe this bulls*** part time job stuff is an opportunity for you to see what your soul calls you to do!  (Writing?  You're a beautiful writer, and I'm sure that's only one of many talents you possess.)  By sharing your talents, you provide a safe place for others to do the same.  You share in the expansion of love in the Universe, and this is part of what being alive and free in the Universe, part of the Great Power, is about.  You are unique.  And no one will ever see the world you do.  (Maybe share that in some volunteer work?)

Cry as long and as hard as you need to.  But in those tears, ask yourself what you believe in firmly, relentlessly.  Who or what do you love with passion, or maybe with a simple warm, everlasting glow?  Do you want your fiance back?  Deep inside you, are you relieved that he's gone?  I don't doubt in your capacity for love, or that you love him, Riverlight.  But I think honesty about these circumstances will take you to another level of awareness.  Like . . . what gets you out of bed in the morning?  You're blessed!  You have the power to run, walk, breathe; to see the sun and wake grateful for it--so many things--and gratitude lays the groundwork for manifestation.  You are worthy of love; you are worthy of respect; you are worthy of making your way through this world as the strong, independent woman you are.

I'm rambling, I know.  I've given you nothing concrete or practical.  But I talk you this way because I think you see and understand the work of the spirit.

I wish you EVERYTHING your heart desires, and I'm thinking of you, sending love and hope your way.

xo,

WOTL

 

                 

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On 7/14/2017 at 10:16 AM, EyeC33U said:

Twisted  as it may sound, I actually smiled inside the other day when I found out the person who molested/raped me as a child, is actually depressed and suicidal. I know it's wrong but it made me feel a little better,maybe he has a conscience after all.

It's not twisted.

I a fellow survivor and I approve wholeheartedly. 

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