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Lindsay

The "How Do You Feel Right Now?" (4)

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5 hours ago, Kogent5 said:

Why is it that medical offices always phone my house instead of my cellphone? I don't give them my home phone number anymore for this exact reason! Now my recent medical issues are nice and open to my family...brilliant. I am very angry and want to throttle whoever phoned. But I'll sleep instead and suppress all my feelings into a nice little ball, and hopefully don't explode tomorrow when I have dinner with my friends who I don't really want to see.

I walk home most nights after dark and lately have this strong desire to just keep walking and never tell anyone where I'm going. I'd probably get mugged or worse doing that.

@Kogent5   I have the same issue. My doc receptionist keeps calling my home phone.  I gave her my cell number and she wrote it down yet she keeps calling my home.  I do not understand her.

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14 hours ago, CoolCat7 said:

I should add that the reason I know this isn't true is that my father's relatives and 2nd spouse told me otherwise, although not until I was almost 30 and my dad was dying.

But even if it had been true, that would be no excuse for telling a child their father didn't love them.  

Of course it's not true.  It's just mind games from your mother.

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3 hours ago, duck said:

@Kogent5   I have the same issue. My doc receptionist keeps calling my home phone.  I gave her my cell number and she wrote it down yet she keeps calling my home.  I do not understand her.

The same thing used to happen at my family doctor's, but I had them delete my home phone number.

The weird thing is I've been to this diagnostic clinic only once, 6 months ago, well after I stopped giving people my home number. This is not good for my paranoia...

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Still dragging my carcass around because of the lack of carbs. I'm on a "keto diet" page and someone suggested that I drink some dill pickle juice. I was feeling particularly awful this morning so I tried it. I'll be darned, but it works. At least somewhat. It's related to electrolytes.

I can eat all of the fat and protein I want, as well as green veggies. But my body wants to take the easy way out and burn carbs. What a struggle.

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Your way is much better than my way believe me.  Your way is healthy.  My way is an eating disorder that leads to mostly madness.  My way "works" if I want to be able to eat all of my favorite foods from time to time but as usual I'm putting my body through total hell.  If I have any more crashes into drinking I will try it your way but I'm stubborn and still enjoy food for now.  It feels like my only comfort left.

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On 7/13/2017 at 10:48 AM, RiverLight said:

I am nervous for an interview I have today with my former employer. It's the only opportunity I have in front of me for a full time job. My fiance also has an interview for a part-time job today. We both need to do well. I pray that we both get a job. For me, it's not the final interview though. Sigh.

Hope the interview went well River!

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1 hour ago, LonelyHiker said:

Hope the interview went well River!

Aw, you are so very kind to say so, thank you so very much! :hugs:It went OK... not as well as I would have hoped, but I am hoping since I worked for them before, that they will let it slide -- maybe.

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I'm really low today. NO word from Dunkin Donuts on when he can start, and I am worried about having to dip into savings again. I really do not want to deplete my savings and cannot. .. I need that money for emergency purposes so I don't go into debt again. My fiance is not eating or sleeping, he's so anxious. He doesn't know if he'll have a home in two weeks, and I don't either. Haven't heard back from a good friend on something important and it's really bumming me out. Feeling depressed. I just want to go to sleep and never wake up.

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Y'know when you feel overwhelmed and this is making you want out of life and even harder than usual to concentrate, but you know logically the situation won't be so bad if you sort it out promptly and so you feel annoyed at yourself for letting things get to you enough to hamper your work productivity, and you're not even sure that you legitimately have depression in the first place because how the duck can you know because what is even real, and at some point you go into 'limbs full of lead' mode for a while which wipes out productivity almost entirely, and you don't feel you have anyone to turn to but also hate yourself for wanting to turn to someone because that's selfish and you know you have no right to be anything other than independent and outwardly happy, and you would really like either a rest or a permanent spot in the ground?

Yeah.

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Exhausted.  This week at treatment has been a trainwreck.  Though I didn't do anything, all of my fellow clients (children all younger than me by a range of 1-10 years) went completely nuts.  So many restraints, lots of yelling and screaming.  I'm just done.

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Went out with a couple of friends tonight. Horrid memories of going out in university and feeling so out of place. I don't like drinking much, I don't like dancing ever, and I am so uptight and introverted the idea of flirting with a guy makes me want to vomit. I am not normal. My friends are. And they're successful in their lives and have interesting stories to tell. I don't think it's all in my head - I think I'm making my friends depressed when I'm around. I feel so bad. I wish I could be better for them. I wish I could be better for my therapist. I left early so they could at least salvage some of their night. Ugh.

Best part of the night was having a chat with the cab driver. Way more interesting than whatever spewed out of my boring mouth. And no attempts at trying to figure out why I am the way I am.

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I saw my therapist today.  Three months ago I gave him some forms from my insurance to fill out and finally he did it today.  This was causing me some stress. Three whole months he took to fill them out. 

I told my therapist I want a lethal injection so I can go to sleep and never wake up again.  He said to me, "Do you really think we would do that.?"   My docs are losers.  They are not doing anything for me. 

I am very wound up today.  My mind is racing.  I cannot slow it down.  I am angry about everything. I am angry about the way I was treated in the past. I don't know how to calm my mind.  I took an Ativan but it did not help.

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@duckSorry you are wound up, but I'm happy to hear that your doc finally came through with the paperwork.

I have to admit that I'm jealous that you live in Edmonton! I've never been there, but it looks like such a beautiful city. I often get on Google Maps and "drive" through the streets of Edmonton and other cities/towns in Alberta and Saskatchewan. I desperately want to move further north and west from Wisconsin.

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23 hours ago, JD4010 said:

@duckSorry you are wound up, but I'm happy to hear that your doc finally came through with the paperwork.

I have to admit that I'm jealous that you live in Edmonton! I've never been there, but it looks like such a beautiful city. I often get on Google Maps and "drive" through the streets of Edmonton and other cities/towns in Alberta and Saskatchewan. I desperately want to move further north and west from Wisconsin.

@JD4010  Hi JD I will have to try the Google drive through. I have never done that.  Edmonton is not bad but it gets very cold in the winter.  Also winters are very long.  The only hot months are June and July. I have seen snow storms as late as May and as early at August.  

My doc now says he dislikes filing out insurance forms. He said he does not keep track if he gets paid for it.  He has a faulty fax machine so I am crossing my fingers and hoping the faxed forms went through to my insurance.  

Edited by duck

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I did not sleep all night but I managed to go to three stores today and buy some groceries with my sister.

In the evening I met my friend John C who I did not see for several weeks. We went to a restaurant Chianti which I have never been to before and ate. I was a bit anxious but I managed okay.

I paid some bills online.

Edited by duck

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