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The "How Do You Feel Right Now?" (4)


Lindsay

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19 hours ago, sober4life said:

Thank you that means a lot to me.  At this point I have given up.  I just don't see anyone loving me at this point.  For whatever reason nobody wants any part of me.  I'm tired of seeing that over and over again.

But... there IS someone out there that is looking for someone just like you!  I just know it.  Youtube the pink video Fcking Perfect.  Sometimes when I get down and out I listen to that song and I feel better.  I promise, you really do deserve happiness.

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3 hours ago, duck said:

@Ithastogetbetter Thank you for the invite.  Unfortunately I have given up on love and life.

No, no, no!  Please don't give up.  I can see how people respond to your posts.  Everyone here loves you.  You are a lovely person, inside and outside.

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41 minutes ago, Ithastogetbetter said:

But... there IS someone out there that is looking for someone just like you!  I just know it.  Youtube the pink video Fcking Perfect.  Sometimes when I get down and out I listen to that song and I feel better.  I promise, you really do deserve happiness.

You'll never find anyone that wants the fairy tale romance more than me.  That's what I want a love that you only seem to see in movies or on soap operas.  A love that survives any test and lives forever.  I want to find someone that I can spend the rest of my days on this planet showing that person how much I love them.  Not for one second would they doubt how I felt about them.  I would die for that person.  I would do anything in my ability to always make them happy.  I feel love so strongly and with every bit of me.  I can't live the rest of this life having love feeling like I'm eating poison because it goes against everything I believe.

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Self-hate/loathing/ alternate. If not that, I feel empty.

Self-acceptance..how the ff does that work when the "me" is the problem? I see my life as non-descript and boring at best, void of anything resembling fulfillment and/or satisfaction. I am a failure and a drop-out of life. No interests, no passion, no drive. A non existent attention span and at this age lost any sense of hope, if it was there in the first place. I have no self-esteem to speak of. 

I've said this before, I am empty and dead within. I don't know who I am or where I want to go. I see pointlessness everywhere. My senses are blunted. Nothing truly touches me other than the anger and hatred rising within the emptiness I am. I have visions and intrusive thoughts of violence, mostly about myself.

I'm a colossal loser and it will only get worse from here.  Oh and I repeat myself ad nauseam.

Ff this I want out now.

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2 hours ago, samadhiSheol said:

Self-hate/loathing/ alternate. If not that, I feel empty.

Self-acceptance..how the ff does that work when the "me" is the problem? I see my life as non-descript and boring at best, void of anything resembling fulfillment and/or satisfaction. I am a failure and a drop-out of life. No interests, no passion, no drive. A non existent attention span and at this age lost any sense of hope, if it was there in the first place. I have no self-esteem to speak of. 

I've said this before, I am empty and dead within. I don't know who I am or where I want to go. I see pointlessness everywhere. My senses are blunted. Nothing truly touches me other than the anger and hatred rising within the emptiness I am. I have visions and intrusive thoughts of violence, mostly about myself.

I'm a colossal loser and it will only get worse from here.  Oh and I repeat myself ad nauseam.

Ff this I want out now.

Didn't think it was possible to put this feeling into words, but you did so flawlessly...hun  you wanna know something...at least  you're  a great writer... so that's something to be proud of/confident about.  I hope that you do do find some fulfillment in this world hun. I know this world is a hole at best but as long as we're here , we have to keep pushing. Hopefully it gets  better

Edited by EyeC33U
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18 hours ago, RiverLight said:

Speaking of surviving, I am proud of my fiance for self-advocating with this restaurant that is delaying him from starting work, and for pursuing it several times a day, every day. He has been relentless in his pursuit (given it's one of only a couple work options), and he's making headway. Now one of the managers is supposed to get back to him with a work schedule to start, and if he doesn't hear from her today, he'll call yet again. I pray this comes through for us since time is passing by and no other options are before us right now.

As for me, I am getting through this challenge project presented by my former employer (to get hired again) and am actually kind of enjoying doing it, surprisingly. Another job presented itself on Friday, so I hope I will have two options available. Knowing me though, both will slide and I won't have either option, given my history lately with job prospects. :/ Guess I am not feeling too confident.

Yo Riverlight.  I am happy you are back.  :)

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7 hours ago, sober4life said:

I don't even want to say everything I've eaten today.  Most days I do well with the food but the bad days I set records.:coophelp:

i have been eating like a pig these days.  I cannot control it.  I have gained fifty pounds.

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7 hours ago, Dolphin2013 said:

I just ate a whole thing of sugar free mints. I'm expecting my stomach to blow up in 3-2-1.

Just as bad as the sugary kind. crap. I can't stay out of the junk.

Please send some" sugar mints" to me.  I love sugar.  I will not be around for much longer so I need to enjoy life as much as possible.

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13 hours ago, salparadise6132 said:

I am not sure I could feel much lower.

Brian, sorry to hear you are feeling so down.  I have said this before and I will say it again.  "Life is a bunch of nonsense."

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13 hours ago, samadhiSheol said:

Self-hate/loathing/ alternate. If not that, I feel empty.

Self-acceptance..how the ff does that work when the "me" is the problem? I see my life as non-descript and boring at best, void of anything resembling fulfillment and/or satisfaction. I am a failure and a drop-out of life. No interests, no passion, no drive. A non existent attention span and at this age lost any sense of hope, if it was there in the first place. I have no self-esteem to speak of. 

I've said this before, I am empty and dead within. I don't know who I am or where I want to go. I see pointlessness everywhere. My senses are blunted. Nothing truly touches me other than the anger and hatred rising within the emptiness I am. I have visions and intrusive thoughts of violence, mostly about myself.

I'm a colossal loser and it will only get worse from here.  Oh and I repeat myself ad nauseam.

Ff this I want out now.

A big hug for you.

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My life is all suffering and pain.  Nothing is working for me. I cannot go on like this.  I wish it would end. 

I went out to Starbucks around 8pm. It was okay but I was alone. Couples walking by and holding hands and I am alone.  It sucks. Two strangers started talking to me at Starbucks. I felt a little better.

People think I have a normal life. They think I have a wife. They say I am a very nice guy and how come I am not married. I tell them nobody likes me.

Once I told my therapist I am not normal. He said do not use the word normal.  Whats wrong with him?  If I was normal I would not be having all these problems. 

I hate CBT.  It is like a religion. One person started CBT and many others latch on to it.  They say all I have to do is change my thinking and I will feel better. It is crap.  It does not work because I am dealing with facts. My problems are real not imaginary.

 

HUGS for everyone.

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On 7/8/2017 at 10:00 PM, BrokenLink said:

I feel like running away from every human being that cares for me. I don't want the responsibiity of being accountable to them - I don't want them to care about me, frankly I want everyone to leave me the hell alone. I want to wallow in my grief and anger without having to feel guilty about it. 

I feel your pain.

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17 hours ago, Ithastogetbetter said:

No, no, no!  Please don't give up.  I can see how people respond to your posts.  Everyone here loves you.  You are a lovely person, inside and outside.

@Ithastogetbetter  I have lived fifty years and six months of pure hell.  When I was sixteen I had hope but nothing changed. When I turned thirty I had hope but nothing improved.  Now that I am fifty I have hope again but nothing will change. I have to stop hoping.  

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I haven't checked this thread lately, but I did today and I am so sorry to read how many of you are suffering. There truly are no words to describe how cruel and unfair it is that people are in so much pain.

Life has the potential to be beautiful for some, but when it goes wrong it hurts so much. 

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15 hours ago, samadhiSheol said:

I see my life as non-descript and boring at best, void of anything resembling fulfillment and/or satisfaction. I am a failure and a drop-out of life. No interests, no passion, no drive. A non existent attention span and at this age lost any sense of hope, if it was there in the first place. I have no self-esteem to speak of. 

I've said this before, I am empty and dead within. I don't know who I am or where I want to go. I see pointlessness everywhere. My senses are blunted. Nothing truly touches me other than the anger and hatred rising within the emptiness I am. I have visions and intrusive thoughts of violence, mostly about myself.

Could have said it myself...

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19 minutes ago, survival0302 said:

I haven't checked this thread lately, but I did today and I am so sorry to read how many of you are suffering. There truly are no words to describe how cruel and unfair it is that people are in so much pain.

Life has the potential to be beautiful for some, but when it goes wrong it hurts so much. 

Yes it's so sad and discouraging how many of us seem to be in so much misery.  All good people that have gotten screwed in life.  What did we do to deserve this?  So many of us just want to feel loved in this world but it feels like we're asking for the impossible.:coopcray:

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