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The "How Do You Feel Right Now?" (4)


Lindsay

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16 hours ago, salparadise6132 said:

Welcome and ginormous hugs to you.  I am sorry you are feeling so bad.  I hope you stay with us IHTGB!!!!

Thank you!  This is a good outlet for "getting things out".  I am actually having a good day. I just need to find where I left my motivation!

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37 minutes ago, Teddy545 said:

I'm sick today, maybe I've been stressing myself out to much.  My therapist gave me a paper with the homework I'm supposed to do, I can't find it anywhere.  I remembered 2 things I was supposed to do, I hope that was all of it.  I have to go to her tomorrow.

Sorry you're not feeling well Teddy545. Don't feel bad about forgetting the therapy homework, sometimes I forget to even GO to therapy! lol.

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Anxious.  My visiting sister will be leaving in a couple of days and I always feel a loss when she goes.  She has her own home (apt. in NYC), which she rents out to try to save herself from losing it!  Wish she could stay a while longer.  Time is moving in exponential leaps.  I missed a therapy appointment last week because I couldn't believe it . . . was time again so soon. 

I have my "Meetup" on positive thinking this evening.  I need it.  I'm anxious about my future --- but my mother says that half the things we worry about do not come to pass.  So maybe I'll die young (relatively speaking :Coopwink:) and not have to think about how I'm going to get out of my parents' home and have a home of my own again.  I need clarity on where I want to be; whether or not I truly want to be in a relationship (my mother says I don't have the temperament for it -- she says a lot of things that discourage me; and yet she has her encouraging side, as well).  When my sister leaves, I feel so lonely.  My other sister will visit in August, but this is no way to live -- waiting for the next good thing without at least trying to create good for myself in between.  I work at it, but it's a job.  I never thought I would be in the kind of physical condition I'm in; exercise always, always always made me feel better and since I haven't been able to do it in a long time, I feel . . . unlike myself.  Car accidents have left me with a bad back, but overexercising for years has practically ruined my knees.  Will I need replacements?  I feel like I'm too young for this (as my orthopedist says jokingly, "you're just a kid"), but, half of my physical pain I brought upon myself.  If I can get either the back or the knees healed, I'll feel like I've accomplished something

And I wish I'd stop thinking about my former love.  One thing I believe is true, however; love may change in form but once you've loved someone, it never really goes away.

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3 hours ago, One More Red Nightmare said:

womanofthelight, you are the best writer in this forum.  You articulate your pain beautifully.  From great pain can sometimes come great art.  For whatever it's worth!!!

Yes, she is a great writer.  And a big spirit!!! So glad she is here with us - even as I wish she didn't need to be!

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42 minutes ago, DarkRain said:

Nostalgia making me cry.

I have no one to talk to. I like collecting things and I like books but there's no one to talk to or to show off to.

hqdefault.jpg.a197b9757197b950fe15500aff2c16fe.jpg

:upside:

I just checked out 8 books from the library.  I can't decide which one to start first.  I am kind of a minimalist, I don't collect anything.  What do you collect and what are you reading now?

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1 hour ago, ArnoldJRimmer said:

i seriously hope i dont wake up tomorrow morning.  i cant do this anymore.

I hope you do.  And feel better.  You will feel better, with time. My years of experience with this demon have taught me that. I am thinking about you, AJR!  Hugs.

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5 hours ago, One More Red Nightmare said:

womanofthelight, you are the best writer in this forum.  You articulate your pain beautifully.  From great pain can sometimes come great art.  For whatever it's worth!!!

I tried to send you a PM, but I guess your box is full.  Thank you for the lovely compliment.

Thinking of you and your big decision,

WOTL

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2 hours ago, salparadise6132 said:

Yes, she is a great writer.  And a big spirit!!! So glad she is here with us - even as I wish she didn't need to be!

Thank you, Brian.  Have to work on my "big spirit" being somehow (is it possible?) joyous more frequently.

xo,

Marianna

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same thing every day, i will try and limit my writing on this board, there's no point. I'm sorry if i sound so negative most of the time, it's just that nothing really changes in my life, and I've pretty much reached (years ago) my options of ever living a somewhat normal/productive life.so there's no point of complaining about it, i feel like i bring others down and I don't want that.....well i hope everyone continues to fight..and survive this struggle...

take care:smilingteeth:

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1 hour ago, ladysmurf said:

same thing every day, i will try and limit my writing on this board, there's no point. I'm sorry if i sound so negative most of the time, it's just that nothing really changes in my life, and I've pretty much reached (years ago) my options of ever living a somewhat normal/productive life.so there's no point of complaining about it, i feel like i bring others down and I don't want that.....well i hope everyone continues to fight..and survive this struggle...

take care:smilingteeth:

Hey, we are all here for each other. Don't limit your writing!

 

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"Dare to Dream". Isn't that a wonderful platitude? It's usually laid on us by someone who's independently wealthy and has time on their hands. Me? I "dare to dream" about buying a cup of coffee.

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I just don't understand people.  So this lady at work, made aware that I was interested in her months ago, is, apparently, not interested.  So far, no big deal.  But, why then did she continue to track me down to chat and otherwise flirt with me over those past few months?  Why did she send me invites to all her social media sites.  Why did she make up excuses to come and see me.  Did she just want the attention?  It would have been easier, and nicer to me, if she had send a big stop signal to begin with.

 

 

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3 hours ago, salparadise6132 said:

I just don't understand people.  So this lady at work, made aware that I was interested in her months ago, is, apparently, not interested.  So far, no big deal.  But, why then did she continue to track me down to chat and otherwise flirt with me over those past few months?  Why did she send me invites to all her social media sites.  Why did she make up excuses to come and see me.  Did she just want the attention?  It would have been easier, and nicer to me, if she had send a big stop signal to begin with.

 

 

Sometimes people don't want to seem rude by just holding up the stop sign. Or they think that the big stop signal is too hurtful. I try to be that way with telemarketers, but they persist. I have to threaten them and that's a side of me I hate to see--and they count on that. Not a great analogy, I know.

I'm sad you had to go through all that. It seems like a waste of this lady's time as well as yours.

:hugs:

 

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1 hour ago, Dolphin2013 said:

Sometimes people don't want to seem rude by just holding up the stop sign. Or they think that the big stop signal is too hurtful. I try to be that way with telemarketers, but they persist. I have to threaten them and that's a side of me I hate to see--and they count on that. Not a great analogy, I know.

I'm sad you had to go through all that. It seems like a waste of this lady's time as well as yours.

:hugs:

 

 

34 minutes ago, CoolCat7 said:

Maybe she just likes you and wants to be friends?

 

Yes, I suspect that you are both correct.  She wanted to let me down lightly, but she wanted to be my friend.  But to me, the receiver, that adds up to a whole bunch of confusion.  She knew I was interested in her for dating. I know this because she told me.  In that case, she should have pulled way back until I got the hint.  Then, friends after. People.  Sheesh.

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Well, I just screwed up yet another thing at work. Problem is, I'm too much of a nice guy. I need to be more of an @sshole to succeed. I resent having to go against my very nature all of the time.

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I'm feeling pretty good these days.  I just need to stop making the same mistakes over and over again.  I moved away from the town I lived in because it was a good idea but my addict brain keeps trying to draw me back to it with every excuse it can come up with.  I hate that my brain is willing to make itself suffer to get a reward.  It's sick!  Lot's of awful things happened to me in that town.  When I stay out of the town I'm happy and stress free.  When I go back the nightmare begins again.  I'll tell people I'm smart but at some point I need to realize I'm probably an *****.

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3 minutes ago, JD4010 said:

Well, I just screwed up yet another thing at work. Problem is, I'm too much of a nice guy. I need to be more of an @sshole to succeed. I resent having to go against my very nature all of the time.

I'm the same way.  I'm the nice guy that gets trampled in life.  It's time to stop being so nice because other people sure don't seem to care about being nice.

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I went to my therapist today.  He screened me again and said that I'm not depressed.  Results showed that I am high in anxiety and OCD thoughts.  Bizarre! I never realized how OCD my thoughts are until he pointed out some examples.  Maybe I am just a drama queen.  I am going to: limit my alcohol, eat more, drink water, get the rest I need, and replace negative thoughts with new ones.  I'm thinking getting off of Zoloft and making these changes will bring me some peace.  I'm feeling hopeful for the future.  Today is a good day.

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