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Lindsay

The "How Do You Feel Right Now?" (4)

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I feel a sense of impending doom, like disaster is right around the next corner.   There is this sense that when you are over 60; that your days are numbered. Of course one's days have always been numbered.  And of course it could be a high number that is a long way off.  But there is this sense that now, in your 60s you are in the sights of the Grim Reaper more than you have been perhaps at other times in your life.  I wonder what it going to do me in:  heart attack, stroke, cancer, accident, dementia.  Oh well . . .

HUGS TO EVERYONE TODAY

Edited by Epictetus

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1 hour ago, Teddy545 said:

The world's not fair to night owls.

Word! Somehow society is still stuck with old-fashioned attitudes from agricultural times, "the early bird catches the worm" and all that BS, some of us just work better later during the day. I can force myself to get up early if I have to but my natural sleep cycle that I revert back to whenever I get the chance seems to be 3 AM to 10 AM. I'm the most productive in the late evening and at night, somehow I can just focus better and don't feel as tired. When I try to adhere to the expected 11 PM - 6 AM or so sleep schedule I'm definitely not at my best.

Some years ago I came across a study and I think it said 20% of the population are natural early birds, 20% night owls, and the rest somewhere in the middle. So I guess rising early comes natural to only a small number of people with the majority being able to adapt fairly well because their schedule isn't too much different and us night-owls suffering because it's not natural for us at all. 

Edited by lonelyforeigner

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Lady Mozzer I feel exactly the same way.  All the time.  Like this feeling of impending doom that sits in my gut. Not exactly sure when it started but seems like ive felt this way forever.  Did something trigger it for you?

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11 hours ago, JD4010 said:

Like sober4life, I'm convinced that the universe has it out for me. It is sort of passively malevolent towards me. I've always thought that, and being struck with this genetic cancer has given me the most definite proof possible. I don't "fit" here--or anywhere else for that matter. As my mom used to say, if it weren't for bad luck, I wouldn't have any luck at all.

Yeah I don't fit here or anywhere either.  Even when I come here or other places where everyone has the same problems I have I still don't really fit in here.  I care a lot about a lot of people here but I still feel like kind of an outcast here.  I know I'm strange and different from most people.  People probably feel sorry for the people in my real life as out there as I get at times but I'm a good hearted person that tries to do the right thing.  I'm just the craziest person I've ever known.  Mom said with parents like me and your father you never had a chance.

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9 hours ago, CoolCat7 said:

Ate too much pizza (3 pieces of a medium size pizza) and now I feel bloated and sooooo guilty.  :(

I know the feeling of feeling guilty about everything you eat.  I hate it.  I used to enjoy eating now I feel guilty about the calories in a stick of gum.  It's a nightmare!

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Feel ambivalent.   I don't like to be the cause of things passing away.  Of course it is impossible to live and not cause things to pass away.  My immune system is doing it all the time.  If I drive and see little creatures get hit by my car windshield I feel bad.  Or on the train.  It was only recently that it dawned on me that in making Hollywood movies where there are a lot of explosions and stuff that there is a total disregard of all the little creatures that are having their lives taken away from them for human entertainment. 

Sometimes I think that when my demise comes, I would like to be thrown out into the desert as food for coyotes, vultures, insects and microbes.  I've been living off life for 62 years so it seems like life ought to get to live off me.  Luckily I have some hopeful beliefs to counter these kind of sad thoughts.  Hope is all that keeps me going sometimes.  It reminds me of the old saying about the opossum:  "The possum only has one trick, but its a darned good one."  I only have hope but that's pretty good. 

I like that I can have a positive effect in the world sometimes.  This morning I was feeling so low and I saw a little spider that was floating on top of some water in a dish.  I carefully pulled him out and keep blowing air on him and eventually he just got up and walked away like nothing had happened.  Sometimes it is mysterious the way things in trouble just appear when I am feeling awful.  I know it must sound corny but it is almost like some invisible hand is placing them there for me to help them.  People will roll their eyes if they read this.

Edited by Epictetus

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7 hours ago, Epictetus said:

Feel ambivalent.   I don't like to be the cause of things passing away.  Of course it is impossible to live and not cause things to pass away.  My immune system is doing it all the time.  If I drive and see little creatures get hit by my car windshield I feel bad.  Or on the train.  It was only recently that it dawned on me that in making Hollywood movies where there are a lot of explosions and stuff that there is a total disregard of all the little creatures that are having their lives taken away from them for human entertainment. 

Sometimes I think that when my demise comes, I would like to be thrown out into the desert as food for coyotes, vultures, insects and microbes.  I've been living off life for 62 years so it seems like life ought to get to live off me.  Luckily I have some hopeful beliefs to counter these kind of sad thoughts.  Hope is all that keeps me going sometimes.  It reminds me of the old saying about the opossum:  "The possum only has one trick, but its a darned good one."  I only have hope but that's pretty good. 

I like that I can have a positive effect in the world sometimes.  This morning I was feeling so low and I saw a little spider that was floating on top of some water in a dish.  I carefully pulled him out and keep blowing air on him and eventually he just got up and walked away like nothing had happened.  Sometimes it is mysterious the way things in trouble just appear when I am feeling awful.  I know it must sound corny but it is almost like some invisible hand is placing them there for me to help them.  People will roll their eyes if they read this.

I didn't roll my eyes, @Epictetus. I try not hit anything when driving, because it causes me such distress. But being helpful helps me when I tally up the day's wins and losses.

I know I'm not perfect. When I'm firing on most of my cylinders, I can accept that.

I had a pretty severe migraine this week. It started at close to 4am on Thursday and lasted the whole day, including pain and some nausea today. There is nothing like a migraine to put me back into deep depression: my dreams are horrible and I can't get out of bed except to go to the bathroom...I feel so useless. I feel everyone is indulging my "weakness." 

Come the Zombie Apocalypse, one migraine episode, and I'd be a goner for sure.

Stupid barometric pressure. We've had storms hovering near us all week long. Then, too, I get migraines when the light changes: Equinoxes & Solstices.

I regret not being here this past week and wish everyone good health, mentally, physically and emotionally. :hugs::hugs::hugs: 

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I can't take this life much more.  I went to a family get together as cousin it again.  God I hate myself.  I feel so alone everywhere I go.  Everyone was happy and having a good time.  I was holding back crying and I wished I died the whole time.  My life has been the worst life I could have ever dreamed up at this point.  I'm never happy anymore.  Every day I'm wishing this is finally the last day.  The day where I get paroled from this prison sentence life.  I've made mistakes and done bad things just like everyone else has but nothing I have done makes me deserve to live an entire life in hell.  I am a good person but an impossible life has completely destroyed me.

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First of all hugs to all of those needing one right now.

I`m feeling empty and lonely right now.Then a little while ago I was feeling a little bit irritated. I managed to do some laundry and do some baking for Father`s Day tomorrow.At least I managed to do that today.I guess I feel tired now.

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Today on Father's Day I agree with the devil from The Devil's Advocate.  The only thing worse than having no father is having mine.  I wonder what it would be like to have a dad like I see on tv.  Someone I can talk to when things get hard.  Someone I can actually trust.  I'll never know.

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25 minutes ago, CoolCat7 said:

Why, sober?  Why are you feeling so bad?  I know you don't want to take medication but maybe it's time to give the meds a try.

I feel so bad because no matter how hard I try I get nowhere in life.  I tried the medication for decades.  It ruined my life completely.  It made me feel nothing all the time which is the only thing worse than constantly feeling out of control.

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8 hours ago, sober4life said:

Today on Father's Day I agree with the devil from The Devil's Advocate.  The only thing worse than having no father is having mine.  I wonder what it would be like to have a dad like I see on tv.  Someone I can talk to when things get hard.  Someone I can actually trust.  I'll never know.

I'm lucky...my stepdad was great. My biological father was a good guy too. Looking back, I know that my dad also suffered from depression, and probably PTSD from the Korean war.

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Trying to fight off the anxiety and feelings of failure.  Worked till 4am and woke up at 8:30 with my mind telling me how much of a failure Ive turned out to be.  How its the reason my ex girlfriend cheated on me and let me know via text message while I was across the world.  The reminder that I'm knocking on the door of 40 and still havent figured out what I want to do and that time seems to be running out is at the forefront of my thought process and it is relentless.  Tired of feeling like this.  Ran three miles in an attempt to boost my serotonin levels but still feel awful.  And alone.  Dont want to give up but man its exhausting

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