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Lindsay

The "How Do You Feel Right Now?" (4)

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4 hours ago, evalynn said:

I took a shower so I feel 50% better. I just wish I had more interesting things to do at night while I'm not sleeping. Getting lost in my own thoughts is a trap.

music, reading, or watching movies...i try to keep it down though so I don't wake up the rest of the people in my house.

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Frustrated, angry, sick and tired of selfish, unreasonable, rude, narcissistic individuals who have no sense of healthy boundaries, sanctimoniously swearing, insulting me, taking what only l am entitled to, because l don't think they are better than anyoneone else.

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16 hours ago, sober4life said:

It makes me cry every time I see a sad post from you.  You deserve to have the beautiful peaceful life you want.:sniffle1:

You all do.

I wish I could just turn into pure energy and shower positivity  all over you.

All of you.

:hugs::hugs:

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I feel shaken up after a night of nightmares.  The nightmares are over but the mood they engendered is still hanging on.  Feel more tired now after sleep than before going to bed last night.

HUGS TO ANYONE WHO NEEDS ONE TODAY!

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1 hour ago, Epictetus said:

I feel shaken up after a night of nightmares.  The nightmares are over but the mood they engendered is still hanging on.  Feel more tired now after sleep than before going to bed last night.

HUGS TO ANYONE WHO NEEDS ONE TODAY!

I hear you. Nightmares aren't fun. Hugs to everyone out there struggling. I went for a 10 minute walk, but now I'm back home..

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5 hours ago, Epictetus said:

I feel shaken up after a night of nightmares.  The nightmares are over but the mood they engendered is still hanging on.  Feel more tired now after sleep than before going to bed last night.

HUGS TO ANYONE WHO NEEDS ONE TODAY!

Yes!!!!  That is what happens to me.  Sometimes it colours my entire day.  Lately, I have given myself half an hour when I wake up to just sit up in bed and just BE, EXIST, meditate and focus on being, and nothing else.  The thoughts come, but I look at them as if from a distance and say, hmmm, interesting thoughts, they are not me, though.  And I say, dreams are not me and they are not true.  I have found this has helped me!!!  Best, Epictetus.

Edited by salparadise6132

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Frustrated and discouraged. I looked up today some materials on how to improve the German pronunciation, and realized that my accent is much more horrible than I thought before... I intend to start working on it, but I can only imagine how much time will it take before I will be able to speak to natives without feeling so uncomfortable.

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My life is constantly trying to convince myself I'm not the worst person on earth.  I'm not a bad person but addiction and depression wants me dead.  They both want to destroy all the good parts of me and all the good things in my life.  It's sad when I think that my own brain must hate what's going on so bad that it convinces me to destroy myself or take myself out.  I would love to know what it's like to have a good life and to have a life where I felt like I was truly free.  I don't even remember the last time I laughed or smiled.

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Had dinner with my old friend Y, whom I hadn't seen in almost 1 year since she moved away. She was in town on business. I never expected to see her again, but there she was sitting across from me again. We both agreed it was surreal. Once long ago we were so close. What a strange combination of joy and sadness I feel.

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Trying really hard not to think that the universe doesn't want me to succeed at anything. That it's not kicking me down at key points in my life. Trying really really hard to be resilient and focused. We'll see tomorrow.

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Im getting so sick of people arguing with me about that im an atheist people just really need to get over it especially my parents and my family. I have told them I don't believe in anything supernatural then they try to debate with me and act like im attacking them when i defend myself i just go to bad I don't believe in it that my opinion and im entitled to it be an adult and learn that people have different beliefs then you, with politics to I said at work I don't think the Iraq war did anything to prevent terrorism as none of the hijackers or people who perpetuated terrorist attacks were from Iraq or Iran and most terrorist are from Saudi Arabia. I said if it is was really about terrorism and people rights why don't we have sanctions on Saudi Arabia and give them money when they fund all this extremist groups and why did the CIA and the american government fought against secular governments in the middle east since worldwar two. They don't know where the countries are on a map there history, then they were like hurr durr to stop terrorism I said no matter how many bombs we drop there will probably be just as many terrorist attacks a hundred years from now I mean it seems pretty simple to understand, the only way to stop terrorist attacks would to take away all are freedoms and live in the police state and I don't want to do that, and neither does anyone else. Im so sick of people getting upset at you when they start debating me and lose when im wrong I admit it and just change what i think people get so emotionally charged over everything so easy. 

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Have to go into work tomorrow to pick up uniforms that arrived and drop off a medical note. Afraid because I'll have to see Renee and I haven't seen her since we split up. Plenty of people from work have been talking while I've been gone. My Dad told me I should go in to see everyone I work with since they care about me. Thing is while I've been gone I figured out that they don't except for my friend Donnie. Maybe I should drop in after I go to Santa Monica so I have something to say at least. They'll surely ask what I've been doing during a 3 month break from work. They know I left facebook so nobody has been able to keep tabs on me. They've surely talked about that and wondered why I did. Considering it was literally after I split up with Renee they probably put it together. It'll be a mess.

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Worried about the future:  unproductive not productive worry.  Once I'm more "awake" I'll try to use my CBT skills to get a handle on it.

HUGS TO EVERYONE

Edited by Epictetus

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Good. But sh!tty.

I'm grossly behind at work because of my severe procrastination. I should be climbing the walls with anxiety. But I'm not. I simply cannot bring myself to finish the two reports that have been delayed. I'm so burned out of this sh!t.

Otherwise, I'm feeling pretty good.

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On 5/24/2017 at 1:34 AM, womanofthelight said:

If we weren't burned at the stake for attaching links, I'd send you one to a REALLY cool song.  Go to YouTube and type in:

The Moth & The Flame with lyrics - Les Deux Love Orchestra

"The moth don't care when he sees the flame.
He might get burned but he's in the game.
And once he's in he can't go back.
He'll beat his wings till he burns them black.
No, the moth don't care when he sees the flame . . . "

Oddly, it helps me understand my obsession(s) better so that I can stand back and see them clearly.  It may not have that effect on you, but please know I'm thinking of you, wishing you peace, and good sleep through a dark storm.

xo,

WOTL

 

Thank you! I love the lyric and I'll check it out on youtube :)

big hugs   :hugs:

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I have weird work schedules starting this week. Everything is a little wonky and I have several appointments next month that I had to plan around.

I'm not getting much sleep for a variety of reasons. That causes me to be anxious. I could take my trusty xanax, but it's not reached that point yet.

wishing everyone as good a day as possible as we slide toward the weekend.

:hugs::hugs::hugs:

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4 hours ago, JD4010 said:

Good. But sh!tty.

I'm grossly behind at work because of my severe procrastination. I should be climbing the walls with anxiety. But I'm not. I simply cannot bring myself to finish the two reports that have been delayed. I'm so burned out of this sh!t.

Otherwise, I'm feeling pretty good.

I think you just hate your life as much as I do.  You don't care anymore.  You're done with it all.  Like me you want to leave your life and never come back to it again.  I'm very burned out myself.  All the positive things I do in life and I still feel like I'm in hell for the most part.

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On ‎5‎/‎20‎/‎2017 at 9:47 PM, Lunachick said:

Where are your friends? :dontgetit:

Late reply, but they were at school. I've been skipping school for the past few weeks, until just a few days ago when I enrolled in an alternative place.

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Yeah. Burned out. Definitely. I just can't work up the motivation to get these projects done. I've had to do the same thing year after year, decade after decade. Each year, it gets just that much more challenging to muster up any energy at all.

I really should retire. But I can't afford it. Not that I'll ever be able to afford it in the future either.

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I'm tired of trying too.  I keep trying though to prove the world wrong.  Everyone I know in real life has given up all hope in me.  I've figured out I have no real friends in real life though.  All there is in real life is people watching waiting for the next good time to stuff me away in some facility again.

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