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The "How Do You Feel Right Now?" (4)


Lindsay

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41 minutes ago, One More Red Nightmare said:

You can choose to get out of bed. At least spend your time walking, exercising.  You have to fight, however you can.  If you don't, nothing can change.  

It might seem a hopeless fight, I know. But it's the best course for now. 

I wish you had some peace and respite from your hell. 

I do , but some days are harder than others, if I'm crying from physical pain, there's not much i want to do. but thanks

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14 hours ago, roadking02 said:

Tried to play "Your Body Is a Wonderland" on guitar tonight and drifted into thinking about Natalie for a moment. A little happy, a little sad because I'll be heading to California on the 29th to spend some time recording new songs with a few friends of mine. Why sad? Because I got into this stuff not only because I wanted to but because of having Natalie along to keep pushing me to always follow my dreams. Always was the one person who I could talk to about pretty much everything. Always was the one person who believed in me when most just thought I was a big dreamer. My Dad to this day still thinks I'm just full of nothing but dreams...

I understand, my friend. I had a girl like that.  Only person I have felt truly at home with.  Gone, and, I guess that's OK - it is what it is and at least I had that time.  But, I just might be alone forever.

 

 

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Yeah. What @samadhiSheolsaid. Inadequate.

I'm trying to plan a summer vacation. Nothing fancy at all, maybe a road trip. What I'd most like to do is visit my long-distance girlfriend. But I'm getting mixed vibes from her.

We had to make an office moved. Now I'm crammed into a small space with 2 other people. Yeesh.

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9 hours ago, One More Red Nightmare said:

Chris Cornell's suicide is heavy news to wake up to. I love Soundgarden.  Depression can take anyone, even the successful and beloved.  RIP.  

He's one of the best in the history of music.  Nobody spoke about addiction better than him.  He's like Kurt Cobain.  I wonder if either one of them had any idea how amazing they were.  I know what it's like to battle addiction like him for decades.  It feels like you're in a hell that never ends.  You think the people around me all seem normal but I have to drink or do drugs or whatever to appear to be like them because I'm so broken inside.  It's so sad.:coopcray:

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I have this angry energy swirling inside me, my inner hermit wants to grab someones ear and just start complaining ,but my consciousness  wants me to stop being so self centered. Everyday its a battle do i do what I want and just go thru life caring about no one but myself, putting my interests in front of everyone else or do I make an effort to care about others. I know that makes me sound like a horrible person and maybe I am.

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I've learned that it is a waste of time being someone you are not.  I'm not sure if that is good advice or bad advice but if you live a life faking it the whole way you are going to be miserable.  The truth is though it is very unlikely that you will get the things in life that you want if you show no caring for the people around you.

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Weird thing is that nobody made any effort to contact me after my disappearance from school, then surprise surprise, my friend that I happen to have a particular liking for messaged me asking where I was and if I was okay.

I was feeling kinda yucky because I had a headache, but I feel better now.  The house smells like bread because I decided to bake, so that's nice.

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25 minutes ago, Xenia in Wonderland said:

Conflicted... The days get warmer, so the problem of covering arms with long sleeves or something is actual again. And at the same time I can't shake off the intrusive thoughts about hurting myself again. I'm in a pretty dark place now...

Hugs Xenia!!!!  I know the feeling well.  It never lasts though.  Please remember that.

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I can't help but slide once a week into a pity party for my life and how things have turned out and how alone I am. I go for days feeling OK with things, accepting what is, and that the heartache has been my teacher and guide.  But then...  I'm back to this again.

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:help:

My ex just told me her and her fiancé are moving from California, to Portland, Oregon. In addition, she gave me an ultimatum; either I move with them, when they move, or I will never get to see my son again. I would have to pack up everything and go the same day as they do, and have a place lined up at the same time.

Its a really stupid reason why they're moving. Her fiancé got offered a job as the manager/maintenance of an apartment complex. The job is a live in position, so they will get to stay in one of the apartments. It sounds pretty good, and that's what her fiancé does here. The only difference is $0.50/hr.

It just doesn't make sense to move hundreds of miles, uproot your child, and take them away from their friends for $0.50/hr. That said, my belief is that she is doing this to manipulate me. She KNOWS I just got my business started, and she KNOWS how long this has taken, and how hard I've worked for this, so naturally she wants to ruin it.

What do I do? I'm so tired of her ruling my life by using the threat of taking my son away. I can't abandon him. It seems that the only option is to continue on with her running my life. 

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13 hours ago, Xenia in Wonderland said:

Conflicted... The days get warmer, so the problem of covering arms with long sleeves or something is actual again. And at the same time I can't shake off the intrusive thoughts about hurting myself again. I'm in a pretty dark place now...

sorry ...feel better soon

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Antsy.

Cant put in plants until dusk. Did 18 this morning. Dont have enough BIG holes dug and theres 40 plants that are too big right now. 

I know im complaining and there are people with REAL problems but...i am already a failure as a human being...i dont want to add in another failed garden to my repertoire of being a pos.

Edited by Natasha1
Grammar
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23 minutes ago, Natasha1 said:

Antsy.

Cant put in plants until dusk. Did 18 this morning. Dont have enough BIG holes dug and theres 40 plants that are too big right now. 

I know im complaining and there are people with REAL problems but...i am already a failure as a human being...i dont want to add in another failed garden to my repertoire of being a pos.

Please don't feel bad for complaining. I know very well what it feels like to think that your problems are minor in comparison to others. There will always be someone doing worse than you, but it doesn't make your problems any less real. Especially when they upset you so much. I know nothing about garden work, but I sincerely hope you will manage it and have a beautiful garden!  (HUGS)

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16 hours ago, S_A_P_P_Y said:

 

:help:

My ex just told me her and her fiancé are moving from California, to Portland, Oregon. In addition, she gave me an ultimatum; either I move with them, when they move, or I will never get to see my son again. I would have to pack up everything and go the same day as they do, and have a place lined up at the same time.

Its a really stupid reason why they're moving. Her fiancé got offered a job as the manager/maintenance of an apartment complex. The job is a live in position, so they will get to stay in one of the apartments. It sounds pretty good, and that's what her fiancé does here. The only difference is $0.50/hr.

It just doesn't make sense to move hundreds of miles, uproot your child, and take them away from their friends for $0.50/hr. That said, my belief is that she is doing this to manipulate me. She KNOWS I just got my business started, and she KNOWS how long this has taken, and how hard I've worked for this, so naturally she wants to ruin it.

What do I do? I'm so tired of her ruling my life by using the threat of taking my son away. I can't abandon him. It seems that the only option is to continue on with her running my life. 

Do you have a custody agreement from a court? If you have partial custody or visitation rights, I would think this would violate that. If you don't, can you get a lawyer or go to a legal aid clinic or something to see if there's anything you can do? You should have rights.

I'm sorry you're dealing with this; your son is lucky to have someone who cares so much about him. How old is he?

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3 hours ago, ladysmurf said:

I am OK. I had some junk food so that helped. Taco Bell ! :thumbsup:

Just curious does anyone get itchy skin from anxiety? is that a symptom?

I think it's possible. I've developed eczema in the last few years (in my late 30s). I don't know if it caused it, but stress definitely makes it worse. There is a family history of it, though, which probably contributed.

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