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Lindsay

The "How Do You Feel Right Now?" (4)

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12 minutes ago, Dolphin2013 said:

@Throwaway, Hi Throwaway - I wish I could change your mind about this aging thing and regrets for what you haven't done in life...I turned 60 this year and I think the most difficult thing about aging for me (besides my body's changes) is knowing that most of my years are behind me.

You, on the other hand are only 20. To reach my age--and you probably will, because you're here and you don't want to be depressed--you have to live 40 more years. That's twice as many years as you are now.

When I was your age, I was convinced that I didn't have long to live. I'd already had a suicide attempt at 17. But when I was in my early 20s, I felt just the way you felt.

I learned that pinning my hopes of happiness on another human being was fruitless. And when I accepted that deep inside, I began to look at what I truly love to do, who I liked to be with--but not desperate to be with--things began to change. I got a job offer--a crappy job, but it got me out of my mom's house. I found that people wanted to be with me when I wasn't as needy as I used to be.

It took a lot of therapy and deliberate positive self-talk. And because I'm here and on medication, you know that things have not always been easy or as smooth as I could wish.  I've been immensely depressed. I get anxious and right now, I don't have a money-making job--I've got a patient husband and not too many expenses.

@Throwaway, I wish you happier days--or at least days where you move forward in your life. Neither of us can get those years, days, hours back. That's life and every day, I fight depression for it. 

Excellent advice, Dolphin!!!!  I would simply add ditto!

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2 hours ago, salparadise6132 said:

@RiverLight  Hang in there.  You have had a lot, ah, dung tossed your way of late. And I understand the work thing.  That was me last week.  I needed three days off to recover.

@ladysmurf  Hugs lady!!

As for me, I am functioning.  Actually at work this week :) - an amazing success in and of itself.

I got to see a great friend of mine who lives in LA on Saturday, and got to hang with my Sophie.

I've been having great chat on Tinder with a woman who I seem to jive with.  It was exciting, but, I don't know, and that is frustrating and disappointing.

Still, all and all, not bad.

Brian

Brian, I sure have.. thank you. :hugs:As a friend of mine says, when enough shi.t is thrown at the barn door, it sticks. Meh.... I am feeling pretty low.... hopefully this too shall pass.

Glad you are on the up and up (overall).

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2 hours ago, sairyss said:

 

i never said we had to go to mexico! we could go clothes shopping!! and get our nails done!! now tell me you wouldnt want to do that !!!

YES! I'm in!!!!! :hugs:I love clothes shopping!!!! =) =) And nails done of course!

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Hardly slept last night, now I am dragging myself over the finish line - one hour or so to go.

I've been having some fabulous Tinder chat with a very bright, artistic woman.  We have the same sense of humor, we have fallen into an very easy communication groove.  Anyway, we exchanged Emails, meaning that I got her full name, and, well, let's just say that she doesn't look like her photo.  I am beating myself up over the superficiality of appearance, right now, but, I know it is important to me.  Not that she is unattractive, just not for me.  I hate that this is a barrier. I am wondering if I should continue and meet her, but, when I have done this in the past it has not worked out well, not at all.

Rats!!!!

I feel like a superficial fool.  She might otherwise be perfect.  What a sad thing that would be, that "optics" trips it up.  

Darned evolutionary programming.  I hate you!!

 

Edited by salparadise6132

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1 hour ago, CoolCat7 said:

I am feeling terrible.  I had pinned my hopes on TMS.  My pdoc said she was going to try to get me into a clinical trial but I never heard back from her.  Then I found a clinic in Vancouver that does it for $25/session, but I just found out they have a THREE MONTH waiting list.  Which is after I'm due to return to work.  And it has to be done 5 days a week for 3 weeks so there's no way I could do it after returning to work, as I work 1.5 hours away from the clinic.  Sob.

Sorry Cat :/ I am not sure what TMS is, but I assume it's a form of therapy? Wish I had some comforting words for you, but I'm in a terrible state myself right now so all I can do is send hugs! :console:

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I got some good news and some bad news.

The good news is that I have a little less difficulty talking to people in conformable fashion. I got a couple of positive responses here and there. I don't always get a base hit, but what I'm doing feels respectable to at least a certain degree.

The bad news is that every attractive woman I ever attempt to communicate with just don't :censored: like me. I dress well, sometimes I'm open authentically, I've proven that I am capable of being a decent, open, productive person conversation-wise, despite what I used to think was terrible social skills. Despite that, attractive women always dread being around me. While I have considering cutting them all off for good, I can't really go against human nature, as we do need to live with them as well to function normally.

The only thing that makes me feel a little bit better is at least I had partial success, these last few weeks. Some steps ahead are better than constantly moving backwards.

I'm gonna have to figure out what my problem with attractive women is. If it's me, it will be easier for me to make things better for myself. If I can't escape hatefulness, well that's tougher to deal with. But at least I'm not dumb. I realize there's a problem somewhere, whether I need to change or whether I simply have to disapear and never come back.

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5 hours ago, Dolphin2013 said:

@Throwaway, Hi Throwaway - I wish I could change your mind about this aging thing and regrets for what you haven't done in life...I turned 60 this year and I think the most difficult thing about aging for me (besides my body's changes) is knowing that most of my years are behind me.

You, on the other hand are only 20. To reach my age--and you probably will, because you're here and you don't want to be depressed--you have to live 40 more years. That's twice as many years as you are now.

When I was your age, I was convinced that I didn't have long to live. I'd already had a suicide attempt at 17. But when I was in my early 20s, I felt just the way you felt.

I learned that pinning my hopes of happiness on another human being was fruitless. And when I accepted that deep inside, I began to look at what I truly love to do, who I liked to be with--but not desperate to be with--things began to change. I got a job offer--a crappy job, but it got me out of my mom's house. I found that people wanted to be with me when I wasn't as needy as I used to be.

It took a lot of therapy and deliberate positive self-talk. And because I'm here and on medication, you know that things have not always been easy or as smooth as I could wish.  I've been immensely depressed. I get anxious and right now, I don't have a money-making job--I've got a patient husband and not too many expenses.

@Throwaway, I wish you happier days--or at least days where you move forward in your life. Neither of us can get those years, days, hours back. That's life and every day, I fight depression for it. 

thank you for your insight, i really appreciate it :)

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2 hours ago, salparadise6132 said:

Hardly slept last night, now I am dragging myself over the finish line - one hour or so to go.

I've been having some fabulous Tinder chat with a very bright, artistic woman.  We have the same sense of humor, we have fallen into an very easy communication groove.  Anyway, we exchanged Emails, meaning that I got her full name, and, well, let's just say that she doesn't look like her photo.  I am beating myself up over the superficiality of appearance, right now, but, I know it is important to me.  Not that she is unattractive, just not for me.  I hate that this is a barrier. I am wondering if I should continue and meet her, but, when I have done this in the past it has not worked out well, not at all.

Rats!!!!

I feel like a superficial fool.  She might otherwise be perfect.  What a sad thing that would be, that "optics" trips it up.  

Darned evolutionary programming.  I hate you!!

 

i know your pain very well when it comes to the physical attraction... i know that i have no right to give advice, knowing that i never had a relationship, but if i could give you something it would be this: it depends on what kind of person you are, if you fall in love quickly/easily empathize with other women and if the intellectual side of that woman matters a lot more than her looks... all i know is that , in my case, any type of love from my part begins with an immense infatuation over her looks... if there is no infatuation for me, then i know that eventually i will see a woman on the street that looks gorgeous and i will fall in love hard with her looks ... it's like you said, evolutionary programming be damned :\

myself being an avid user of online dating sites, i realized that it's still better to meet girls in person... the amount of ways a photo can be edited, how good the light is in the photos, how well she is using makeup , the angles, etc...it makes it nearly impossible to actually take a glimpse into the real person that you are speaking with, and it will usually lead to bad surprises

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20 minutes ago, CoolCat7 said:

It's Trans-cranial magnetic stimulation, a treatment that is showing promise for medication-resistant depression.  Basically they stimulate parts of your brain using magnets.

 

Oh I seee.... Ok.. well, at least you can get on a waiting list and see what happens? Maybe your pdoc will recommend you waiting the time period out longer before you have to return to work so you can get this therapy?

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23 minutes ago, CoolCat7 said:

That's probably a good idea, since I really want the therapy.  I am dying to try something that's not meds.

Yeah, present it to your pdoc and get the process going...

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4 hours ago, salparadise6132 said:

Hardly slept last night, now I am dragging myself over the finish line - one hour or so to go.

I've been having some fabulous Tinder chat with a very bright, artistic woman.  We have the same sense of humor, we have fallen into an very easy communication groove.  Anyway, we exchanged Emails, meaning that I got her full name, and, well, let's just say that she doesn't look like her photo.  I am beating myself up over the superficiality of appearance, right now, but, I know it is important to me.  Not that she is unattractive, just not for me.  I hate that this is a barrier. I am wondering if I should continue and meet her, but, when I have done this in the past it has not worked out well, not at all.

Rats!!!!

I feel like a superficial fool.  She might otherwise be perfect.  What a sad thing that would be, that "optics" trips it up.  

Darned evolutionary programming.  I hate you!!

 

Don't do it because you feel bad it will only make it worse in the future, the same thing happened to me I saw this gorgeous blonde girl she looked like a model on her profile, then when we were on a date she had about thirty extra pounds, the second date she had no make up and start talking about how she likes to body build over dinner telling me how she dehydrated her muscles with lemon juice, then she ordered chicken when she said she was a vegatarian which also bothered me all she talked about was pan psychedelics, the miltary and here inner most thoughts about how smart she is and thinks about time travel. she seemed cold to me to she was making fun of people from when she was in college. If I like her personality I would have kept going out with her. There are women where I have a instant infatuation with regardless of how they look. If you feel like your forcing yourself and your not attracted to her don't do it, you don't want to drag her along and upset her later on.

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1 hour ago, Fenris89 said:

I"m sad and got lower back pain due to a herniated disc

The physical pain that goes with that can be unbearable, I know from personal experience.

I had a very severe case and the doctor thought it could not be helped without surgery, but then I had an epidural steroid injection and the pain went away almost immediately and has not bothered me at all for over two years.

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42 minutes ago, scienceguy said:

Don't do it because you feel bad it will only make it worse in the future, the same thing happened to me I saw this gorgeous blonde girl she looked like a model on her profile, then when we were on a date she had about thirty extra pounds, the second date she had no make up and start talking about how she likes to body build over dinner telling me how she dehydrated her muscles with lemon juice, then she ordered chicken when she said she was a vegatarian which also bothered me all she talked about was pan psychedelics, the miltary and here inner most thoughts about how smart she is and thinks about time travel. she seemed cold to me to she was making fun of people from when she was in college. If I like her personality I would have kept going out with her. There are women where I have a instant infatuation with regardless of how they look. If you feel like your forcing yourself and your not attracted to her don't do it, you don't want to drag her along and upset her later on.

I fully understand what you say, SG!!!  But, there is so much more about her that is right in my wheelhouse.  I am leaning, right now, toward meeting her.  You never know the chemistry until you meet and though I've been surprised negatively on the bad side (as I know some women have been by me, BTW) she is so on my wavelength, and I, hers, that I have to meet her, I think. I think it would be negligence on my part not to.  She, like me is a big girl, and if there is no chemistry, then, both of us will accept it (or have to).

 I just spent 30 minutes writing an Email to her, so, that must say something about where I am leaning. 

Ah, love.  Fun Fun Fun, eh?

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Feeling numb... Had a very long stress filled day special thank you to those who helped me thru it in chat..

 

Now km laying here just don't know what to do anymore.. 

Tried to call father and he hung up.as soon as I said hi daddy..

Sister is abusive but she moved out so I don't need to see her.. Thank gods!

Mom is stressed from everything going on and I have to worry about her health..

And mystery boyfriend is locked away in. His house.. Avoiding the world... Wish I could...

So here lay.. In a pitch black room mind running a thousand miles an hour trying to figure out what to do.

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Thanks @CoolCat7, I hope you are doing fine. Hi @survival0302, the pain comes and goes, I don't have it very often, but when I do it really bothers me. I'm managing it with NSAIDs and muscle relaxants. I've known I have this condition for three years now and had 4-5 crisis in this period. I hope it doesn't get worse, 'cause I know it can! The first time the doctor precribed meds and phisiotherapy and it went away. The other times I just took the meds, I find phisiotherapy as boring as psychotherapy.

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Feeling tired and low right now.I just feel so sad and lonely .I want to be free of all my worries.I feel so useless right now.I guess I`m just really tired.

Sending out hugs to all who need them.

Edited by Lady Mozzer

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Ugh! I have a terrible sinus headache! I made over y goal for the night and I am trying to decide if I should just go off for the night or try and work through  it.

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