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Lindsay

The "How Do You Feel Right Now?" (4)

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7 hours ago, scienceguy said:

Im angry I Covered my coworkers shift again because he said his stomach hurt again, I go and watch him he hangs around for an hour running around chatting up with everyone lazy SOB couldn't finish the last three hours of his shift he is bulls***ing me. Then my other coworker takes 20 minute cigarette breaks and complains when I have to go in the bathroom. I never seen people who are such deadbeats one of them bought drugs from a random guy that offered them to him while he was getting gas *** is wrong with these people. I went to my job interview at a bone grafting company so hopefully I get that job and don't have to deal with this anymore. can't believe so many people my age are such lazy deadbeats. The more people I meet the more I dislike them, especially people my age or younger they have no drive or ambition and just want to sit around mooching off there parents partying. They complain to me they have no money all the time, its because they ****ing waste it on bulls*** it makes me so god damn mad!!

Fortunately, Scienceguy -- you're more responsible and mature than people "[your] age or younger."  But the truth is, youth is the time we make many errors in judgment.  Maybe I'm more forgiving because I'm a lot older than you, but I don't say that to discount your feelings of resentment.  Hopefully, they'll grow up soon--our world needs it. 

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Yesterday was a pretty good day, not great but not bad either.  Unfortunately it seems I'm only allowed to have one good day before something comes along to slap me down again.  I'm jumping out of my skin right now, my anxiety is so high.  No matter how much I try to sit still, I can't.  I'm so tired but I'm unable to relax.  I've had enough, I don't want to be me anymore.:coopcray:

Sending hugs to all of you who need one :hugs:

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15 hours ago, Realreason said:

insomnia is now unacceptable, it is making me feel constantly sick and nauseous. I am unhappy. I want to cry. My body feels so disconnected from reality I feel like I am slipping. I had this horrible vision of an evil version of me coming into my room and climbing into my body, I can't get it out of my head.

did you every try Seroquel ? that stuff knocks me out..

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15 hours ago, womanofthelight said:

Maybe from now on say you have Personal Business of an Urgent Nature.  Or lie and say you have some required follow-up tests and examinations based upon a prior appointment.  You'll know best what to do from now on, based upon the answer you got about tomorrow's appointment.  There are just some employers that don't do well with the truth.  Then again, I may be full of s.h.i.t. based upon your integrity scale.  Good luck with you appointment.

Wow, you thought that one through :D

It's not my workplace though, it's a day hospital for people with mental health problems. This morning I stayed home as I still feel very drained and had a splitting headache.

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1 hour ago, CoolCat7 said:

Suicidal ideation.  Feeling so low.  :(

No!!!  Come on Cat, like Sal said, you've accomplished so much lately. You should be enjoying the success. It's not just a small victory, it's a big one.

7 hours ago you said, " Doing this has been a huge accomplishment for me.  I eagerly await (and also dread) the comments of the scouts tomorrow.".

Maybe this is just stress and anxiety after the fact. Look at what you HAVE done, not what you HAVEN'T done. The world needs more comedians and humor lady!!! Not dead ones. Stick around, tell some more jokes. :flowers:

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Is this something you can bring up with your fellow clssmates--the issues you have in common. 

I know you were not meant to live in a dark hole far from others! That's why you're doing come comedy. You bring the light in, when you help us to laugh.

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I am doing okay... started the week on a down note but it can only go up from here right? sorry to hear so many of you are having a rough go of it.. I am always available to talk.. I may not be on the site all the time but, as soon as I log in I respond to any messages.. 

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It's a John Mayer day.

". . . I don't think I'm gonna go to L.A. any more . . .
I'm gonna steer clear
I burn up in your atmosphere
I'm gonna steer clear
Cause I'd die if I saw you
I'd die if I didn't see you there . . .

Wherever I go, whatever I do,
I wonder where I am
In relationship to you . . ."

Fortunately, I don't think I have the energy to pine for what I cannot have any more.
 

 

 

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7 hours ago, JD4010 said:

I don't know how I'm doing. Sh!tty, I guess. Just found out that my girlfriend and I are officially "good friends". I may be wrong, but that sounds like a non-romantic status to me.

Sorry buddy.  I got a similar vibe from my female friend today.  I know it's hard, dude.  There is connection elsewhere, though.  I know it!

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Me, I ate bad food today, with a good friend, though. I felt crappy by the late afternoon and hated going to work.

I'm setting my alarm for earlier than my husband, so I can have some time to write alone in the morning. That's what I like to do. He's getting up early to go to the gym.

My friend asked me about MOF and I had to tell her, honestly, I thought about him every day, but as long as I kept it fictional--in writing about him, I was doing okay.

And that is the truth.

Tomorrow will be better foodwise.

Edited by Dolphin2013
added more stuff

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Good, actually.  I feel good.

I finally found the rest of my clothes.  I baked a dozen cookies.  Did my work during class instead of waiting to get home to do it.

Not looking forward to tomorrow, because I'll have to deal with the teacher that nobody likes.  The one who got mad at me for asking to switch seats.  She has pulled out chairs from under students and sent them to In School Suspension for simply talking.  She once referred a student to the office for ordering pizza while she had free time.

So I'm not in the mood to deal with tomorrow...

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I feel exhausted today even though I really didn`t do too much today.It feels like I woke up already tired so after I ate breakfast I went back to bed.I fell asleep again so I got up late.I did manage to do some laundry today.I just took my bedtime meds and I`m waiting for them to kick in.I felt very crappy today.

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13 hours ago, CoolCat7 said:

Suicidal ideation.  Feeling so low.  :(

CC -- There is NOTHING in the world harder for performers than seeing themselves on camera.  I had the SAME issue when I was  acting, and probably will again when I'm well enough to do it again (though I don't plan it!).  Why do you think some actors say "I can't look at myself on film?"  BECAUSE THEY CAN'T.  AND THEY DON'T.  Why are my stage credits more numerous than my on-camera credits?  Because I DREADED seeing myself on tape/film and (I'm' ashamed to admit) had such bad feelings about myself that I would turn down commercial and t.v. auditions.  I did that to myself! 

Seeing yourself perform takes A LOT of getting used to.  The important thing is how well you FELT when you were performing.  THAT's what matters, (and how well your material was received--though that is secondary).  It just goes with the territory, honey.  Don't beat yourself up because YOU see what YOU don't accept about yourself.  It holds you back.  And if watching the tape is part of the requirement of the class, you just have to suck it up and move on.  You see how your classmates have reacted.  We all feel that way--even the most beautiful, "perfect" woman or man working in front of a camera! 

And THEN, critiquing yourself and others -- I don't envy you that.  But as I said, DON'T FORGET THE GOOD FEELING you had performing.  You were sharing your gift with the world, and it felt good.  Always judge yourself by how you feel in the moment!  It makes the critique a little easier.

We're all so proud of you CoolCat.  You're talented, brave and these bad feelings will pass.  Until you have to face them again.  (And yes, the camera adds 20 lbs.!!)  If there's something external you don't like about your work or your appearance, you may have the power to change it. 

And every time you get in front of a camera, you'll become that much more courageous. 

With love,

WOTL

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I'm on an "up" part of the cycle ..if I have one. I'm still restless, both in mind and body, I flare up at the smallest things and have an attention span of a goldfish, but nevertheless I feel ok. In my world I'm always both up and down. It's only the distribution that changes.

I still despise myself despite feeling ok. How whacked is that?

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