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The "How Do You Feel Right Now?" (4)


Lindsay

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3 hours ago, KidSurvivor2011 said:

I want to just sit here and cry.

I feel alone, stupid, guilty, and worthless. I probably am anyway.

 

- KS

 

1 hour ago, evalynn said:

Kind of low. Struggled to get up this morning. I took my dog for a walk, and that was nice, but now that it's over I'm back to feeling like "what am I going to do today?" It's funny, most days I'm ok with doing a lot of nothing, but today I need something to distract from the feelings of loneliness and emptiness.

 

57 minutes ago, CoolCat7 said:

I can't.  I just can't.

 

3 minutes ago, salparadise6132 said:

Anxiety has wormed its way into my head.  Pretty high right now.  

 

Y'all need a hug. :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:

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I'm feeling okay. I was worried earlier, because my lovely ***** of a friend decided 3AM was the perfect time to go around and ring doorbells. But he's okay, and I managed to go outside and walk for a while, so I feel okay now.

Super sleepy though, because I was awake at 3AM worrying about my friend.

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Nothing. Emptiness. 

I can't see a future for myself. I'm just this angry, self-hating thing that can't appreciate what he has..for the simple reason he doesn't know who he is, let.alone what he wants. 

Nothing in this life feels right. It isn't mine to live. At 50, I see no possibilities on the horizon.

 

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my life is pretty over, that's how I feel. There's no chance of ever feeling normal, of living a more productive and active lifestyle, so I guess that's it...why bother hoping? some people are just very unlucky in this world....and I guess I'm one of them.....

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16 hours ago, CoolCat7 said:

Again, I think there's a big problem with lumping together ALL of the people who liked you when you were thin, as being only interested in your looks.  And not being conventionally beautiful or thin is a far cry from having features that are seen as ugly or off-putting.

I would most certainly not choose to alter my looks to be a part of s***ty, shallow people's world.  And I will still be far from what's considered conventionally attractive after getting my jowls reduced.  I definitely would like to change what I see in the mirror- they drag down the corners of my mouth and also make me look much heavier than I am (my face looks like I weigh 300 pounds instead of 170 - and I am 5'8").

Perhaps I am wrong to think that my friends' lack of attendance at my comedy performance means that they don't care about me.  I guess if I were ever in a crisis, that would be the acid test.  But I'm still hurt that people I consider my friends won't endure a little inconvenience to come to something that matters to me.  

Peace,

Lauryn

First of all, I don't lump in all of the people who liked me when I was thin...just most of them.  Because they proved themselves to be a**holes.  And I don't think it's fair for you to fault me for my opinions that are based on my experiences.  The things that happened to me happened, and I have reasons to believe that many of the things that happened were directly related to my looks.

And I disagree about your contention that not being conventionally beautiful or thin is a far cry from having features that are seen as ugly or off-putting.  Unless you are talking about something really unusual, I don't think it's a far cry.  If the person avoiding you based on your looks thinks that fat people are gross, but they don't have a problem with big noses, not being thin is what's going to cause them to avoid you.  And I can tell you for a fact that there are plenty of people out there who see being fat as not just unattractive, but as a character flaw.  They think that fat people are lazy and have no self-control.  So those people may tend to exclude fat people while they are able to overlook other things that are often seen as unattractive.

I was trying to be supportive of you, and you took it as a call to get offended.  When you said that my thinking was "juvenile" I could not help but get offended.  

My experiences have been such that I do not see things the way you do.  I don't think that's a reason to call my thinking "juvenile."  Nothing I said to you was intended as criticism, but you've offended me and put me in a position where I feel like I have to defend myself, and it seems like you're doing it on purpose.  I'm sorry I took the time to write something to you that I thought would be received as support and love.  I now wish I had just posted " :console: " instead, but at the time I thought that what I was writing would be seen as more meaningful, and that it would be more appreciated than simply posting an emoticon.

You were someone I thought was a solid friend to me on here.  Now I'm left questioning even being here, because I thought that you--of all people--wouldn't say something like that to me.  You could've just disagreed with me, but instead, you felt the need to call my thinking "juvenile."  You clearly aren't sorry for that, because you keep trying to beat me into submission so that I'll abandon my own thoughts and experiences to side with yours.  Debating these things would've been fine if it had been approached that way, but it wasn't.  You had to insult me instead.  I'm not okay with that.

I guess we're just going to have to agree to disagree.  You can think that my experiences and opinions are worthless all you want to; there probably isn't a whole lot I can say to get you to see why I hold the opinions I do.  So it seems pointless to try.

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16 hours ago, evalynn said:

Kind of low. Struggled to get up this morning. I took my dog for a walk, and that was nice, but now that it's over I'm back to feeling like "what am I going to do today?" It's funny, most days I'm ok with doing a lot of nothing, but today I need something to distract from the feelings of loneliness and emptiness.

:console:

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14 hours ago, samadhiSheol said:

Nothing. Emptiness. 

I can't see a future for myself. I'm just this angry, self-hating thing that can't appreciate what he has..for the simple reason he doesn't know who he is, let.alone what he wants. 

Nothing in this life feels right. It isn't mine to live. At 50, I see no possibilities on the horizon.

 

Do you know what things you like to do?  If I remember correctly, there seems to be confusion about what your diagnosis should be, but if you aren't enjoying anything, that can be linked to depression.  And not liking anything can make a person feel like they don't know who they are.  :unsure:

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13 hours ago, ladysmurf said:

my life is pretty over, that's how I feel. There's no chance of ever feeling normal, of living a more productive and active lifestyle, so I guess that's it...why bother hoping? some people are just very unlucky in this world....and I guess I'm one of them.....

I'm sorry, lady.  Please don't give up yet though.  There are still a few things you can try...when you're ready.

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