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The "How Do You Feel Right Now?" (4)


Lindsay

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3 minutes ago, PurpleStorm said:

I'm sorry you had a crappy family life and such negative re-enforcement squirrel.  I had a sheltered upbringing so I'm not good around people either.  My mother has mental health issues too and while she is understanding now,  when I was younger it wasn't talked about so I kept my issues to myself.  I was scared to tell anyone because I didn't think they'd believe me.

My son has seen a therapist but he didn't think it was helping.  He's also seen a psychiatrist, we only have one because we live in a small town and he can be quite condescending so we haven't been back.

I want him to have a better life than I've had but it's not looking good and even though I'd like him to reach his potential, I don't really care what sort of job he has as long as he's happy.

I'm glad you feel that way, PS.  My mother gave me a birthday card with a verse on the front.  It said something about it being more important to contribute than it is to be happy.  It felt like a slap in the face to me.

I'm glad your son has a better mom.  :flowers:

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7 minutes ago, Waffles said:

Somebody laughed at me today because i said something wrong. Feeling like a dumb blonde. :sniffle1:

:console:  You're not dumb, Waffles.  Everybody says wrong things sometimes.

It makes me cringe to think about some of the dumb stuff I've said...but I know I'm not dumb.

Sometimes stuff just comes out that's not right.  It happens.  :flowers:

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57 minutes ago, LoneSquirrel said:

I'm glad you feel that way, PS.  My mother gave me a birthday card with a verse on the front.  It said something about it being more important to contribute than it is to be happy.  It felt like a slap in the face to me.

I'm glad your son has a better mom.  :flowers:

Thanks Squirrel.  What a ridiculous birthday card, I'd rather not get one at all! :console:

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7 minutes ago, sober4life said:

I can't believe a card like that exists.  I do see it as a slap in the face.  I think your key to happiness is getting as far away from her as possible. 

It started out as "I'm glad I have a daughter who" and then--in the midst of some nice things--it said "realizes that it's more important to be purposeful than it is to be happy" (not the exact words probably, but similar to that).

It was exactly the sort of card my mother would be enraged to receive from her own mother.  I wish I still had it, and could erase her writing, forge Grandma's signature and give it to her for her next b-day.  Then after she got done raging, I could tell her what I did and see the look on her hypocrite face.  That would be priceless.

And, yes, you are probably right.  I've had counselors advise me to get away from her as well.

I just need to get on my feet somehow.

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11 minutes ago, CoolCat7 said:

to Natasha, gs22, salparadise, praisebrownies, and all who responded to my previous post.

Thank you so much.  The reason I was feeling so unloved and rejected was that all 4 of my 4 close friends have declined to attend my comedy performance next week.  A few have decent excuses, but I feel like all but 1 could make the effort to attend.  I do still have some people attending, including my husband, sister-in-law, niece, and a casual friend from my writers' group. 

I tend to assume that my physical appearance is a big part of why I don't have many friends, or why my friends don't seem too devoted to me.  The partial reason is that I compare my situation to a woman in my extended family who is just 5 years younger than me (42, looks 32), and I have for years witnessed how people adore her upon first sight, and not just males.  She has long, wavy red hair and bright blue eyes and fine features (no freckles).  You would think she had won the Nobel prize the way people praise her red hair and beauty.  She has a huge circle of friends and I'm sure if she were getting up on stage for any reason would have dozens of people attending.  I am not being mean or vain when I saw that I am more intelligent and articulate than her, funnier, better educated and well read.  Those are facts.  Nor does she have a better career or more interesting hobbies than me (I am a published writer).She is warm and caring, but so am I, and I do have decent social skills although perhaps not quite as good as hers, for obvious reasons.  The one big difference is our looks.  I have a fat face (jowls) protuberant eyes and bad skin.  I don't even like admitting that  because I am afraid that, even here, I will be rejected for it.  People don't like to admit they judge by appearances, but everybody does.  Even me - although I try REALLY HARD not to.

So I wind up questioning my basic lovability and feeling like people do not value me as highly because I'm not beautiful or attractive.

I really need to save for plastic surgery.  Maybe if I can be a little better looking, people could love me more easily. 

 

I know how you feel CC!  Been there, though it's not as hard for a man, I will admit.  

You are beautiful, though.  Just saying!!

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Sad and scared. I was woken up by a phone call that my mom is being sent to the hospital. She was choking on some food, and they had to do chest compressions. Lately with her dementia, she doesn't properly chew and swallow her food. The last time she was with me she kept coughing bad. I hope she's all right now. It was pretty scary to wake up to a phone call like that. I'll be nervously waiting for my dad's call to hear that's she's ok.

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One of the things I love about you @CoolCat7 is how I see you as beautiful. Your words, your expressions of support. They radiate out from a source of real compassion, courage,  and love.  That is true beauty.  Some day, your relative with the hair and good complexion will have wrinkles, age spots and her hair will turn a metallic gray, unless she decides to dye it and then it will look worse.

I agree that people who have always looked good have a certain amount of acceptance in their communities that probably contribute to their sense of self-esteem. But if they just rely on that and don't develop their heart and soul and brain, they are the epitome of the fleetingness of life, a bloom on a tree and not the tree itself.

If you want plastic surgery, that's your choice. You are lovable right now.

 

 

Edited by Dolphin2013
added some more words
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39 minutes ago, evalynn said:

Sad and scared. I was woken up by a phone call that my mom is being sent to the hospital. She was choking on some food, and they had to do chest compressions. Lately with her dementia, she doesn't properly chew and swallow her food. The last time she was with me she kept coughing bad. I hope she's all right now. It was pretty scary to wake up to a phone call like that. I'll be nervously waiting for my dad's call to hear that's she's ok.

Oh no...hugs...hugeones...many...

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@lex333, @salparadise6132, @LoneSquirrel and everyone who responded to my work-related post, thank you so much. It's been a difficult week with busy front desk duties, I added a shift because the supervisor needed someone and no-one else responded; it's Spring Break for a lot of people and they're out of town, etc. Then yesterday, I mistakenly took an extra shift bumping someone out--I thought I was scheduled for it, but didn't remember changing with her or someone--so I did two shifts yesterday. I have one this evening and one tomorrow morning (the AM one tomorrow will be a piece of cake except for waking up!).

I love the place I work for--it's where I exercise and that has provided immense benefits to my health over the years.  The people are nice for the most part. Things get crazy when we get busy.

I'm going to take fewer shifts next month if I can.

Today, I'm dealing with a tax issue. The I.R.S. says we owe money that I thought was not taxable since it was rolled over into an IRA--and this is from 2015. So I've set up an appointment to talk to my financial advisor--regarding this and other money issues. But I hate dealing with stuff like this. In order to minimize my dread, after breakfast, I gave myself 15 minutes before sitting down to mess with it. That helped. Tackling it right away. No answers yet, but it's tacklable. We may just have to pay it.

Today, I'm in a better place altogether. Nice to feel a sense of serenity for a change, when I felt so crappy the other night. Much of my good mood today is reading how everyone here tries to lift each one of us up.  We know what it's like to lose heart, to feel pain, or feel nothing but gray anxiety. We know we wouldn't wish depression on anyone.

I love you all. Thank you so much!

 

 

 

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18 hours ago, CoolCat7 said:

Really, really terrible.

Apparently I am not the kind of person who inspires love and loyalty in others.

I find it hard not to attribute it to my physical appearance.

Do you mind elaborating?  Whatever your physical appearance, do you think you may be projecting your feelings onto others?  I just don't understand how you look is related in any way to your inspiring loyalty and love in others.  If you and I meet one day, I promise you, your appearance will never color my good feelings about you.  :console:

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13 minutes ago, Dolphin2013 said:

@lex333, @salparadise6132, @LoneSquirrel and everyone who responded to my work-related post, thank you so much. It's been a difficult week with busy front desk duties, I added a shift because the supervisor needed someone and no-one else responded; it's Spring Break for a lot of people and they're out of town, etc. Then yesterday, I mistakenly took an extra shift bumping someone out--I thought I was scheduled for it, but didn't remember changing with her or someone--so I did two shifts yesterday. I have one this evening and one tomorrow morning (the AM one tomorrow will be a piece of cake except for waking up!).

I love the place I work for--it's where I exercise and that has provided immense benefits to my health over the years.  The people are nice for the most part. Things get crazy when we get busy.

I'm going to take fewer shifts next month if I can.

Today, I'm dealing with a tax issue. The I.R.S. says we owe money that I thought was not taxable since it was rolled over into an IRA--and this is from 2015. So I've set up an appointment to talk to my financial advisor--regarding this and other money issues. But I hate dealing with stuff like this. In order to minimize my dread, after breakfast, I gave myself 15 minutes before sitting down to mess with it. That helped. Tackling it right away. No answers yet, but it's tacklable. We may just have to pay it.

Today, I'm in a better place altogether. Nice to feel a sense of serenity for a change, when I felt so crappy the other night. Much of my good mood today is reading how everyone here tries to lift each one of us up.  We know what it's like to lose heart, to feel pain, or feel nothing but gray anxiety. We know we wouldn't wish depression on anyone.

I love you all. Thank you so much!

 

 

 

:hugs:

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