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The "How Do You Feel Right Now?" (4)


Lindsay

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1 minute ago, LonelyHiker said:

I'm sorry you're dealing with so much crap on the home front, Squirrel. Your posts about your family really resonate with me. My mother was also very emotionally and mentally abusive, and my father was basically an enabler because he never had the balls to stand up to her. She was the crazy firebrand, he was the doormat who never stood up for his kids (or himself). Like you, I often wonder how my life might have gone if I'd had stable, loving parents. My dad made good money and my siblings and I never lacked for anything, in terms of material things. But I would have preferred to live in public housing and be dirt poor and to have received genuine love and support and encouragement than to have been subjected to the crap that my parents put all of us through. They are both deceased now and I don't feel anything but relief. They had no business having children, and if I can single out one bit of positive influence they had on me, it was to teach me how NOT to parent your kids.

I feel the similarly.

And I hate to admit it, but I'm kind of jealous of my half-brother.  My mother gave him up for adoption when she was 19, and he wound up with loving parents who encouraged and supported him.  I wish my parents had given me up for adoption.  I love them, but I think it would've been better for everyone.

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18 minutes ago, CoolCat7 said:

Hugs to all! 

I am feeling so anxious about my comedy class, not knowing if my jokes are good enough.  Maybe I will take a clonazepam.  Also, it's now just over a week until I get on stage in front of thousands.  I wonder how many clonazepam I'll be taking *then."  It's a tough thing to do to prove to myself that I can be brave.

Cat, you don't have to prove anything and where does it say you have to be brave?  Relax and enjoy!!!!!

Edited by salparadise6132
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36 minutes ago, CoolCat7 said:

Hugs to all! 

I am feeling so anxious about my comedy class, not knowing if my jokes are good enough.  Maybe I will take a clonazepam.  Also, it's now just over a week until I get on stage in front of thousands.  I wonder how many clonazepam I'll be taking *then."  It's a tough thing to do to prove to myself that I can be brave.

I bet you'll do it great, being on stage. 

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30 minutes ago, CoolCat7 said:

Believe me, getting up on stage is brave and I want credit for it!!!!!  But I will try to relax and enjoy.

It is brave, CC.  I know.  But what I mean is, please take the pressure off yourself.  You don't need this or anything else to be a proof of anything. That train of thought really puts the pressure on you, and makes it even more tense. I think that perhaps, if you just put the focus on HAVING FUN WITH IT and working on your material and technique, then you will be way ahead.  Just my thoughts.  Not diminishing your achievements here.  In fact, I think it's amazing and, if I had time, I would love to do it!!!

P.S. I wish I could come out and see your set next week!!!!

Hugs CC.

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I'm feeling sleepy.  Kinda worn down after what happened today.  I just want some video games and rest.

I'd also like to play the piano on a stage again.  It's been too long and I don't really get stage fright, so I enjoy the performing.  Strange considering I have anxiety, but I guess being on a stage doesn't involve social interaction for me.

3 hours ago, CoolCat7 said:

Believe me, getting up on stage is brave and I want credit for it!!!!!  But I will try to relax and enjoy.

Do your best! You'll be fine, just have fun!

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4 hours ago, WordsInTheWind said:

I feel full of heartburn.

:hugs:that's a horrible feeling to have, I would hope it has gone away now though. 

I have been on it too :hugs:

7 hours ago, samadhiSheol said:

Just woke up feeling exactly the same as when I did when I went to sleep. 

Not wanting to be alive.

:hugs:

Excited, the sun in shining, I have my 1950's pin up shirt on :smilingteeth: and I am going somewhere new. 

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Headache. I was fine in a day, but when night comes and work is done. That's when I'm alone. Memories of us keeps popping in my head. I cried again but my tears run dry. I am nothing now but a lonely soul. Every night I feared my hopeless self, that can drag me to death and freed me from pain.

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its 7 am been up since 5am, feel fine as i do most mornings, for me sleep seems to be a reset button alot of times, but as the day go on something is almost guaranteed to trigger my anxiety, heavy traffic, loud noises, memories, my kids drama that doesnt involve me but they include me in anyways, or anything  no telling what it will be.  as the day becomes night depression starts to take over and the later it gets the more depressed i become, then at some point i have to just drug myself into unconsciousness, and then 4 or 5 hrs later when i wake up my reset button had been set, sometimes i fail to reset? but thats what i have to look forward to each day, regardless of any other activities or projects

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1 hour ago, bbwolf said:

its 7 am been up since 5am, feel fine as i do most mornings, for me sleep seems to be a reset button alot of times, but as the day go on something is almost guaranteed to trigger my anxiety, heavy traffic, loud noises, memories, my kids drama that doesnt involve me but they include me in anyways, or anything  no telling what it will be.  as the day becomes night depression starts to take over and the later it gets the more depressed i become, then at some point i have to just drug myself into unconsciousness, and then 4 or 5 hrs later when i wake up my reset button had been set, sometimes i fail to reset? but thats what i have to look forward to each day, regardless of any other activities or projects

the same thing happens to me....

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Sometimes I hate the fact that we come off as being rude, and miserable but people don't get it. For example a former high school friend of mine saw me and I have so much anxiety that I barely talked to her, and wanted to run away , while she kept talking to me. I probably came off as rude, and that I didn't want to talk to her, when in fact I did, but I was so tired, and anxious that I just wanted to run away. And besides the fear of her asking me what I am doing with my life, which is nothing, made me run away even more. :sniffle1:

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1 minute ago, Natasha1 said:

Im sorry, Wolf...was hours rocky and yo-yo like as well?

yes very, she make up lies and call police trying to have me arrested anything she could to ruin my life, weeks after the divorce was final took her to court took me and my lawyer about 30 minutes to get full custody of my daughters, which started a whole new level of hell for me

 

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11 hours ago, Natasha1 said:

Like crap. The road to divorce is very not fun.

I am sorry, Natasha.. ((((((Hugs))))))

I've been through it twice, so I understand...I am still not over the second one, and it's been five years. She is getting remarried in about a month, and I am about as low as I've ever been. 

I hope you find some closure and that you are able to move on and find some peace.

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