Jump to content

The "How Do You Feel Right Now?" (4)


Lindsay

Recommended Posts

Thank you for the kind words, guys. I ended up taking my normal amount so far (may end up taking another quarter of a .5 mg Klonopin). Would never take "a lot" because I am terrified of losing control over my body (even though, I guess, I don't really have any or I wouldn't have panic disorder/agoraphobia). I'm still trying to talk myself into taking the Doxepin to go to sleep. Maybe I should just do that instead of taking more Klonopin..

Edited by Lunachick
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Still frustrated and becoming more aimless. It's been a while since I last felt the need to post here since I've been so busy. It's 3:30 AM here for me, and I don't feel like sleeping, so I'll vent.

So, I realize through my melancholy that I can probably change what is bothering me, but a part of me... Just doesn't care. It's that part that is satisfied with everything around itself and doesn't want things to change.

Take for instance, my lack of a relationship. I'm perfectly capable of going out and meeting people, but I don't. I internalize the reason I don't, like saving money for retirement/home improvements/vacation, but when I drop that reasoning I'm left feeling empty and alone. It's difficult to push aside because it feels good to be safe.

Maybe my ultimate reason is lack of trust and fear of rejection. I know if hurts when I take criticism personally. I just need to force myself to get out again, but I've been saying that for months. This damn weather continue to be nasty and makes me want to stay inside again though...

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I'm always rejected anymore.  I feel like the world just looks at me like I'm just a sideshow freak to be laughed at.  Nobody cares if I have feelings.  In life there are people that the world never really gives a chance and I'm one of them.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

13 hours ago, almostbroken said:

Been a long time since I've been here. See some familiar names.  My husband secretly accessed my account and I felt like all my organs were ripped out of my body. Trying to navigate through this site and feeling pretty nontech savvy as my daughter puts it. Are most of y'all on phones or computers when navigating this forum?

I'm sorry, almostbroken.  That would upset me a lot too.  :console:

I'm not very tech-savvy either.  I post from my computer.  I do not have a smartphone, but I have posted from an iPod touch before.  (I don't buy things like that; it was my dad's, and my mother let me have it after he died.)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

1 hour ago, sober4life said:

I'm always rejected anymore.  I feel like the world just looks at me like I'm just a sideshow freak to be laughed at.  Nobody cares if I have feelings.  In life there are people that the world never really gives a chance and I'm one of them.

I care, sober.  :console:

Edited by LoneSquirrel
Link to comment
Share on other sites

4 minutes ago, WordsInTheWind said:

----

I'm sorry for the negativity. I think I'm just lonely.

It's okay, WordsInTheWind.  A lot of the posts on here are negative, because we're all depressed.  We come here because we can express ourselves honestly and not have to worry about being judged for being "too negative."  It also helps with the loneliness to know that others are feeling the same way.

Hugs to you.  :hugs:

Link to comment
Share on other sites

13 hours ago, almostbroken said:

No he didn't know I was on here. I felt like he had read my diary. All my screwed up thoughts. I obviously don't use my real name- I want complete anonymity. 

Did he not know about your illness?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

4 hours ago, LoneSquirrel said:

I care, sober.  :console:

I know you do.  I'm going through a very hard battle right now.  I care about everyone here.  I would love to be the positive me here.  It gets very hard sometimes.  I know through the first month of sobriety my mood swings will be all over the place but I won't give up because there are things in life that mean too much to me to give up.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

1 hour ago, Azealia said:

tripping on xanax and way too much sugar... feeling so chill, dont wanna move. But have to get up and clean the place in like an  hour. Give strengthhhhhh pls

I don't want the Xanax but I am eating through all of my Easter candy I bought.  Like I said before it's close enough to Easter.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

23 hours ago, sober4life said:

Drowning in a pool of misery.  Thanks god for making me the freak.  It's what I always wanted.:coopcray:

Yeah. I'm so grateful to have been born with this faulty wiring. And the cancer--that's a real bonus!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

2 hours ago, CoolCat7 said:

I hear you.  I didn't get a period for 6 months (peri-menopause?) and then I've got super-heavy ones for the last 3 months, including for the last two days.  I am going back on the pill to end this madness.  I don't even know how women survived the last few thousands of years.  I feel so sorry for my female ancestors who didn't even have Advil!

They had white willow bark for pain and inflammation.  I read that the oldest recorded use of it was around 500 B.C., but it has probably been used for longer than that.  I guess you cut some of the bark from a white willow tree and steep it in hot water, then drink it as a tea.  It has pain-relieving and anti-inflammatory properties.  I'm guessing it could be prepared as a tincture as well, so that it could be sold or traded for other goods.

There were other plants used for pain relief in centuries past as well...some which are no longer legal.

I'm sure the heavy bleeding was hard to keep up with without modern-day feminine products though.  My mother used torn up bed sheets as pads when she was a teen, because they could not afford pads.  Probably not the best solution, but you do what you have to do, I guess.

I've noticed a lot more people talking about things like reusable cotton fabric pads on YouTube and other forums.  People are trying to be more environmentally responsible and don't want to put chemicals near their delicate parts.  It's interesting how things kind of come full-circle, and people find that maybe the old way isn't so bad.

 

 

Edited by LoneSquirrel
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest
This topic is now closed to further replies.
×
×
  • Create New...