Lunachick 1,312 Posted March 12, 2017 36 minutes ago, almostbroken said: Been a long time since I've been here. See some familiar names. My husband secretly accessed my account and I felt like all my organs were ripped out of my body. Trying to navigate through this site and feeling pretty nontech savvy as my daughter puts it. Are most of y'all on phones or computers when navigating this forum? Hi there. I use both phone and computer to get on the site. Did you husband not know you were on the site? Did he have a problem with it? Maybe I am just misreading what you said. 4 Dolphin2013, Epictetus, CoolCat7 and 1 other reacted to this Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Lunachick 1,312 Posted March 12, 2017 (edited) Thank you for the kind words, guys. I ended up taking my normal amount so far (may end up taking another quarter of a .5 mg Klonopin). Would never take "a lot" because I am terrified of losing control over my body (even though, I guess, I don't really have any or I wouldn't have panic disorder/agoraphobia). I'm still trying to talk myself into taking the Doxepin to go to sleep. Maybe I should just do that instead of taking more Klonopin.. Edited March 12, 2017 by Lunachick 6 PurpleStorm, Dolphin2013, LoneSquirrel and 3 others reacted to this Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
almostbroken 84 Posted March 12, 2017 No he didn't know I was on here. I felt like he had read my diary. All my screwed up thoughts. I obviously don't use my real name- I want complete anonymity. 7 LoneSquirrel, PurpleStorm, JD4010 and 4 others reacted to this Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
TopekaK 3,001 Posted March 12, 2017 like I know what I wanna hear when it's the last step 7 LoneSquirrel, Epictetus, hocico and 4 others reacted to this Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
evalynn 15,460 Posted March 12, 2017 like a glutton after eating McDonald 7 Dolphin2013, Epictetus, CoolCat7 and 4 others reacted to this Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
TopekaK 3,001 Posted March 12, 2017 Sad and empty because it seems like this is the only place where I feel almost comfortable 9 sober4life, hocico, LoneSquirrel and 6 others reacted to this Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Orangejulius 119 Posted March 12, 2017 Still frustrated and becoming more aimless. It's been a while since I last felt the need to post here since I've been so busy. It's 3:30 AM here for me, and I don't feel like sleeping, so I'll vent. So, I realize through my melancholy that I can probably change what is bothering me, but a part of me... Just doesn't care. It's that part that is satisfied with everything around itself and doesn't want things to change. Take for instance, my lack of a relationship. I'm perfectly capable of going out and meeting people, but I don't. I internalize the reason I don't, like saving money for retirement/home improvements/vacation, but when I drop that reasoning I'm left feeling empty and alone. It's difficult to push aside because it feels good to be safe. Maybe my ultimate reason is lack of trust and fear of rejection. I know if hurts when I take criticism personally. I just need to force myself to get out again, but I've been saying that for months. This damn weather continue to be nasty and makes me want to stay inside again though... 8 CoolCat7, Epictetus, PurpleStorm and 5 others reacted to this Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Realreason 1,160 Posted March 12, 2017 stressed and constantly tired - my insomnia is reaching new levels of fun - which makes me a walking zombie. I know I am cuttting myself off from my friends, but the thought of interaction makes me exhausted. looking for some relief 5 CoolCat7, LoneSquirrel, hocico and 2 others reacted to this Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
sober4life 17,198 Posted March 12, 2017 I'm always rejected anymore. I feel like the world just looks at me like I'm just a sideshow freak to be laughed at. Nobody cares if I have feelings. In life there are people that the world never really gives a chance and I'm one of them. 3 hocico, Epictetus and PurpleStorm reacted to this Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Epictetus 15,862 Posted March 12, 2017 Feeling a little bit sad. A good friend has moved away to another city. 1 PurpleStorm reacted to this Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
LoneSquirrel 5,753 Posted March 12, 2017 19 hours ago, CoolCat7 said: Lots of pressure today - need to write a lot of comedy Well, there's nothing like pressure to inspire comedy. JK, Lauryn. I hope your comedy writing is going well. 3 sober4life, CoolCat7 and hocico reacted to this Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
LoneSquirrel 5,753 Posted March 12, 2017 18 hours ago, sober4life said: Drowning in a pool of misery. Thanks god for making me the freak. It's what I always wanted. I know how you feel, sober. Love and hugs to you. 3 sober4life, CoolCat7 and hocico reacted to this Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
LoneSquirrel 5,753 Posted March 12, 2017 13 hours ago, almostbroken said: Been a long time since I've been here. See some familiar names. My husband secretly accessed my account and I felt like all my organs were ripped out of my body. Trying to navigate through this site and feeling pretty nontech savvy as my daughter puts it. Are most of y'all on phones or computers when navigating this forum? I'm sorry, almostbroken. That would upset me a lot too. I'm not very tech-savvy either. I post from my computer. I do not have a smartphone, but I have posted from an iPod touch before. (I don't buy things like that; it was my dad's, and my mother let me have it after he died.) 2 hocico and CoolCat7 reacted to this Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
LoneSquirrel 5,753 Posted March 12, 2017 8 hours ago, TopekaK said: Sad and empty because it seems like this is the only place where I feel almost comfortable Me too, Topeka. 5 hocico, CoolCat7, sober4life and 2 others reacted to this Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
LoneSquirrel 5,753 Posted March 12, 2017 (edited) 1 hour ago, sober4life said: I'm always rejected anymore. I feel like the world just looks at me like I'm just a sideshow freak to be laughed at. Nobody cares if I have feelings. In life there are people that the world never really gives a chance and I'm one of them. I care, sober. Edited March 12, 2017 by LoneSquirrel 4 sober4life, hocico, CoolCat7 and 1 other reacted to this Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
LoneSquirrel 5,753 Posted March 12, 2017 32 minutes ago, Epictetus said: Feeling a little bit sad. A good friend has moved away to another city. I hope you can stay in touch, Epictetus, and still see each other now and then. 2 CoolCat7 and hocico reacted to this Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
WordsInTheWind 304 Posted March 12, 2017 (edited) ---- I'm sorry for the negativity. I think I'm just lonely. Edited March 12, 2017 by WordsInTheWind Too Much Information. 4 hocico, CoolCat7, Lunachick and 1 other reacted to this Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
LoneSquirrel 5,753 Posted March 12, 2017 4 minutes ago, WordsInTheWind said: ---- I'm sorry for the negativity. I think I'm just lonely. It's okay, WordsInTheWind. A lot of the posts on here are negative, because we're all depressed. We come here because we can express ourselves honestly and not have to worry about being judged for being "too negative." It also helps with the loneliness to know that others are feeling the same way. Hugs to you. 4 hocico, sober4life, CoolCat7 and 1 other reacted to this Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Lunachick 1,312 Posted March 12, 2017 13 hours ago, almostbroken said: No he didn't know I was on here. I felt like he had read my diary. All my screwed up thoughts. I obviously don't use my real name- I want complete anonymity. Did he not know about your illness? 2 CoolCat7 and hocico reacted to this Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
evalynn 15,460 Posted March 12, 2017 @CoolCat7 Oh, I know. Women in the old days must've been such warriors to deal with everything from cramps to childbirth without modern medicine. My great grandmother had 12 children! I can't even imagine. 4 CoolCat7, PurpleStorm, hocico and 1 other reacted to this Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Azealia 973 Posted March 12, 2017 tripping on xanax and way too much sugar... feeling so chill, dont wanna move. But have to get up and clean the place in like an hour. Give strengthhhhhh pls 5 JD4010, PurpleStorm, LoneSquirrel and 2 others reacted to this Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
sober4life 17,198 Posted March 12, 2017 4 hours ago, LoneSquirrel said: I care, sober. I know you do. I'm going through a very hard battle right now. I care about everyone here. I would love to be the positive me here. It gets very hard sometimes. I know through the first month of sobriety my mood swings will be all over the place but I won't give up because there are things in life that mean too much to me to give up. 6 JD4010, CoolCat7, LoneSquirrel and 3 others reacted to this Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
sober4life 17,198 Posted March 12, 2017 1 hour ago, Azealia said: tripping on xanax and way too much sugar... feeling so chill, dont wanna move. But have to get up and clean the place in like an hour. Give strengthhhhhh pls I don't want the Xanax but I am eating through all of my Easter candy I bought. Like I said before it's close enough to Easter. 5 LoneSquirrel, hocico, JD4010 and 2 others reacted to this Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
JD4010 15,082 Posted March 12, 2017 16 hours ago, evalynn said: like a glutton after eating McDonald I have this horrible urge to go to Burger King. Talk about nasty. There are other places with far better hamburgers of course. 6 PurpleStorm, evalynn, salparadise6132 and 3 others reacted to this Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
JD4010 15,082 Posted March 12, 2017 23 hours ago, sober4life said: Drowning in a pool of misery. Thanks god for making me the freak. It's what I always wanted. Yeah. I'm so grateful to have been born with this faulty wiring. And the cancer--that's a real bonus! 4 CoolCat7, sober4life, LoneSquirrel and 1 other reacted to this Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
