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Lindsay

The "How Do You Feel Right Now?" (4)

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36 minutes ago, almostbroken said:

Been a long time since I've been here. See some familiar names.  My husband secretly accessed my account and I felt like all my organs were ripped out of my body. Trying to navigate through this site and feeling pretty nontech savvy as my daughter puts it. Are most of y'all on phones or computers when navigating this forum?

Hi there. I use both phone and computer to get on the site. Did you husband not know you were on the site? Did he have a problem with it? Maybe I am just misreading what you said. 

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Thank you for the kind words, guys. I ended up taking my normal amount so far (may end up taking another quarter of a .5 mg Klonopin). Would never take "a lot" because I am terrified of losing control over my body (even though, I guess, I don't really have any or I wouldn't have panic disorder/agoraphobia). I'm still trying to talk myself into taking the Doxepin to go to sleep. Maybe I should just do that instead of taking more Klonopin..

Edited by Lunachick

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Still frustrated and becoming more aimless. It's been a while since I last felt the need to post here since I've been so busy. It's 3:30 AM here for me, and I don't feel like sleeping, so I'll vent.

So, I realize through my melancholy that I can probably change what is bothering me, but a part of me... Just doesn't care. It's that part that is satisfied with everything around itself and doesn't want things to change.

Take for instance, my lack of a relationship. I'm perfectly capable of going out and meeting people, but I don't. I internalize the reason I don't, like saving money for retirement/home improvements/vacation, but when I drop that reasoning I'm left feeling empty and alone. It's difficult to push aside because it feels good to be safe.

Maybe my ultimate reason is lack of trust and fear of rejection. I know if hurts when I take criticism personally. I just need to force myself to get out again, but I've been saying that for months. This damn weather continue to be nasty and makes me want to stay inside again though...

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I'm always rejected anymore.  I feel like the world just looks at me like I'm just a sideshow freak to be laughed at.  Nobody cares if I have feelings.  In life there are people that the world never really gives a chance and I'm one of them.

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13 hours ago, almostbroken said:

Been a long time since I've been here. See some familiar names.  My husband secretly accessed my account and I felt like all my organs were ripped out of my body. Trying to navigate through this site and feeling pretty nontech savvy as my daughter puts it. Are most of y'all on phones or computers when navigating this forum?

I'm sorry, almostbroken.  That would upset me a lot too.  :console:

I'm not very tech-savvy either.  I post from my computer.  I do not have a smartphone, but I have posted from an iPod touch before.  (I don't buy things like that; it was my dad's, and my mother let me have it after he died.)

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1 hour ago, sober4life said:

I'm always rejected anymore.  I feel like the world just looks at me like I'm just a sideshow freak to be laughed at.  Nobody cares if I have feelings.  In life there are people that the world never really gives a chance and I'm one of them.

I care, sober.  :console:

Edited by LoneSquirrel

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4 minutes ago, WordsInTheWind said:

----

I'm sorry for the negativity. I think I'm just lonely.

It's okay, WordsInTheWind.  A lot of the posts on here are negative, because we're all depressed.  We come here because we can express ourselves honestly and not have to worry about being judged for being "too negative."  It also helps with the loneliness to know that others are feeling the same way.

Hugs to you.  :hugs:

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13 hours ago, almostbroken said:

No he didn't know I was on here. I felt like he had read my diary. All my screwed up thoughts. I obviously don't use my real name- I want complete anonymity. 

Did he not know about your illness?

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4 hours ago, LoneSquirrel said:

I care, sober.  :console:

I know you do.  I'm going through a very hard battle right now.  I care about everyone here.  I would love to be the positive me here.  It gets very hard sometimes.  I know through the first month of sobriety my mood swings will be all over the place but I won't give up because there are things in life that mean too much to me to give up.

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1 hour ago, Azealia said:

tripping on xanax and way too much sugar... feeling so chill, dont wanna move. But have to get up and clean the place in like an  hour. Give strengthhhhhh pls

I don't want the Xanax but I am eating through all of my Easter candy I bought.  Like I said before it's close enough to Easter.

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23 hours ago, sober4life said:

Drowning in a pool of misery.  Thanks god for making me the freak.  It's what I always wanted.:coopcray:

Yeah. I'm so grateful to have been born with this faulty wiring. And the cancer--that's a real bonus!

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