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Lindsay

The "How Do You Feel Right Now?" (4)

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I realised today, for the first time, that I could just look at life through the mirror of my own thoughts

or - and I have never done this before - try to interpret things that happen - in situations and in life generally

by taking myself out of the equation that I perceive - and when I do this I discover so many more possibilities, so many more emotions, feelings. .so many more explanations to understanding why certain things happen.

It never occurred to me that when I think about things in the mirror of my own thoughts, that my friend is suffering behind the wall on which that mirror is attached. In a world that I could never understand.

In silence, thinking of a friend, 

For once I want to think with my heart, not simply write words.

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7 hours ago, Natasha1 said:

Happy that I finally got the local hiking group's schedule into my day book (yep day book...I'm very old school...heck I'm just getting old haha).

Things are about to get very very busy.

Busy be good, Nat!!!  Have fun.  It is probably already spring out there!!!!  :)

 

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6 hours ago, LoneSquirrel said:

Well, I just made another phone call to another aunt, asking if I could stay there.  It was clear that she was uncomfortable with the idea, so I told her it was just an idea, and I was going to make phone calls to look at my other options.  I'm not sure that there are any, but I didn't want her to feel bad.

I really don't want to live in my car, because I will probably have to get rid of my guinea pig if I do. :sniffle1:  Maybe I can figure out some way to keep him with me in the car.  I just don't know if it will be okay for him.  My sister is willing to take him, but she doesn't seem to give a s*** that I won't have a home.  That hurts.

Hugs Squirrel girl.  I have my fingers crossed for you - and I am thinking about you!!!

 

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To all of you suffering :hugs::hugs::hugs:

I feel for everyone here but find it hard to read anything and keep rereading.  If my brain were functioning better I'd write more.  I'll think one thing but the words typed out don't match what's in my mind, an odd coordination issue.  I'm surprised when I see what I've typed and don't understand how there can be a mismatch.

Very anxious, above my abnormally anxious baseline and it's making my life more difficult than usual.

I'm a chronic pain sufferer in multiple areas and it's just making me feel all the more helpless and hopeless.

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1 hour ago, gs22 said:

To all of you suffering :hugs::hugs::hugs:

I feel for everyone here but find it hard to read anything and keep rereading.  If my brain were functioning better I'd write more.  I'll think one thing but the words typed out don't match what's in my mind, an odd coordination issue.  I'm surprised when I see what I've typed and don't understand how there can be a mismatch.

Very anxious, above my abnormally anxious baseline and it's making my life more difficult than usual.

I'm a chronic pain sufferer in multiple areas and it's just making me feel all the more helpless and hopeless.

Hugs to you, gs. :console:

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2 hours ago, SpiralingMind said:

@LoneSquirrel Have you tried calling 211 (United Way hotline)? You can also go to 211 dot oh are gee, too.  It depends on what services are available in your area, but they might be able to help you find something. 

Yes, I already called.  I have to go and fill out some applications for assistance on Tuesday.  I guess Monday is a holiday, and the lady at United Way said the agencies probably wouldn't be open, so that sets back my progress a little.  Gotta love those holidays that no one celebrates or even knows why they exist.   President's Day??  Come on, man.  It's just an excuse for government workers to have a day off and mattress stores to have sales.  Nobody f***ing celebrates President's Day.

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I hope I can start sleeping again.  It's very hard to get the things done that I need to when I've been up for over 36 hours.  I fell asleep around 7 pm, but didn't manage to stay asleep long enough.  I'm so stressed out, anxious and upset that my attempts to sleep are mostly unsuccessful.  It's really making things harder for me.  Pills and alcohol can't even put me to sleep when I'm this upset (I tried that last night).  I'm just cycling between anger, anxiety and despair, and I just can't find rest.  My head feels like an over-inflated tire.  I cry for hours, and then I get angry or anxious; I'm exhausted the whole time, but I can't do anything about it.

I guess I need to do my thing where I put on a movie and pause it every 5 minutes to work on a chore or something.  Maybe that will help. 

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I can never ever get through to the big uk helpline for those who are in despair. It's always always engaged. I don't know if I have been blocked or if this is my paranoia. Really upset. 

I needed to ring them last week. Couldn't get through. And I never ever can. 

It it doesn't seem right. 

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2 hours ago, soloviola said:

I can never ever get through to the big uk helpline for those who are in despair. It's always always engaged. I don't know if I have been blocked or if this is my paranoia. Really upset. 

I needed to ring them last week. Couldn't get through. And I never ever can. 

It it doesn't seem right. 

Why would they block you?  I can't imagine they would do that.

I called the crisis hotline here in the states.  The first time, I heard an introductory message and then got disconnected.  I almost said "f*** it," because I felt like it was maybe some sort of sign that I should just die already.

Are there any other numbers you can call?

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21 minutes ago, salparadise6132 said:

I have just been attacked, emotionally, by someone I thought knew me and loved me for who I am. I am on the edge over this.  It could go either way.  I am hoping to keep my head up, even while feeling so alone and unloved.

Oh man, I'm sorry that happened sal! You (and no one) deserves to be treated in such a callous manner.

 

Keep your head up, friend! You can get past this.

T

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