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Lindsay

The "How Do You Feel Right Now?" (4)

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15 hours ago, mywarmblood said:

Just one of those days. One thing after another, the bad crap keeps piling on top. I'm on the verge of going off and having a mental breakdown. I'm so done with human beings right now that more than anything I wish I could just put some people to their graves and make the world a better place. I had someone ask for help today and as an act of kindness I decided to help them, and in return they stole from me. A LOT. More than was necessary to survive, to the point it makes it hard for ME to survive. No one else was gonna help them, and the person who NEEDS help, me, decides to help them, and BANG, I get screwed over. They took advantage of me and I'll never make that mistake again. Never trust people I don't know. That really sucked but I told myself it was no big deal. Maybe they needed it. Can't do anything about it. Forget it. Then a notice slides under the door about eviction. We either pay a BS fine for something we have no control over and is THEIR FAULT for happening (someone crashed into our car while it was in the parking lot and we were sleeping) or we become homeless. Then someone BLOWS UP on me because I used the last of some ketchup. Of all things, this was what really nearly sent me into beating someone to death. If you want some god d* ketchup how about go to the store and GET SOME. There wasn't even enough left to use in the first place. It's always the tiny little insignificant things that send my blood boiling after a day of getting crapped on. God, to get so angry over some ketchup and yell at me for longer than it takes you to GO THE STORE and BUY IT. The day isn't over yet and I'm sure I'll get crapped on some more. I hope someone tries, because I swear I will beat them half to death. I just want to be left alone for awhile. Obviously I'm quite angry after getting stolen SO MUCH from, so It's not going well. I'm gonna try and avoid confrontation because I know nothing good comes from it. Hopefully people at least let me get drunk enough to pass out. 

I understand completely. I could blow up over the smallest things. Still could without my medication. Hope rest of your day went better. :hugs:

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I'm up to 50mg of prozac starting today, just 10mg away from the target dose. still not much relief from the anxiety or OCD but its only been 4 weeks on the med. ive been going up by 10mg every week and i suppose thats sort of a quick way to do it considering prozac takes a while to reach steady blood concentration of a new dose. it still sort of feels like there's tv static in my head and a general sense of fear will not leave me. surprisingly coffee doesn't make a difference in this good or bad, which is a blessing bc I'm never gonna give up my bean water. :roll2:

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21 hours ago, RiverLight said:

LOL. Oh yeah, I forgot about coal in your stocking! :idea3: LOL. We used to toboggan sled.... one of those great long ones with the rails on the bottom. SO much fun! Now I really really really want to play in the snow! :roll2:

Oooooh... sleds, pulks, toboggans.. all the winter fun. What about skating and skiing? :roll2:

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21 hours ago, sober4life said:

I'm doing great.  I got the full time job working at the factory like I wanted.  The new house is great.  It's a place where I actually feel peace.  It feels like a home instead of walking into hell.

Sweet!! I'm really happy for you, my friend.

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I'm trying to remain positive after the breakup. I let the relationship define so much of my life. I wish things had gone differently, and that I had behaved differently. Yes, it's now in the past and yadayadayada...but I really miss her.

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21 hours ago, gs22 said:

I have to go to sleep this is ridiculous, it's nearly 1:00am where I am.  I took a nap, that's why I'm not sleepy yet.  Ah, the life of a single girl.

My sleep schedule always gets screwed up.  I get myself on a day schedule, but I always wind up back on a night one.  I'm just a night squirrel, I guess.

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14 hours ago, ladysmurf said:

Exhausted with my life. Nothing changes. I've done every single treatment the doctors can offer me at this point and nothing changes. This is such a cruel way to live.

I'm sorry, ladysmurf.  :console:

Are there any clinical trials you can participate in?

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31 minutes ago, Natasha1 said:

im feeling anxious. like almost panic levels. im trying to just slow down and breathe.

Hugs Nat!!!!  Breathe. Breathe. It is OK.  Your mind has taken you over, my dear. It is never that bad!!!

(unless, that is, there is a cougar or a momma Grizzly with her cubs in your path)

Peace!!!

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21 hours ago, MarkintheDark said:

Relieved.  This morning I was approved for the new HIV meds and started the transitional phase immediately.  (Under the circumstances, I really didn't mind the 21 tubes of blood they took from me during the visit).

It's been a long few months since I learned I could participate in what's called a Phase III protocol (pharmaspeak for the final testing to prove a med's efficacy and safety on a larger group to the FDA).  I get paid for it, receive the meds free for several years and all my quarterly blood work is free.  In the States that kind of deal is almost unheard of...especially with medication that would cost in the range of $30K per year.  It's also particularly good since my old meds had lost some of their effectiveness, my genome didn't support a lot of alternatives, and my numbers have been in decline all year.

Even after all the pre-screening, I still didn't know until the visit to the doctor's office this morning whether I was to be part of the control group (those who stayed on their old meds) or the test group.  That's weighed on my mind a lot.  And the alternative, I'd been discovering, was ridiculous as I was bounced around from agency to agency, bureaucracy to bureaucracy with endless forms, but no decisions or action.  (In all honesty, I can now tell them to go f*** themselves).  So, I don't think "relief" is adequate to describe the weight that's been lifted off my shoulders.  It's been less than 24 hours and I'm still trying to digest it.

Yes, congrats Mark.  Peace and health thoughts going out to you now-----------------

Hugs, my friend!!!!

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Stuck, empty and directionless. Anger, rage and sel-hate too. My life is pointless. I have no dreams or aspirations. How can something so dead still be walking around? Why don't I just drop lifeless as I should? There is no future for the likes of me.  i just want to die.

 

 

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I can't wait till my family goes on vacation to flordia, I told them im not going with them. There is no way im being stuck in a car for 24 hours with my nutcase father. Thank god I will be alone again away from there insanity and drama. There trying to guilt me into going, I told them I won't waste one second feeling guilty if my father can't even agree to not be a d**k on vacation **** em. Im not going to let them try to brainwash me like the do everyone else I have no problem telling my grandparents, that im not going because I refuse to be subjected to his abusive behavior when I can be free for two weeks. I got earmuffs that are used for rifle shooting to put on when my dad starts ranting and raving lol. i just tell him I will not tolearate how he is talking to me and he needs to calm down before i converse with him, if he is going to keep going on i will have to block him out. Its hilarous watching him throw a temper tantrum while I can't hear a damn thing.

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I  am feeling a bit better today.  i am now up to 90 my on the Cymbalta.   i hope it is working and helping me.  Earlier today i was very upset with things that happened in my life but as the evening wrong on i started i felt better.

My vehicle is not starting i am not happy about it.  Temperatures are very cold here and i hope it starts when it warms up or else i would have to tow it to a garage and have them fix it.

my sister dragged me to Costco this morning and the drug store.   i did not want to go but i am glad i did. i was very tired but i managed to survive the trip.  my sister is very abusive most times so i let her have her way to avoid conflict.

I also visited with my friends and i had coffee at starbucks.  i spoke to the stafff and i had an okay time.

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14 hours ago, JD4010 said:

I'm trying to remain positive after the breakup. I let the relationship define so much of my life. I wish things had gone differently, and that I had behaved differently. Yes, it's now in the past and yadayadayada...but I really miss her.

Hang in there brother.  I take it she was living some two hours away from you?

 

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Sorry for this post, I know it's really long and stupid.

Feeling annoyed because I keep falling asleep super early. I have been getting more sleep than in YEARS and I still feel exhausted all day. Also mad because after my parents yelling at me for not finishing all my homework they make it so I can't do any for like most of last night, and I couldn't do any the night before that. I'm sure my teachers are gonna be p***** at me, as always. Teachers somehow just can't fathom the idea somebody's parents would ever cause somebody not to be able to finish homework. 

Recently I have just been falling apart, my eyes keep messing up and making it very hard to see (even with my glasses), I've been feeling sick, parents getting madder and madder as my grades continue to be D's and F's, I've been exhausted all day, I keep having pains all over, hands and feet are shaky, and I feel like my skin is crawling. I don't really know whats going on, though my friend keeps suggesting may be a result of barely eating anything. I finally got an appointment so I'll be seeing a doctor before too long.

Here's one good thing though, met somebody IRL that I think will be a great friend. Somebody maybe I'll be able to open up to.

So glad Christmas break is coming up because I really need a break right now or I'm going to break down.

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I feel good, but nervous to go out tonight and run into my abusive ex. I haven't run into him in a month, and we had an extremely negative email exchange since then where he became seriously abusive and vicious. My therapist says he just doesn't exist anymore. At least now I believe he will stop watching me in the bar because I called him out on this and then threatened a restraining order. So I don't think I need to worry about that. I really wish that he just didn't exist at all. I wish he would disappear from this earth. I wish my boyfriend could come with me, too. My best male friend will be coming with me though, so I feel slightly better knowing he's there with me.

I know I know what you're thinking.. why go at all? Because I want to see my favorite band. Because I don't want to let him stop me from going where I enjoy going. It's like Molly Ringwald in Pretty in Pink, when she goes to the prom and says "I want to let them know they didn't break me." That's kind of how I feel. If I let him scare me away from the places where I want to go, then he wins. I will not let him win. I deserve to go where I please and to see whatever bands I want. It is my right. I will not allow him to ruin my good time tonight. He is a measly, meek, small and pathetic person. He is dog poo on my shoe that I have wiped off. That's how I need to view this.

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11 hours ago, duck said:

I  am feeling a bit better today.  i am now up to 90 my on the Cymbalta.   i hope it is working and helping me.  Earlier today i was very upset with things that happened in my life but as the evening wrong on i started i felt better.

My vehicle is not starting i am not happy about it.  Temperatures are very cold here and i hope it starts when it warms up or else i would have to tow it to a garage and have them fix it.

my sister dragged me to Costco this morning and the drug store.   i did not want to go but i am glad i did. i was very tired but i managed to survive the trip.  my sister is very abusive most times so i let her have her way to avoid conflict.

I also visited with my friends and i had coffee at starbucks.  i spoke to the stafff and i had an okay time.

 

Sorry about the car, my friend. If I was closer, I would lend a hand. I love getting under the hood!

I saw some old coworkers who have retired (I'm still plugging away). It was great to see them. I only hope I can make it until retirement. Not sure my health will hold up that long.

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@Jalen Just hang in there til you see your doctor.  I'm hoping that your parents will take your visit and your concerns seriously. 

Forgot to mention: your post is the right length since every post is, and it was smart, just like your replies to posts.

Edited by gs22

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