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The "How Do You Feel Right Now?" (4)


Lindsay

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10 hours ago, womanofthelight said:

Unwell.  A bulging disc sustained in my car accident of March 17 (can't believe it was so long ago and has still not been settled.) acts up once in a while, in addition to the pinched nerves and arthritis in my back.  The pain was so bad today and yesterday that I took some prescribed pain medication that I really can't tolerate because it makes me woozy, depressed and headachy.  Is it worth it?  I think not, though it did allow me to hang all the way upside down on my inversion table (I used to go only about 3/4 of the way over).  But I don't know how, in the long term, I'm going to get relief from this pain.  Maybe inverting is the only answer. 

Now I have a migraine.  There will be no staying up until 4:00 tonight.  Good night, my friends.  Wishing you all deep, restorative sleep and wonderful dreams.

I'm so sorry you're in this pain WOTL!  I hope is lessens today.  Sending you good thoughts!!!

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2 minutes ago, Jalen said:

I feel like I'm ready to eat a chocolate chunk muffin with molten chocolate inside.

That sounds wonderful! Makes me want to go to the gym and do an intense workout, just reading about it.

Today I'm feeling more positive.

I think I got enough sleep but it wasn't great. I woke up twice to pee, one of those times after some really disturbing dreams in which I bit someone's fingers off (they were brittle). I suppose that's what they get for shoving them in my mouth. But the whole thing disturbed me.

Still, more positive than on Wednesday definitely.

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14 minutes ago, Dolphin2013 said:

That sounds wonderful! Makes me want to go to the gym and do an intense workout, just reading about it.

Today I'm feeling more positive.

I think I got enough sleep but it wasn't great. I woke up twice to pee, one of those times after some really disturbing dreams in which I bit someone's fingers off (they were brittle). I suppose that's what they get for shoving them in my mouth. But the whole thing disturbed me.

Still, more positive than on Wednesday definitely.

 

Glad today's better than before. Glad you're feeling positive today. Hope your day goes amazing. I'm just watching walking dead, in a chair. Waiting for my muffin to thaw.

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Hello guys and gals, I wish more than anything to be able to say that I am doing just fine, but I'm not. I can hardly find it in me to even write this post and I also don't think I will be spending much if any time today on this forum. It has nothing to do with anything here by the way. Right now I just am very weak and tired and yes of course depressed. Yesterday was sort of stressful and busy, so maybe I am just recovering from that, I just don't know. What I do know is that I am sick and tired of being sick and tired. I'm sure that if I just get my mind off of certain things and just rest today that I will be just fine later...Be Good to Yourselves...

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9 minutes ago, quentin360 said:

Hello guys and gals, I wish more than anything to be able to say that I am doing just fine, but I'm not. I can hardly find it in me to even write this post and I also don't think I will be spending much if any time today on this forum. It has nothing to do with anything here by the way. Right now I just am very weak and tired and yes of course depressed. Yesterday was sort of stressful and busy, so maybe I am just recovering from that, I just don't know. What I do know is that I am sick and tired of being sick and tired. I'm sure that if I just get my mind off of certain things and just rest today that I will be just fine later...Be Good to Yourselves...

 

Good idea, get some rest. Cya around.

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Also I need to say this. In my previous post when I spoke of dealing with a certain person (zdude954) and messaging him back and forth. I should have never posted that. He almost cut himself off from me because, and I feel the same, that I should have kept our talks to myself. I have apologized to him and I want to say to everybody else, that if we are messaging I promise to keep that between me and whoever I am messaging. I am very sorry I made that post...Be Good to Yourselves...

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2 hours ago, Wisteria said:

How much can one tiny person take? I feel like I've already taken my part of the suffering when being alive, how much more I can take? Just keep fighting and fighting until can't anymore?

I feel so sad and hopeless. :sniffle1:

I would do anything to make you happy again.

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14 hours ago, quentin360 said:

Also I need to say this. In my previous post when I spoke of dealing with a certain person (zdude954) and messaging him back and forth. I should have never posted that. He almost cut himself off from me because, and I feel the same, that I should have kept our talks to myself. I have apologized to him and I want to say to everybody else, that if we are messaging I promise to keep that between me and whoever I am messaging. I am very sorry I made that post...Be Good to Yourselves...

It's never a wise choice to do that. Just leads to further complications and draws unwanted attention.

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I am feeling very sad. I just want to erase myself. My father wants people like me to burn in hell. He thinks we're evil. He thinks we're satanic disgusting sinners. I keep so many secrets from everybody, I lie my entire way through existence. If he knew this one secret he would disown me and probably **** me. I'm too scared to tell him or anybody else anything. Nobody knows. I lie, lie, lie, lie, lie. What's the point in being alive? I put on a mask and try to please everybody. I'm not myself anymore. Who am I supposed to be? Why was I even born? It's such a joke. I have nobody to tell the truth to. Nobody I can trust. Everyday I have to hear about how much my father hates me. He doesn't realize he's talking about me, but he SURE likes to talk about how much people like me deserve to burn in hell. He hates me. He hates me. He hates me. He never stops talking about how horrible I am. He doesn't realize he's talking about me, but if he did he would throw me in the garbage. I tried telling him one day and he walked away saying he didn't want to hear about what I was going to say. If I told him I would be homeless right now, why did I do something so stupid? I hate that I'm so stupid. Stupid, stupid, stupid.

He's the only person keeping me from homelessness so what can I say? How am I supposed to feel? This man is the only one I have left. If I tell the truth he will disown me and kick me to the street. If I continue to live a lie and suffer through the pain I get to live another day. Perhaps I should just off myself. I don't know why I even try. People like me should just die. I have nobody. Nothing. I am not a likable or worthwhile person, just trash. I am thinking once again about calling a hotline, but I know I'll never do it. Someone like me will die a lonely and miserable death. It's what I deserve. I am a disgusting failure and not a human being, it's wrong that I even try to escape. This is my fault. Everything is my fault. Why am I not dead already? What a complete joke. I keep telling myself I'm going to do it but I never do. I am a coward. A despicable coward. I have not earned the right to call myself a human being.. Everyone has told me enough times that I know... I know what I am. Trash. Nothing more, nothing less. That's all I'll ever be.

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I don't know how I feel right now. Still detoxifying. I have to talk to a girlfriend about something that occurred.. she called my ex right after we broke up to ask him to get together. It's a complicated situation so I won't get into the details, but I am still a little upset by this... not hugely, just a little bit. I think I am more annoyed than anything since I could care less about my ex.

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3 hours ago, mywarmblood said:

I am feeling very sad. I just want to erase myself. My father wants people like me to burn in hell. He thinks we're evil. He thinks we're satanic disgusting sinners. I keep so many secrets from everybody, I lie my entire way through existence. If he knew this one secret he would disown me and probably **** me. I'm too scared to tell him or anybody else anything. Nobody knows. I lie, lie, lie, lie, lie. What's the point in being alive? I put on a mask and try to please everybody. I'm not myself anymore. Who am I supposed to be? Why was I even born? It's such a joke. I have nobody to tell the truth to. Nobody I can trust. Everyday I have to hear about how much my father hates me. He doesn't realize he's talking about me, but he SURE likes to talk about how much people like me deserve to burn in hell. He hates me. He hates me. He hates me. He never stops talking about how horrible I am. He doesn't realize he's talking about me, but if he did he would throw me in the garbage. I tried telling him one day and he walked away saying he didn't want to hear about what I was going to say. If I told him I would be homeless right now, why did I do something so stupid? I hate that I'm so stupid. Stupid, stupid, stupid.

He's the only person keeping me from homelessness so what can I say? How am I supposed to feel? This man is the only one I have left. If I tell the truth he will disown me and kick me to the street. If I continue to live a lie and suffer through the pain I get to live another day. Perhaps I should just off myself. I don't know why I even try. People like me should just die. I have nobody. Nothing. I am not a likable or worthwhile person, just trash. I am thinking once again about calling a hotline, but I know I'll never do it. Someone like me will die a lonely and miserable death. It's what I deserve. I am a disgusting failure and not a human being, it's wrong that I even try to escape. This is my fault. Everything is my fault. Why am I not dead already? What a complete joke. I keep telling myself I'm going to do it but I never do. I am a coward. A despicable coward. I have not earned the right to call myself a human being.. Everyone has told me enough times that I know... I know what I am. Trash. Nothing more, nothing less. That's all I'll ever be.

It kills me that you're hurting like this, man...I understand what it's like to feel like circumstance is forcing you to hide who you are. You start living the lie, and before you know it, its eating up your soul and ******* your spirit. I wish I had the magic answer for you bud, I really do...all I can say is hang in there as best you can. The circumstance of living with your father (who, forgive me for saying so, sounds like a very closed-minded and hateful guy) is fueling all of the bad feelings and emotions you've got going on. Life has a way of balancing out...if you hang in there and don't stop trying, your circumstances and living situation will change, and when that happens, you'll be free to seriously fly and be yourself. Sincere warm wishes, man :console:

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2 hours ago, RiverLight said:

I don't know how I feel right now. Still detoxifying. I have to talk to a girlfriend about something that occurred.. she called my ex right after we broke up to ask him to get together. It's a complicated situation so I won't get into the details, but I am still a little upset by this... not hugely, just a little bit. I think I am more annoyed than anything since I could care less about my ex.

You have every right to be upset about this...it's sort of a shocking twist, once you know the details. One of life's biggest challenges is when a friend does something disrespectful and irrational...it's hard. You know how you would deal with anybody else in the situation, but long time friends get special consideration. I'm absolutely, positively sure you'll do the right thing in the end...you always do!!

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