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The "How Do You Feel Right Now?" (4)


Lindsay

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i feel frustrated, I hope i get the job I interviewed at, im so mad that I keep getting older im going to be 26 in december i don't have my life together still. I feel like I should be doing something with myself but I don't know what it seems like everyone always has a bunch of friends and relationships im always a loner. I don't know what I want I know im attractive (atleast to me lol) it messes with my head when I always hear these people with all there friends and relationships, especially my sister.

I would date myself if I met me, i guess thats a arrogant thing to say but I don't think im that bad of a person but its hard when your broke,I feel like going on okcupid again but know it won't work out once women figure out im looking for a job.Damn im getting old, i can't belive im 25 I don't feel like i am, I feel younger. I am very lonely today, it is what it is I guess.

Edited by scienceguy
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3 minutes ago, Llama said:

Took myself out to lunch during my break today. Was nice. Feel mostly okay but stayed to cry a bit this morning when I was telling my coworker how crummy my weekend was. 

A woman needs to pamper herself.  You need to eat and you need to take care of yourself.  I go out by myself all the time, don't give a  . . .what anyone thinks.  Well, after all these years of being single, I'm used to it.  I hope you enjoyed your meal.

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I always say to myself... ''Now I will stop this binge eating like a pig and start losing weight back to my original weight!'' But it never happens... I don't feel like a human being at all to have failed so badly like this and let it have huge control over me. I did such an awesome transformation many years ago after the worst depression years of my life and everyone were amazed by it and said how great I looked like, so much more vibrant, happier and overall healthier. I've been really slim most of my life, so I absolutely hate it what this depression has done to me.

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@Wisteria Same here.  It's when I first got depressed as a teen that I gained weight.  The second time, when I was university, I went in the opposite direction and was in a near state of anorexia.  I was starving every day.  What a pita the whole thing.  Now I'm trying to lose weight again.  So annoying.  I'm rooting for you, Wisteria. 

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12 minutes ago, gs22 said:

@Wisteria Same here.  It's when I first got depressed as a teen that I gained weight.  The second time, when I was university, I went in the opposite direction and was in a near state of anorexia.  I was starving every day.  What a pita the whole thing.  Now I'm trying to lose weight again.  So annoying.  I'm rooting for you, Wisteria. 

Same here... :| I gained the weight as a teen and then lost it and now after many years, back to point zero. :sadwalk: Thank you, likewise. Losing weight is so hard until getting over the mental barrier which keeps yearning to eat all that junk food. After some time, not even wanting it anymore... Also important to find other more healthier ways to cope with the depression than eating, eating and more eating. Easier said than done though. :(

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1 minute ago, CoolCat7 said:

That does sucks and I'm sorry to hear you're experiencing that.  Have you ever had a sleep apnea test?

I got my tonsils out 3 months ago because they were blocking my airways and they performed a turbinate reduction as well so I should be OK now. Sadly it has not done anything for my exhaustion. Got an appointment with a primary care physician next week to get bloodwork done to see if there's a problem with my thyroid which seems swollen. If that's not it then I don't know what the hell I'll do, I'll end up in jail if I don't recover soon as I won't be able to pay income taxes if I empty my bank accounts just sitting around. FML. 

I've always been low energy but it hasn't been this bad in years. Last time it was due to severe anxiety and panic disorder so being completely drained was a consequence of that but now?!

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Just now, CoolCat7 said:

Time for some medical tests? BTW I don't know what a turbinate reduction is but sleep apnea is when your airway gets obstructed during sleep. If you don't sleep with a partner you may not be aware this is happening.

Turbinate reduction removes some of the bone in your nose to free up the airways. I'm pretty sure I had obstructive sleep apnea before because I would snore really bad to the point of having a sore throat in the morning, don't think that's the case now. If I still have sleep apnea after the two surgeries then I'm just screwed, no way in hell I could sleep with a CPAP machine, I turn a LOT during my sleep and can't sleep on my back period, don't see how that would work. 

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2 hours ago, Wisteria said:

Same here... :| I gained the weight as a teen and then lost it and now after many years, back to point zero. :sadwalk: Thank you, likewise. Losing weight is so hard until getting over the mental barrier which keeps yearning to eat all that junk food. After some time, not even wanting it anymore... Also important to find other more healthier ways to cope with the depression than eating, eating and more eating. Easier said than done though. :(

I read this book called Eating, Drinking, Overthinking: The Toxic Triangle of Food, Alcohol and Depression.  In essence, instead of trying to resolve a problem with a boyfriend, eg., a woman will resort to drinking and/or overeating (or smoking).  If she's worried about something going on in her life, whether it be at work, with a parent, etc., she goes for the crutch each time.  The problem with this book is though it claims to help women break free of the cycle, I find it grossly inadequate in terms of practical advice.  My favourite (sarcasm implied) piece of advice was to tell your father off if he's making fun of your (his daughter's) body part.  She says he'll grumble, then catch on and stop.  I don't think so.  Never worked for me.  This type of advice does. not. work.  You can't do another person's fifty percent.  You can't change another person.  Not every situation is like this, but it's hard to find ways of alleviating tension in your life.  Sometimes confronting a person or situation can make things worse.  I was surprised by her tepid advice.  Just wanted to share.  I exercise, a lot. That's the only way I know that has been of any help to me.  But my problem is sugar.

Edited by gs22
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Here's the thing.  This is what I don't do, ever: drink soft drinks; alcohol; coffee (I have herbal/green tea).  What else is left for me as a crutch?  I don't have an addiction, it's more like garden variety overeating.  I do drink juice, because I don't always get enough fruit in my diet.  I also have those ready-made smoothies, green or orange-based, like with kale or mangoes.  I admit it.  I like my goodies.  I don't know what to do.  All that's left is self-control.  Every diet plan I've tried makes me want to eat more.  I'm not very overweight, but given my stature, 10-15 lbs is a lot.  It wouldn't be a big deal for someone who's 5'8" maybe.  I'm struggling with this.  Today, I did both my workout with weights and my cardio run.  My heart health is excellent  (it's cancer than runs amok in my family).  Still trying to work it out.

@CoolCat7  I hope you start to see an improvement soon with your TMS.  You're certainly putting in the effort. 

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I have problems with overeating as well.  I've always had the problem off and on.  I exercise like crazy to get the weight back off.  I get so miserable that all types of addictive things usually end up getting out of control.  I don't like the eating anymore.  It's much like the drinking.  I hate myself for doing it.  When I look in the mirror I want to break it.

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On ‎11‎/‎6‎/‎2016 at 2:37 PM, CoolCat7 said:

You are good enough.  Sometimes it just takes time.  Meanwhile I would suggest going to therapy to talk about relationships.  From your posts here, you idealize people which isn't a good idea.

I don't mean to be that way.  I am sorry.  I want to be better.  I just get carried away.  I have no self esteem left at this point.

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7 minutes ago, quentin360 said:

You are welcome gs22. I just informed him of the reality of the situation, I hope it jars him into thinking sensibly...

I know, I read your post.  To be even more honest, I burst into tears when I saw you sticking up for me.  I'm just a person, a human being.  It's so hard to stay strong consistently for anyone, here or irl.  I have to be the pillar with family and others in my circle.  It's a tough gig to not have anyone to lean on.  I'm so glad you trust me.  I live my life with the greatest honesty and integrity I know how.

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I wonder sometimes if i would recognize myself if I were not depressed.  A friend once said I was "delightful."  I know who that woman is; I just have a hard time accepting her.  The mind clings like lint to the familiar. 

I will try an experiment tomorrow.  Today, actually.  Be conscious of one minute or one second when I'm joyful and try to add more seconds to it.  Maybe it will help me stop this middle of the night weeping.

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For everyone here worried about their weight and diet, I strongly recommend fasting. For a few months I have been fasting from 7:00 p.m. until 12:00 p.m., give or take a little.  There's a reason Jesus told us to fast and pray. It works. My body looks and feels better than it has in years. 

Stop eating at night. Stop it! Let your body rest from processing food. For about 2 weeks your body will fight you, then it will adapt. 

If you want to change your body and feel better, you have to take action. Try it. You have nothing to lose. 

Edited by One More Red Nightmare
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