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Lindsay

The "How Do You Feel Right Now?" (4)

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I don't know that I have bipolar disorder.  I honestly wonder if it's even really a real thing sometimes.  Every time the switch flips there is reason why.  There is something worth fighting for.  Anything I had that was worth fighting for once again I threw in the garbage can.

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Sad..a good friend and co-worker died suddenly and unexpectedly of a massive stroke on Friday. He was only 58. He was always cheerful, never saw him angry, always kept a positive attitude regardless of his circumstances. Always had a kind word/compliment for everyone, and a dry wit that brought a smile to your face no matter how awful your day was going.

 

Will miss you terribly, Rich :(

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I also ran into my ex again Friday at the concert. He smiled at me with a big smile and I smiled back. Now he thinks we are at peace when we're not. I still resent him for what he did to me and had told him Thursday we're not friends, that I am still hurt and to not talk to me. Because we slept together wed night now he thinks everything is ok or better. It's not. I feel like he doesn't get it... He never will. 

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On 10/21/2016 at 9:24 PM, scienceguy said:

I got fired today for no apparent reason the temp agency called and told me it was be cause I asked if i get hired there if I could work as an extractor because i have a bachelors degree in bio that's required. Bulls***, they made up a reason to fire me because there management is incompetent and got to many temps for there budget. Or once they figured out I had a bachlors degree they  were probably worried i was going to move on to a better paying company and quit there low paying s***ty one, no thats what everyone that isn't thick does too bad I really got along well with my coworkers, atleast now I can find a job that doesn't have a hour and ten minute commute, they didn't even tell me I was fired a person just told me that the manager needed my keycard,they never said it was because I was fired they just let me go out thinking I was going to come in tommorow if I had money I would sue them.

So sorry, Scienceguy.  I've temped for years, and many times when the end of a gig came, I was not made aware until the last minute, and yet the agency wants notice from you should you decide to leave.  Then, they have the nerve to resent you for not giving them a heads-up and you're screwed with them forever.  All they care about is how they look to the client and that you're representing them in a way that makes them look good.  It's an ugly game, and temp agencies everywhere now can pay you peanuts while they take bigger cuts for your indentured servitude.  They are pimps who peddle your skills and don't give a d.a.m.n about what it means for your immediate future, much less in the long run.  I hope you're registered with a few agencies, as despicable as they are, or that you find something permanent to your taste, that pays what you need and want to be paid, and where people will treat you with respect.  Best wishes for your present and your future.

WOTL 

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14 hours ago, LoneSquirrel said:

Thank you, WOTL.  You're a good person, and it means a lot to hear you say that you care. :icon12:

I haven't read through the thread, but I hope you are doing well today.  I know it's a struggle.  :hugs:

 

 

My mom called yesterday.  She spent an hour talking about herself and didn't even ask how my cardiologist appointment went or how I was doing. 

She calls, and if she remembers to ask me how I'm doing, it's quite obviously just an afterthought.  Most of the time she doesn't even think to ask.  (My brother is the same way.)  To top it off, I often have to listen to my mother complain about how self-absorbed other people are, and how her own mother wasn't a good mother to her growing up and doesn't like her or care about her now. 

Sometimes I just want to tell her to eat her own s***.

The irony of this situation is STAGGERING.  These are clearly shallow, self-centered people who haven't developed the will to look inside themselves, or the ability to truly love.  (I hate to say it that way, and would never hurt you deliberately by saying it.) 

You know you have friends here, of whom I am one.

Here for you when you need me --

WOTL

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On 21.10.2016 at 3:58 PM, sober4life said:

It's your birthday today.  You're never alone.  I'm here.  I care.  Happy birthday!  You are never alone in this world.  I am someone that is always here to talk and I do care.  Haven't I made it obvious that I care?

On 21.10.2016 at 4:03 PM, RiverLight said:

:console:

Happy birthday Wisteria!!! :birthday:

We all care here!! You are definitely not alone! Hugging & squeezing u right now!!! Hope your day improves..... big hugs!

On 21.10.2016 at 4:03 PM, Throwaway said:

happy birthday! i hate birthdays too, it reminds me that i keep getting older. last i enjoyed a birthday was so long ago, when i couldn't wait to grow up..how naive

On 21.10.2016 at 4:14 PM, hocico said:

:birthday: Wisteria :hugs:there are plenty of people on here who care about you :smile: 

On 21.10.2016 at 6:18 PM, duck said:

Is it your birthday?  Happy Birthday.

On 22.10.2016 at 6:23 AM, womanofthelight said:

Wisteria --

It is said that one's birthday is really the beginning of his or her New Year.  So Happy New Year, my dear!  Here's to cultivating new and/or deeper friendships (even if they're online and you never meet in person) and moving toward a lasting contentment.

Best to you always --

WOTL

Omg, I really didn't except all of this... You guys are such good-hearted people, thank you so much everyone!! :hugs::hugs: It means much to me. :flowers:

I don't know where I would be right now if I wouldn't be living in this era where we all can connect through the internet, it's great and makes you feel less alone in this world.

I like that point of view, that birthday is a New Year. It makes sense, since it kind of is like a New Year starting.

Thank you all for caring, I care about you too. <3

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7 hours ago, duck said:

I am about to go to bed with my lack of hope also.   I am crying again. There is so much to do to improve my life I do not think I could ever get anything done.

 

Oh man, I'm sorry you're having a rough patch. fwiw, I like that you're still getting out to your favorite places. :console:

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Encouraged with my recovery, but still cautious.  I know from experience how quickly this can go south if I don't listen to my body.  Combination of prednisone and painkiller has dramatically reduced my inflammation and pain.  I got out this morning and mowed/trimmed the front lawn.  However, started to feel those twinges of pain and thought it better to put off the back yard, quitting while I was ahead. 

Benefit was that I was then able to lay in the freshly cut grass - out of sight of the neighbors...hahaha - with my cat who was ecstatic about the company.

Edited by MarkintheDark

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18 minutes ago, LonelyHiker said:

Happy belated birthday, Wisteria :)

Thank you for the wishes. :)

14 minutes ago, sober4life said:

I hope you ended up having a happy birthday.  That's all that really matters to me.  I continue to make a fool of myself like I always do.  It's not what I want to do but it always seems to happen.  I'm sorry.

It was ok but birthdays are always sad for me filled with lots of tears. :/ Don't be sorry, I understand. I hope you will find a peace in your heart.

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21 minutes ago, Wisteria said:

Thank you for the wishes. :)

It was ok but birthdays are always sad for me filled with lots of tears. :/ Don't be sorry, I understand. I hope you will find a peace in your heart.

That's terrible!  That's the last thing I wanted you say about the tears but I can relate.  I think I had a very hard time on my 25th birthday.  I will find peace in my heart and so will you.  I feel like what did we do to deserve such suffering in life.  Nobody should be in pain all the time or ever really.

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I'm worried about putting up photos of my family's involvement in the first and second world wars due to privacy.  I think I'll leave this as a future aspiration in publishing.  I'm not the most impulsive person and now's not the time to start becoming one.

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2 hours ago, RiverLight said:

I also ran into my ex again Friday at the concert. He smiled at me with a big smile and I smiled back. Now he thinks we are at peace when we're not. I still resent him for what he did to me and had told him Thursday we're not friends, that I am still hurt and to not talk to me. Because we slept together wed night now he thinks everything is ok or better. It's not. I feel like he doesn't get it... He never will. 

this why you must stay strong ok?

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39 minutes ago, sober4life said:

That's terrible!  That's the last thing I wanted you say about the tears but I can relate.  I think I had a very hard time on my 25th birthday.  I will find peace in my heart and so will you.  I feel like what did we do to deserve such suffering in life.  Nobody should be in pain all the time or ever really.

Aw, yeah... Thank you. Birthdays should be all about having fun with family and friends but when there are no friends to celebrate with (in real life), then you realize how alone you are. It's a very sad realization. Especially when every single birthday for my last 23 years of life have been like that, it's horrible. I hope we both can live without pain.

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1 minute ago, Wisteria said:

Aw, yeah... Thank you. Birthdays should be all about having fun with family and friends but when there are no friends to celebrate with (in real life), then you realize how alone you are. It's a very sad realization. Especially when every single birthday for my last 23 years of life have been like that, it's horrible. I hope we both can live without pain.

I know how you feel, Wisteria.  My family, of origin that is, is dwindling, and my birthday's next month, and I feel sad already thinking about it.  The fact that my mother won't be there, of course, always makes me sad.

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14 minutes ago, gs22 said:

I know how you feel, Wisteria.  My family, of origin that is, is dwindling, and my birthday's next month, and I feel sad already thinking about it.  The fact that my mother won't be there, of course, always makes me sad.

I'm so sorry. :hugs: My thoughts are with you... I hope your birthday will go well, despite of it.

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18 minutes ago, Wisteria said:
18 minutes ago, Wisteria said:

Aw, yeah... Thank you. Birthdays should be all about having fun with family and friends but when there are no friends to celebrate with (in real life), then you realize how alone you are. It's a very sad realization. Especially when every single birthday for my last 23 years of life have been like that, it's horrible. I hope we both can live without pain.

Aw, yeah... Thank you. Birthdays should be all about having fun with family and friends but when there are no friends to celebrate with (in real life), then you realize how alone you are. It's a very sad realization. Especially when every single birthday for my last 23 years of life have been like that, it's horrible. I hope we both can live without pain.

It makes me so sad reading that.  It's very hard to read it.  I want you to be happy.  You deserve to have whatever happy life you want to have.

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