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Lindsay

The "How Do You Feel Right Now?" (4)


14,429 posts in this topic

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3 hours ago, babyxgothxx said:

You know how quickly addictive it becomes?

It depends on your personality... If you use alcohol to numb your pain and escape reality you can become psychologically dependent on it rather quickly. "Withdrawals" can leave you feeling anxious and with a strong urge to drink, I guess in some way it's comparable to a smoker who "needs" a cigarette when they're stressed. Physical dependence takes a lot longer. Given your mental health you are at higher risk for developing dependence so I think you're playing with fire, it'll hurt your chances of therapy/meds working for you and may be making your depression worse. 

I have a mentally ill relative who abused alcohol all her life and you wouldn't believe the damage it has done to her mind and body as well as the people around her. Alcohol is not to be underestimated, no matter how much willpower you think you may have it will get the better of you if you keep abusing it. 

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Excited for once. Short lived of course (past experience so i know). Ill take it for now. 

Just created my training plan for my next backcountry thru hike. 25 weeks. Including my pack in the training. Some running too. Mainly focusing on hikes and climbs using my pack. As the snow comes and gets deeper it will be tough but it will get me ready.

Maybe this can distract me from the crap that is me.

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Tv is on, but I'm not watching, just to have some sounds. Demon will creep in when there is silence. Been browsing in here for hours, can't respond to any of them except for one thread with less than 10 words. I want to sleep but it can't make me sleep. Numb. Sad. Plain. Empty. I don't know which one.

Edited by Camellia

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12 minutes ago, lonelyforeigner said:

It depends on your personality... If you use alcohol to numb your pain and escape reality you can become psychologically dependent on it rather quickly. "Withdrawals" can leave you feeling anxious and with a strong urge to drink, I guess in some way it's comparable to a smoker who "needs" a cigarette when they're stressed. Physical dependence takes a lot longer. Given your mental health you are at higher risk for developing dependence so I think you're playing with fire, it'll hurt your chances of therapy/meds working for you and may be making your depression worse. 

I have a mentally ill relative who abused alcohol all her life and you wouldn't believe the damage it has done to her mind and body as well as the people around her. Alcohol is not to be underestimated, no matter how much willpower you think you may have it will get the better of you if you keep abusing it. 

To be honest, I use it for that exact reason... To numb my pain and feelings. I'm actually craving alcohol right now... I'll drink again on Monday night but I could do with one small glass right now... I feel like without it and I started really drinking only a few weeks ago... My parents only limit me to one bottle a week, sometimes less and it makes me ****ing mad... Drinking makes me happy! Never in my life I thought I would crave alcohol! Yes drinking ruins relationships with others... Alcohol is all alcoholics care about right? Sorry to hear what happened to your relative... She must've started to escape her pain x

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12 hours ago, salparadise6132 said:

Hugs Heather!!!!! (((((((((Heather))))))))))

 

 

Thank you Salparadise, I hope the weekend was kind to you.  :hugs:

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6 hours ago, babyxgothxx said:

Yes I'm fine now thanks... I bit hungover but fine lol x

Glad you're fine :)

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7 hours ago, KidSurvivor2011 said:

Aggghhhh, I can't take ANYMORE!!!!! Everything is a LIE!!!!! If my stress doesn't take me, someone else will. Just make it stop or END me for GOOD!!!!!

I'm DONE, QUIT!!!!!

 

- KS

What's going on???? :console:

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On 11/17/2017 at 0:14 PM, babyxgothxx said:

Also I'm depending on alcohol for my happiness... My parents limit me to a bottle a week, which is low... Wish they'd allow it a bit more often! They should let go and let me be happy... Drinking is the best feeling in the world... It's not like I'll become addicted or anything x

Don't let it get the best of you. I threw a big bender last night and I'm really paying for it today. I can barely function. I'm a full-fledged alky, unfortunately. I tell myself I use it for escape. I guess there is a grain of truth in that. "Poor man's vacation".

Edited by JD4010

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On 11/17/2017 at 4:54 PM, One More Red Nightmare said:

Not a fan of drinking myself. It’s temporarily fun, but the sickness afterward is not worth it.  If you’re going to indulge, I think smoking the green is a lot better and more rewarding. I haven’t smoked in months, though. 

Agreed. And I'm functional the next day. It helps my PTSD, whereas alcohol makes me even more depressed.

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4 hours ago, babyxgothxx said:

My parents only limit me to one bottle a week, sometimes less and it makes me ****ing mad... Drinking makes me happy! Never in my life I thought I would crave alcohol! Yes drinking ruins relationships with others... Alcohol is all alcoholics care about right? Sorry to hear what happened to your relative... She must've started to escape her pain x

That's the thing, drinking makes you happy WHILE you're drinking but you feel worse after, not even talking about potential hangovers, it worsens depression. Yeah, alcoholics only care about alcohol.

My relative has been drinking for close to 50 years and it's more important to her than family or her own life. Most of the time she's in complete denial and will say she only does it because she enjoys the taste but she'll sneak to the liquor store and down a small bottle of vod-ka on the way home so no one notices because the few small bottles of alcohol she has with meals aren't enough. Couple of times a year she'll try to "prove"  that she's not an alcoholic by not drinking for a week but that's just so she can lie to herself.

She's been to the emergency room countless times because of alcohol poisoning or falling down and hurting herself, whenever that happens she'll swear that she'll never touch alcohol again and tells the whole family they can shun her if she does. Never lasts more than a week or two. Her liver is shot, she's super skinny (she hardly eats), and has major memory problems. The saddest thing is that she's convinced alcohol makes her fun to be around when in reality she sometimes acts really creepy (like bothering or even kissing random strangers) and offends a lot of people with her outrageous behavior. If she's upset she can also turn really abusive, it's not pretty. 

Don't underestimate how damaging alcohol can be. There are a few recovering alcoholics on this board and I'm sure they could all tell you plenty of horror stories. I don't think you're an alcoholic yet but you're definitely at risk since you're abusing it. Don't kid yourself, you can't avoid addiction if you keep abusing it, alcoholism is tricky as it really sneaks up on you. Be careful, you're too young to go down that road. 

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17 hours ago, HeatherG said:

I hope you feel better.  Do you feel better today?  I hope so (((hugs)))

I feel slightly better. Cold symptoms have been dogging me.

I hope you're having a nice sunday

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5 hours ago, Natasha1 said:

Excited for once. Short lived of course (past experience so i know). Ill take it for now. 

Just created my training plan for my next backcountry thru hike. 25 weeks. Including my pack in the training. Some running too. Mainly focusing on hikes and climbs using my pack. As the snow comes and gets deeper it will be tough but it will get me ready.

Maybe this can distract me from the crap that is me.

That does sound both challenging and exciting! Kudos on setting this up for yourself!

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5 hours ago, Camellia said:

Tv is on, but I'm not watching, just to have some sounds. Demon will creep in when there is silence. Been browsing in here for hours, can't respond to any of them except for one thread with less than 10 words. I want to sleep but it can't make me sleep. Numb. Sad. Plain. Empty. I don't know which one.

Big hugs, Camellia. 

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19 minutes ago, Hertz said:

I feel slightly better. Cold symptoms have been dogging me.

I hope you're having a nice sunday

I'm glad you're feeling slightly better.  Gosh knows I'm trying to avoid catching anything.

My Sunday is alright.  Thank you :)

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On 11/18/2017 at 0:46 PM, CoolCat7 said:

Hope your day goes well.  Good for you for avoiding the flour and sugar.  Enjoy you writing!  (((((((hugs))))).  I hope your husband's health problems improve too.

Thanks :) The day was very productive for me. I caught up in writing and took care of my own needs for a change. Thanks for the good wishes.  We'll see what his doctors say.

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6 hours ago, Natasha1 said:

Excited for once. Short lived of course (past experience so i know). Ill take it for now. 

Just created my training plan for my next backcountry thru hike. 25 weeks. Including my pack in the training. Some running too. Mainly focusing on hikes and climbs using my pack. As the snow comes and gets deeper it will be tough but it will get me ready.

Maybe this can distract me from the crap that is me.

Did you grow up hiking?  This sounds so amazing.  Do you camp out?  Is it a private or public trail?  You just gave me a great idea for the new year when the weather breaks.  Thank you!!

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10 hours ago, uncertain1 said:

Hey KS. What's going on? Did something new happen? 

 

10 hours ago, babyxgothxx said:

What happened hun? :sniffle1: DM me if you want to talk it through x:hugs:

 

3 hours ago, HeatherG said:

What's going on???? :console:

I can't cope anymore.

 

- KS

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3 minutes ago, KidSurvivor2011 said:

 

 

I can't cope anymore.

 

- KS

We're here :console:

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58 minutes ago, Dolphin2013 said:

Thanks :) The day was very productive for me. I caught up in writing and took care of my own needs for a change. Thanks for the good wishes.  We'll see what his doctors say.

Hi @CoolCat7 Hope you are well.

Dolphin2013, hey that's great about catching up in writing.  Good 4 U!

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Turns out the man of my dreams just wants me as his drinking/smoking/sex buddy.  After 7 months into this relationship I tried to spend a sober Sunday with him.  I guess he's not into that.  The tension was unbearable. I could sense his relief after I announced that I was leaving after giving it a few hours.  During that time he napped and ran some errands, so our time together was very limited.

its like the tree in the forest question.  Does my depression make me attract these men or do these men make me depressed?  Bad analogy, more like chicken and egg.

i feel like I have more to offer, but maybe I need to settle so that I can have some companionship.  Nothing's perfect, right?

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10 hours ago, Camellia said:

Tv is on, but I'm not watching, just to have some sounds. Demon will creep in when there is silence. Been browsing in here for hours, can't respond to any of them except for one thread with less than 10 words. I want to sleep but it can't make me sleep. Numb. Sad. Plain. Empty. I don't know which one.

I do the same with having the tv on and not watching.  

I dont feel like doing anything. Tired lonely

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