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Lindsay

The "How Do You Feel Right Now?" (4)


14,429 posts in this topic

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Yes I remember the part about not being able to cry.  The meds made it so I couldn't even cry at my grandpa's funeral.  I've hated them ever since.

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1 hour ago, sober4life said:

Yes I remember the part about not being able to cry.  The meds made it so I couldn't even cry at my grandpa's funeral.  I've hated them ever since.

Well, for me it's a bonus in a way, not to be crying every time I read a sad newspaper article or have a difficult caller at work.

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6 hours ago, CoolCat7 said:

Woke up with a severe anxiety attack.  Had to take clonazepam

@Natasha1  good luck with your poetry slam!

 

I hope you're OK, CC.  Thinking about you back at work!

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18 hours ago, Natasha1 said:

Im scared. Been practicing my delivery of a poem i want to recite on thursday. Ill probably cbicken out.

You'll do great! :Coopclapping::Coopyahoo:

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18 hours ago, sober4life said:

I feel the same way.  I'm so afraid of this world right now.  It's so dangerous.  You can just go and watch a movie or go and watch a concert and get gunned down by some madman in this world.  We're never really safe.:coopcray:

 

I've decided I'm not going to let that stuff worry me...it's so far out of my control. I will go on with my life (pathetic as it is) and whatever happens...well, it happens.

I'll save all of my worry for my job. A constant source of anguish for me.

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2 hours ago, salparadise6132 said:

I am much better today, so far.  Yesterday was very close to the bottom.

That is great news!

I think I'm doing better too, in spite of being kicked in the @ss by the flu.

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11 minutes ago, JD4010 said:

That is great news!

I think I'm doing better too, in spite of being kicked in the @ss by the flu.

That's good, JD!  Hope the flu passes. I know so many people sick right now.

Unfortunately, I spoke too soon.  After I have had a crash like the past couple of days, it will come and go for a while, I have learned.  As I get tired after lunch, for example, BOOM - down goes Frazier.. er, I mean Brian.

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Sigh... I feel so selfish posting about my s***ty life while others here have it worse than I do.  Some days really suck.  I just started new meds and I feel like they are intensifying my depression.  I went one day without drinking and will try it again today.     Why can't we all just find a little peace?

I'm exhausted.  I keep thinking of ways to make myself get out of this slump.  I just don't have the energy to do any of the things....

 

 

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I don't trust men. They say they love you before they even know you. Then, you feel like you have to jump over hurdles to maintain whatever feeling they had that they called love.  It's terrifying and exhausting.  I wish I were single sometimes.

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45 minutes ago, Ithastogetbetter said:

I don't trust men. They say they love you before they even know you. Then, you feel like you have to jump over hurdles to maintain whatever feeling they had that they called love.  It's terrifying and exhausting.  I wish I were single sometimes.

I know what you mean about finding the energy to get out of ours slumps!

As for the men part, I understand.  A confession - I just did that to a woman, although I never told her I loved her.  However, she was intense and a little naive (though I did not know that for a while) and very forward and my actions said those same words, without saying them.  I wanted more time to figure out if I could love her, but I was an ass and got intimate. I did not have the strength to insist that we slow it down.  Then, when I discovered I could not be in love with her, it was too late to save her from hurt.  I feel so guilty about that. 

I guess I offer this to say that SOME guys are well-meaning, but flawed.  I made mistakes, got very confused.  This is not to say that your guys have not been shady, dishonest asshats..  There are plenty of those guys around too!!!!  I do think that some guys are just messed up - like me. Though, as my guilt gives away, I was probably cruel!  It went so quickly and I was confused, but, I am not sure that is an excuse.  The good news is, I plan never to do that again!

I hope I haven't offended you, @Ithastogetbetter.  I am not defending all men.  I now know that at my age, I have to really know someone before I could say those words or even get intimate.  It could be a warning sign if they say them too early!!!  

My new mantra is slow and steady.  Find it out for sure first!

Hugs!!!!

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Thanks for the thoughtful reply.  I don't think men are any more cruel than women.  I think both sexes want the same thing- love, companionship, acceptance, etc....  I feel like the men that I attract lately aren't as genuine with their feelings and in their attempt to fulfill their own needs, they tell me what they think I want to hear.  It's discouraging.  I'd rather just take it slow and enjoy it for whatever it is.  These pseudo relationships are confusing and terrifying.

 

3 hours ago, salparadise6132 said:

 

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I really thought I wouldn't drink today.  I ended up at a bar with a friend and had 3 cocktails.  I justify it because I had a stressful day and needed to unwind.  Does anyone have suggestions for healthy, stress relief that doesn't involve substances?

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I bombed so badly in front of my standup comedy class tonight - the first time this has happened.  I just finished a pear cider and a bag of cheezies to console myself....   Now I'm thinking maybe I took on too much, what with my return to work and all.  I'm thinking of dropping the class.  There are two classes next week plus the performance, and maybe it's all too much.

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7 hours ago, CoolCat7 said:

I bombed so badly in front of my standup comedy class tonight - the first time this has happened.  I just finished a pear cider and a bag of cheezies to console myself....   Now I'm thinking maybe I took on too much, what with my return to work and all.  I'm thinking of dropping the class.  There are two classes next week plus the performance, and maybe it's all too much.

Hey.  Bombing is learning, and it is good.  All artists bomb. 

As for the too much thing, that is a real concern for sure. If you drop the classes, I hope you do so for overload reasons, not because one routine did not go well.

Hugs!

 

 

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8 hours ago, Ithastogetbetter said:

I really thought I wouldn't drink today.  I ended up at a bar with a friend and had 3 cocktails.  I justify it because I had a stressful day and needed to unwind.  Does anyone have suggestions for healthy, stress relief that doesn't involve substances?

I don't know @Ithastogetbetter.  I am looking for the same answer.  Best to you!

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Pathetic. I'm too weak to plan my suicide, I can't move.

Also my family thinks having depression makes me feel SPECIAL

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23 hours ago, salparadise6132 said:

I am much better today, so far.  Yesterday was very close to the bottom.

Hope you are having an even better day today x

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Feeling ugly because I tried modelling for my course... Everyone there looked way better than me anyway... Why bother? x

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3 hours ago, salparadise6132 said:

Hey.  Bombing is learning, and it is good.  All artists bomb. 

As for the too much thing, that is a real concern for sure. If you drop the classes, I hope you do so for overload reasons, not because one routine did not go well.

Hugs!

 

 

Well, unfortunately it's not a clear cut decision.  I can possibly miss one of the classes next week.  And I have to have 15 jokes or so that actually work in order to get up onstage.  We'll see

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I am putting pressure on myself to "improve". Which gives me a degree of anxiety. I still haven't taken a vacation. The first several days would involve cleaning my apartment, which fills me with giddy anticipation. Who needs to travel when you can run a mop and a vacuum cleaner?

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On 10/3/2017 at 9:23 AM, salparadise6132 said:

I am much better today, so far.  Yesterday was very close to the bottom.

I'm glad about that. I know what it's like to be close to, or at the bottom. {{{{{{{Brian}}}}}}

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What really annoys me about needing to find a p-doc for my son is that over the phone, even if I say, up front "My adult son..." and follow it with "is on the autism spectrum," somehow triggers the receptionist or call-screener. And they respond by giving me the numbers of p-docs who specialize in children's and adolescent behavioral issues.

That's number one.

Number two is...finding someone who takes my son's primary insurance, Medicare is like looking for half a needle in hundreds of haystacks.

That's what I've been doing. At least he's gotten to see his new primary care physician and she knows a little of his issues. He's scheduled for a physical in a month as well, so that's good.

It's raining today, I don't have a work shift scheduled and I did not get a good night's sleep. So yes, I'm anxious.

Oh and I need to find a primary care physician for ME. I don't remember if I mentioned it, but about a month ago, I found out that my doc was leaving that group practice. About a month before that, I got a letter naming a completely different doctor who was leaving that practice--so I ignored it.

Fortunately, my p-doc prescribes my ADs. But my primary care doc prescribed my hormones for me...and I'm almost out and I'm rationing them. Sleep-deprived and hormone-deprived--some things even my mighty anti-depressants cannot prevail against.

:(

Wishing everyone here better days, BIG DOLPHINESQUE HUGS!!!!!

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