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The "How Do You Feel Right Now?" (4)

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On 10/24/2017 at 6:20 PM, HeatherG said:

Lonelyhiker,

Hey, we're here.  And I wish I could say words to comfort, I'll try.  First, you're not alone if that's any consolation.  Your place sounds like my bedroom, minus the cat.  You'll get back to work soon, and have that distraction.  Try checking out a therapist, if that can help.  I should take my own advice and reschedule with mine - but I haven't.

Your line on sleep, tired, food doesn't taste right, it's like, you're speaking about my life!  I don't know what is going on!  But I'm sick of feeling sick and sick and tired of feeling sick and tired.  There has to be more to life than this.  I keep saying to others, something has to give.  And you have friends, here, and yep right now logging on just ain't doing it - for now, this is what we have.  This strange online family.  I call y'all my DF Buddies.  We can make a pact for 2018 to be more social, if it's only to meet one friend at a restaurant.  Let's not allow depression to destroy new friendships.

You'll wake up, please wake up.  And you're not here so others can feel better.  You're here because the universe, what ever is out there wanted you here.  Right now feels like some sick joke, but, no, depression can't convince me that that's all we're here for.  Now, have a good meal, maybe fix the bed, make one clean spot and then say, "Saturday, I'll clean."  if you don't, then watch a movie you wanted to see, or play yourself some music.  Treat YOU, because you matter.  You Matter :console:

Thank you for the warm and compassionate response, Heather, it means a lot! I wish I could say things are better, but they really aren't. I keep slogging through the days, though, trying to take things a minute at a time.

I hope you are having a better day than I am..

 

((((((HUGS))))))

 

Tim

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Just now, LonelyHiker said:

Thank you for the warm and compassionate response, Heather, it means a lot! I wish I could say things are better, but they really aren't. I keep slogging through the days, though, trying to take things a minute at a time.

I hope you are having a better day than I am..

 

((((((HUGS))))))

 

Tim

Hey there,

I do understand things may not, or they definitely aren't getting any better.  Same here.  I don't know what's going on with our depression or why it just seems so horribly bad - like this year is reeking worse than last year, what's that all about? 

I just want you to hang in there, I'm hanging in there, we're all trying to.  You're of course welcome, I think me responding to you, others, helps me take my mind off of me and my problems.  Like, if you hang in there, I'll hang in there and we'll all be there.  If I'm making any sense? lol.  A minute at a time?  Those are some long minutes, right?  :dontgetit:

I think we may be having the same day hon.  That's why I logged on here, I do everyday. 

Of course (((HUGS))) right back'atcha!   Take care and talk soon :)

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27 minutes ago, CoolCat7 said:

Thanks Sal.  It is!

This may sound like a crazy reason to be happy, but today a large Canadian drugstore chain store (Shoppers Drug Mart) opened a store literally across the street from our apartment building.  It's the only business within a few blocks of us, and the only store in our neighbourhood that's not a pawn shop, payday loans place, liquor store, street mission.... you get the picture.  Yay, gentrification.   Anyway, it will now be SO much more convenient for us to pick up our prescriptions, and when you take as much medication as my husband and I do, that's a big plus.  Remember - we don't have a car.  And we just found out that a grocery store will be moving in beside them.  A huge convenience, and it will save us a lot of money on renting the co-op car to go grocery shopping and pick up prescriptions.  Probably it will save us at least $100 per month.

That's great news, Cat! I am am happy for you :-) It is very nice to be able to walk to the store, restaurants, etc.

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Will be glad to be home so I can be away from work and able to cry myself asleep. These tremors aren't going away and it's a result from a phycological thing. Surgeries and a whole lot of other things from youth that have piled up to get to a certain point. I seriously need to talk to someone just don't know who.

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On 10/27/2017 at 2:07 PM, salparadise6132 said:

I hear you my friend.  I hope you're feeling better than you were yesterday!!!

Thanks bro. I am doing better now. Still unmotivated, but at least I'm up and moving. Did laundry earlier, f'rinstance.

Happy Saturday!

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23 hours ago, babyxgothxx said:

An operation to fix my lazy eye... It was scary when they were putting me off to sleep...My eye is still kinda sore but I've got painkillers to take x

My daughter had that surgery--3 times! She has major issues with her vision besides just this.

Yay for painkillers! Hope you are feeling better now.

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7 hours ago, babyxgothxx said:

My eye hurts so bad because I had surgery yesterday to fix my lazy eye... Now it looks too far inward... As if the surgeon gave me another type of lazy eye...Hope I don't need to have another surgery.. It hurts way too much and I'm seeing double!!!!!!! Plus it's red and swollen (sorry for being graphic!!!) This is the worst x

In my daughter's case, they "overcompensated" during the surgery so that the eye would pull back into the correct angle after a few days...I hope that is exactly what they did for you. It worked in her case!

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Realizing that whatever good or bad happens in my life from here on out, chronic constant depression will always be with me. There is no cure and no more than partial and temporary relief. Happiness in this life, in this society, in this world will not happen for me. Nothing is really enjoyable.

It’s not fair, but it is reality. I have to summon as much strength as I can and persevere until it’s over and hope for better in the afterlife.  I know many here are in the same boat. 

Love to you all!

Edited by One More Red Nightmare

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5 hours ago, CoolCat7 said:

Thanks Sal.  It is!

This may sound like a crazy reason to be happy, but today a large Canadian drugstore chain store (Shoppers Drug Mart) opened a store literally across the street from our apartment building.  It's the only business within a few blocks of us, and the only store in our neighbourhood that's not a pawn shop, payday loans place, liquor store, street mission.... you get the picture.  Yay, gentrification.   Anyway, it will now be SO much more convenient for us to pick up our prescriptions, and when you take as much medication as my husband and I do, that's a big plus.  Remember - we don't have a car.  And we just found out that a grocery store will be moving in beside them.  A huge convenience, and it will save us a lot of money on renting the co-op car to go grocery shopping and pick up prescriptions.  Probably it will save us at least $100 per month.

It sounds like a wonderful reason to feel happy! I love convenient drugstores/groceries, etc.

 

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I had a long day at work. Now I've taken a shower and will eat dinner. Feeling more peaceful. Husband took son to get his prescription filled. Son was going out with friends tonight and I cautioned him not to have allcoholic beverages. He hoped he could still drink soda.  I said yes.

I'm still filled with free-floating anxiety. My back hurts too. A lot of standing, this afternoon and I have terrible posture. If it were earlier I'd be napping. But as it is, I think I'll just be getting to sleep very early. I want to zone out. I wish I could float out to where my true self is and bring it back in.

****** depression.

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8 hours ago, CoolCat7 said:

Thanks Sal.  It is!

This may sound like a crazy reason to be happy, but today a large Canadian drugstore chain store (Shoppers Drug Mart) opened a store literally across the street from our apartment building.  It's the only business within a few blocks of us, and the only store in our neighbourhood that's not a pawn shop, payday loans place, liquor store, street mission.... you get the picture.  Yay, gentrification.   Anyway, it will now be SO much more convenient for us to pick up our prescriptions, and when you take as much medication as my husband and I do, that's a big plus.  Remember - we don't have a car.  And we just found out that a grocery store will be moving in beside them.  A huge convenience, and it will save us a lot of money on renting the co-op car to go grocery shopping and pick up prescriptions.  Probably it will save us at least $100 per month.

Great news, CC!  :)

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1 hour ago, Tilted said:

It just goes on and on and on and on and on and on...ruining everything.

I am sorry my friend...I truly empathize. This illness is merciless.

I hope you feel better soon

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****ing hopeless... My parents also keep telling me that people don't like "depressed people" and I should just be happy... I'm trying my best, okay??? They say I'm also childish for punching walls and whatnot... I should off myself to be honest... Nobody likes depressed people... I can't force myself to be happy so I may as well end it all... But what's the painless route to do it? And fastest? Also when is another question...

I can't get help because I had surgery on my eye and can't go out anywhere... I've turned into some raging monster and can't deal with it anymore... I rage at everything and so close to beating people into a ****** pulp... What's happened to me??? I've never used to be like this... The world would be much much much better off without me... Please HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! x

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1 minute ago, babyxgothxx said:

****ing hopeless... My parents also keep telling me that people don't like "depressed people" and I should just be happy... I'm trying my best, okay??? They say I'm also childish for punching walls and whatnot... I should off myself to be honest... Nobody likes depressed people... I can't force myself to be happy so I may as well end it all... But what's the painless route to do it? And fastest? Also when is another question...

I can't get help because I had surgery on my eye and can't go out anywhere... I've turned into some raging monster and can't deal with it anymore... I rage at everything and so close to beating people into a ****** pulp... What's happened to me??? I've never used to be like this... The world would be much much much better off without me... Please HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! x

We like you, BG.

Proves that you will be, and are, accepted here on this planet.  You are young.  You can have personal peace.  I know it!

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13 minutes ago, salparadise6132 said:

We like you, BG.

Proves that you will be, and are, accepted here on this planet.  You are young.  You can have personal peace.  I know it!

Thanks paradise... But I've turned into someone completely different... My surgery has worsened my depression a lot... I was getting worse and worse before it though... Seems like the surgery was the last straw. I can't even get help and I really want to! My parents think there's nothing wrong with me... They think I'm raging for attention and I'm being childish... I think it's more than just depression... x 

Edited by babyxgothxx

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15 hours ago, JD4010 said:

In my daughter's case, they "overcompensated" during the surgery so that the eye would pull back into the correct angle after a few days...I hope that is exactly what they did for you. It worked in her case!

Aw your daughter was so brave going through this... Glad it worked out for her... Hopefully my eye will look straight soon... Well I'm back in college next Monday so there's plenty of time x

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15 hours ago, JD4010 said:

In my daughter's case, they "overcompensated" during the surgery so that the eye would pull back into the correct angle after a few days...I hope that is exactly what they did for you. It worked in her case!

Also I noticed the surgery has made my depression worse... Did your daughter go through that too? I heard it's common because of the anesthetic or something x

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On 10/26/2017 at 1:55 PM, HeatherG said:

If you don't mind me saying, I didn't know you were dealing with that - coming out, gender issues.  I'd like to send you extra (((hugs))).  This world feels they can be disrespectful to certain people or groups - and frankly I'm so sick of this belief.  I can't tolerate mistreatment, to anyone or of anyone.

Great (((hugs))) to @sober4life

I do care that you keep breathing. :)

Yes I am going through a midlife crisis of the highest order.   I didn't officially come out or speak about my gender issues with anyone until I was 38 years old so you can imagine how horrible it was to live with my secrets for 38 years.  Every time I drank my secrets would bubble to the surface and beg to come out.  I couldn't keep things to myself anymore.  It's too much to ask of anyone to keep such secrets from the whole world.  I don't have any problem with myself.  I love myself and fully accept myself but it's not so easy for the rest of the world that's for sure.  It's very difficult going through what I'm going through.  Thank you for your support.:hugs:

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4 hours ago, LonelyHiker said:

I am sorry my friend...I truly empathize. This illness is merciless.

I hope you feel better soon

I know you are struggling too hiker, so kind of you to say. Merciless yes, and apparently relentless too...

 

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