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Lindsay

The "How Do You Feel Right Now?" (4)

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I feel like giving up. Watching the people of the world turn on one another knowing there are evil-hearted and greedy persons orchestrating it all is heartbreaking when you feel like you are the only one who sees what is really happening. There is an agenda being worked out, not under our noses, it is in plain sight but few see it. We split off into our little groups and fight while the powerful elite warms their hands over a fire fueled by the cremated remains of the people. I have very little faith in humankind. I don't want to be here anymore. Love don't live here anymore.

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:hugs:

Me too! I have to stop because I get so worked up. I'm listening to ASMR videos now whilst playing Empyrion Galatic Survival and I'm starting to feel a little better but not by much. It feels so hopeless that these monsters are literally doing what they do and seem to get away with it.

Edited by ColdFire

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4 hours ago, ColdFire said:

I feel like giving up. Watching the people of the world turn on one another knowing there are evil-hearted and greedy persons orchestrating it all is heartbreaking when you feel like you are the only one who sees what is really happening. There is an agenda being worked out, not under our noses, it is in plain sight but few see it. We split off into our little groups and fight while the powerful elite warms their hands over a fire fueled by the cremated remains of the people. I have very little faith in humankind. I don't want to be here anymore. Love don't live here anymore.

I've known what the world really is my whole life.  It should be a gift being smart but it's not.  It's a lifetime of knowing too much.  It's a lifetime of being afraid of the world.  Once you know too much and see the world for what it really is there is no going back.  The sad truth is as a person I'm in serious danger every time I leave this house.  As a person with serious mental illness it's even worse.  All I have to have is one bad day and I could be stuffed away for weeks or months or years because there is so much money to be made from my condition.  In my life I've made millions of dollars for doctors and big pharma and hospitals and I feel like I was just used and abused by monsters.  I won't be fooled again though.

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Life in this world is a no-win game. Every victory is fleeting. Everything good you have you will lose. This is the sad truth, no matter how much people deny or ignore it. And yet there is hope, but it's not here.  Must endure. 

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7 hours ago, ColdFire said:

I feel like giving up. Watching the people of the world turn on one another knowing there are evil-hearted and greedy persons orchestrating it all is heartbreaking when you feel like you are the only one who sees what is really happening. There is an agenda being worked out, not under our noses, it is in plain sight but few see it. We split off into our little groups and fight while the powerful elite warms their hands over a fire fueled by the cremated remains of the people. I have very little faith in humankind. I don't want to be here anymore. Love don't live here anymore.

Oh, HECK yes. This. The elite have always used the "divide and conquer" strategy to keep us fighting among ourselves, instead of turning on the real source of all the misery on this planet. Identity politics is a favorite tool of theirs to keep the rabble distracted.

I've never considered myself a bright person (because I ain't), but even I can see through the BS they heap upon us. Best thing I ever did was shut down my TV and avoid corporate "news"--which, in reality, is nothing but propaganda.

How am I doing today? It was all I could do to drag my carcass out of bed and come to work. I'm sick of this job, constantly having to do sh!t that goes against my instincts. I've been here 29 years and wish I could bail out. But the system I live within runs on $$$$$$$$$.

Edited by JD4010

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5 hours ago, JD4010 said:

Oh, HECK yes. This. The elite have always used the "divide and conquer" strategy to keep us fighting among ourselves, instead of turning on the real source of all the misery on this planet. Identity politics is a favorite tool of theirs to keep the rabble distracted.

I've never considered myself a bright person (because I ain't), but even I can see through the BS they heap upon us. Best thing I ever did was shut down my TV and avoid corporate "news"--which, in reality, is nothing but propaganda.

How am I doing today? It was all I could do to drag my carcass out of bed and come to work. I'm sick of this job, constantly having to do sh!t that goes against my instincts. I've been here 29 years and wish I could bail out. But the system I live within runs on $$$$$$$$$.

You're certainly bright enough to have figured out how the game works. Most people have not. We are kept divided deliberately, bombarded with lies and propaganda constantly. We are always encouraged to blame each other for our problems ("hate Trump!", "hate Clinton!", "hate liberals!", "hate conservatives!", "hate the Russians!", "hate the Muslims!")  This ensures that we will never unite against the elite that game us, and we are always kept in fear and under financial stress.

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I'm so frustrated that I am 45 years old and still have not figured out how life works.  I'm tired of making impulsive, bad decisions that I regret later.  I'm tired of always feeling like I am not enough.  I'm tired of dating a******s.  I just feel sick.  I know there is a way to feel better that does not involve excessive alcohol, but I just haven't found it yet.

I generally suffer silently, so this is nice to express myself in a forum of strangers.

Thanks for reading this.

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19 hours ago, salparadise6132 said:

Dolphin, you win my "phrase of the day."  And it is a most coveted award, let me tell you LOL.  "Pokey little person."  Poetic, succinct, and funny!!!  You are a writer!!!  I also like that you are an optimist.  I may be going out on a limb, but you may be a rarity around here :)

 

 

Thank you, Brian! There's  a kid's book "The Pokey Little Puppy." This puppy strays and does his own thing and gets home later than the rest of his litter. His mom is a mean tyrant, who withholds food...and I'm not going to analyze a whole lot there. But that's where I got the phrase. Also, Roz Chast did a cartoon for the New Yorker magazine (about 25 years ago maybe?) about "The Pokey Little Parkway," an easy-to-drive, low-stress highway... I identify so strongly with going at my own pace, being an introvert (except at baseball games, maybe) and preferring low stress to excitement any day...

Thank you for the compliment :)

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1 hour ago, Epictetus said:

I feel a little better now that I have exercised.  I'm not worried about the future as I am often. 

SENDING HUGS TO EVERYONE!

I'll take a hug... I have to be at work in about an hour & 20 minutes and don't really want to be...

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5 hours ago, Ithastogetbetter said:

I'm so frustrated that I am 45 years old and still have not figured out how life works.  I'm tired of making impulsive, bad decisions that I regret later.  I'm tired of always feeling like I am not enough.  I'm tired of dating a******s.  I just feel sick.  I know there is a way to feel better that does not involve excessive alcohol, but I just haven't found it yet.

I generally suffer silently, so this is nice to express myself in a forum of strangers.

Thanks for reading this.

Welcome and ginormous hugs to you.  I am sorry you are feeling so bad.  I hope you stay with us IHTGB!!!!

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4 hours ago, samadhiSheol said:

Empty and pointless. Angry and wanting to hurt myself bad.

Every day.

I know the feeling. :console: Don't hurt yourself. We tend to want to hurt ourselves when we have already been through so much pain. I say do something good for yourself, something you like. Buy something you want even if it is just something small (my thing today was a gyros with extra tzatziki sauce and a book I have been wanting to buy). Hope you get to feeling better.

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Hello everyone.  How is everyone doing?    I hope you guys are doing better than me.  I have been missing for a long time.  I just do not know what to write anymore.  I am just fed up with living.

 I went on a few trips with my sister because I cannot travel alone. I do not remember things and if alone I would get lost.

I managed to hurt my back last week and I am in a lot of pain.   I do not know how it happened.   I have been taking medications for the pain.

My pdoc increased my Cymbalta to 120mg daily and he wants me to workout at a gym.  He says working out will cure my depression.  I disagree.   I have been abused by people in the past and that has caused my depression.

Take care.  Bye for now.

Edited by duck

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1 hour ago, duck said:

Hello everyone.  How is everyone doing?    I hope you guys are doing better than me.  I have been missing for a long time.  I just do not know what to write anymore.  I am just fed up with living.

 I went on a few trips with my sister because I cannot travel alone. I do not remember things and if alone I would get lost.

I managed to hurt my back last week and I am in a lot of pain.   I do not know how it happened.   I have been taking medications for the pain.

My pdoc increased my Cymbalta to 120mg daily and he wants me to workout at a gym.  He says working out will cure my depression.  I disagree.   I have been abused by people in the past and that has caused my depression.

Take care.  Bye for now.

Hi duck! It's good to see you and I'm sorry you're in a lot of pain right now. Your pdoc is only partly right. Exercise can help make depression less depressing, but I don't think it cures depression.  I know that my depression is also the result of abuse and neglect when I was little--it was a way to cope and (barely) survive.

I exercise a fair amount, but it hasn't cured my depression. What it has done is help me get beyond it when nothing seems to help. It takes my mind off my sad brain for a while.

All the best to you and some gentle hugs :hugs:

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@duckGood to see you again, bro! Sorry you are feeling so down. Of course, most of us on this forum know what that's like.

Exercise! I used to be good at doing that. But the last two years I've let myself go. As a result, I'm in bad shape; the worst I've ever been. When I did exercise, I honestly felt better because I was trying to improve myself. I need to regain that spark. I have a "new" stationary bike sitting in the apartment now. The trick is, getting on the d@mned thing and pushing the pedals.

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Last night, I went to bed absolutely out of my mind with a sense of loss, guilt, grief, paralysis. Some of it had to do with MyOldFlame, but I think it also had to do with how hot it's becoming--weather, that is. And how I'm taking a day just for myself without my family.

Today I'm going to a baseball game without them. Yes, I'm going with a bunch of retired, older people from the community center where I work, but I'm going as a participant, not as a worker. So that's where the guilt comes in. I have to remind myself that I'm not driving and that I can bring my own food if I want. Or buy as many hot dogs as I can or something more fun (brisket nachos?) and not have to share with my son or husband. And I can wear all my team bling and not embarrass my son. I can even have a b33r or margarita because I'm not driving!!!! I usually don't drink because of my meds...and because I'm the one who knows the way to and from the stadium, even if we get redirected in traffic, so it could get pretty interesting!

It's for fun. And why not?

I'm dreading how hot it will be at the stadium, but we've got seats in the shade. Still...

okay. I'm going to have fun.

 

Edited by Dolphin2013
see if this works..

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