Jump to content
A New Look Read more... ×
Lindsay

The "How Do You Feel Right Now?" (4)

Recommended Posts

1 hour ago, Winston Smith said:

I have - probably - had the worst weekend of my life so far. The issue has been crippling existential anxiety. My thoughts invariably dwell on death; in turn my heart weeps. I just feel utterly hopeless in the face of my own - and others' - mortality. 
 

 

Death is not the end. It is really nothing to fear. You are an immortal spirit. I can't prove it to you, but I know this to be true. Fear is in life in the world. 

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
2 hours ago, JD4010 said:

I'm lucky...my stepdad was great. My biological father was a good guy too. Looking back, I know that my dad also suffered from depression, and probably PTSD from the Korean war.

My grandpa had PTSD from the war.  He would always hallucinate that he was back fighting in the war.  My PTSD never gets better.  Every time I have to go to a hospital or a doctor's office I'm just as bad as grandpa.  People wonder why I don't take meds again.  I will never trust a doctor again as long as I live.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

My wonderfully supportive parents keep reminding me of a baking mistake despite me making it only 5 minutes ago.  Like jeez, I get it, I know I fcked up.  Thank you for being so supportive and encouraging!

So I was in a great mood.  Now I feel like throwing a burning hot cake from the oven at someone's face.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
14 hours ago, sober4life said:

Today on Father's Day I agree with the devil from The Devil's Advocate.  The only thing worse than having no father is having mine.  I wonder what it would be like to have a dad like I see on tv.  Someone I can talk to when things get hard.  Someone I can actually trust.  I'll never know.

Me neither, sober.  Hugs to you, my friend!!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I love when you guys talk about baking.  Mistakes and all.  At least you're doing it!!!  I have just started baking with my 16 year old daughter who is right into it, all of a sudden.  Great bonding time for us. Today, we made brownies that came out (I am shocked LOL) so chocolatey and moist.  We made a pie last week from rhubarb we got from my own garden.  You can teach and old dog new tricks.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I had a busy day today.In the morning we went to church and a little while later we had a family gathering for Father`s Day.It was really nice visiting with aunts,uncles cousins and my nieces and nephews and my own mom and dad and sisters and brother`s in law and my grandfather..I  It was a really full and busy day for me and I`m grateful that it all went well.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Father's Day did give me some grief since my dad died in 1990. After I realized the selfish act my dad committed that cost him his life, I no longer care about that man. Same goes for my mother. I can finally move on from those two. They're now where they belong. The question is, at the rate I'm going, when will I join them?

 

- KS

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Behind me a wasted life. Ahead of me a body gradually turning against me as get older and more bitter. I don't see any point in a life like mine. I've never seen any point in my life.

Saying all this I feel crushing guilt for the people who actually love me. But it changes nothing. No amount of love in the world will fixed how i feel. I'm incapable of loving myself. I don't even know what that could mean. No one would love me if they knew what I truly think about myself and the world.

Stuck in hell. Why can't I just die.

I feel so empty it's ridiculous.

Edited by samadhiSheol

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
12 hours ago, CoolCat7 said:

I just ate a serving (I think) of reduced-fat potato chips after working out and taking a shower.  I was craving salt.  Now I feel guilty, but I'm hoping I can still come in under my calorie count today.  

If you're craving salt you can drink gatorade and get it a healthier way.  I have to drink gatorade during the summer or my electrolytes get too low and I start being more absent minded than usual.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hello everyone I hope you all are doing well or at least doing the best that you can. The most enjoyment that I get on being here on the forum is talking to and perhaps helping others and that's mostly what I have done in the past. Although over the past nine or 10 months I have posted a lot about how I'm doing and I hate talking about myself and how I'm feeling, it's getting really old. I was getting on here every day but as some of you have noticed I don't get on here very often and I am sorry for that, because of all those that I could have offered some advice to I have missed out on doing that. Today right now it's 10:00 AM and I am sorry to say I want to die, I want this existence to just come to an end once and for all. Since I was a little boy I have dealt with disabilities but have gotten through them and live the best that I could. But as I have said on here before depression i.e. mental illness, in my opinion is the worst condition above and beyond any other physical condition that anyone can have. I got a puppy, thinking that would help me some and it has apart from cleaning up after her day after day, and I also don't have near the energy I need to keep up with her. I am depressed, exhausted, physically falling apart and my OCD is at an all time worse. I just want you guys to know I'm still here, I cannot ever take my own life because I am too much of a coward and am also afraid that I will go to hell. So I just feel trapped, trapped between wanting to die but also wanting to live. Somewhere in there I am simply trapped. I fell into hopelessness about a year ago and it is still with me, which is one of the worst parts of the depression, when someone, myself, becomes hopeless... I have nothing more to say on that. Thanks for the support I've got and again I'm sorry for for not coming on as often as I have in the past. Everyone have a good day and as I always say "Be Good to Yourself"... PS: I am now using Dragon, a speech to text program so if I make mistakes these forgive me I am still learning...

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
33 minutes ago, quentin360 said:

Hello everyone I hope you all are doing well or at least doing the best that you can. The most enjoyment that I get on being here on the forum is talking to and perhaps helping others and that's mostly what I have done in the past. Although over the past nine or 10 months I have posted a lot about how I'm doing and I hate talking about myself and how I'm feeling, it's getting really old. I was getting on here every day but as some of you have noticed I don't get on here very often and I am sorry for that, because of all those that I could have offered some advice to I have missed out on doing that. Today right now it's 10:00 AM and I am sorry to say I want to die, I want this existence to just come to an end once and for all. Since I was a little boy I have dealt with disabilities but have gotten through them and live the best that I could. But as I have said on here before depression i.e. mental illness, in my opinion is the worst condition above and beyond any other physical condition that anyone can have. I got a puppy, thinking that would help me some and it has apart from cleaning up after her day after day, and I also don't have near the energy I need to keep up with her. I am depressed, exhausted, physically falling apart and my OCD is at an all time worse. I just want you guys to know I'm still here, I cannot ever take my own life because I am too much of a coward and am also afraid that I will go to hell. So I just feel trapped, trapped between wanting to die but also wanting to live. Somewhere in there I am simply trapped. I fell into hopelessness about a year ago and it is still with me, which is one of the worst parts of the depression, when someone, myself, becomes hopeless... I have nothing more to say on that. Thanks for the support I've got and again I'm sorry for for not coming on as often as I have in the past. Everyone have a good day and as I always say "Be Good to Yourself"... PS: I am now using Dragon, a speech to text program so if I make mistakes these forgive me I am still learning...

I hope you are good to yourself too ...hang in there....we are all in this together ..

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Weary. I don't know what's going on, but I've got some physical malady that makes me tired all of the time. I have no energy and I'll break into a sweat with the slightest exertion. My appetite is subdued as well (which might be OK, if I can lose some pounds). This has been going on for about 10 days now. I really don't want to make a doctor's appointment...but I may have to.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Felt okay for awhile but notice that every little thing "startles" me and makes my heart pound.  Maybe LSA or something else.  Too tired to care much about anything.  Eyes feel very heavy.

HUGS TO ALL OF YOU TODAY ! ! !

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Something wonderful and amazing happened today.  My sister is in town visiting, and she and my mother went to an afternoon luncheon/concert.  Someone kept calling on my parents' line, which I finally answered.  It was a woman saying that she had found my mother's wallet, address book, calendar (and something else) IN THE STREET.  They (she and her husband) were even willing to bring it to my parents' home.  That they had been so kind and considerate just blew me away.  I said I would meet them somewhere at their convenience to retrieve the articles, which I did.  They were a lovely couple.

I've been working on a mantra, which has been hard, but I think it as often as I can: "Things are always working out for me."  So, recently, I threw in another one.  "Something wonderful is going to happen today."  

Can it really be true that thoughts become . . . things?  That they can change your life?  Are we really that powerful?  I am awestruck, yet STILL battling the sadness and anxiety. 

Edited by womanofthelight
added sentence

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
1 hour ago, womanofthelight said:

Something wonderful and amazing happened today.  My sister is in town visiting, and she and my mother went to an afternoon luncheon/concert.  Someone kept calling on my parents' line, which I finally answered.  It was a woman saying that she had found my mother's wallet, address book, calendar (and something else) IN THE STREET.  They (she and her husband) were even willing to bring it to my parents' home.  That they had been so kind and considerate just blew me away.  I said I would meet them somewhere at their convenience to retrieve the articles, which I did.  They were a lovely couple.

I've been working on a mantra, which has been hard, but I think it as often as I can: "Things are always working out for me."  So, recently, I threw in another one.  "Something wonderful is going to happen today."  

Can it really be true that thoughts become . . . things?  That they can change your life?  Are we really that powerful?  I am awestruck, yet STILL battling the sadness and anxiety. 

I do believe our thoughts influence things, because we think in words, feelings, and pictures to make sense of the world. I think of a quote attributed to C.S. Lewis, something like : "Prayer doesn't change God...it changes me."

Putting the words and thoughts in the front of our minds can always help. I think I'm an optimist at heart. I'm an early riser--I like to make the day my own. But beyond that, I'm a pokey little person. When depression hits, it takes away my ability to put even neutral thoughts in my brain.

I like your mantras, @womanofthelight may I borrow them?
 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

My cousin has a 4 year old daughter and I went to her birthday party.  When the party was over she went to everyone and hugged them and told them thanks for the birthday presents.  I was the last person to hug but when she got to me she looked at me like I was a freak and ran away.  People wonder why I hate myself and my life.  This is how I'm always treated.  People act like I'm a disease they don't want to catch.  Even a 4 year old runs away from the ugly dog.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
3 hours ago, Dolphin2013 said:

I do believe our thoughts influence things, because we think in words, feelings, and pictures to make sense of the world. I think of a quote attributed to C.S. Lewis, something like : "Prayer doesn't change God...it changes me."

Putting the words and thoughts in the front of our minds can always help. I think I'm an optimist at heart. I'm an early riser--I like to make the day my own. But beyond that, I'm a pokey little person. When depression hits, it takes away my ability to put even neutral thoughts in my brain.

I like your mantras, @womanofthelight may I borrow them?
 

OF COURSE.  No permission required.:flowers:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
5 hours ago, Dolphin2013 said:

I do believe our thoughts influence things, because we think in words, feelings, and pictures to make sense of the world. I think of a quote attributed to C.S. Lewis, something like : "Prayer doesn't change God...it changes me."

Putting the words and thoughts in the front of our minds can always help. I think I'm an optimist at heart. I'm an early riser--I like to make the day my own. But beyond that, I'm a pokey little person. When depression hits, it takes away my ability to put even neutral thoughts in my brain.

I like your mantras, @womanofthelight may I borrow them?
 

Dolphin, you win my "phrase of the day."  And it is a most coveted award, let me tell you LOL.  "Pokey little person."  Poetic, succinct, and funny!!!  You are a writer!!!  I also like that you are an optimist.  I may be going out on a limb, but you may be a rarity around here :)

 

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

My left arm is shaking and tingling. Bruised knuckle again. Always the same one.  I just punched a bulletproof glass at work in rage and frustration. I hate my job. I hate myself. this..thing that writes these pointless words. What's the fkucing point in any of this futility. Why can't I die already.

Edited by samadhiSheol

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I feel like giving up. Watching the people of the world turn on one another knowing there are evil-hearted and greedy persons orchestrating it all is heartbreaking when you feel like you are the only one who sees what is really happening. There is an agenda being worked out, not under our noses, it is in plain sight but few see it. We split off into our little groups and fight while the powerful elite warms their hands over a fire fueled by the cremated remains of the people. I have very little faith in humankind. I don't want to be here anymore. Love don't live here anymore.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Guest
This topic is now closed to further replies.

×