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Lindsay

The "How Do You Feel Right Now?" (4)


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Hi Members!

It's time for a new   "How Do You Feel Right Now?" Topic.

Some posts from the last thread are below....

Let's hear it! :wwww:

:icon12:

~Lindsay

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5 hours ago, RiverLight said:

Brian, thank you for your kindness & the warm welcome back. =)  You are correct. I was triggered and overreacted. I was in a very bad place that night and did not handle myself well. :dontgetit:I do wish everyone here nothing but the best & meant no harm. :hugs:

@CoolCat7  thank you! :hugs:I did eat full meals yesterday so that's good!

 

WOTL, thanks so much... yeah. :/ It is painful to feel bad about yourself. I know what I am doing is turning my anger inwards, just as you said. I am taking vitamins now, so that is good at least, and as I wrote to Cat, I ate full meals yesterday! Hoorrrray! Maybe I'm back on the mend now? I hope so! I will try to eat better today.... thank you again for all your support and loving kindness!! :hugs:

@LoneSquirrel, thank you so much as well. :hugs: (Darned site won't let me quote you for some reason, or highlight your name.. GGRRRRR)

I actually don't think it's a real eating disorder? Anorexics intensely fear any weight gain and have an extremely distorted body image. While I am overly weight conscious, I don't have a distorted body image, so that's good. I think what I am doing is punishing myself... turning my anger towards myself for making bad decisions. Self-inflicted punishment. As mentioned above, today I am going to try my hardest to eat normally... thanks again for your reply. HUGS.
 

Welcome back Riverlight :hugs:

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Do not wait for extraordinary circumstances to do good; try to use ordinary situations. - Jean Paul Richter

Democracy no longer works for the poor if politicians treat them as a separate race - Frank Field

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5 hours ago, hocico said:

Welcome back Riverlight :hugs:

Aw, thanks so much, hocico! That is so sweet of you!! :hugs:

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  •  

 
:rose:  Opportunities to find deeper powers within ourselves come when life seems most challenging.

:rose:  Life will always be sorrowful. We can't change it, but we can change our attitude toward it.

:rose:  Life is without meaning. You bring the meaning to it.

:rose:  Find a place inside where there's joy, and the joy will burn out the pain. :hearts:

- Joseph Campbell

:rose:  Healing doesn't mean the damage never existed. It means the damage no longer controls our lives.

- InspiringQuotes.in

:icon12: Loving yourself is the greatest gift you can give yourself. Self-love brings healing, strength, enlightenment, and attracts true love.

- Made up quote by RiverLight

 

 
 

 

 

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7 hours ago, Searchingforasoul said:

I'm as bad as I've ever been

Hugs my friend.  Sending you good thoughts.  It will lift.  Remember that!!!

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Don't cry now.  

Don't you cry.  

Dry your eyes on the wind.

La da da da.

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4 hours ago, salparadise6132 said:

Hugs my friend.  Sending you good thoughts.  It will lift.  Remember that!!!

I felt that!!

Feeling better all ready.

All the best, Sal!

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4 hours ago, RiverLight said:

Aw, thanks so much, hocico! That is so sweet of you!! :hugs:

Welcome girl...

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Until you make peace with who you are, you'll never be content with what you have

Support:

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3 hours ago, ladysmurf said:

Welcome girl...

Aw, thanks Lady! :hugs:Great to see you again! =) =) HUGS!!!!

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:rose:  Opportunities to find deeper powers within ourselves come when life seems most challenging.

:rose:  Life will always be sorrowful. We can't change it, but we can change our attitude toward it.

:rose:  Life is without meaning. You bring the meaning to it.

:rose:  Find a place inside where there's joy, and the joy will burn out the pain. :hearts:

- Joseph Campbell

:rose:  Healing doesn't mean the damage never existed. It means the damage no longer controls our lives.

- InspiringQuotes.in

:icon12: Loving yourself is the greatest gift you can give yourself. Self-love brings healing, strength, enlightenment, and attracts true love.

- Made up quote by RiverLight

 

 
 

 

 

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I have two goals for today: to eat something, a real meal and to try to get some work done. I haven't done an ounce of work in two weeks because of emotional upheaval. So my goal today is to eat and try and work at least just a little bit.. I'm not going to say I can work a full day yet, but I will at least try to make a dent in my projects. I have serious senior-itis right now with most of myself 90% out the door... so hard to motivate. Plus I realized that I truly love someone, someone new in my life, but I can accept friendship because that's all he can give. Wishing everyone here well today.

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  •  

 
:rose:  Opportunities to find deeper powers within ourselves come when life seems most challenging.

:rose:  Life will always be sorrowful. We can't change it, but we can change our attitude toward it.

:rose:  Life is without meaning. You bring the meaning to it.

:rose:  Find a place inside where there's joy, and the joy will burn out the pain. :hearts:

- Joseph Campbell

:rose:  Healing doesn't mean the damage never existed. It means the damage no longer controls our lives.

- InspiringQuotes.in

:icon12: Loving yourself is the greatest gift you can give yourself. Self-love brings healing, strength, enlightenment, and attracts true love.

- Made up quote by RiverLight

 

 
 

 

 

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2 hours ago, RiverLight said:

I have two goals for today: to eat something, a real meal and to try to get some work done. I haven't done an ounce of work in two weeks because of emotional upheaval. So my goal today is to eat and try and work at least just a little bit.. I'm not going to say I can work a full day yet, but I will at least try to make a dent in my projects. I have serious senior-itis right now with most of myself 90% out the door... so hard to motivate. Plus I realized that I truly love someone, someone new in my life, but I can accept friendship because that's all he can give. Wishing everyone here well today.

Wishing you well too River, sounds like two achieveable goals, what are you thinking of making? I know how you feel about being snowed under with work and lacking the motivation, make a start as best you can.

P.S The words aren't really coming very well for me today, but it is good to see you back on here ((hugs))

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Do not wait for extraordinary circumstances to do good; try to use ordinary situations. - Jean Paul Richter

Democracy no longer works for the poor if politicians treat them as a separate race - Frank Field

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2 hours ago, hocico said:

Wishing you well too River, sounds like two achieveable goals, what are you thinking of making? I know how you feel about being snowed under with work and lacking the motivation, make a start as best you can.

P.S The words aren't really coming very well for me today, but it is good to see you back on here ((hugs))

Your words are coming out just fine! :hugs:HUGS!

I ate two pieces of cheese this morning so far.... I think I may be back to the old ways, but I will force myself to eat a sandwich. Right now I am just drinking water which fills me up. I haven't done any work yet today but opened a new spreadsheet for my project! LOL..... Lordy, am I bad... motivate motivate! Instead I'm sitting in chat, LOL.

 
 
  •  

 
:rose:  Opportunities to find deeper powers within ourselves come when life seems most challenging.

:rose:  Life will always be sorrowful. We can't change it, but we can change our attitude toward it.

:rose:  Life is without meaning. You bring the meaning to it.

:rose:  Find a place inside where there's joy, and the joy will burn out the pain. :hearts:

- Joseph Campbell

:rose:  Healing doesn't mean the damage never existed. It means the damage no longer controls our lives.

- InspiringQuotes.in

:icon12: Loving yourself is the greatest gift you can give yourself. Self-love brings healing, strength, enlightenment, and attracts true love.

- Made up quote by RiverLight

 

 
 

 

 

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2 hours ago, RiverLight said:

Your words are coming out just fine! :hugs:HUGS!

I ate two pieces of cheese this morning so far.... I think I may be back to the old ways, but I will force myself to eat a sandwich. Right now I am just drinking water which fills me up. I haven't done any work yet today but opened a new spreadsheet for my project! LOL..... Lordy, am I bad... motivate motivate! Instead I'm sitting in chat, LOL.

I ordered Chinese food its the only thing that makes me happy anymore hahah

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Until you make peace with who you are, you'll never be content with what you have

Support:

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56 minutes ago, ladysmurf said:

I ordered Chinese food its the only thing that makes me happy anymore hahah

Enjoy! <3

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"Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around."
-Leo Buscaglia

"The essential things in life are seen not with the eyes, but with the heart."  
-Antoine de Saint-Exupéry

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56 minutes ago, ladysmurf said:

I ordered Chinese food its the only thing that makes me happy anymore hahah

Oh good! I'm glad u have something that makes you happy! =) Enjoy and bon appetite! I am going to force myself to eat a sandwich now..

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  •  

 
:rose:  Opportunities to find deeper powers within ourselves come when life seems most challenging.

:rose:  Life will always be sorrowful. We can't change it, but we can change our attitude toward it.

:rose:  Life is without meaning. You bring the meaning to it.

:rose:  Find a place inside where there's joy, and the joy will burn out the pain. :hearts:

- Joseph Campbell

:rose:  Healing doesn't mean the damage never existed. It means the damage no longer controls our lives.

- InspiringQuotes.in

:icon12: Loving yourself is the greatest gift you can give yourself. Self-love brings healing, strength, enlightenment, and attracts true love.

- Made up quote by RiverLight

 

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49 minutes ago, salparadise6132 said:

Dipping my toe in the new thread.

Oooooh, it's cold.  Oh well......

SPLASH!!!!

SPLOOSH!!! ;)
 

35 minutes ago, stolenmile said:

My parents love to punish me with ignoring my existence. I feel so alone and abandoned...

Awwwwww.... :console:So sorry to hear this! BIG HUGS. You're not alone here!!! We're all here for you!

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I am in unbearable physical pain from my depression. I have no energy to move at all and my entire body feels completely empty and defeated. My head feels like it is being vacuumed from the inside by a black hole. So numb it hurts. It just feels like every bone in my body wants to cry but it's all dried up. I want to wither away and die. I can't cope with it because I can no longer listen to music or watch anything for escapism, all my usual distractions no longer bring me pleasure, nothing does, just pain. Just gets sucked into the black hole. I can't do anything at all, I can't even talk. So dizzy and disoriented and sick. I can't take this anymore. Just woke up from a 15 hour sleep and I'm already taking enough sleeping pills to knock me out for an entire day again. I just can't be alive anymore. I don't know what to do. All I can think about is how much I don't want to be alive. Gotta escape somehow. NOTHING helps anymore, nothing at all. It feels like a bottomless pit.

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20 minutes ago, mywarmblood said:

I am in unbearable physical pain from my depression. I have no energy to move at all and my entire body feels completely empty and defeated. My head feels like it is being vacuumed from the inside by a black hole. So numb it hurts. It just feels like every bone in my body wants to cry but it's all dried up. I want to wither away and die. I can't cope with it because I can no longer listen to music or watch anything for escapism, all my usual distractions no longer bring me pleasure, nothing does, just pain. Just gets sucked into the black hole. I can't do anything at all, I can't even talk. So dizzy and disoriented and sick. I can't take this anymore. Just woke up from a 15 hour sleep and I'm already taking enough sleeping pills to knock me out for an entire day again. I just can't be alive anymore. I don't know what to do. All I can think about is how much I don't want to be alive. Gotta escape somehow. NOTHING helps anymore, nothing at all. It feels like a bottomless pit.

So sorry to read this, MWB.  Is there anyone you can call for help?  Please be good to yourself.  You deserve to feel better and you will.  It will pass. Sending love and peace your way!!!!

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Dehydrated. I always wake up rather dehydrated!  The weekend was rather up and down. I always start to feel a little bit bummed on Saturday night because my weekend is over and I start back to work on Sunday.  I don't hate my job but, the pressure is very strong and I continue to feel stressed out.

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3 hours ago, mywarmblood said:

I am in unbearable physical pain from my depression. I have no energy to move at all and my entire body feels completely empty and defeated. My head feels like it is being vacuumed from the inside by a black hole. So numb it hurts. It just feels like every bone in my body wants to cry but it's all dried up. I want to wither away and die. I can't cope with it because I can no longer listen to music or watch anything for escapism, all my usual distractions no longer bring me pleasure, nothing does, just pain. Just gets sucked into the black hole. I can't do anything at all, I can't even talk. So dizzy and disoriented and sick. I can't take this anymore. Just woke up from a 15 hour sleep and I'm already taking enough sleeping pills to knock me out for an entire day again. I just can't be alive anymore. I don't know what to do. All I can think about is how much I don't want to be alive. Gotta escape somehow. NOTHING helps anymore, nothing at all. It feels like a bottomless pit.

I know what that feels like. I remember reading a news story about a neglected elderly man who couldn't leave his chair and literally stuck to it until social services found him.  That's my biggest fear, that I'll stick to a chair and rot.

I hope though, @mywarmblood that this will change for you soon. For me, the fear of standing still and dying often motivates me to get up. I hope you find something that will motivate you, whatever it is. 

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5 hours ago, stolenmile said:

My parents love to punish me with ignoring my existence. I feel so alone and abandoned...

If you will forgive me, that's not only childish but cruel behavior.  I'm sorry it hurts you so.

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5 hours ago, mywarmblood said:

I am in unbearable physical pain from my depression. I have no energy to move at all and my entire body feels completely empty and defeated. My head feels like it is being vacuumed from the inside by a black hole. So numb it hurts. It just feels like every bone in my body wants to cry but it's all dried up. I want to wither away and die. I can't cope with it because I can no longer listen to music or watch anything for escapism, all my usual distractions no longer bring me pleasure, nothing does, just pain. Just gets sucked into the black hole. I can't do anything at all, I can't even talk. So dizzy and disoriented and sick. I can't take this anymore. Just woke up from a 15 hour sleep and I'm already taking enough sleeping pills to knock me out for an entire day again. I just can't be alive anymore. I don't know what to do. All I can think about is how much I don't want to be alive. Gotta escape somehow. NOTHING helps anymore, nothing at all. It feels like a bottomless pit.

I hope you find something that helps.  Keep trying new things.  Have you ever done TMS?  (((((((hugs)))))))

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6 hours ago, stolenmile said:

My parents love to punish me with ignoring my existence. I feel so alone and abandoned...

My mother used to do this.  I agree with WOTL it's childish and cruel.

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2 hours ago, Veruca said:

Dehydrated. I always wake up rather dehydrated!  The weekend was rather up and down. I always start to feel a little bit bummed on Saturday night because my weekend is over and I start back to work on Sunday.  I don't hate my job but, the pressure is very strong and I continue to feel stressed out.

(hands you water jug).  Taking lithium made me appreciate water!  Tastes like ambrosia.

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I'm doing okay today.  My kitty is still recovering from surgery but seems like her old self.  I put in a call to my employer's HR and they explained that the letter I received was from when my disability benefits were cut off.  Now that they've been reinstated, they are reinstating my benefits as well.  Still, they're saying I need to pay "something" for my health benefits because I'm normally part-time.  I don't get it, because I've been on leave since October, 2015 and have never been asked to pay for my health benefits before!!!   So I'm worried about that but they say they will call "in the next few days" when it's sorted out.

Still nervously waiting for the vet to call and tell me if my cat's tumor was benign or not....

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9 minutes ago, CoolCat7 said:

I'm doing okay today.  My kitty is still recovering from surgery but seems like her old self.  I put in a call to my employer's HR and they explained that the letter I received was from when my disability benefits were cut off.  Now that they've been reinstated, they are reinstating my benefits as well.  Still, they're saying I need to pay "something" for my health benefits because I'm normally part-time.  I don't get it, because I've been on leave since October, 2015 and have never been asked to pay for my health benefits before!!!   So I'm worried about that but they say they will call "in the next few days" when it's sorted out.

Still nervously waiting for the vet to call and tell me if my cat's tumor was benign or not....

I have a feeling that whatever happens in either situation, you will handle it wisely and well!

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been to the pyschologist for the first time yesterday ... it was ok during the session but afterwards every bit depression emotion came back,  i am started to get scared, why did i even think that everything is going to be fine afterwards... i am emotionally exhausted again and i can't feel anything else besides this sh**..i just have emotional breakdowns after breakdowns...feels like im alone in it with no prospect of it ever getting better... the psych told me it's all in my head and it might be true, but this mood just comes out of nowhere ...i just wake up in the morning, after 2 sec it comes...no thought in my mind that might trigger it.... makes me panic sometimes...seeing another psych today as the one from yesterday is already my mom's psych and it's not good for both of us to have sessions with her.

Edited by Throwaway

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I am still feeling sad. I had a nap and I feel slightly better.  I paid some bills and now I am in the chat room.

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I just want to go to sleep and never wake up again.  No dreams. No nightmares. Nothing.  Then and only then I will be at peace.

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I did an online quiz to find out if I am sad or depressed.  The results clearly stated I am depressed.

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I awoke at 3:30 Am and could not go back to sleep. Something is bothering me and I can't let it go. I feel sad about it, but I have to recover from it and move on. In writing my blog entry at 5 Am and through a rambling discourse I decided I need a trip to pump some life back into me. Feel like I've been run over by an 18 wheeler several times lately. Maybe I'll go see my friends in California.


 

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6 hours ago, Throwaway said:

been to the pyschologist for the first time yesterday ... it was ok during the session but afterwards every bit depression emotion came back,  i am started to get scared, why did i even think that everything is going to be fine afterwards... i am emotionally exhausted again and i can't feel anything else besides this sh**..i just have emotional breakdowns after breakdowns...feels like im alone in it with no prospect of it ever getting better... the psych told me it's all in my head and it might be true, but this mood just comes out of nowhere ...i just wake up in the morning, after 2 sec it comes...no thought in my mind that might trigger it.... makes me panic sometimes...seeing another psych today as the one from yesterday is already my mom's psych and it's not good for both of us to have sessions with her.

It might help to think of these waves of emotion as purges.  You see a shrink, you leave and then, metaphorically vomit.  Keep seeing a shrink.  Keep "vomiting" if need be.  At night, before you go to sleep, tell yourself you're reuniting with your inner being; the part of you that knows what's best and what's good for you; your true self.  Maybe even incubate a dream that, for instance, when you wake, the day will be easier to face.  (I don't know your religious background and would never try to force my beliefs down your throat, but sometimes when I'm especially lonely or upset, before I go to sleep I ask Jesus to hold me in his arms.  It really helps me.) 

Depression takes as long as it takes to reach a point where you can manage it.  Keep working at it.  I know it's a job, but it's the most important job you will ever have 

My hopes and wishes for your healing and happiness --

WOTL

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Oh man... just found out my sister is in trouble.... she is having a major meltdown and needs all our help (meaning my family's help).

She has an extremely abusive ex husband that she now needs to take to court because he cut her off financially and stopped paying the full amount he owes, by a lot less $$. So she has been in the poor house because of that… she is terrified of him and has been dragging her heels on getting a lawyer, then her oldest son needs to apply to colleges, but because my sister is such a mess right now, she doesn’t have her act together enough to help him do his college tours or applications on time, so my parents are stepping in…. just texted her saying I can drop by to talk and that I’m here for her… Damn, I feel so bad for her right now. :/ I hope she leans on me!!!

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