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I can't do this anymore.


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I just...I just can't, guys. I can't do it.

People who have spoken to me before know that I currently live in a mentally and verbally abusive home, with the majority of it coming from my Mother. But she's just gone absolutely insane and I just...I'm so upset because if I had another £500, I could be in my University Accommodation for the summer and get out of here by next week.

Mum's been having a hard time at work lately, something about an investigation but I don't want to go into too much detail - anyway, she comes home and she's all like "I've had a bad day at work, so I have the right to be bossy and demand things from you and I may treat you like this, because I'm stressed out and it's okay". - No, it's not okay. She thinks that because things are difficult for her at work, she has the right to treat me like she does. And it's so not right on so many levels, it's unbelievable. 

Things got harder recently because I've refused to go on the family holiday with them this year - they're driving down to Spain from the UK for 2 weeks, and frankly, I don't want to do - so I'm not going. I don't really care if it sounds selfish, but...I don't want to go for a number of reasons, including;

- I immediately get sunstroke if the temperature goes above 25 (Celsius). I would just be throwing up every 30 minutes for the whole trip and she's just shout at me for not wanting to sit on the beach in the full sun while being sick all the time, and last year all she did was drag me around in public places and shout at me for being unwell - I was forced to go into bathrooms to throw up every 30 minutes and frankly, I don't want to be shouted at for being sick.
- They're camping - and she snores like anything and it's absolutely terrible. I get no sleep (it's really bad even with earplugs and headphones) and I just..don't enjoy camping. 
- All she will do for the entire 2 weeks is shout at me for various reasons. Most of the time, the "family holiday" is based around watching her snore by the pool or the beach (I have to stay in the shade because sunstroke), or being sat in the car for 9 hours plus while we drive around mountains so Dad and her can birdwatch. She also likes to shout at me about my weight and call me fat in front of a lot of public eyes, or just complain loudly to others about my various interests (Anime and Video Games) and mopes to anyone that will listen about how bad and unsocial I am. 
- Since I've told her that I don't want to come, she's been constantly making statuses on social media and talking to all her friends how horrible, selfish and disgusting daughter I am because I simply told her that I didn't want to go on holiday - like that's going to make me come?!

So, quite frankly, I don't want to sit there and listen to that for 2 weeks while throwing up! I'd rather save my work holiday hours to go to Comic Con or places I enjoy instead of wasting them to listen to her call me fat or shout at me for throwing up for the entire 2 weeks. She keeps trying to guilt trip me into coming (too late now, won't have the work hours off!) and she keeps getting angrier and angrier that I won't come. Dad keeps telling me to stand my ground, as he says - I am now an adult and I have the right to not go if I don't want to. Dad doesn't even want to go - and he has to drive the 30 hours (all in one go!) as Mum refuses to drive.

So things have been pretty salty because of the whole holiday thing....but the closer I get to moving out, the worse she becomes. This evening she came home in another foul mood and starts screaming for me like I'm some kind of dog! If you want to speak to me, have the respect to actually come up and talk to me instead of sitting your butt down and screeching for me like I'm some ******* animal. I have to show you the respect of coming down to talk to you while you scream at me like that, as well as whenever I want to talk to you - so respect goes both ways. After she's done screaming at me to nag about the hedgehog in the neighbors garden (they've raised the fence, how it that my fault?!) she starts accusing me of really stupid stuff, such as moving the dining room table, leaving the downstairs TV on (I'm never in there!) and just b*tching about my interests at the dinner table, encouraging Dad and my brother to rip into me and laugh in my face for the things I enjoy. At least I'm not out getting wasted and in trouble with the police! Then she complains about how I'm not eating (She keeps calling me fat, disgusting and I look like a whale) and force-feeds me burgers and apparently I can't move until I've eaten it - while calling me fat and going on about my eating habits! I throw up pretty much all my meals by this point shortly after eating them -I'm done with her ripping into me all the time.

I just...I'm fed up. I just can't believe she thinks it's okay to treat me like I'm some dirt on the bottom of her shoe. I can't take the constant verbal abuse about the things that make me happy and what gives me the only light I have left, or about my weight. I just..I don't want to be here anymore, and despite my move out date approaching...I don't feel like there's any light at the end of the tunnel and I don't see the point in continuing forward. I just sit in my room, typing away at the computer, wasting out days because I'm too depressed to do much else. I need help.

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This reminds me of how I was treated a few years ago. My parents are nicer to me now, but that's because I fought back. They are only more pleasant to be around because they live in fear of me now. Find out a way to lock or barricade your room so your mother doesn't just barge into it and start yelling at you. If she screams at you, scream at her back. If she threatens you, do the same to her.  I'm not advocating violence, but whatever she does must be met with equal force. Make her life uncomfortable. Your mother needs to realize that she cannot keep treating you like this. 

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I'm really sorry to hear this. I can relate, I had a verbally abusive father growing up, eventually I started standing up to him but for the years I didn't it was very hard to deal with. Have you considered spending as little time at home as possible? You don't even need to go anywhere meaningful or somewhere that costs money - you could just go to the park on the nice days and read or do whatever else you enjoy. I have a friend who can't stand his parents (though, for much different reasons), who spends as little time at home as possible, and he's a lot happier for it.  Have you spoken with any one outside of your family about how your mother treats you? It might help to talk to some one you trust and feel comfortable with about it. If your mom starts tearing into you and you feel like you can't handle it, I'd encourage you to just walk out and go somewhere for a while. Like don't even say anything, just get your things and go out for a while. Once she realises that every time she gets this way with you, you just leave, it may cause some changes in her behaviour. It's what I used to do, and my father was always more calm by the time I came home.

I know how hard it can be to deal with an abusive parent, but remember that it won't be forever. Eventually you will not have to live at home any more and you won't have to deal with it any more. This could actually be an achievable goal for you to work toward. You're not some kind of animal to be abused, don't believe a word of it, you're a wonderful person and it's your mother's loss that she can't see that in you. In my life I've striven to not be like my father, and I'm a much better person for it. From what I've read here you're still very young and you have a lot of life to look forward to - don't let the bad moments of it consume you because it's those moments that make us stronger in the end.

I wish you the best, and you can always come here when you're feeling down. Feel free to message me if you ever need to talk!

Edited by Turnt
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3 minutes ago, Turnt said:

I'm really sorry to hear this. I can relate, I had a verbally abusive father growing up, eventually I started standing up to him but for the years I didn't it was very hard to deal with. Have you considered spending as little time at home as possible? You don't even need to go anywhere meaningful or somewhere that costs money - you could just go to the park on the nice days and read or do whatever else you enjoy. I have a friend who can't stand his parents (though, for much different reasons), who spends as little time at home as possible for it, and he's a lot  Have you spoken with any one outside of your family about how your mother treats you? It might help to talk to some one you trust and feel comfortable with about it. If your mom starts tearing into you and you feel like you can't handle it, I'd encourage you to just walk out and go somewhere for a while. Once she realises that every time she gets this way with you, you just leave, it may cause some changes in her behaviour. It's what I used to do, and my father was always more calm by the time I came home.

I know how hard it can be to deal with an abusive parent, but remember that it won't be forever. Eventually you will not have to live at home any more and you won't have to deal with it any more. This could actually be an achievable goal for you to work toward. You're not some kind of animal to be abused, don't believe a word of it, you're a wonderful person and it's your mother's loss that she can't see that in you. In my life I've striven to not be like my father, and I'm a much better person for it. From what I've read here you're still very young and you have a lot of life to look forward to - don't let the bad moments of it consume you because it's those moments that make us stronger in the end.

I wish you the best, and you can always come here when you're feeling down. Feel free to message me if you ever need to talk!

I do spend a lot of time out of the house - as much as I possibly can. I go to work to do overtime quite a lot, or I just go outside for walks.

If I try and leave in the middle of one or her rages then I just end up getting a whole new one when I eventually come back inside. She does lock me out and thrash up my things, too.

Thanks for the support. It's just too much to cope with at the best of times.

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All I can really say about abusers is this. You must avoid the person as much as possible, and when they are being abusive, don't show reaction. It drives them insane. You can say what you want about stress causing the abuse but, really, I do believe it is all just the same thing. Abusers, are just people trying to feed off of you.

I have something to teach you, but it's very religious.

But this is what I know.

Those of us, who are in a close relationship with God. Those are the people in Heaven.

The fools who are close to Satan, and do selfish things like the people you know. That's Hell.

And, long story short, that's why these losers act this way.

Just do everything you can to stay away from them because it is not worth your attention and you are so much better than them.

I'm sorry if this is not perfectly helpful.

Just, try to stay away and notice, the longer you stay away the better you will feel. ^^ You deserve to pay attention to things better than that.

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28 minutes ago, Ambrer said:

I do spend a lot of time out of the house - as much as I possibly can. I go to work to do overtime quite a lot, or I just go outside for walks.

If I try and leave in the middle of one or her rages then I just end up getting a whole new one when I eventually come back inside. She does lock me out and thrash up my things, too.

Thanks for the support. It's just too much to cope with at the best of times.

I understand. I don't know you personally or your family but I'm sure you are a good person just trying to live a happy life like the rest of us. Try not to let go of that, you are the most important person in your life and you deserve to be happy. I agree with DD, one of the best things you can do is not let it get to you - it's what bullies feed off of is reactions. I know it's hard not to react defensively but it does work to disarm hostile situations.

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48 minutes ago, Dark Daughter said:

All I can really say about abusers is this. You must avoid the person as much as possible, and when they are being abusive, don't show reaction. It drives them insane. You can say what you want about stress causing the abuse but, really, I do believe it is all just the same thing. Abusers, are just people trying to feed off of you.

I have something to teach you, but it's very religious.

But this is what I know.

Those of us, who are in a close relationship with God. Those are the people in Heaven.

The fools who are close to Satan, and do selfish things like the people you know. That's Hell.

And, long story short, that's why these losers act this way.

Just do everything you can to stay away from them because it is not worth your attention and you are so much better than them.

I'm sorry if this is not perfectly helpful.

Just, try to stay away and notice, the longer you stay away the better you will feel. ^^ You deserve to pay attention to things better than that.

No no, you were a big help! Thank you.

I'm doing all I possibly can to keep out of her way at this point - I don't want to be involved.

38 minutes ago, Turnt said:

I understand. I don't know you personally or your family but I'm sure you are a good person just trying to live a happy life like the rest of us. Try not to let go of that, you are the most important person in your life and you deserve to be happy. I agree with DD, one of the best things you can do is not let it get to you - it's what bullies feed off of is reactions. I know it's hard not to react defensively but it does work to disarm hostile situations.

...Thank you. That meant a lot. I know that I have to do what I need to do in order to live a happy life...and soon I'll be out of here. There's not much point fighting back against her in all honesty as it just makes the whole thing worse...it's like a drill sergeant. "Yes sir!" And move on.

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