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Military spouse depression?

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Since my girlfriend left for basic training I haven't been happy (I'm a female as well), she graduates next week and I've been crying almost every day she's been gone. People have been telling me that my reaction to this separation isn't normal. The day she left I had such a horrible episode I don't know if it was an anxiety attack but I was hyperventilating so bad I could barely breathe, I was just sobbing and rocking back and forth in the corner of my room. This hyperventilating lasted almost 3 weeks. Then it turned into nightly chest pains. The first 2 weeks of her being gone I felt like a dead person walking... I couldn't even open my mouth to talk because I'd been crying so much I lost my voice. Now it's WEEK 7, I've tried to keep busy, but I can't keep busy every hour of the day. I feel so hopeless. I wake up every morning and mornings have become my worst enemy. In my mind I think here I go again. I don't know who I am anymore. I'm ruining my relationship with my family because I've been isolating myself so much, deleted Facebook, I almost lost my job because I'm visibly not well. I can't blame it entirely on the separation it's just every aspect of my life is not going well right now--family, financially, my girlfriend in basic training, worrying about the future. It's like if my family tells me something just slightly stressful I start shaking, it's like I physically can't take anymore. I've had episodes were I've thrown and damaged things in my house and ended up in the corner sobbing for 4 hours... I just can't take it anymore. And no one cares!! I could cry as loud as I could it's like no one will ever hear me. I don't know who I am anymore. It's like I have no reaction to good news anymore. I can't sleep, I constantly wake up in the middle of the night. I have dreams of my girlfriend almost every night; I wake up and it's back to reality. I wish I could control these feelings, if there was a switch to be happy I would've flipped in 2 months ago... I feel like I'm the only one to blame. "You put all your eggs in one basket," people abuse drugs, alcohol, people abuse sex. I confided in her for happiness and she is my drug. It's not the distance it's having absolutely no communication that's hard. I've been miles away from her for months at a time. But if it's hard not being able to pick up the phone and call. She was the only positive thing in my life and this entire time I've been writing like crazy sharing nothing but positivity she has no clue of anything that's going on with me. I don't want to stress her. She is what I looked forward to at the end of the night. I don't know what to do.. I've read books, listening to audio books about it.  I've been so depressed for 8 weeks straight. 

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Hugs to you.

It sounds like you are really in mourning over her being gone, almost like a death has occurred.  It also sounds like you've been missing someone who was really positive in the relationship.  it's amazing that your correspondence with her has remained positive and you should realize that you are very strong for doing that to not stress her.  I wish I had more advice, you've almost made it through the entire thing...you can do this, hang in there.

Much love


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 It seems like you're having to do with a lot at the moment. Your girlfriend is obviously a great support you, and it must be very hard being completely separated from her for such a long time. 

 I have a quick look on the Internet spouses or partners of those serving in the armed services suffer from specific mental health problems to do with being separated and worried about the future. Depending on which country you come from there maybe support for military families, either available through the armed services or through service charities or the health care providers. That way you might be able to have more people you can talk to you about your depression or worries, either professional or other military families.

 You haven't done anything wrong and this is not your fault. 

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