Liberated

[good2u2]

BLOG: depressionmythoughtprocess.wordpress.com 

 

Yesterday (Monday), my productivity level at work was almost zero. For a start, getting to work was a dread. When I reached the office, I was totally lost on what to do and feel disconnected with my work. I was procrastinating and just feeling sad at the thought that why I have changed from an energetic worker to a down cast one.

At lunch time, I thought very hard on how to move the day on. Finally, I thought of something that I could do. I went back to the office after lunch with great enthusiastic. However, I was very unmotivated and lazy. At about 4.30 pm, I could not take it anymore. I needed help. So I text my meditation teacher asking him, “Do you think it is possible for mindfulness to increase motivation in a workplace?" I was glad that he replied by saying, “That is an interesting question!” He then provided me with a couple of mindfulness tips which I absorbed it eagerly. However, it was toward the end of the day, and I went home having zero productivity.

Nonetheless, the tips were lingering on my thoughts until this morning (Tuesday). Since the day has just started, I applied my teacher’s guidance without hesitation.  First, I asked what I am thinking now. My mind was filled with the thought of an uphill task. That is right; I was thinking it is difficult to complete much work today. I then checked my feeling, and I felt that my stamina was low. Finally, I notice the sensation in my body, and I was having a tight chest.

I made more room and space for all the thought, feeling and sensation to exist in my body and mind. Meaning I tried to aware of it and befriend it. I could notice the desire to resist or reject those unpleasant and unwanted feelings and sensation. So, I need to change from what I wanted it to be into just acknowledged and allowed it to be there and still treat myself kindly and patiently.

By doing so, slowly I feel liberated from fighting a tiring battle. I could be aware that my stamina and focus were returning and the sense of purpose as well as connectivity with my task seems clearer. By 9.30 am, I returned to my task and applied the technique of being mindful. Allowing myself some time and space with on and off practicing 3-minute breathing space, I could persevere through the whole journey.

Finally, as the clock showed 5 pm, I reflected back my productivity for the day and happily rated it as 80%. It was amazing as yesterday it was 0% and today’s achievement was significant.  While thanking my teacher, he humbly said it was my own effort, and he is just showing the way. I have to do all the walking! He reminded me that mindfulness is about being aware without judgement, whether it is pleasant or unpleasant experience.

In conclusion, today I learned to appreciate what is pleasant experience and do not fight the unpleasant one. Being its friend, it was so much liberating and able to move forward.