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TheCcw

Am i a terrible person?

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I have for two months been trying to get answers out of this amazing girl as to why our relationship died out. I was 17 when it started and she was 21. We had done things while i was a minor that could get her in huge trouble. Possibly jail time. So when i got fed up with getting no answers and being neglected i threatened to tell authorities about her sexual involvment with a minor because at that point it was the only way to get answers. I feel terrible seeing her so scared. Am i a terrible person for this?

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No, you are not a terrible person. Your exasperation is understandable, though hurting others is not a good way to deal with your problems. Now that you have her attention, try to nicely and calmly explain how you've felt and what you want to know from her. However, don't be surprised if she's afraid to tell you, as you blackmailed her. Be patient and calm, and if she is adamant about ending your relationship, then maybe letting her go is best. There are plenty more people in the world, and you might meet someone who will love you and stay. Learn from your mistakes, and you aren't a terrible person. I doubt you meant to scare her or hurt her, so try to develop a way of communicating with her that doesn't require such drastic actions.

You say she is "amazing." Maybe she is, or maybe that's your mind making her more than she is. I have only liked one girl, and my mind made such a fairytale about her that thinking of her now is very painful. Overcoming this has so far eluded me, but I know this is better than continuing the failed endeavor of entering a relationship with her.

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You are not a terrible person. Many of us here know what you are feeling and can sympathize. That said, if she has made it clear that she wants to end the relationship and you need to give her space. Space will do you a lot of good as well. It is hard at first but your heart will heal. Try and meet some new people and build some new friendships and sooner or later you will find love again. I am not alone in wishing you the best.

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A mistake doesn't define anyone as a bad person. It will actually make you a better person if you put it right.

The format is the 3 R's: Repent-Repair-Reform

-Say sorry and be sorry

-Undo any harm

-Don't make the same mistake again.

Edited by Pattina
Grammar

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Yes, I'd say it's terrible thing that you did. Never, ever squeal is the 11th commandment. It does sound as though are coming to terms with that however.

But a terrible thing does NOT make a terrible person. If t did, this post would be coming to you hot, from hell ;)

 

 

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Gisele I don't believe in God but nothing is always black or white. The Ccw was neglected by his girlfriend. See, people push others buttons just to see their weaknesses. Sure, it was a bad move that he threatened to report her for sexual harassment, but that was only because he couldn't withstand the pain from being withdrawn from her anymore.

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Dude you got to let this go.

If she doesn't want to see you anymore and the relationship is over then it's over and you have to respect that. Trying to get answers for 2 months is not getting you anywhere, it's only pushing her further away. You're just harassing her at that point. Yeah you were a minor so she's putting herself at risk which is probably why she didn't want to continue on seeing you. 

It's not other people's responsibility to maintain your happiness and wellbeing. You have to become emotionally self-sufficient. When you get super needy it drives people away. The guys I know who are good with women don't worry about whether they are liked or not. They are chill and happy just on their own. They don't rely on a girl to be happy or content.

Relationships seem like a big deal to you now but you'll soon realize there's tons of cool girls out there and you don't have to get so attached to one girl. If one girl doesn't work out, no biggie, there's a million more waiting around the corner. You can't let it ruin your life.

You're not a terrible person but threatening to get her in trouble like that is not cool at all. 

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You say harrasment. Maybe so. But did you know the day before this happened she wanted to hold me kiss me and wouldnt stop touching me?  It was on and off and i was confused and as some of you say i reached a breaking point. Going back and fourth for two months is difficult. Even when she said she didnt want anything to do with me. Then the next day wanted to be with me. Even you guys can say that isnt right. She was terrified of relationships because her last one was far from good. Thats why she was so on and off. I needed answers to move on. For the most part i got them by scaring her sadly. I didnt wanna hurt anybody but how can i move on without knowing why i have to move on?

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There is a reason why there are statutory laws on the books. The minor almost always gets hurt. The amount of hurt varies. But surely there are scars of varying depth in all of these situations. 

I'm so sorry you're in this situation. I wish I could make it go away for you. Your therapist may be able to help you work through it. But none of it is your fault. 

Peace

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16 hours ago, Corbin said:

Gisele I don't believe in God but nothing is always black or white. The Ccw was neglected by his girlfriend. See, people push others buttons just to see their weaknesses. Sure, it was a bad move that he threatened to report her for sexual harassment, but that was only because he couldn't withstand the pain from being withdrawn from her anymore.

So inflicting pain is the answer to receiving pain???? Maybe take a look around here to see how well that works.

Petulance is no excuse. Ever.

 

 

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This is cody's mother. I am here to inform you that yesterday my son had committed suicide. I asume he came on here to cope with the struggles he had been going through. Thank you for trying to help him in his time of need. 

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7 hours ago, Gisele said:

So inflicting pain is the answer to receiving pain???? Maybe take a look around here to see how well that works.

Petulance is no excuse. Ever.

 

 

No, that is not what I meant. I was merely putting my perspective in the eyes of TheCcw of what he thought was the right thing. I know how well getting even works and it doesn't work out well. Now, look at what happened: TheCcw just committed suicide because he couldn't muster the pain. Humans are social creatures, not robots that must bend their knees to God. God was a tool created by man to instill fear and bring order, but you don't hear anything about slavery being a sin, do you? No. You hear women being demeaned to objects and men being the property of other men. You hear how everyone has a tendency to sin but doesn't explain why. Face it. Religion draws conclusions before it can back up with evidence. I am not defending TheCcw's actions nor am I against them.

I am not as myopic as you think I am.

Edited by Corbin

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10 minutes ago, Corbin said:

No, that is not what I meant. I was merely putting my perspective in the eyes of TheCcw of what he thought was the right thing. I know how well getting even works and it doesn't work out well. Now, look at what happened: TheCcw just committed suicide because he couldn't muster the pain. Humans are social creatures, not robots that must bend their knees to God. God was a tool created by man to instill fear and bring order, but you don't hear anything about slavery being a sin, do you? No. You here women being demeaned to objects and men being the property of other men. You hear how everyone has a tendency to sin but doesn't explain why. Face it. Religion draws conclusions before it can back up with evidence. I am not defending TheCcw's actions nor am I against them.

I am not as myopic as you think I am.

Folks, given the sad news, this thread may not be the best place to hash this out. 

Peace

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1 minute ago, Starsea said:

Folks, given the sad news, this thread may not be the best place to hash this out. 

Peace

My apologies, Starsea. I was just drawing a conclusion to the response Gisele made for me.

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I'd like to say more considering how willing to help and listen you all are. My son had an issue with closure. He could not move on properly without clarity and closure. Yes this girl that he was with was older than him and I was unsure why shed want him. Sadly it came to this. Thank you for listening to him when he needed to talk. He didnt open up very much to me or his father sadly. Cody was a great kid and was just about to start his life. As a mother I am at a confusing loss. I may never know if he could have been helped or not. 

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1 hour ago, TheCcw said:

I'd like to say more considering how willing to help and listen you all are. My son had an issue with closure. He could not move on properly without clarity and closure. Yes this girl that he was with was older than him and I was unsure why shed want him. Sadly it came to this. Thank you for listening to him when he needed to talk. He didnt open up very much to me or his father sadly. Cody was a great kid and was just about to start his life. As a mother I am at a confusing loss. I may never know if he could have been helped or not. 

One thing I've read regarding suicides is that prayers help the person who left. So send your thoughts and prayers to him. He will indeed hear them and It will help him heal and transition more easily.

 

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