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BlueWeepingRose

Gained and than lost weight TW

3 posts in this topic

Posted · Report post  

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Before I gained a lot of weight and then I lost a lot of weight because I got sick of from precancer. I didn't think this was possible, I still think this is impossible. All I remember is anytime I ate any food, the food went right through me and I ended up having to eat the Brat diet. In December I found out I had precancer on my cervix, before I weighed 165 pounds and then I lost weight and weight 135. They told my mother I had the stomach flu and I lost a lot of weight. Depression has made me not want to eat really. Thinking back before than weighed even more and my father used to tell me how fat I was constantly and people at work used to think I was pregnant constantly. They even used to ask me, "Are you pregnant?" They also told my old boyfriend, "I hope you're proud of yourself for impregnating her!" This made me angry. Now I weigh 140 and my mother still freaks out about me because I rarely eat. 

I'm too fat, now I'm too thin?? My step father told her to make sure I eat while he's away and she always come inside my room to ask me if I've eaten anything. I always end up telling her I ate just to get her off of my back. My stomach growls and I just ignore. My old boyfriend came back into my life and he's even concerned about me and told me in person, "You know if you don't eat, you die right! Your body shuts down!" I'm irritable, crying a lot, angry, moody, memory problems, I can't think straight and I'm always snapping at people.

When I was with my old boyfriend he saw a picture of my old ID and in the picture you could tell I once gained a lot of weight and he remembers because he was with me. I handed it to him because we were about to go see a movie together and I wanted him to hold onto it. He held my hand and he was happy that I was back into my life again. We broke up because I was depressed and I told him I needed to work on myself. As he was looking at it I said out loud bluntly, "Yeah I know I was fat....." As he got out of the truck he came over to me and hugged me close to him and kissed me. 

I'm angry at my parents. They never listen to me, they shut me out, anytime I talk about my problems or want to talk they don't want to hear it and tell me to get over it already. They don't understand me. My younger brother gets most of the attention and so does my older brother. I feel completely alone and abandoned and I was abandoned at a young age by my real father and he molested me when I was little. There was even a point where I abused drugs to numb my pain and yet again my parents weren't there and had no clue what was going on. Even when I mentioned this to my mother she said to me "Oh stop it! You're just trying to make yourself look cool!"

Oh yeah smoking pills off of tin foil, spending all your money from your paycheck and vomiting from opiate abuse is totally trying to make myself look cool! Is she out of her mind? Seriously? Really?!

My parents seriously need to wake up or they're going to lose me. I'm already slipping away. First it was drug abuse and now I'm starting to have a eating problem because they used to tell me constantly at one point how I was fat. Now I'm thin and barely eating ever and now they're concerned? Wow. Something is seriously wrong with my parents. No wonder why I turned out the way I did. The only people that's truly keeping me together is my old boyfriend who is soon close to becoming my boyfriend soon, a few of my friends and people who pm me on Forums, but I never depend on them because you never know when they might disappear one day. 

I'm punishing myself because I'm angry, depressed, I feel alone and abandoned and I honestly don't think my parents care. People can tell me that they care, trust me they don't because if they did they would actually sit down and talk to me and care enough to listen to what I have to say. The minute I talk about my emotions I get ignored and get shushed! Both my parents think they're great, in all honesty though. They're not great at all. 

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Posted · Report post  

Wow how do i help? I started a response and had to delete it and start again because I thought it sounded so wrong and possibly patronizing. 

Ugh it sounds horrible. It sounds like your ex soon to be boyfriend might be a good support? Your parents maybe will come around over time...ugh that must be hard. I'm sorry.

I have hope for you and your situation. And even though it's hard to depend on people sticking around on forums there are always ears being lent here. The people may change but everyone has ears...

Hugs and love!!! I'm almost always around so pm me if you need to vent/talk/chat.

Natasha

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Posted (edited) · Report post  

1 hour ago, Natasha1 said:

Wow how do i help? I started a response and had to delete it and start again because I thought it sounded so wrong and possibly patronizing. 

Ugh it sounds horrible. It sounds like your ex soon to be boyfriend might be a good support? Your parents maybe will come around over time...ugh that must be hard. I'm sorry.

I have hope for you and your situation. And even though it's hard to depend on people sticking around on forums there are always ears being lent here. The people may change but everyone has ears...

Hugs and love!!! I'm almost always around so pm me if you need to vent/talk/chat.

Natasha

You can only do so much. You had to delete it and start over again because it sounded wrong and possibly patronizing? :dontgetit:

Yes the situation is horrible and my old boyfriend is the best support I got, better than my parents. He seems to be the only person to understand me. 

It's hard and there's only so much I can do. At this point I don't see any hope for my situation, that's just me though. 

I sent you a pm by the way and thanks for your support. 

Edited by BlueWeepingRose

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