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What does love feel like?

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3 hours ago, Starsea said:

In the beginning love is awesome. You feel great. Nothing is better.

Then it gets real. You fight and hurt each other's feelings.

Then it turns into a struggle to keep the disappointment from overcoming you.

It's hard and, in the end, the only person you can count on is yourself. 

If you think love is the answer to your problems, you'll be disappointed.

Peace

Yeah i noticed this as I got older how much you have to deal with to make a relationship work I would get intense crushes on girls butterflies in the stomach feelings but know it will go away and come back for someone else eventually, Or you lose the feeling the longer your with the person. i see all these people forcing these relationships with all this drama like its the only thing that matters in life or there life isn,t worth  anything. How they must have children to be married how they must find that one person in the universe that will complete them lol I find it comical as I get older as there are so many older people that belive the same thing and don,t seem to grow up. I just think to myself what there going to do once they get married after a year and the infatuation wears off. I feel like im the only one who is use to being alone. I have never been heart broken for years over someone for rejecting me that I liked alot maybe i have never been in love I just seem to be able to forget and move on. Its one of the reason im in therapy because it makes it hard for me to have friends also and makes me feel like a freak I know others perceive me as cold as I was told so in group therapy. It really upsets me that im like that

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4 minutes ago, scienceguy said:

Yeah i noticed this as I got older how much you have to deal with to make a relationship work I would get intense crushes on girls butterflies in the stomach feelings but know it will go away and come back for someone else eventually, Or you lose the feeling the longer your with the person. i see all these people forcing these relationships with all this drama like its the only thing that matters in life or there life isn,t worth  anything. How they must have children to be married how they must find that one person in the universe that will complete them lol I find it comical as I get older as there are so many older people that belive the same thing and don,t seem to grow up. I just think to myself what there going to do once they get married after a year and the infatuation wears off. I feel like im the only one who is use to being alone. I have never been heart broken for years over someone for rejecting me that I liked alot maybe i have never been in love I just seem to be able to forget and move on. Its one of the reason im in therapy because it makes it hard for me to have friends also and makes me feel like a freak I know others perceive me as cold as I was told so in group therapy. It really upsets me that im like that

Another problem is that people change. You change and your mate changes. And with the changing you can change into people who are no longer compatible with one another. And then one of you has to be the adult and "take one for the team" if you want to keep the family together.

Sorry to be a negative Nancy tonight. I had a rough night in couples therapy.

Peace

 

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3 minutes ago, Starsea said:

Another problem is that people change. You change and your mate changes. And with the changing you can change into people who are no longer compatible with one another. And then one of you has to be the adult and "take one for the team" if you want to keep the family together.

Sorry to be a negative Nancy tonight. I had a rough night in couples therapy.

Peace

 

I don't think your being negative im sorry your therapy didn't go well.

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16 minutes ago, scienceguy said:

I don't think your being negative im sorry your therapy didn't go well.

Thanks. And I don't think you're cold. Society at large doesn't deal well with "outsiders" like us. 

I should try to be more balanced and say love is good and bad. Being close to someone gives you wonderful support and companionship. You can feel connected and part of a team. It feels nice - even after the honeymoon period subsides. But being close also gives someone else some power to hurt you. And your feelings will be hurt from time to time. It's inevitable.

If the relationship is healthy, it can easily absorb even nasty arguments and move on because the good outweighs the bad. If you're lucky you'll want to keep what you have because you like it - not because you're afraid of losing it.

Peace

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Love is an amazing warm fuzzy feeling in your heart when thinking about someone special, all those moments and memories with the person. Love is when you could do almost absolutely anything to make the person feel happy and healthy, as their well-being is very important to you. You feel like you're ''back home'', it feels so effortless and... Safe, I guess? You feel secure. When the person hugs or kisses you, it feels like it could heal all the worries in that very moment. Just being there, enjoying the precious moment. When you're in a very sad and dark place it lightens everything, just to hear a small word from the special one. Love is really powerful and amazing but it can also be destructive and nothing else can hurt so much in this life as love. That's just my opinion, though. When it hurts, it hurts really bad, to the bottom of your heartstrings.

Edited by Wisteria

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3 hours ago, Wisteria said:

 When it hurts, it hurts really bad, to the bottom of your heartstrings.

And that pain stays for a long time. Starsea and scienceguy make excellent points about love not lasting long. Even so, is being unloved better than being loved?

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I've discovered I am not good at love.  Perhaps I never knew the true meaning of it.  Or how to convey it.  Or receive it.  I guess I don't feel deserving, but several have professed their love for me.  And if I had my head in order probably I'd be married with kids and happy ever after, but I just blew it.  I don't blame it on anyone except myself.  There is a big caution flag raised at full mass when this feeling clicks I need to retreat.  Inevitably destroying the relationship.  I don't beat myself up about it anymore.  I think I know why it happened.  I don't think I will find love again.

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38 minutes ago, highanxiety said:

I've discovered I am not good at love.  Perhaps I never knew the true meaning of it.  Or how to convey it.  Or receive it.  I guess I don't feel deserving, but several have professed their love for me.  And if I had my head in order probably I'd be married with kids and happy ever after, but I just blew it.  I don't blame it on anyone except myself.  There is a big caution flag raised at full mass when this feeling clicks I need to retreat.  Inevitably destroying the relationship.  I don't beat myself up about it anymore.  I think I know why it happened.  I don't think I will find love again.

Happy ever after is a myth. All we can hope for is to be happy as is natural. No one is happy all the time.

In my experience it was less helpful to know why something happened than to know how to deal with how I feel now. We can't change the past, of course. But we can learn techniques to deal with our feelings in a more productive manner.

For example. I have some fear of abandonment. I spent a lot of time trying to understand why. But at the end of the day knowing why doesn't help me now. What helps me now is knowing how to deal with that fear and the relationship sabotaging behavior unleashed by it.

Peace

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When people speak of romantic love, I think they're talking about the drug.  The thing that alters your judgment and makes you overlook difficulties (or potential difficulties); makes you feel high, connected, consumed by good will for the person who is the recipient of it; makes you miss him when he's not around; think of him when something reminds you of him; hope he's having a good day, etc., another dose of which is administered when you're in his company, or when you receive a letter, a message or text from him.   

Romantic love is infatuation, and after the infatuation is over, if what you have is still warm and meaningful, then I think that's love.  I'm not here to write a book, but I think love is one of the more complex emotions we experience.  Love is something that should be given in the way in which the recipient most responds or needs: by words, or acts, gifts, touch and quality time spent.  (Those are the 5 I remember from a book I read a long time ago that helped make love make sense to me.) 

The way I appreciate and need love most is in quality time spent: good conversation; the sharing of something we both--or all--love.  I came from a home in which music was at the center, and something we all loved and still do.  It was the thing that bound us in utero.  My mother was a music major in college, but could not entertain the thought of a solo career back in the day, but she and my father (who could improvise jazz piano) made sure it was a fundamental element of our exposure to the world.  Dad told me recently that he would carry each of us around the house when we were babies, and still remembers what pieces of music gave us a particular sense of joy, and those that were distressing.  My sister, Joy, cried at Tchaikovsky's 6th symphony and became hysterical at the sound of a siren.  (But I digress--those visceral responses in childhood are, I have no doubt, connections to our most recent past lives, from which we carry the soul memory until it finally dies at the age of around  6 years.)

But, Scienceguy, I understand what you mean about the love or appreciation of nature and/or the universe.  As much as I may say I want love or to "be in love" or find myself divinely irresistible to my perfect partner, the kind of love that makes me most vulnerable is the love of beauty of a night sky, a rock formation, a sunset, a desert, the moon . . . It is through these things that I feel most connected to everyone else, knowing that we share them; that they "belong" to all of us.  It makes me weep with joy and I haven't wept with joy over another human being in my life.

So . . . Love.  It is all of the things each of us has expressed, and means most to us they way we have described it. 

WOTL

Edited by womanofthelight
word change

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Love is the most powerful force in existence.  As such it is extremely dangerous for humans to try to handle, like fire.  It can create, and it can destroy. 

We all want it because it is at the core of our being.  It created us.  It is God. 

We try to find it in other people.  Sometimes we can touch it for a time, until it burns us.

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One thing I notice is love is a very over used word.  I can honestly say I've never told anyone in my life that I loved them when I didn't.  So often the word becomes something people just say when they don't mean it at all.  The sad thing is the word love is probably used more in this world to manipulate people than anything else.  People think if I tell this person I love them I might get something I want from them.  A lot of people have no idea what the word really means and they never will.  I guess love is like a drug.  It can be the best thing in the world or the worst thing in the world and everything in between.

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I don't believe that anyone completes you or makes you whole or fills the emptiness in life.  You have to work on yourself and be at peace in life and with yourself before you even try to find someone.  You have to be able to be exactly who you want to be on your own.  You can't count on someone else to complete you when in reality the only person that really knows who that other person is and what their real intentions are is that person.

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On 7/7/2016 at 9:31 PM, Starsea said:

In the beginning love is awesome. You feel great. Nothing is better.

Then it gets real. You fight and hurt each other's feelings.

Then it turns into a struggle to keep the disappointment from overcoming you.

It's hard and, in the end, the only person you can count on is yourself. 

If you think love is the answer to your problems, you'll be disappointed.

Peace

I was totally agreeing with you until I got to the third sentence, the rest sounding very cynical.

With love, there is this thing called acceptance.

Edited by Twilight Sky

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Love is a razor, and I walked the line on that silver blade.

Slept in the dust with His daughter, her eyes red with the slaughter of innocence. 

And I will pray for her.  I will call her name out loud. 

I would bleed for her, if I could only see her now. 

Edited by One More Red Nightmare

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59 minutes ago, Twilight Sky said:

I was totally agreeing with you until I got to the third sentence, the rest sounding very cynical.

With love, there is this thing called acceptance.

Acceptance needs to go both ways. And sometimes the person you marry changes into someone you have hard time accepting. My post was right for me. I can see your point, though.

Peace

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12 hours ago, Hermitic said:

And that pain stays for a long time. Starsea and scienceguy make excellent points about love not lasting long. Even so, is being unloved better than being loved?

You can always love yourself.

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14 hours ago, Hermitic said:

And that pain stays for a long time. Starsea and scienceguy make excellent points about love not lasting long. Even so, is being unloved better than being loved?

Yeah, it echoes for a long time... But someday it doesn't hurt as much as before anymore.

I can't say which is better, to be unloved or loved. Of course everyone wants to be loved in some degree, it's important part of human life. 

We can give and get love in so many different ways. We can love the job we have (though, that's rare nowadays), the hobbies and activities we do, loving nature which means spending time in the nature, the pet you might have etc. Even small act of kindness is form of love.

Edited by Wisteria

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1 hour ago, Hermitic said:

Easier said than done, especially for a depressive.

I think self-acceptance is more important than self-love. Because without accepting who you are, you can't love yourself.

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On 7/8/2016 at 0:56 AM, Starsea said:

Another problem is that people change. You change and your mate changes. And with the changing you can change into people who are no longer compatible with one another. And then one of you has to be the adult and "take one for the team" if you want to keep the family together.

Sorry to be a negative Nancy tonight. I had a rough night in couples therapy.

Peace

 

Because love isn't working out for you doesn't mean you have to make it(love itself) sound like such a bad thing in this thread. That is not to say I don't agree with that either, but it's not the point of this thread..

Have said all I needed to say.

Edited by Twilight Sky

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You're right, Wisteria. I must accept myself. But I have been depressed for so long that it has greatly influenced my personality. How can I love when I feel so listless, empty, passionless? I don't want to accept this sad person as who I am. Every evening the cat scratches at my door. I open it and she enters and lies on the floor, expecting me to pet her. I do, but I feel no emotion. I rub her fur, but I don't feel love or a connection. Eventually she becomes bored and leaves, and I forget she exists until she comes back the next evening. I don't know if I've ever felt love. Depression has made the world so colorless for so long that I wonder if I will ever see color again.

Reading this thread has given me mixed feelings. Love seems wonderful, and I want to experience it. But I don't know how, and I've never met anyone interested in me. My only attempt at a relationship failed, and reading this thread has made me feel that loss more acutely.

I don't know what kind of person I am regarding love. Am I like Twilight Sky, valuing love extremely highly? Am I like scienceguy, disillusioned and relatively uninterested in love? Am I like Starsea, wanting love only to find it isn't what was expected? I suppose I can only learn by experiencing love. I also agree that "love" is a highly overused word.

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2 hours ago, Twilight Sky said:

That's not enough, it is like one half of the playing field.

And being unloved is far worse than death.

i don,t get how i feel happy alot I have always been single and haven,t had a social life active for years I live on my own to. I do get upset about it sometimes but so do people in relationships

 

9 minutes ago, Hermitic said:

You're right, Wisteria. I must accept myself. But I have been depressed for so long that it has greatly influenced my personality. How can I love when I feel so listless, empty, passionless? I don't want to accept this sad person as who I am. Every evening the cat scratches at my door. I open it and she enters and lies on the floor, expecting me to pet her. I do, but I feel no emotion. I rub her fur, but I don't feel love or a connection. Eventually she becomes bored and leaves, and I forget she exists until she comes back the next evening. I don't know if I've ever felt love. Depression has made the world so colorless for so long that I wonder if I will ever see color again.

Reading this thread has given me mixed feelings. Love seems wonderful, and I want to experience it. But I don't know how, and I've never met anyone interested in me. My only attempt at a relationship failed, and reading this thread has made me feel that loss more acutely.

I don't know what kind of person I am regarding love. Am I like Twilight Sky, valuing love extremely highly? Am I like scienceguy, disillusioned and relatively uninterested in love? Am I like Starsea, wanting love only to find it isn't what was expected? I suppose I can only learn by experiencing love. I also agree that "love" is a highly overused word.

Im not uninterested in love I sent tons of messages on dating websites and ask a few women out in person, I haven,t lately because im broke and in debt till I start working fulltime there is a difference between accepting there are moments you will be alone and enjoy them to not go thru your life being codepdent on other people for your happiness. i have felt love towards many people I just don,t let it consume to the point that I can,t be happy with anything else. I think you need to be happy on your own first.

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8 hours ago, One More Red Nightmare said:

Love is the most powerful force in existence.  As such it is extremely dangerous for humans to try to handle, like fire.  It can create, and it can destroy. 

We all want it because it is at the core of our being.  It created us.  It is God. 

We try to find it in other people.  Sometimes we can touch it for a time, until it burns us.

OMRN -- Everything in our physical world is temporary.  When you love someone on a soul level and you must part in this physical life, the only comfort you may have is that that love is eternal (always was, always will be).  I, too, believe that love is God within us.  Is it possible for you to take comfort from that?  Having met God in yourself and another person, knowing the God part of each of you was creating more love within, so that you recognized the boundaries or boundlessness of God as love?  What you've experienced is a precious gift that not everyone receives! 

My wish for you is that you can look back on this love with gratitude, instead of something that hurt and burned you to the core.  The heart wants what the heart wants, and yet the removal of a person from our lives can ultimately be better for the heart, for surrender to the God part within you always knows best, and wants the highest good for all.  (i.e., Would it have been for her highest good that she leave the life she created behind to be with you?)

I'm sorry you're suffering so. 

With love and peace,

WOTL   

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1 hour ago, scienceguy said:

i don,t get how i feel happy alot I have always been single and haven,t had a social life active for years I live on my own to. I do get upset about it sometimes but so do people in relationships

 

Im not uninterested in love I sent tons of messages on dating websites and ask a few women out in person, I haven,t lately because im broke and in debt till I start working fulltime there is a difference between accepting there are moments you will be alone and enjoy them to not go thru your life being codepdent on other people for your happiness. i have felt love towards many people I just don,t let it consume to the point that I can,t be happy with anything else. I think you need to be happy on your own first.

Yes that's true it can consume you.  It's much like a drug.  Too much of it will destroy you.  It's like that Kurt Cobain lyric where he said I love you so much it makes me sick.  It can.  It's so easy to get caught up in the mess of it though because the person makes you feel so good.  The sad truth is nobody is really as amazing as you might think they are.  Everyone has their flaws or their secrets.  There are people that I love that I would do anything for but you have to make time for yourself as well.  I can be perfectly happy with those people or on my own.  The balance has to be there for true happiness. 

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