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fearispower

I Literally Despise My Family

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I have completely given up on getting any kind of meaningful support from my family. I hate all of them. I wish I'd been adopted out.

My older sister is a straight up Biotch. She constantly bullied and emotionally abused me throughout my entire childhood. Dropped a napkin? "You ****ing moron, what's wrong with you?" Told her I didn't use up all the toilet paper, which was true? "Of course, how could I forget? You are a god among men, and I should worship the ground you walk on!" Wouldn't trade chore days with her? "You son of a Biotch, you ****ing son of a Biotch." Misidentified a celebrity on TV at a family get together, where most of my extended family treats me with respect? "Oh my God, you're so ****ing stupid. Why do you even open your mouth?" Oh, and when she got called out on it? "Oh, how dare I try to help him? He doesn't listen normally. He needs to be told he's a dumbass so he'll learn. You should be thanking me." She was convinced I was the favored child, which I was, but it's not like that was my fault. She was really close to our dad before our parents got divorced, but after that, I got closer to him, and I'm pretty sure she blames me for the divorce. Not to mention that she's overweight, and constantly brings it up in conversation, so nobody knows how to react, and she acts insulted. She takes disagreeing with her as a personal attack. Now, she's trying to be all chummy, trying to talk to me about superhero movies, taking me out to bars, even though I don't like to drink. Seriously? You did a pretty effective job sending the message that you wish I'd been aborted for my entire life. Oh, and our dad cut our mom off of support, so she can't keep our old house, and has to move. She blames this on me going to college out of state, calling me selfish, so our dad thinks our mom doesn't need the money to take care of us, despite the fact that she's going to Japan to teach English for two years. In college, all she did was Biotch about how much she hated it, but she never even considered transferring.

My mother is the definition of sheltering and overbearing. She never pushed me to participate in extracurriculars. She acted like, just because I was nice and a good person, meant that anybody who didn't like me was an *****. She doesn't understand that she loves me for me just because she's my mother. She never called the school I went to when I was being bullied in middle school, instead telling me to ignore them, over and over and over again. She'd bring up her childhood and her Biotch of a mother every time I tried to come to her with a problem, failing to understand that her childhood was nothing like mine. She does things that three year olds find funny and laughs at it, because she teaches preschool, and when I tell her it annoys me, she tells me to suck it up. When I'd get sad after coming home from my Dad's house, she'd sometimes yell at me, acting like it was because I didn't want to do chores that I only had to do at home, when all I did was miss my father. She yelled at me for not getting happy when she gave me quick solutions when I came to her because I didn't have any friends, even though she didn't listen to my feelings. She'd tell me over and over again that everybody else was miserable too, and felt the same way. Not only is that a lie, it did exactly nothing to help me. If I ever got mad and complained about how people suck and the world is a hellhole, she'd say "Okay, let's let the pets die. Let's **** your only friends. You said, nothing matters, so let's just let your chinchilla starve to death, or get rid of her." I never said anything like that. She knows I have chronic guilt syndrome, so I inevitably felt guilty after that, she comforted me. To sum it up, she turned every argument into me being ungrateful, how she was better than her ****ing Biotch of a mother, and turned herself into the good one, no matter what we where talking about. Even when I came to her with suicidal thoughts. When I got interested in climate science, and started to try and conserve, she acted all proud, and went on and on about how I was so good, and she'd like to do it too. However, when it comes to doing anything about it, if it requires any effort, she won't do it. When we were cleaning out the house, we pulled out some old stereos and crap, and I was gonna take it down to Best Buy for electronic recycling. She threw it in the garbage can. She encouraged me not to take the bus to school. Not to mention, both she and my sister are overweight, possibly obese, and I'm at a fairly healthy weight, because I eat less, and go running all the time. Whenever we go out to eat, they try to get me to eat bigger, and get these calorie filled desserts. I think they want me to get fat too. She refuses to accept that she ever did anything wrong in raising us, and in any argument, will find someway to turn it and make it about us being ungrateful. When my sister was getting letters from colleges, she threw them away before my sister got to them, because she didn't want us to go to school out of state. When I told her I wanted to leave the state, she tried to guilt trip me. She has such a simplistic worldview, never taking anything seriously. She constantly says "Don't ya think?" after really obvious things, (Water is wet, don't ya think?) and her understanding of movies or books or tv shows boils down to "I liked it," or "I didn't like it," and it irritates me to no end. She's always singing songs from her preschool classes really loudly, like one verse, over and over, not understanding that she has a horrible singing voice, and she doesn't understand why that is annoying as ****. I politely asked her to stop, and she told me to plug my ears, but when I did that, she got pi**y and said "Get your fingers out of your ears. That is so rude." She acts all friendly around her sisters, then badmouths them as soon as they leave.

My father separated from our mom when I was young, then divorced two years later. He's never given us a single word of explanation for this. Nothing. He refuses to talk about difficult topics, something he's partially passed on to me. He married a woman who can't string together two coherent thoughts, and expects us to get all chummy with her extended family. He gets mad if we don't great them super enthusiastically. He spent months trying to get me to go to school in Reno, Nevada, because he owns another house there, probably because he wanted to constantly watch me, and got all passive aggressive when I said no. He pays my rent, because I can't afford it right now, which I appreciate, but he got p***** off when I failed a couple of college classes, like I purposefully did it to insult him. He's aloof, and he won't talk to me about anything serious. He refuses to talk my sister down when she bullies me. He gets p***** when we don't befriend his other family, when we've given him more than enough clues to understand that we hate everyone of them. He acts like my mom's being wasteful whenever she spends money on anything. He insults my climate change enthusiasm, because he's an attorney that works for coal mines. He acts like it's this contest between him and my mom that he has to win with money.

I don't know if there is anything I can do about this. I just wanted to vent.

Edited by fearispower
Details I forgot.

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I'm so sorry things are difficult for you right now. I'm assuming you have tried talking to family members about your feelings in a polite, none confrontational way. I don't really know what else to suggest other than put some (temporary / permanent) distance between you and them and take some time to get your thoughts together and relax. Family can be difficult, but it usually boils down to love clouding judgement I find. 

Take care and stay safe. 

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People in my family love to gossip. Yesterday I found out that somebody said that I was lazy, needed to get a job, etc. Naturally, I took this to heart and felt terrible about it. I know I should keep this in perspective, but it's hard not to let something like that bother you. All they see is a guy in his 30's, living with his parents again, laying on the couch doing nothing. Well, the fact is that if I don't sit on the couch and watch Netflix, the anxious thoughts are non-stop. They consume me. 

I want to work. Every day I wake up thinking, "this is a new day". But then, by 2-3 hours after I wake up, I'm so overwhelmed with anxiety that I just shut down. But I still question myself and beat myself up.

People just don't understand anxiety/ depression. I feel like, if they could hypothetically switch into my brain "settings," they wouldn't last for two days! They have no idea. But this is why I tend to isolate myself from family. People say things like, "You should come to the 4th of July party. It will be good for you to get out."

While it's generally good to "get out", why should I go somewhere where I feel everybody is judging me (well, I KNOW they have judged me)? In the past year, I had an issue with substance abuse. After years of failed treatment for anxiety/ depression, I started self-medicating. To me, this is clear as day. I felt so awful for so long that I fell into using substances to feel better. I just feel like a wreck of a human being. When people criticize me, I can't take it. It sucks that people with a history of severe anxiety/ depression don't get more compassion from family.

I want to be good. I want to productive. I want to help. But I just can't, even though I try very hard. Unfortunately, I'm at a point where all I can do is just try to survive each day. I wish they could understand that.

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My immedate family mother father,brother and sister are honestly very unpleasant people I don,t hate them but if I met them and wasn,t related to them there would be know way I would associate with them at all and I would actively avoid them, I am ahamed of my parents and how they act in public especially my father and brother I feel bad for the people around them. my dad likes to make annoying noises and try to irrate everyone he comes in contact with I just tell them to be patient he got out of the institution and is off his meds lol none of them like to read or learn anything no one likes music accept my sister none of them are friendly with other people. I literally can,t talk to them because my dad always starts going in to conspriacy theories my brother screams at anyone who even says hello to him and my sister is in her own world. To me your mom just sounds stressed out thats how my mom is to but I am a stressful to be around so I don,t blame her. My father said he doesn,t believe in science lol and that the new world order made it up he is one of the most racist people I know to. So it is weird to talk to him everythiing he thinks is a conspiracy i like to talk about the un and tell him how pro global government I am when he brings it up and how much I love mexicans, lgbt people and muslims. I like to ask to proof donald trump isn,t a muslim, I tell him he needs to proof it by showing obama his birth certificate when he starts arguing with me.

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This could turn into "My Family is Worst Than Yours Because...." and that can cause "TRIGGERS" for a whole lot of us. 
 

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1 hour ago, saddie said:

This could turn into "My Family is Worst Than Yours Because...." and that can cause "TRIGGERS" for a whole lot of us. 
 

Sorry, that wasn't my intention. I just wanted to say that I could relate to @fearispower and then I just started typing away. I don't really have anybody to talk to about this.

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8 minutes ago, saddie said:

There maybe something in the rules on how to label "Triggers". You have a right to speak like me.  

A trigger is different for everyone though, based on experiences and trauma. Difficult to avoid, especially on sites like this.

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**** this place then. Who drank water out of dog bowls and had to stay in a basement. Who's mother tried to **** you with gas. **** you all to hell. 

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1 minute ago, saddie said:

**** this place then. Who drank water out of dog bowls and had to stay in a basement. Who's mother tried to **** you with gas. **** you all to hell. 

You can't demand that others don't talk about their experiences so you can forget yours. Avoid threads like this if you don't want to see it.

That anger should be directed at your mother, who sounds awful, not at people here.

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You can delete me as a member. If you have that power. You do not tell me or anyone how to react to something. My anger is just as valid as his reaction his family or you to yours. You ain't nobody..... 

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11 minutes ago, saddie said:

You can delete me as a member. If you have that power. You do not tell me or anyone how to react to something. My anger is just as valid as his reaction his family or you to yours. You ain't nobody..... 

Saddie, dear, calm down. :console:

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Mikayla, I hear you and thanks. I have read all about triggers on this site, so this should be nothing new to anyone. Thousands of posts or 10 posts, nobody will tell me how to be. 

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I did a search on "triggers" and found that some people will include "trigger warnings" in either the thread title or the post. These trigger warnings are mostly for threads that discuss suicide. Besides that, I couldn't find any specific rule about triggers.

In substance abuse treatment, for example, they wouldn't want you to watch movies that have drug/ alcohol scenes because that could trigger cravings. You're not allowed to talk about the act of getting drunk or high in treatment.

With depression, I'm not sure there's anything like that besides suicide. It's not that straightforward. I guess anything on this site could be viewed as a trigger. I think it's up to the user's discretion whether or not you open/ read/ post in a thread.

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Families are an enormous task to handle and a big test. Mine mostly broke contact with me so I spend much of my time alone. When one isn't as supportive as I'd like I tell myself, he's not all bad. He has good and bad mixed together like everyone else. He's not everything I need, but nobody is and nobody ever could be and neither am I everything to anyone. There's always stuff to criticize. And everyone does! The trick is to see the good stuff. He should ignore what annoys him and appreciate the kindness behind what I did and running through much of what I do. And I should ignore his annoying ways and be thankful for his steady patience with all the things he could rightfully criticize in me and doesn't.

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