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Hayley R

lacking motivation for everyday tasks

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for the past few months my energy and motivation levels have plummeted downhill. i feel sluggish and lethargic most of the time. everything is a huge feat to accomplish. one important factor is that i pretty much live alone. my mom is here but we never talk; i can't rely on her for any kind of companionship. or my friends, for that matter. i've tried talking to some about it but none of them are in a place to support me emotionally. it's really hard to go about every day alone, especially since i'm not in school and can't get a job. i can't stay on schedule. at best, i get a couple of errands done before i start feeling painfully miserable. all i want to do is sleep. i can't even think about college admissions without feeling hopeless. i can hardly handle my empty, silent life when i turn off my phone or put away the computer or book. everything is just so g**d*** hard.

on a side note - some info about me: i have been depressed for several years. i am not on antidepressants, but i take 150mg of 5-htp and 1500 mg of L-tyrosine everyday (i started the 5-htp late last year and started the L-tyro about 1 month ago). i also have been going to see a mental health counselor every couple of weeks for the past 1 1/2 years.

most importantly, if anyone's been feeling or has felt the same way as i do, or experienced the same things, please leave a response. i would love to connect with people on here

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It's good that you joined this forum and seeing a mental health counselor. Is there a particular reason you feel unmotivated? Have you thought about keeping a journal to write down these feelings? It might help to clear your mind. 

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Hey sorry to hear about your condition. I think it's time you take a more serious approach to your condition, while you still have the energy to go outside and seek counselling on your own. The supplements you take, well at least in my case they did absolutely nothing for a real clinical depression. I would see a doctor and ask him to diagnose you and refer you to a psychotherapist or psychiatrist (they can prescribe medication). If you want to be on the safe side, get a blood test (hormones, thyroid, vitamins, minerals etc) to make sure you are not deficient in anything, if not then I would suggest following the instruction of your therapist.

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It's definitely hard to juggle loneliness, depression, and stress for the future.  However, there are many resources available, and I hope you realize you're not alone. I'm glad you're reaching out here!  Have you considered joining a volunteer opportunity?  It would be a huge resume booster as you job search.  However, more importantly, it is an opportunity to explore your interests and find other genuine people.  You'll meet new people and you'll feel great about the people you serve, giving you a sense of belonging.

I know you mention you rarely talk with your mother.  However, have you tried talking openly with her how you feel?  Every parent-child relationship is different, but it is very possible that she doesn't realize how you're feeling.  You never know until you take a chance and open up.

Hang in there.  I can definitely relate to being lonely.  You're in my thoughts and prayers!!

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Hello, Hayley:

I'm so sorry you're feeling this way, and I'm glad you came to this forum to talk.  I'm happy to be one of many friends that you can talk to here.

In many cases, depression has a physical cause, such as one's brain is not producing all of the correct chemicals and hormones in the correct amount.  That's the reason why an anti-depressant medication helps depression: the medication helps the brain to produce chemicals in the correct balance.  Although not all meds work for all people, sometimes taking the correct medication has such stunning positive results that the improvement seems like magic, even though it's just standard medical protocol.

So, see your doctor and take the prescribed medications.  No promises, but if you have positive results you'll feel so much better.  No need to suffer without medications if you can try the meds.

Edited by Lynn1954

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On 2016-06-26 at 0:34 AM, Hayley R said:
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for the past few months my energy and motivation levels have plummeted downhill. i feel sluggish and lethargic most of the time. everything is a huge feat to accomplish. one important factor is that i pretty much live alone. my mom is here but we never talk; i can't rely on her for any kind of companionship. or my friends, for that matter. i've tried talking to some about it but none of them are in a place to support me emotionally. it's really hard to go about every day alone, especially since i'm not in school and can't get a job. i can't stay on schedule. at best, i get a couple of errands done before i start feeling painfully miserable. all i want to do is sleep. i can't even think about college admissions without feeling hopeless. i can hardly handle my empty, silent life when i turn off my phone or put away the computer or book. everything is just so g**d*** hard.

on a side note - some info about me: i have been depressed for several years. i am not on antidepressants, but i take 150mg of 5-htp and 1500 mg of L-tyrosine everyday (i started the 5-htp late last year and started the L-tyro about 1 month ago). i also have been going to see a mental health counselor every couple of weeks for the past 1 1/2 years.

most importantly, if anyone's been feeling or has felt the same way as i do, or experienced the same things, please leave a response. i would love to connect with people on here

For someone that has difficulty being motivated to do anything, you do write very well. It's too bad when bright, smart, intelligent people are worn down because of things around them they don't need. That's the kind of world we live in. Some things need to be pushed far away.

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Difficulty completing tasks, low self esteem, isolation; this is the illness we suffer, this is depression.

It's not you, it's not your situation, it's the symptoms of this illness.

I can remember being a different person: one who could organise her day, complete several tasks in logical order, relate to others normally and tackle problems sensibly and successfully, but that part of me doesn't work properly now.

We none of us here know the cure.

I suspect it may have something to do with rest, much kindness, routine and good food, and I suspect it has nothing to do with pasting over the issues with pills.

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Thank you all for responding. 

I have considered going on antidepressants several times, and have come quite close to actually going to the psychologist's (or psychiatrist's?) office once before. The thing is, I'm scared. For a lot of different reasons. One of them being that if I really went on them and started taking something to alter my brain chemistry, my depression would be undoubtedly, irreversibly, tangibly real. It's not that I don't think my depression isn't real, it's just that it's only ever been in my head, as it were. But taking antidepressants means there is something biologically, fundamentally "wrong" with me. I can't deny its reality anymore, I can't control it. That is an extremely scary thought to me.

Another reason why I've avoided antidepressants is that though I've been able to live with it so far (hardly), going on antidepressants would mean that I really can't live with it any longer. It would mean that I would have to stay on them until I feel "better," or just more capable of living. I don't know if that day will ever come. From the very first years that it started, there has been no prevailing "reason" for my depression - how can no reason go away and thus leave me capable to live life and depression-free? I don't want to be on antidepressants for my whole life, or even so long as several years... I know that my body will build up a tolerance, and if it's been deficient in those chemicals since I was very young, how can I expect it to produce enough of those missing chemicals on its own a few years from now? 

Beyond those reasons, there's stuff like medical records. I hate to admit it, but the stigma of mental illness is still real and because of it, I feel ashamed whenever I have to tell a doctor (or, in the future, an employer) about my history with depression. It's painful and humiliating. If I were a medical professional, seeing that a person has taken antidepressants rather than over-the-counter supplements is indicative of a more serious condition; an actual illness. I don't want to have that label on me. 

 

All things considered.... If it gets considerably worse, I may go on antidepressants. I already have trouble taking care of and valuing myself, though... sometimes when things get bad I don't think about getting better at all. All I'm capable of thinking is how bad things are in the moment. I feel like to me, antidepressants are a last resort because of how I feel like they will negatively impact my future. At the part in life where I step into a psychiatrist's office, I don't know if I will care about my future at all. 

Sorry if this doesn't make sense, it's hard to explain.

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On 7/1/2016 at 6:43 PM, The_Unwanted said:

For someone that has difficulty being motivated to do anything, you do write very well. It's too bad when bright, smart, intelligent people are worn down because of things around them they don't need. That's the kind of world we live in. Some things need to be pushed far away.

Thank you so much, writing is one of the only things I enjoy sometimes. I agree. To be frank, I'm tired of living in a capitalist society where my value is basically based on the money I can generate into the economy. Although, that's not necessarily true in the mental health world. Different entities send different messages. Bottom line - It has been and I fear it will be very hard to get along well in this world. 

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Something I've used on and off is the Pomodoro technique. Working in sets of 25 minutes with 5 minute breaks, to build up momentum and work in tasks in smaller chunks. It's important to not make it stifling, though. Once I'm back on my feet if I want to take a 15 minute walk instead of 5, I do.

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On 7/3/2016 at 4:58 PM, Hayley R said:

Thank you all for responding. 

I have considered going on antidepressants several times, and have come quite close to actually going to the psychologist's (or psychiatrist's?) office once before. The thing is, I'm scared. For a lot of different reasons. One of them being that if I really went on them and started taking something to alter my brain chemistry, my depression would be undoubtedly, irreversibly, tangibly real. It's not that I don't think my depression isn't real, it's just that it's only ever been in my head, as it were. But taking antidepressants means there is something biologically, fundamentally "wrong" with me. I can't deny its reality anymore, I can't control it. That is an extremely scary thought to me.

Another reason why I've avoided antidepressants is that though I've been able to live with it so far (hardly), going on antidepressants would mean that I really can't live with it any longer. It would mean that I would have to stay on them until I feel "better," or just more capable of living. I don't know if that day will ever come. From the very first years that it started, there has been no prevailing "reason" for my depression - how can no reason go away and thus leave me capable to live life and depression-free? I don't want to be on antidepressants for my whole life, or even so long as several years... I know that my body will build up a tolerance, and if it's been deficient in those chemicals since I was very young, how can I expect it to produce enough of those missing chemicals on its own a few years from now? 

Beyond those reasons, there's stuff like medical records. I hate to admit it, but the stigma of mental illness is still real and because of it, I feel ashamed whenever I have to tell a doctor (or, in the future, an employer) about my history with depression. It's painful and humiliating. If I were a medical professional, seeing that a person has taken antidepressants rather than over-the-counter supplements is indicative of a more serious condition; an actual illness. I don't want to have that label on me. 

 

All things considered.... If it gets considerably worse, I may go on antidepressants. I already have trouble taking care of and valuing myself, though... sometimes when things get bad I don't think about getting better at all. All I'm capable of thinking is how bad things are in the moment. I feel like to me, antidepressants are a last resort because of how I feel like they will negatively impact my future. At the part in life where I step into a psychiatrist's office, I don't know if I will care about my future at all. 

Sorry if this doesn't make sense, it's hard to explain.

I went through everything that you mentioned above.  You explained how I felt perfectly.

Honestly, what helped me most, was owning the fact that I have depression.  It's not something that happened to me, or something that I could have avoided, it's simply just a part of who I am.

Once I came to terms with this, I stopped thinking of myself as broken.  I'm just wired differently than some people.  I take medication that helps, just like some people take medication for high blood pressure.

At first, I hated the pills.  They were a constant reminder that something was wrong with me.  What I had to do is change my perspective.  There's nothing "wrong".  It's just a thing that's part of my body, like having brown eyes.  Now, I take my medication daily, and it's just a part of my usual routine.

If you can, don't think of it as an illness.  Think of it as just being something that is part of who you are.  There's nothing wrong with who you are.  Don't be afraid of it (I know, easy to say, but I know from experience that it can be done).

If it helps any, my daughter, who is just a few years older than you, went through all of the above as well.  She saw a doctor, and was prescribed the same medication that I'm on.  Apparently in our family it's a genetic trait, so the chemicals we need are the same..  Once the doctor and my daughter got her medication levels where they needed to be, she started taking part in all sorts of activities at college, including mentoring other students, giving tours, working a couple of jobs and so on.  No one has judged either of us for taking care of ourselves, and in her case, she's absolutely flourishing.

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