Jump to content

Recommended Posts

So I'm on SSDI (in the US) and I know I'm supposed to continue seeing a pdoc, but I think I've seen one once since I've been put on it. I know at some point this will bite me in the butt, because you have to have a record of  your illness via your doc, right? Well I keep procrastinating and procrastinating about finding a new pdoc. The one previously mentioned just gave me bad vibes--I don't know, there's more to it than that but it comes down to the fact that I didn't like him. And when I don't like someone I avoid them and I also refuse to open up to them. So I haven't seen him since. I made two more appointments to go see him actually and didn't show. It was hard to even make those appointments because I hate/am terrified of making phone calls. I didn't go to the first appointment because I'm just so disorganized that I forgot the date. The second time I can't even remember why I didn't go--probably I was tired and too anxious to drive and feeling pessimisic about the whole thing and just didn't want to. Now the longer I go without seeing a pdoc, the more anxious I become. I know I'm making things harder for myself. I will be devastated if my SSDI gets taken away. But I just keep putting off researching a new pdoc and making an appointment. For one, it's the making the call thing. But it's also the finding a pdoc that is easy to drive to without getting lost or going a long way, since I am also super anxious when it comes to driving. Lately I don't even want to leave the house. I'm not at the that complete agoraphobic level that I"ve been at before, but I'm maybe halfway there. Also, I know myself and that I start off taking the medication and then I start to slip and eventually stop taking it. I haven't taken anything steadily in months. I don't know if I would feel better if I was on something, because whenever I am I feel like it's not working. And I've been on almost every antidepressant and benzo on the market at this point. Which brings me to another reason I resent seeing pdocs: I just feel like they can't help me. Maybe I'm just one of those people who are medication resistant. I also sometimes feel like the pills themselves are poisoning me--even if I know that that (probably) isn't literally true. I don't know. I have to do it at some point. I'm not even sure where my insurance info is though, and i'm being switched over to medicaid in August. Sigh. I've just made such a mess of things, but I know it can get worse. How do I just get myself to figure this all out and just do it? Does anyone else here deal with this?

Edited by evalynn
spelling

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Evalynn, it sounds like you are overwhelmed.  I know how that feels.  It's really hard to get anywhere when the first step seems miles away.  I feel pretty awful about the state of things in my life.  I knew I had to make an appointment because I feel just awful, and nothing is going to get fixed if I do nothing.  I was able to assemble a short list of doctors covered by my insurance one day.  Then I figured out what questions I needed to ask the receptionists before I scheduled an appointment.  Then I made a few calls another day.  I made an appointment on a different day after that.  The only way I was able to do any of this is to not think about it before doing it.  I realized that if I thought about it before I started taking each individual step, I would think of reasons to do nothing.  I have this appointment coming up on Friday.  I'm terrified, but I know that I have to go.  In order to avoid psyching myself out, I plan on distracting myself the night before the appointment, and doing my best to avoid thinking about the appointment in the morning before I go.  It's the only way I'll get myself to the appointment.

So, I guess what I'm saying is that you should break down the process of seeing a new doctor into steps: make a list of candidates one day, make a list of questions you'll need to ask each office the next day, make phone calls the next (if you feel comfortable doing so, schedule your appointment when you find a doc who accepts your coverage and meets your basic criteria), then make a plan to help you avoid overthinking and self-sabotage (figure out how you're going to get your butt there without canceling).

We overthink things and wind up paralyzed.  There comes a time when we need to stop thinking and "just do it," right?  That seems to be the only thing that works for me: stop thinking of reasons why you don't want to or "can't" do something, and just do what you know you have to do.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 7/4/2016 at 5:38 AM, LoneSquirrel said:

We overthink things and wind up paralyzed.  There comes a time when we need to stop thinking and "just do it," right?  That seems to be the only thing that works for me: stop thinking of reasons why you don't want to or "can't" do something, and just do what you know you have to do.

Yes, overthinking things is my biggest problem! I do get "paralyzed". The other day, I finally looked up a few pdocs. They sounded good until I read reviews and it seems like no matter how many positive reviews some of them have, there's at least one really bad one. For instance, accusing the pdoc of charging both the patient and their insurance. It makes me nervous. Or accusing another one of pushing  over-medicatingtheir patients. I don't want to choose someone and then end up having to choose someone else because they were a bad doctor. Maybe I should just ignore the one review for some of these people and call them anyway? I have bookmarked the info, but haven't called yet. I end up sleeping most of the day lately (probably due to stress which keeps me up all night), but I just have to do it.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On ‎8‎/‎15‎/‎2016 at 7:39 PM, evalynn said:

Yes, overthinking things is my biggest problem! I do get "paralyzed". The other day, I finally looked up a few pdocs. They sounded good until I read reviews and it seems like no matter how many positive reviews some of them have, there's at least one really bad one. For instance, accusing the pdoc of charging both the patient and their insurance. It makes me nervous. Or accusing another one of pushing  over-medicatingtheir patients. I don't want to choose someone and then end up having to choose someone else because they were a bad doctor. Maybe I should just ignore the one review for some of these people and call them anyway? I have bookmarked the info, but haven't called yet. I end up sleeping most of the day lately (probably due to stress which keeps me up all night), but I just have to do it.

Bad reviews can be helpful when they are specific and seem valid, but if you see all good reviews and then see one complaint that says something like, "I had to wait 20 minutes in the waiting room," it would probably be fine to pick that doctor.  When you think about it, nobody is liked by everyone.  Just about any doctor you go to is going to have some sort of flaw, or their practice is going to be weak in some area.  All you can do is try to avoid the ones who have really bad complaints.

I have another appointment with my primary care physician tomorrow.  I'm sooo ready to stop feeling like crap, but she seems to think my physical complaints are just anxiety.  However, I've been dealing with anxiety for 30+ years, and this isn't anxiety.  If she says she can't help me, I guess it's back to the beginning again. :glare:    And the new psychiatrist I went to is questionable.  He seems knowledgeable enough, but his office building looks like it used to be a Midas or something.  It looks pretty shady on the inside as well.  And he told me he won't be able to process any disability paperwork if I need to file for that.  I feel like a hamster on a wheel, but I know that I have to have faith that things will work out, and I have to persevere even though I get very discouraged at times.  I've learned that--even though I have days where I feel hopeless--there will be days when I don't feel as bad, and I need to hold on through those crap days...and enjoy the good ones.

It can be really hard to maintain any sort of productivity in the midst of all of this, but I've found that it helps to plan a few things each day that I want to get done.  I have a notepad that has each day of the week on it, and I write 3-5 things I want to get done each day.  Tonight I will write down what I want to accomplish tomorrow, and if I had anything on my list for today that wasn't done, I would make that one of my things to do tomorrow (I try not to do that too much though).  I tend to write down 3 or 4 small things + 1 thing I've been putting off; that way, I can gradually catch up on all of the stuff I've been neglecting.  It helps me to list just a few things.  My mother has lists upon lists of things she has to do, and she rarely ever gets anything done because she's always so overwhelmed.  I'm not sure what your strategy is, but I just thought I'd mention mine in case it's helpful.

Best of luck to you, Evalynn!!

Edited by LoneSquirrel

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

 

18 minutes ago, LoneSquirrel said:

Bad reviews can be helpful when they are specific and seem valid, but if you see all good reviews and then see one complaint that says something like, "I had to wait 20 minutes in the waiting room," it would probably be fine to pick that doctor.  When you think about it, nobody is liked by everyone.  Just about any doctor you go to is going to have some sort of flaw, or their practice is going to be weak in some area.  All you can do is try to avoid the ones who have really bad complaints.

That's true. I tend to look for "perfection" in both myself and others, and it's not realistic.

20 minutes ago, LoneSquirrel said:

I have another appointment with my primary care physician tomorrow.  I'm sooo ready to stop feeling like crap, but she seems to think my physical complaints are just anxiety.  However, I've been dealing with anxiety for 30+ years, and this isn't anxiety.  If she says she can't help me, I guess it's back to the beginning again. :glare:    And the new psychiatrist I went to is questionable.  He seems knowledgeable enough, but his office building looks like it used to be a Midas or something.  It looks pretty shady on the inside as well.  And he told me he won't be able to process any disability paperwork if I need to file for that.  I feel like a hamster on a wheel, but I know that I have to have faith that things will work out, and I have to persevere even though I get very discouraged at times. 

 I'm sorry you're having trouble working with your own doctors. That's got to be frustrating. (The part about his office looking like a Midas made me laugh though). 

23 minutes ago, LoneSquirrel said:

I've learned that--even though I have days where I feel hopeless--there will be days when I don't feel as bad, and I need to hold on through those crap days...and enjoy the good ones.

That's a good way of looking at it. I admire your perspective.

24 minutes ago, LoneSquirrel said:

It can be really hard to maintain any sort of productivity in the midst of all of this, but I've found that it helps to plan a few things each day that I want to get done.  I have a notepad that has each day of the week on it, and I write 3-5 things I want to get done each day.  Tonight I will write down what I want to accomplish tomorrow, and if I had anything on my list for today that wasn't done, I would make that one of my things to do tomorrow (I try not to do that too much though).  I tend to write down 3 or 4 small things + 1 thing I've been putting off; that way, I can gradually catch up on all of the stuff I've been neglecting.  It helps me to list just a few things.  My mother has lists upon lists of things she has to do, and she rarely ever gets anything done because she's always so overwhelmed.  I'm not sure what your strategy is, but I just thought I'd mention mine in case it's helpful.

Sounds like a good idea. Maybe I should try that. I tend to be an "all or nothing" person. I went from being over ambitious and then getting frustrated last winter, to now not wanting to do anything. I need to have more balance, so focusing on a couple of things a day could work. 

Thanks for writing such a thoughtful and thorough response, LoneSquirrel. :) I really appreciate it. I did manage to call one pdoc today (I talked about it a bit in another thread). They were supposed to call me back but didn't, so I'll have to call again tomorrow. While that makes me anxious and annoyed, the fact that I was able to make that call today makes the prospect of doing it again tomorrow not as scary as it was before. It's still a little scary but not in that "I'm going to die if I have to do this!" kind of way that comes from putting something off for so long. If I practice what I'm going to say ahead of time, i can get through it.

I also sincerely hope everything goes well for you too. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
38 minutes ago, evalynn said:

Thanks for writing such a thoughtful and thorough response, LoneSquirrel. :) I really appreciate it. I did manage to call one pdoc today (I talked about it a bit in another thread). They were supposed to call me back but didn't, so I'll have to call again tomorrow. While that makes me anxious and annoyed, the fact that I was able to make that call today makes the prospect of doing it again tomorrow not as scary as it was before. It's still a little scary but not in that "I'm going to die if I have to do this!" kind of way that comes from putting something off for so long. If I practice what I'm going to say ahead of time, i can get through it.

I also sincerely hope everything goes well for you too. 

Thanks, Evalynn!!

I had to make several calls just to get an appointment with that psychiatrist with "the Midas touch."  Unfortunately for me, he isn't turning things to gold, he's giving me half the dose of Klonopin I was taking previously.  So, I have one doctor who thinks that I'm sick because I'm overcome with anxiety...and another one who referred me back to the first one for further medical tests, didn't up my Cymbalta, and halved my Klonopin.  It's like I went to them for severe diarrhea and walked away with a pat on the head and a prescription for laxatives.  Thanks, guys.  :glare:

Anyway, I should be able to get to the bottom of this at some point...it's just taking longer than I want it to.

I too have found that making phone calls gets easier as you do it more.  I hope you will call the doctor's office back tomorrow; the staff may not have the same sense of urgency about your call as you do, but that doesn't necessarily mean the doctor isn't good.  It's a pain to have to do it, but we really do have to be our own advocates.  Sometimes I have to remind myself that I am the one who is the most invested in my own well-being, so I have to be the one to take charge.

It sucks to have to jump through so many hoops to see a doctor, but at least we have health care available to us, right?  (Or so I've heard. :glare:  LoL )

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 8/17/2016 at 1:02 AM, LoneSquirrel said:

 So, I have one doctor who thinks that I'm sick because I'm overcome with anxiety...and another one who referred me back to the first one for further medical tests, didn't up my Cymbalta, and halved my Klonopin.  It's like I went to them for severe diarrhea and walked away with a pat on the head and a prescription for laxatives.  Thanks, guys.  :glare:

 

Wow, that's got to be really frustrating! I hope everything gets sorted out soon.

On 8/17/2016 at 1:02 AM, LoneSquirrel said:

It's a pain to have to do it, but we really do have to be our own advocates.  Sometimes I have to remind myself that I am the one who is the most invested in my own well-being, so I have to be the one to take charge.

Well put. :)

As for my ongoing phone call soap opera, I called again only to be told I just have to wait. I'm giving them until tomorrow and then I'll look into a different office.

Edited by evalynn

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On ‎8‎/‎18‎/‎2016 at 1:40 AM, evalynn said:

Wow, that's got to be really frustrating! I hope everything gets sorted out soon.

Well put. :)

As for my ongoing phone call soap opera, I called again only to be told I just have to wait. I'm giving them until tomorrow and then I'll look into a different office.

Well, good luck to you, Evalynn.  Sometimes it takes awhile to get things moving.  It does sound like you may want to have an alternative physician planned, just in case.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Still haven't heard from the first office that I called twice, or the one I filled out an online form to hear back from. Today my reevaluation form from Social Security arrived, and I have no idea how I'm going to explain why I haven't seen a pdoc since November. I know why--social phobia, driving/getting lost phobia  and procrastation--but I dont' know if that's an excuse to them. I dont' know what I'll do if they take away my SSDI. I am not able to handle a job right now; I don't leave my bedroom some days. Thinking about it makes me feel sick to my stomach, but I got myself into this situation. I think I'm just screwed at this point since I need to have the form in within 2 weeks and I think it's impossible to get into a pdoc by then.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Ha. So the last psychiatrist I saw, months ago, at a community center, is apparently now retired. My status with them is "closed out" even though I've seen them in the last twelve months. And in trying to make another appointment with them with anohter doctor, I discovered they don't take my current insurance. So it's completely back to the drawing board. Called another office and got an answering machine. This is really making all my nerves shot.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Finally, the very first office I called returned my call and I made an appointment with them. It's for September 29th which isn't bad but obviously after my reevaluation paperwork has to be turned in. Hopefully the fact I have an upcoming appointment will show them that I'm serious about getting my mental health back under control.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

Announcements

×