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Depressed college student


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I am so depressed. I am college student, I will be a junior in the fall studying Pre-Med. I don't have a car, and I feel like I'll never be able to afford one. Last semester, I ran out of money it was such a struggle, I had no food in my dorm, I was filtering water just to have something to drink, and at one point I had to do laundry in a bucket in my room. On top of that I had a double eye infection, and problems with my kidneys... and a constant rash that I usually get when I have anxiety. It was one of the greatest challenges ever. All my clothes are dingy or damaged, I bought patches for $2 to patch the holes in my jeans but they were horrible. The only thing that kept me going was my relationship, at the end of the day I had someone to talk to, everything was OK. Well, my partner is in Air Force basic training with 42 days left.. I'm falling a part. I feel like I have nothing to look forward to, nothing to smile about until they return. I was depressed before this relationship, but never depressed during and now it's back. I'm home for the summer.  I lost all confidence in myself (of course my partner doesn't know anything of this because they need to focus) because all my clothes are damaged, I don't even want to leave the house anymore because I barely have anything to wear. I did get an internship yesterday at the hospital, that little joy only lasted for 10 seconds when I found out it was unpaid. I don't have a car or license so I have to rely on other people to take me. It's just hard. I do tutor online and get about $500 a month but it's just not enough.. I feel like all I'll have money for is books, none of my clothes will ever get replaced. I don't know what I'll do when my last pair of jeans rip.. It's hard because my family struggles and it's hard to even keep gas in the one car we do have to go anywhere..  
I'm just fed up. There is nothing in life to smile about.
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It's pretty sad that even in America, people have to give up basic comforts like good food and clothing just to save money for education.

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I lost all confidence in myself (of course my partner doesn't know anything of this because they need to focus)

Talking to your partner when you get these negative feelings will help.

Take my opinion with a grain of salt, but you might want to question whether continuing to attend college is worth it in the long run. 

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Maybe you could get a job and save up some money first and then go back if you still want to. At least then you might feel more ready.  Your'e going to run yourself into the ground trying to do all you do with no food or clothing.  Is it worth it?

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