Jump to content
Sign in to follow this  
Hermitic

Sexual Expectations

Recommended Posts

2 hours ago, Hermitic said:

 

Shawn81: I am also romanticaly hopeless and sit alone at home. Dating websites are my only chance, I feel. Maybe I'll find someone as lonely as me. I can't approach people either. All the people I knew I met via us being forced to interact. Feeling poorly due to lack of romance might be merely human and unavoidable.

I wish I didn't have the biological desire for it.

Every couple years or so I get really lonely and desperate enough to make a profile on a dating site, and I've never gotten a single reply. That's life, I guess.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

GG333: I've wondered about that. I hear other guys talking about girls as if they are toys, and I think "Surely those girls hate that. If they have any self-esteem, why would they choose to associate with those awful guys?" I'm so bad at expressing myself that I never have an opportunity to show what I think or how I feel before I do something stupid and scare people away. I was afraid I was being arrogant when I thought I had a much more attractive personality than those other guys. Sometimes I felt like writing things like this on a piece of paper and posting it in a public place, but I was always too scared of getting in trouble.

It means a lot to see you say that. One of the people who jeered at me in high school for my virginity was female, and that confused me a lot. Nobody ever told me "good job" or "I like you," so I internalized their beliefs about me and joined them in their ridicule of me. I don't know if "she" even exists. I probably shouldn't look for perfection, as perfection is impossible.

scienceguy: I wouldn't ask either. I heard the guys in the dormitory express anger that their potential girlfriends had so many previous partners. How did they know about the previous partners? What does that matter? Should they be shackled by the past because you don't like their sexual habits?

Shawn81: The dating sites take patience. It might be years of before you find anyone willing to meet you in person, let alone be your lover. I sometimes want to delete my accounts, thinking it's pointless, but then I think that I might as well try. If I keep sitting alone, I'll almost certainly never find anyone.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I forget who said it: sex is like oxygen. It's no big deal unless you're not getting any. That's supposed to be a joke, of course. But the joke can ring true and hurt your feelings if you let it.

I think I was 34 when I had my first experience. I understand what you mean about society saying we're supposed to do it when we're 18, etc... Not "losing it" is a source of comedy in our culture. Heck, I sometimes still feel left out because I haven't had a lot of lovers. I felt defective; like a loser. I let what I thought "society felt" influence my own sense of self worth. I even hid my "status" while dating because I was afraid it would scare potential mates off. Ultimately, it didn't. Someone who cares about you won't care about your status. My first partner actually felt a little bad because she couldn't give me the same "gift." Frankly, if someone takes to the hills because you're a virgin, they're likely not worth your time.

"It" was such a big deal for me that I was extremely nervous the first time, I was shaking. My heart raced enough to scare me. I had a dry mouth and numb fingertips. Looking back on it, I probably had an anxiety attack when I should have relaxed and enjoyed it. Afterwards I was so upset and disappointed that it took a month or more before I could try again. I was afraid I would lose my girlfriend but, again, all this won't matter to someone who cares for you.

I've come to realize nothing really changed for me. It wasn't some magical turning point in my life. It didn't make me an adult. It didn't validate me. As you said, "what's wrong with that?"

You seem to have a pretty good view of this subject already and you also seem to have a good head on your shoulders. You show good insight. Honestly, I find your attitude pretty healthy. 

Peace

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I'm pleased to see such levelheadedness. My mother once ridiculed me for not having a girlfriend. I'm not accustomed to people feeling this way. I sometimes wondered whether I was bizarre in my beliefs. Some feminist students at the unversity called me sexist, and that confused me immesnely. I thought my views were quite progressive. Maybe I really am sexist...

I'm glad to see they were wrong. Thanks Starsea. I feel better knowing you found someone who loved you despite your problems at 34. That reminds me of the only time I attempted romance. When I tried asking her to be my girlfriend, my arms were twitching and sweating and I was wheezing instead of talking. Maybe that was an anxiety attack. I was driving on the highway at the time too. I was scared I would wreck the car and hospitalize her.

You say you were disappointed. Does that mean sex isn't so great as it's purported to be? I've suspected as much.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

The last time I ever heard someone genuinely mocked for being a virgin was ... let's see ... never. It might be something boys do in one another's company because, let's face it, adolescence is a trial by comparison and boys take that for a weakness.

What I can say for sure is that the virgins I met were all prone to imagine their predicament had more to do with what women couldn't see that what women could. Then again, I only met them because I was a prositute so who knows how representative a sample this may or may not have been. Take money out of it though and anxiety is the anti-aphrodisiac. It's like the bungee jump guy having to deal with people fretting about all the rocks at the bottom.

 

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
13 minutes ago, Gisele said:

The last time I ever heard someone genuinely mocked for being a virgin was ... let's see ... never. It might be something boys do in one another's company because, let's face it, adolescence is a trial by comparison and boys take that for a weakness.

What I can say for sure is that the virgins I met were all prone to imagine their predicament had more to do with what women couldn't see that what women could. Then again, I only met them because I was a prositute so who knows how representative a sample this may or may not have been. Take money out of it though and anxiety is the anti-aphrodisiac. It's like the bungee jump guy having to deal with people fretting about all the rocks at the bottom.

 

 

Online I see both men and women bashing virgins all the time. Or imply that someone who has a controversial opinion has that opinion because they've never had sex.

Quote

Some feminist students at the unversity called me sexist, and that confused me immesnely. I thought my views were quite progressive. Maybe I really am sexist...

Unlikely. What isn't called sexist in today's climate? I was once told I was a literal terrorist against women because I suggested that maybe constructing your articles as hateful rants isn't good journalism. Apparently that meant I was a "misogynerd" who should stop existing. Lol.

Edited by verDominai

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
16 minutes ago, verDominai said:

Online I see both men and women bashing virgins all the time. Or imply that someone who has a controversial opinion has that opinion because they've never had sex.

The internet is a great many good things. A threat to anyone's self-esteem it isn't.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
8 minutes ago, Gisele said:

The internet is a great many good things. A threat to anyone's self-esteem it isn't.

Say that to my younger less strong self, who's shivering in a corner over mean comments back there.. : P

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hermitic,

You're getting great responses, but I would challenge something that Gisele said, mainly because I am a living, breathing anti-thesis of what she said, lol. My younger brother is 21 and to my knowledge hasn't had sex; and I definitely know he hasn't had a girlfriend....so after each semester of school I jokingly ask him, "Hey bud, you got a girlfriend yet??" He smiles and says "nope" , then he says he's too busy. Now, that is quite possibly true, but I have never asked directly how or if he is seriously affected by what I'm saying. 

Oh and Gisele, google "cyberbullying".....lool 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I agree with IgnisRattus; cyberbullying is no joke. I presume the students who called me sexist were merely ignorant of my beliefs (and sexism, probably). At the university proselytizers would shout at passing males that they were all rapists and going to hell because males are inherently unintelligent and always-horny. My grandfather used to ask me "Do you like girls yet?" with a creepy-old-man smile. Pressure came from everywhere.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
15 hours ago, Hermitic said:
Advertisement

Supposedly most people lose virginity around age 18. Due to introversion, depression, fear, and a lack of appropriate partners, I am 21 and have not lost my virginity. I perceive a social expectation of sexual activity, and lack of it implies ineptitude or repulsiveness. As a male, I felt that I was expected to chase and woo females constantly, but I didn't want to. Some males bragged about their exploits and acted as if females were merely objects of pleasure, and I found that despicable. I'm using dating websites to try to find people like me and make the social connections I was never able to (see the thread "Just Another Depressive's Story" for details), and I have found a strong stigma against virgins. This certainly has not helped my self-esteem.

I'm introverted, and my depression has caused me to hide and avoid people for years. This makes attempting socialization extremely difficult, uncomfortable, and unsucessful. I feel like I could only connect with another virgin roughly my age, but as I become older their numbers dwindle drastically. That movie "The 40-Year-Old Virgin" is meant to be a comedy, as society thinks that is preposterous. But what's wrong with that? I feel compelled to have sex just to avoid ridicule, but that would surely be a terrible idea. My lack of social skills and discomfort with social situations mean I have not been able to find a partner (romantic or platonic). I'm also quite picky, as I want it to be the right person.

Do any of you have similar problems with sexual expectations? What do you think of society's view of sex? "Society" for me means Oklahoma, but I presume that is representative of standard western morality.

Your still just a kid at 21  and alot time left  to find the right one, when you are 47 like me and still  haven't had sex come talk to me bout stigma.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On ‎10‎/‎06‎/‎2016 at 9:41 PM, IgnisRattus said:

Hermitic,

You're getting great responses, but I would challenge something that Gisele said, mainly because I am a living, breathing anti-thesis of what she said, lol. My younger brother is 21 and to my knowledge hasn't had sex; and I definitely know he hasn't had a girlfriend....so after each semester of school I jokingly ask him, "Hey bud, you got a girlfriend yet??" He smiles and says "nope" , then he says he's too busy. Now, that is quite possibly true, but I have never asked directly how or if he is seriously affected by what I'm saying. 

Oh and Gisele, google "cyberbullying".....lool 

I did rather better than that ;)

I 'advertised' to pay a hefty fee to anyone that might broker with the gods and get me my virginity back. I confess I wasn't totally honest because the picture i posted was taken seven or eight years ago and hinted at more of a religious conviction than any I might have ever actually felt. Oh well, it's sex and sexualisation on the internet right? Truth-lite or something.

Anyway, before my friends sabotaged it, two people left remarks of questionable taste. Not exactly a crimewave.

Exasperated, I asked my husband why no-one is tearing into me. I can repeat what he said but it was very affirming! Some might think it sexist so maybe therein lies the point. What gets said can only be measured against who is saying it and everything they have said before it. Too many dead teenagers never got to figure out it's only bullying if you let it or cannot escape it.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Edited by Gisele

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Maybe bullying is only harmful if you let it, but simply not caring about it is very difficult. I thought I didn't care, but now I realize I unconsciously internalized their jeering. There is a negative psychological effect regardless of the recipient's thoughts. I had no one to reinforce me or make me feel better.

Despite this conversation and my logical view of sex, I still feel uncomfortable around people who have it frequently. Perhaps because it represents social success, of which I am jealous. Then again, perhaps having sex frequently is worse, as that is relying on others to affirm your self-worth. Only I can decide whether I am worthless. If I feel that way, it's because I believe it. Changing that belief is tremendously difficult, though.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

It isn't all that. I'll provide a little story. I lost mines (surprisingly) earlier than 18 (with a girlfriend). This girlfriend of mines, I loved her a lot. That experience defined what sex was supposed to be but isn't anymore (I'll go into that further below). We broke up in the summer because I suspected her of cheating (You know exactly who I'm talking about, the girl that Jacob hooked me up with). The following year, I confronted her about her having sex with him after we broke up, in which she claimed was "the past" and that she was thinking about me while doing it... 

are-you-serious-wtf-meme-baby-face.jpg

 

 

 

Me.... like a typical hopeless romantic, I decided to take her back... after all, I did love her before. Guess what? all she wanted to do was have sex, we never did anything else, and it got to the point I was sick of it. I felt like a toy, like I was being used so I left her. Ever since then, I have a very ill feeling towards sex in general. That also happened again with my last girlfriend after graduating school... I was always trying to please her, but she never did the same in return, I did my best to make that relationship work. On the sexual side, I was the only person showing any affection, I felt used again and that brought back somewhat of a trauma for me. I noticed how unhappy I was while showing the ultimate affection for another person who seemed to not have that same affection. I don't like sex or care for it. I plan to be celibate as if I'd ever find someone interested in having sex in the first place. Sex to me used to be an act of love... now I see it as an act of pure nothingness, manipulation. You aren't missing out on anything, you're better off without that baggage. I've become asexual in that aspect. It could change one day maybe, I'm not anticipating it, though, or care if it does. Please don't go out having sex for no reason, you're a smart guy, you know that isn't such a bright plan. Seeing as we're in the same boat, I have no experienced advice to give. What's your type? I was picky as well, I liked intellectuals, quirky types, open minded. On OKCupid, are there females in your area with a high match?

And I think society has made sex a dull, unemotional, dark phenomenon. We live in the age of pornography, everyone is obsessed with sex, it's a trophy. In all media, I see sex sex sex and I am so sick of it. I didn't want to date a non-virgin because I felt she'd expect too much from me. Because in society, men have to be this and that in order to be right, but females ... as long as they're pretty. My sexual trauma actually led to me having a prolonged porn addiction because I had nothing.  I've quit, finally and luckily. but sex... it's just disgusting to me. I see nothing positive about it. Society has been ruined what sex used to be. And now, everyone is influenced by society. It's a lose/lose situation. F*** sex. 

 

Sorry for the rant. 

Edited by Third Eye Seeker

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

You speak of modernity being drastically different from the recent past, but can you really speak with certainty on the matter? Such things are often said due to a discrepancy between what people believe should be true and what is true. The past becomes romanticized as a time when such expectations were met, regardless of that statement's accuracy. Humans have always been humans.

Perhaps you should spend time in a "free love" society and thereafter determine whether you prefer that over your current society. Regardless, a lack of sex does not make me a bad person, and I have no intention of heeding the jeers of my detractors.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I am 27 and still a virgin. I don't really think about that fact very much. At this point, I don't know if I ever will. I don't actively seek it enough to get it, so I probably will be virgin for quite a while longer. I probably will feel bad if someone found out, but I am not going to worry about it.

I think if I was presented with an opportunity for sex, I would probably turn it down. I don't know how to handle that level of emotion. I cannot see myself having a romantic relationship with anyone either. For some people, that is insane. For me, it doesn't matter that much right now.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I have wondered similarly. I rarely think about my virginiy either (except in the presence of bullies). I wonder if I would be happier alone. I also feel that such emotion might not be for me. I feel encouraged to see that you do not value yourself less for your virginity. If I meet "her," then I suppose I'll have sex. If I never meet "her," then I'll stay a virgin. Not that this moniker "virgin" really means much.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 6/9/2016 at 5:00 PM, Hermitic said:
Advertisement

Supposedly most people lose virginity around age 18. Due to introversion, depression, fear, and a lack of appropriate partners, I am 21 and have not lost my virginity. I perceive a social expectation of sexual activity, and lack of it implies ineptitude or repulsiveness. As a male, I felt that I was expected to chase and woo females constantly, but I didn't want to. Some males bragged about their exploits and acted as if females were merely objects of pleasure, and I found that despicable. I'm using dating websites to try to find people like me and make the social connections I was never able to (see the thread "Just Another Depressive's Story" for details), and I have found a strong stigma against virgins. This certainly has not helped my self-esteem.

I'm introverted, and my depression has caused me to hide and avoid people for years. This makes attempting socialization extremely difficult, uncomfortable, and unsucessful. I feel like I could only connect with another virgin roughly my age, but as I become older their numbers dwindle drastically. That movie "The 40-Year-Old Virgin" is meant to be a comedy, as society thinks that is preposterous. But what's wrong with that? I feel compelled to have sex just to avoid ridicule, but that would surely be a terrible idea. My lack of social skills and discomfort with social situations mean I have not been able to find a partner (romantic or platonic). I'm also quite picky, as I want it to be the right person.

Do any of you have similar problems with sexual expectations? What do you think of society's view of sex? "Society" for me means Oklahoma, but I presume that is representative of standard western morality.

As a lot of people say, wait for that special someone to come to you. As for me, it's hard to say when it comes to expectations. For society, it seems that it expects everyone to have sex in order to have kids. In fact, it feels as if the kids don't matter. Only the sex does.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Lately sex has been a conundrum for me, so I did some research on my areas of concern.

I went for about 8 years once without sex, and was EXTREMELY frustrated.  My next dry spell was -- well, right now, and I've become more interested in sex now than I have been in years.  I left a bad relationship in 2010 and swore I never wanted to have sex again.  (My boyfriend was not a sexual brute or anything like that--it was just the thought of anyone touching me that scared me or turned me off--I wanted the emotional components of affection and trust, and thought I would never trust a man again.)  I declared myself officially "dead from the waist down," until my depression became so painful that I went back on antidepressants--this time Wellbutrin, which has lit a fire in me that I thought would be everlasting dark smoke at best.

I wrote in a previous post--in another Topic, which more than likely should have been shared here--that I was having difficulty with this newly awakened sense of sexuality and achieving what I called "The Big Finish," or orgasm.  I've been on a self-serve menu since this return of sexual desire, and was just . . . weirded out, feeling that I wasn't as "orgasmic" as I had once been earlier in life,  or that I was having a negative response to the Wellbutrin.  So I did a little research and discovered that on occasion, what I thought was just a series of small, internal rumblings, manifesting quivering and involuntary muscle movements that went on for a few minutes, is in fact, orgasm, just not the kind to which I was accustomed.  In my ignorance about sex and my own body, I discovered that a woman can have many different kinds and intensities of orgasm and need not leave a session of self love (I think I like that term!) feeling inadequate or disappointed.  I have only had a couple of "Big Bang" orgasms since the start of the Wellbutrin, but learning about the other kinds offered me a great sense of . . . what? . . . relief.  Yes.  Because of the expectations our culture puts on sex, I fell for it, hook, line and sinker that I must be impaired, dysfunctional, or worse, ruined.

So sex education is to me, now in midlife, critical, necessary and very cool!  I thought I had learned what I needed to know in "hygiene" class and "sex education classes" (Catholic elementary and high school courses taught by the clergy!), and lovers over the years, but we, along with a little help from qualified "experts" (thank God for the internet) need never stop learning.

Sex is an exciting mystery to me now.  I never understood how anyone could have the patience for Tantric sex (I've always been kind of a "get in, get out," result-oriented person) and for the years I studied acting or and/or was cast in plays that valued "process" over result, I've found out, through sex of all things, that process is important.  It's overused and almost trite to the ear now, but I have found the popular phrase "It's not the destination, but the journey that is important," to be true.

We all deserve happiness and fulfillment.  May we find something--sexual or non-sexual--every day to be grateful for with the assistance and support of our wonderful partners here, in the forums, in the process of healing depression and moving through life with contentment and self-awareness.    

My best wishes and greatest hopes for all --

WOTL

Edited by womanofthelight
typo

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Wow, what a hot topic... seriously, no pun intended!  I skimmed through most of the replies, so hopefully my post will differ from the others.

You seem intelligent enough not to succumb to the pressure of pop culture media and society's pressure to lose your virginity.  And I won't go on about the terrifying effects of STD's and other damage that goes with sex.  However, I will tell you that as one humble woman's point of view, it is so refreshing to know that there are men who will wait.  One day, you will find the right match you've been looking for and she will value your integrity.  Men with experience as a dime a dozen, so don't fall into that trap.  I'm not saying this to put other's down by any means.  (Believe me, I've been there, and done that... but for now, I've locked sex up in a vault.)  I'm just saying, please treat your virginity like gold, especially in today's world! 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

womanofthelight: Your post reminds me that I never mentioned my libido is below-average. I'm glad this conversation has helped you realize there was nothing wrong with you.

BlueWeepingWillow: Say what you want about the effectiveness of the "scared straight" method, but it worked on me. I saw pictures of people with STDs and was immediately convinced to be very trepidatious about sex. Thanks for your support. I recently said that the term "virginity" didn't really mean much, yet here I am agreeing with you about its value. I'm glad to know that I can be valued (instead of chastised) for my virginity.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Great topic @Hermitic ! I think different people have different expectations regarding sex, and it is best if we can pair-up with somebody who agrees with us on this issue. For example, I have no interest in casual sex. I think sex is inherently very powerful and profound, as it is the process that creates new life. But because it has a "pleasurable" component (supposedly, hahahaha), I think a lot of people try to separate that pleasure component from the reproductive component, and that can cause mismatches of expectations among people. It possibly explains the motive for casual sex, in that it's something you can do for "fun", and take steps to minimize the reproductive aspect. But even when I was younger and had a MUCH stronger libido, I didn't want to have sex outside of a committed, meaningful relationship, possibly because I felt the hedonistic/pleasure aspect could never be fully separated and compartmentalized from the reproductive aspect. You were sharing something deep and special with someone else, so ideally you would have a special relationship with a special person.

So as a 21-year-old virgin with no success with women, I was feeling increasingly insecure, as all of my friends were not virgins, had been in long-term relationships, etc. I think I made up my mind to just "get it over with" and see what happens then. I met a young woman who was very experienced and she was very willing. Not surprisingly, I got feelings for her very quickly, and was heartbroken when she got bored with me. I felt a bit resentful that I had "compromised my ideals" and had "thrown my virginity away" on someone who wasn't interested in a real relationship. I vowed that I would re-establish my original plan of "waiting for somebody special." (Not that I didn't think she was very special at the time! She just didn't want to have a relationship with me.)

I soon met another young woman (I was in college/uni, never again was meeting women so easy!) and we began hanging out and I started to get feelings for her. I had a few possible chances to have sex, but I said to myself NOPE I just want to take this slowly and just enjoy non-sexual physical things like cuddling and making out (which to me, were very enjoyable and MUCH more in my comfort zone than sex, which seemed so special and serious! Unfortunately the people I was interacting with did not seem to share my opinion on that.). She dumped me soon after because she felt I was wanting a serious relationship (and I did!), but she did not. And then I was angry that I DIDN'T have sex with her when I had the "chance." 

Then I finished college and tried to become an adult, hahaha, and have been a spectacular failure with women ever since, not even getting so far as "casual dating." 

For me, I have come to accept my own rather traditional, conservative views on sex. It's been pretty easy accepting that, and a lot harder accepting OTHER people's more casual attitude towards sex. But I accepted that my ideal partner had to be someone who agreed with me on this point. 

(For what it's worth, this has given me a clear perspective on "the double standard" between men and women, i.e., this "double standard" is explained very elegantly and succinctly by the very different reproductive roles of men and women. That is, women face much greater risks/costs/disadvantages because they get pregnant for 9 months, while a man can impregnate 10 different women in a day and then run off in the night, with no further responsibility required! For me, this made perfect sense when considering women as "the choosers" and men as "the initiators" or "the salesmen."  Of course, I felt angry and unconfident and like a failure, because I was a particularly bad "salesman" and couldn't get any women to choose me!!)

So in short, I personally don't care for casual sex, because I believe sex is by nature not very casual, but instead very intimate, so it is best experienced in a truly intimate relationship. However, even though I wish I had lost my virginity in the context of an intimate relationship, I am kind of glad I "got it over with" when I did, because like you say, there is a very real stigma against male virgins. 

However I guess I practically AM a reborn male virgin at 30+ years of age, because I haven't had any experience since, because I am stubbornly holding out for a real, intimate, committed, long-term, monogamous, loving relationship, which has been VERY hard to come by hahaha. If sex is difficult to get (although it's hard to imagine it as such in the hypersexualized culture in which we live!) then a committed relationship is even more difficult!

So yeah it really rustles me to see this "hypersexualized" culture where sex is treated as a hedonistic, pleasurable thing, with no deeper meaning, like the "hook up" culture and "casual dating" and "chill hangouts"  and "netflix and chill"  and sexting and Tinder and such. 

That being said, if I were being offered casual sex (not that I am, hahaha), I would probably take it, just to experience it once again after so many years. But I am confident that it would never replace my life-long goal to find a long-term partner to have children with. 

Oh yeah and great post @Third Eye Seeker a few posts above!

I think pornography is a big part of this "hypersexualization." And for the more underconfident, introverted, low-self-esteem men (which often coincides with Depression and Social Anxiety!!), it can be challenging to participate in this "sexual smorgasbord" that everyone else seems to be engaging in (and you don't necessarily want that, you might want a committed relationship!), so if you are young and have any libido at all, you might be drawn to pornography on occasion.

I would personally recommend strongly against that, because IMHO, pornography represents an even more unhealthy and unrealistic view of sex than the actual sex actual people have! I would encourage young men not to make a habit of pornography. I did and I regret it greatly. Some time ago, I deleted it all and quit looking at it cold turkey, and have felt much better. Of course that is just anecdotal evidence, your mileage may vary. But I still believe pornography does not promote shy men to be confident with women, nor does it promote a healthy, positive view of women, or sex in general!!

Getting older and thinking more about having children definitely shifted my views on sex, made me think more about it as The Life Creation Process. I began to feel a deeper respect for life itself, and the process which creates it, and then feeling disgust to see people treating it like some hedonistic game. 

People are gonna definitely disagree with me, but this is just my own opinion! I am not judging anybody here. Sometimes people go through different phases/stages. Sometimes you want casual sex, sometimes you only want intimate sex within a serious relationship. I simply have never made any serious effort to pursue casual sex!

And also I would reiterate that if you have sex with someone who has vastly different views on sex as you do - for example, you take it very seriously, and they take it very casually - that is probably not going to end well. Regardless of your beliefs, both people should probably be on the same page. 

Let's talk about SEX, bay-bee hahahahahahaha

Anyone else feel free to rant, and make my rant look like less of a rant, haha. 

Edited by blackrider
add more stupid jokes

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I'm glad I made this thread; seeing what people think has been interesting and helpful.

Perhaps waiting counteracts this stigma against virgins. Or does it? I wouldn't say that our culture is hypersexualized, but sex certainly is more acceptable topic now than in the recent past. Perhaps that is a good thing, as sex is a fact of life. Meeting women was easy for you in college? I never met anyone who seemed appropriate for me. My libido isn't very strong now, so presumably in a decade or two I'll be more or less asexual. I also feel that sex is special and indicates love and trust.

Relationships are so painful and difficult that I usually wish to refrain. If I stay single forever, that's ok. If I stumble into "her," that's ok too.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
Sign in to follow this  

×
×
  • Create New...