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Third Eye Seeker

Tes presents: The DF Talent Showcase

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Good morning/afternoon/evening my sisters and brethren. I came up with an idea as I woke up this beautiful morning: a talent showcase! 

PURPOSE: I'm sure there are many of us here who had a talent or more that was sadly overtaken by this disease of the mind we have; something we had a passion for and just loved doing. Many of us probably feel worthless and that we can't do anything. This is to be a positive reminder that you aren't worthless and that you can do something and have done it, you are somebody. So dig in those crates or wherever your talents have been put away and showcase them. 

RULES: Whatever your talents were, be it poetry, art, music, writing, dance, etc. if you have copies to show (even if you don't, tallk about it descriptively), show them and tell your story behind it. Explain how it began, why was it your passion, what were your plans if any and why did it come to an end. This is your time to shine even in the dark. 

I'll start it off, of course. Use mines as a template of how you should set yours up. I hope to see others submissions and I'm not the only one. 

Music

My main talent was music. I grew up around music. My dad was a DJ in his time and has a lot of vinyls. I mainly heard old school music soul and stuff, but nonetheless I was hearing different music from another time period. Even though my parents never encouraged me to expand on what I listened to, I naturally got into other genres with time. It could be Curtis Mayfield to Frank Sinatra, Led Zeppelin to Dr. Dre, Bob Dylan to Daft Punk, Beethoven to Metallica and so forth. Music became the center of my life. I started caring about music history in middle school, 8th grade, the peak in my overall confidence and state of happiness (debatable, but I usually regard that era as the best era of my life; 2005-2012 roughly with 2008/09 being the peak of my self confidence). My music teacher would teach us about all different genres of music and the history, classical stood out to me.

Years later in 2013, a middle school friend and I somehow decided to start making instrumentals. I sucked lol, I mainly sampled old music and used basic loops to make a beat. As time went on, I became better. I started studying music theory, leaning about structure, chords, keys, sound design, the concept of sound, etc. There was a point where all of that payed off and around late 2014 I started getting better, better than my friend at the time who didn't seem to be as passionate. In between this period, I even hooked up with an amateur rapper across the country on soundcloud and made a tape together. 

Around 2015 (my senior year in high school) I broke new ground and my skill skyrocketed. By this point I went through over a dozen names and soundcloud pages as well as deleting songs. I had a vision, I wanted to be like Tyler The Creator and have my own collective full of musicians (of all genres and backgrounds), artists, designers, directors, etc. and take the world by storm, be the voice of the youth. Before this I had got a guitar but stopped trying after my family pretty much made me feel like crap when I was practicing. My dad didn't even support my music direction, I bought a beat machine and everything, thinking he'd be happy to see the route I was going. I relied on my friends for  support in which they did do very well at, the only thing they did well at. I composed everything myself, day in and day out I'd be making music, letting my feelings guide the process, mixing and mastering, trying to figure out how the tracks should sound, which sounds should be high or low. Where should the instruments be heard from. I was a work horse and cared about my craft.

My style was mainly triphop/boom-bap with a soulful touch here and there or at least those were my influences. It took me a while before I found my style. Toward the end, my goal was to make a trademark style of having an eerie/ethereal sound, mysterious, sensual. Something that had an atmosphere of it's own kind. Making music was the one thing that allowed me to express myself for these last few years. 

But as my depression began, I became bored of it all. The support dropped, I was still a no name, I lost the motivation, I couldn't even compose anything... I no longer cared. I deleted my music program, and deleted all of my projects and music files. The only tracks left over are the last ones I did about a year ago on the last soundcloud I made and another one before it as well as a couple I made from previous years I found that I've uploaded today. So if you would like to hear what is left of my musical past, listen to all the songs in this order from each link below, bottom to top track wise. All of the tracks were completely composed by me from scratch except for the newly found track I titled "unknownorigin". It was 2013, I didn't know how to compose music, so that was a sample that I layered a drum beat over and did some effects to. Oddly, the three newly found tracks resemble my current mental-state which is why I named them accordingly : 

Feel free to critique me if you want. I surely do miss it. It started out as a hobby just for fun... but turned out be something I fell in love with, everything I made came from the heart.

 

Art

This is already long as is, so I won't make a long story about this since it was secondary. I liked drawing since I was a child, every year I got better at my skill. I'd show my parents and they'd say "oooooh we have an artist in the house!" and compliment me, my mom would critique me and I'd go back and try doing better. My classmates always liked my drawings, as I got in high school, though, they were the only ones who seemed to like them. My parents no longer really cared that much about it. I would end up giving my drawings away all the time because people wanted them. But in 2015, like with music, I reached a new height when I met a certain girl named Ashanti that I wish not to talk about yet. I liked her a lot, and because in one conversation I learned we both liked the movie Insidious. So, I went home and looked up a picture of Parker Crane's mom and I drew her. The difference? I drew the hair so realistically like never before and the face. I guess It's because I liked her so much that I really wanted to make that drawing special and do my best on it. It marked a new level for me in art. The last drawing I did was of Rihanna in late 2015. I no longer cared about it anymore because it was so much hard work with nothing coming from it at the end. It's the best drawing I ever did ironically, the last one I ever did. I don't have much to show for, but this is what's left: The first is Parker Cranes' mom. The 5th picture is portrait of one of my teachers that year I had a crush on; and said I'll always be this way and dint help 

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Edited by Third Eye Seeker

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Hi Tes,

This is a good idea, and thanks for sharing about yourself. So can you read sheet music or do you play by ear? Either way I like your work. Also, regarding your art, it looks good to me, have you ever taken a course or classes or something? You should keep drawing, you obviously have talent and it's a pity that your parents weren't more supportive of your artistic endeavours in drawing/music. You should select one of your skills and try to refine it, for example if you start drawing again you could take classes and begin to sell your work? I dunno, I'm just throwing that idea at you.  

Unfortunately, I don't have any way of participating, but I can share a few details, for what it's worth.

When I was deeply depressed I actually decided to take piano lessons and music theory classes on the side. When I started university I ended up quitting both music and theory, but when I go home every summer I still like to play pieces that I find that resonate with me. Wasn't really great at theory anyway, but I'm not bad on the piano, probably at an intermediate level, generally speaking. Again, I don't have anything to show for my efforts that I made in my life yet, unless you like reading university-level philosophy essays. XD I don't know if you have seen other posts that I've made on here but I am quite passionate about philosophy in general, so I love to chat about ethics, feminism, religion, metaphysics, epistemology, logic, politics, nature, and animal rights. There is more to that list, but that's all I can come up with off the top of my head! :)

 

      

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I'm glad you think that. I'm on another tab writing post and was just mentioning how I thought this would have been good opportunity to share each other's talents and cool things we can do and have done before our depression -- but unfortunately garnering no submitters. 

I can't read sheet music, I haven't made it that far, I just played by ear, with what I felt inside. But thanks, I wish I had more to show for, but I was always deleting tracks. I'd love to make something now because I'm having an episode, and need to express myself badly; which is why I'm taking the opportunity to let it out in a future post, though I could do it much better with music. I'm debating if it'll be the post I show my mom. Sometimes, as like now, listening to my music, I can't believe I made it. That I created something that was my own. Yet, I always felt like I wasn't good enough for anything, and it got the best of me. 

I think my art is crap, to be honest, lol (I'm modest). Art, unlike music, was mainly a hobby, so I never really wanted to take it anywhere seriously... or maybe I did, I truthfully don't know now. I think I hate the past so much (because it's all I can hold on to) that I actually begin to forget a lot of things about myself. I'm far too impatient to draw unless I have a clear motivation, such as the drawing I made for the girl I liked. Drawing went from being a hobby to being something that was used as a distraction or something that just overcame me (in that case, the Rihanna drawing just happened). In my senior year, I used drawing to help cope with my ever growing social phobia which is what a few of the drawings I posted came from... me being in class, about to lose my mind, drawing to keep my composure.

I'm not sure if my heart lies with those activities anymore. I've seriously never wanted to draw again anymore. One could definitely say it's the depression that is causing that, of course. I pretty much lost all of my passions and lost all of my aspirations, the depression literally stripped everything from me. I barely know or remember who I am and used to be. 

You should definitely record your pieces when you could. And actually, I'm quite fine with reading philosophy essays lol as I like philosophy, deep down. I could tell solely by your avatar, I'm the same, the main thing I like doing now is participating in the Religion thread on Disqus, having debates and so forth, it keeps my mind stimulated. You remind me of my middle school friend Miciah, he was the only friend I had that was relatable on that level. Due to him going off to Univ, I stopped talking to him because it further made me feel like a piece of crap. He was there living out his dream while I was stuck, depressed and falling down the rabbit hole. There's more? sheesh! what else is there? You sound like the old me to be honest lol. 

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Ok mine is a two part thing I learned one thing to do an other better. I love hot rods and street rods, fast and loud, calm and quite, mile munching street rockets, or stop light racing monsters. So I want to school to learn how to restore the classics my skill set is very specialized everything from engines and transmissions to metal fabrication and paint. Well two other instructors sparked my love of hot rods more I have a little book filled with ideas I want to build someday. Well I was really good at custom paint and metal fab, (well I was good at it all, top 5 in my graduating class) well the custom paint instructor showed us how to pinstripe. He kept pushing my buttons everything I did was never good enough, but the stuff I was turning was better then most everyone else's, so he saw I could be really good if I tired hard enough. I don't have every photo of the stuff I have made from it I have made the Mustang running horse, the Colts horse shoe. The photo provided for my father that was made with a chisel hammer and that's it I draw what I wanted then went to tow. I was going to be commissioned  to a sign in a piece of sheet steel that was going to be 4' by 8' but we could not get the right metal so here are photos I do have. I gave up on those skills but I am relearning to make a job out of it.

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