Jump to content

I just want it to end


Nissala

Recommended Posts

I've been dealing with this deep depression for a year now, I can't work and can barely function because of it. My brain no longer functions properly, I sleep most the time, when I'm not sleeping I'm stressing about how I am going to pay bills with no income. I have no friends or family that can help...I feel SO alone all the time. I live alone with my dogs and lately even caring for them on a daily basis is a struggle in itself. There are a lot of times I wish I could just go to sleep and not wake up and then there is a large part that just wants to get better but having no clue how to get there...all the meds they keep putting me on aren't helping because evidentally I am sensitive to side effects...it just seems so hopeless and I am scared... for the first time in my life I am actually terrified this will not end...hard to hope for something your brain will not let you see as possible.. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Depression is playing havoc on your psyche. I think we just need to be as clever and crafty right back.

I just love using metaphorical tools to deal with depression issues. Metaphorical tools are free of side effects and are as effective as we make them.

I now refer to metaphors as MEDaphors.

If you're interested you can check out some of my other posts. Never give up hope.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Sorry to hear your depression is so debilitating.  Find simple things you enjoy during the day to take a break from stressing about bills.  I can't say how to pay your bills, but just stressing is eating you up it sounds like. 

 

Here's hoping you feel a bit of relief, for what it's worth.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

ohhhhh Nasala, I'm so sorry :console::console::console:

Are there any non profits that can help? I know in my state Catholic Charities is really big and I like that they're secular about their services. they're the only organization that actually helps.

 

Edited by ejc
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Nissala -

Is there a crisis center in your town?  Just getting up and out of bed to investigate where you might get meaningful help will assist you in your battle with depression.  I was so depressed and anxious I couldn't stop crying.  I went to a search engine online and found a mental health crisis center not far from my home and they've been very helpful, steering me to a prescribing shrink and a talk therapist.  

The ritual of finding the right medicine is tricky and can take a long time, but I do hope you hold out and keep going.  Yes, there is an annoying side effect of the meds I take  (drymouth!  Ugh!), but the other side effects eventually went away.  

I'm sorry you feel so paralyzed and anxious.  I worry about money, too; my future; my purpose; my leaving any place I go better than when I found it.  Life is big, Nissala, and depression can make you think feeling bad is all there is.  But depression is a liar.  Throw off the shroud and take one step a day toward your true self--the self that DESERVES to be able to move through the world with confidence and joy.

I'm thinking of you tonight and wishing you the best.

WOTL

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hi Nissala,

I promise you that you are not ever alone. Everybody on here has taken the time to reply because of genuine concern for you. 

As Womanofthelight states, life is big! Yet every single person born to this world has an effect on it, and shapes life as everybody knows it. I found in my deepest moments (heavily depressed, suicidal, no friends and unemployed) that happiness was in the strangest of places. For example, I can't help but notice that you have Winnie the Pooh quoted on your profile. I found happiness and escape in literature through my depression, and also joined a retirement knitting group (I'm 22 and was the youngest member by about 40 years).  Just pushing myself to talk to strangers made things easier, and getting out and about was distracting of the negative thoughts. 

As for your dogs, perhaps discuss with a local animal shelter your situation and ask if they can perhaps offer advice on how to make it easier? 

Just hang in there. We are all here, and you are not alone. We may not be friends, but we all have something in common with you - that's why we are here. I'd say that's more important than friendship in situations like this.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Wow Nissala. I could have written that post. My depression bottomed out yesterday and it's a steep climb back out of it today (where I'll reach my "normal" state of chronic depression, if I'm lucky).

Like others have said, you are not alone. There are a bunch of us here suffering the same sort of things as you. I need to take Loistarr's advice and socialize more. I go places with my daughter, but then I go home and isolate.

I have 2 kitties who are both clowns. But one of them has a chronic urinary issue and I have to stay on top of it all the time. I can't really leave them for more than half of a day because of the one cat's restrictive diet. I love the kitties dearly of course, but there are days when cleaning the litter, or even giving them clean water, seem like monumental tasks.

Advice? Stay here and post with us. We are like a big family here.

Edited by JD4010
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Thank you everyone for your responses. I'm not sure who said something about East Alamabama Mental Health but that is the place I go who are trying to help me. I don't get out for similar reasons as JD4010, although its not kittens, I have 12 dogs and the oldest is 14 and can hardly get himself up to go potty. Once I help him stand he can walk out and come back in. So if I do go somewhere it can't be for very long. Right now I struggle with just going out the door some days to take the dogs out. I've been a loner for so long, I am not sure how to make friends anymore and the few friends I have made in the past years have all done me wrong, so its hard to trust. I know I haven't covered all responses, but I do appreciate them very much, I just get tired so easy now. 

 

As for the quote its from when I was here in December, I am not sure why I chose it now, but glad you like it. 

Edited by Nissala
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 3 weeks later...

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
×
×
  • Create New...