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Can / Does anyone understand?


starstuff

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I am incomprehensibly depressed. I have talked to multiple people (normal people, not actual therapists.) and none of them, even those highly acclaimed by others (talking about chat rooms here), have been able to spit up anything but cliches. I don't think I have normal reasons even for being depressed.

I find that when I ask for help people say things like learning to help others and finding meaning in relationships. Not that this isn't good advice but I don't really find it relevant, and it doesn't help at all. I have a strong and probably unhealthy need to create things (like art and writing). When I do create I feel no love for the work, just stress about its value and how to execute it in a way that I am capable of. I feel an intense need to be recognized and adored by some sort of large demographic, for entertainment or some such thing. But I know that entertainers are troubled and depressed themselves and while I feel solidarity in that and I think I am one of them, it destroys the hope that there exists any true happiness and contentment in work or art, or at least in being a human who creates beautiful things.

It isn't even one "problem," it's just that nothing seems right and I die without spontaneity but total spontaneity is impossible. I want too much. I don't understand what to do and even worse I don't want it to go away because I feel that it makes me truly self-aware. it is a huge part of my identity and I can't just get rid of it but it also makes me see no purpose in life and want to die. Ironically it gets worse when I see beautiful art or beautifully done movies or music or really anything that I wish I could be. 

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On 05/06/2016 at 11:05 AM, starstuff said:
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I am incomprehensibly depressed. I have talked to multiple people (normal people, not actual therapists.) and none of them, even those highly acclaimed by others (talking about chat rooms here), have been able to spit up anything but cliches. I don't think I have normal reasons even for being depressed.

 

Hi Starstuff,

Sad to hear your going through all this.

I have no particular advice to give to you. You've probably heard the usual stuff as you have inferred.

But I'd like to point out a couple of things.

There is no normal reason to be depressed. The only common denominator depressed people really  have in common is the feeling that something is very, very wrong with themselves or the life they lead. For some it's the fact that life has treated them badly.

For a few it can actually boil down to chemistry. For others it's situational or existential. There a load of reasons to be depressed.

Another thing I for one have come to realize is that the pursuit of happiness or satisfaction in life per se is actually pretty futile. Ive started to believe happiness, joy, satisfaction etc. are actually by-products of living. Perhaps it's a question of leading a meaningful life. Finding purpose for one's self. I don't know. 

If I do find out the recipe for getting out of Hades,  the people on DF will be the first to know.

But like there is no one way to be depressed, neither is there a "correct" way to get rid of it or at least come to grips with it.

You mention you have an incentive for creativity. If I can give any advice at all, I'd say go with the imperative you have in you . Create. Be spontaneous. Even if it feels it's ******* you.

You might just end up where you truly want to be.

 

 

 

 

 

 

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6 hours ago, Searchingforasoul said:

Another thing I for one have come to realize is that the pursuit of happiness or satisfaction in life per se is actually pretty futile. Ive started to believe happiness, joy, satisfaction etc. are actually by-products of living. Perhaps it's a question of leading a meaningful life. Finding purpose for one's self. I don't know.

I think you're definitely right about the happiness thing. I always just feel, though, that happiness makes us fake / blind.... I find myself avoiding it because it blocks out a true and unbiased view of reality. I think a lot about a study I read once that said that depressed people have a more realistic view of the world than others. I feel like nihilism and depression are really important... I don't want to let go of them.

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Depression is a difficult thing to deal with, it's not as straightforward as problems like breaking your smartphone or getting food poisoning obviously. So people may try to throw anything at it in the hopes it has some effect. Keep on keeping on, right?

Truthfully, depression is a very personal thing and while actions (like better life habits) can help, in some cases it's purely an internal battle, not an external one.

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