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Nissala

Not new, just returned

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I haven't been here since December 2015, thought I had my issues licked but not true. I finally did get a job, short lived as the depression and anxiety got the best of me and in March I was hospitalized in the psych ward. Upon leaving the hospital, the meds (Zoloft + Abilify) seemed to be working and I was feeling better, but due to no insurance and no money I had to use the free clinic for meds which they kept me on the Zoloft but changed the abilify trying to keep costs down to Rexulti which has patient assistance program. They also added Lamotrigine. The side effects were more than I could deal with and its been one emotional roller coaster ride from hell ever since. Since changing meds all at once I couldn't tell which was the culprit of the side effects so now I am on 100mg of Zoloft only (for the past 4 days anyway) and still feel hopeless, my brain doesn't really want to function and I don't feel like myself... I can't laugh or smile and I'm terrified I will be like this the rest of my days....I can't live like this..its not living its existing.  I have no friends, no family other than my daughter to support me and I feel its wearing on her as she already has a tough life. I just need someone who has been where I am, who knows what I am dealing with and understands to talk to because unless you've been there, you truly don't know the extent of the problem mental illness causes. 

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I joined this forum a few months back and I find it awesome.

I can't comment on antidepressants because I never used them. However I do know how debilitating depression can be.

Going too deep and and getting lost inside the dark depression/cave is not much fun.

I have learned with great effort to use this metaphorical cave to my advantage. We need not be trapped inside the darkness. There is always a way out.

 

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Welcome back Nissala. I am sorry to hear you've been through such a rough time. I was forced to resign last year due to worsening health issues including 6 weeks off work for monitoring under a Crisis team. By the end of this month I will have been unemployed for a full year. Doctors, therapy, and medication is all one can do and yet I still feel terrified at the prospect of working again. At a deeper level of course our situations are different; I live at home with my mum and her boyfriend for instance. But I can still relate and empathize. My only advice is to keep pushing for further aid as much as you can. I hope you find your way back to a more stable level and, if you are willing and able, back into employment.

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Hi Nissala,

Welcome back; sorry you're having such a tough time, though, and feeling so horrible. But I'm pulling for you - all my best wishes (((((((((((((((Nissala)))))))))))))); hope things get better for you and you're feeling better soon!

Edited by mulberrypie

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