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Greetings (sad introduction)


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*sighs* Hi. Um,  call me Tes (third eye seeker). *sighs again* I'm an anti-social/social phobic, majorly depressed and mentally unstable 20 year-old. I'd usually have more to say, but I'm to the point where I barely like writing anymore, so sorry about that, I will try. I have no one at all, but my younger sister who due to her age can't really help or understand me. I graduated high school last year and thought I had beat this demon inside my mind. I dropped going to the military and I had a downspiral as soon as I began applying for college. Ever since... I have been curled up in a dark corner rocking back and forth as the shadow appears to become darker and darker.

I feel as if that shining light has passed due to nobody hearing my cry out for help over and over. I feel like I've gone crazy or... that I will -- develop dementia or Alzheimer's or something. It kills me because I can remember I wasn't always this way, and all I can ever think about is my past. I know the cause to every mental disorder I have, I've had plenty of time to think it through. I just don't know what to do with that information. The damage feels complete, my mental state is fragile and tormented... filled with rage, sadness, a need for love. 

I don't know why I came here to be honest, I don't know what I want. Friends perhaps... but I hardly believe in such thing anymore, they always leave or just don't care, use me. I don't know what else to say, I can no longer think properly... something that used to be uncommon of me. Sorry for ending this oddly.

 

Edited by Third Eye Seeker
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Hello, TES,

Yes, the sadness is definitely pouring out of you, it's palpable in your message.  I'm so sorry.  I wish that I could absorb sadness from people, like the character in the movie "The Green Mile".

There is a generally accepted and recommended way to treat symptoms of depression and other conditions:

Make an appt and see your primary care physician or family doctor for a physical exam to confirm or rule out any physical illnesses.  If appropriate, sometimes your primary care physician can give an initial prescription of anti-depressants while you’re waiting to see a psychiatrist.  Sometimes the family doctor can recommend the name of a psychiatrist to see.

Make an appt and see a psychiatrist for a complete eval and accurate diagnosis of your mental condition, and a prescription for appropriate medications to treat your symptoms.

Make an appt and see a talk therapist who will help you to understand yourself and your current thought patterns, and how to develop new healthy patterns of thinking. The therapy will be most effective after the medications calm your mind.

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You do not need to apologize for anything.

It feels like your standing in a crowded room yelling for help but no one hears you. If they do hear you they done do anything to help.

Friends perhaps... but I hardly believe in such thing anymore, they always leave or just don't care, use me. I truly understand what you mean, I recently had a friend of 20 drop met the door step when I needed him the most. Loved him like a brother I don't have one. Then out of the blue he messages "checking in on you". I have been abandoned more times then I can count to the point it left me with big trust issues.  

If you need someone to talk to or just someone to vent to or rant to I will listen.

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Third Eye Seeker,

If you are truly a "Third Eye Seeker," as it is understood in Eastern Mysticism, then it would make sense that you feel some anguish now. It seems to be the anguish of seeing and feeling life clearly and with sensitivity that propels a person to expand his or her mind and understanding of life. This life is big and it is deep and holds many answers to questions you have now, and will come to have later.  I would try to align yourself with others who share your level of mind, who are on a deeper quest than just to buy the latest thing. 

College can wait. There's no real hurry for anything. You don't have to be anything or go anywhere to find peace. Give yourself a break...the way you would someone else who needed a friend. On this site you'll find many unique and kind people who will offer sympathy, guidance, and understanding.

Welcome, and wishing you peace,

Nopawn

 

 

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Hey Tes,

It's okay to not be ready for college or a job or whatever. When I graduated high school in 2007, I didn't know what to do with my life and it took me 5 years of struggling and brooding and being angry to even BEGIN to recover and set goals for myself. I'm 27 years old, and in the middle of my second year of university. If someone had told my deeply depressed self back in 2007 that I would recover and become a diligent, intelligent, and, dare I say it, happy university student, I would have turned away in disbelief.

By the way....feel free to PM me as well if you want to chat. :)  

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