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If she mentions having no plans?


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So I've been talking to some older woman on Tinder for almost the past week. Most of the chat has mainly been about work & such. But earlier when she responded back to message she than posted another message afterwards randomly saying that her birthday is tomorrow & she has no plans. Is that a sign of interest in wanting me to take her out? Unfortunately though I can't tomorrow since I have to work late, but I replied back saying I would have treated her on her birthday, than mentioned maybe having drinks another time. She hasn't responded back yet about it, but she usually takes awhile to respond a lot of the time. Do you think she's even interested? I mean of course I don't want anything serious with her since she's 15 years older than me as well as has a kid. But something casual or a FWB type of thing could be good if she wanted that too. But I'm just wondering what any of you think about randomly mentioning it being her birthday & having no plans.

Edited by GAJ123
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That does sound like a hit to me, maybe she is fishing to see how you would react to the idea. But so what if the age gap is 15 years. Is it just the idea that the age gap is that big off putting? Just remember its just a number with not a lot of meaning don't get me wrong it means something but at the end of the day its just a number. I dated a women that was a 11 years older then me. Or is it more of the kid? For me that's what would make me think twice about something serious. But remember to each is own. 

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29 minutes ago, zdude954 said:

That does sound like a hit to me, maybe she is fishing to see how you would react to the idea. But so what if the age gap is 15 years. Is it just the idea that the age gap is that big off putting? Just remember its just a number with not a lot of meaning don't get me wrong it means something but at the end of the day its just a number. I dated a women that was a 11 years older then me. Or is it more of the kid? For me that's what would make me think twice about something serious. But remember to each is own. 

Yeah, it's the kid more so than anything else mainly. I think the kid is a bit older though & may live on his own possibly since she listed in her profile that she has a grown independent child. Also, I just think I'd rather have a serious relationship with someone closer to my own age. I guess I'll see what happens with her. Still no response, but sometimes she can take up to even 24 hours to reply back, but we've been chatting the past 5 days & she keeps replying back so I assume she at least likes talking to me. 

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Still no response, but sometimes she can take up to even 24 hours to reply back, but we've been chatting the past 5 days & she keeps replying back so I assume she at least likes talking to me.

If nothing just keep talking to her. She probably a little lonely, that's why she has the profile. To either find new people to talk to or to find someone to have fun with. Wink wink.

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20 minutes ago, zdude954 said:

Still no response, but sometimes she can take up to even 24 hours to reply back, but we've been chatting the past 5 days & she keeps replying back so I assume she at least likes talking to me.

If nothing just keep talking to her. She probably a little lonely, that's why she has the profile. To either find new people to talk to or to find someone to have fun with. Wink wink.

Yeah, I suppose so. I really don't know what she's looking for on there. The conversation we've had hasn't led me to think anything will happen in terms of "someone to have fun with". It's only with that random comment of mentioning her birthday & saying she has no plans & put a sad/disappointed type of face icon in the message, is what made me think she's possibly interested of something at least. I can have it completely wrong though & she doesn't view me as anything other than some guy to chat with. She has kept replying back to me to every message though so I guess that's a positive, but she never asks me any questions about myself or anything. It's mainly just been about her job & saying she doesn't like it & wants something else. As well as just casual stuff about what she did that day so I'm just confused.

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Well, she finally responding saying "thx that's nice..." Than asked what I do that I have to work late on a Saturday. She'll probably get turned off when I tell her I work some lame low wage retail job. Also feel like she ignored me saying maybe we can grab drinks some other time. But I guess it's a good sign that she's replying back but I'm just confused about what's she's interested in & if she'll even want to meet or anything. 

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5 minutes ago, Teddy545 said:

It sounds like she really wanted you to do something fun with her for her birthday, now she's upset you have to work instead. 

Yeah, I probably blew it without meaning to. But I really do have to work & I can't call out this week because I need to probably call out next weekend since I'm actually hanging out with a few people for first time in like 2 years lol to go to some show. But you really think she wanted me to go out with her for her birthday? What do you make of her response. She said "thx that's nice... What do u do that u work late on a Saturday?" She does keep replying so I guess there's still some interest in some way I'd like to think.

Edited by GAJ123
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2 minutes ago, Teddy545 said:

At firts I wasn't sure but then wanted to know why you have to work means she's wanted to and not she's upset about it.  "Thx that's nice (of you to say)" Hidden message- you don't actually want to meet me do you?  Did you tell her a day that you wanted to get drinks?

Well, she didn't say specifically why do I have to work, but said what do I do that I work late on a Saturday. And no I didn't tell her a day that I wanted to meet for drinks. Since I didn't know her schedule or anything. Also, I don't even know how far away she lives from me yet. I guess I'll wait until her next reply, if there's one, to see what's next. As you said, she's probably disappointed if she really wanted me to take her out somewhere for her birthday. 

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11 minutes ago, Teddy545 said:

I'm really sorry I'm so bad at writing, lol.  Yeah, she's going to think you're job is stupid no matter what now. 

 

Well, that sucks. Unfortunately there was nothing I could do though. Guess it was just bad timing. Also, I don't know how far she is, and I don't like driving far distances since I'd likely get lost. But I guess I'll see what happens. I'm off Sunday, but I don't know what's going to happen now. I'm sure she'll reply again since she's been replying to every message, but like you said she likely is upset now. When she wrote those 3 dots after saying "thx, that's nice...", my first thought when I first read it was that she sounded a bit disappointed, at least that's how I took it.

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27 minutes ago, melplus said:

So you would get serious with someone that was around your age, but you would do a FWB thing with an older woman? Hmmm, and you wonder why she's not that interested.......

Well, I don't even know what her intention is. Neither of us have mentioned anything. And it's not like I'd lie to her & say I want a serious relationship with her when I really don't. I'd tell her the truth about what I want & not mislead her.

Edited by GAJ123
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It doesn't seem like either one of you is making any real effort towards progressing the relationship. It was interesting that you  had a post up that put "the older women in the FWB" category but a younger woman that is more your age, merits the "I would get serious" category."

Edited by melplus
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7 minutes ago, melplus said:

It doesn't seem like either one of you is making any real effort towards progressing the relationship. It was interesting that you  had a post up that put "the older women in the FWB" category but a younger woman that is more your age, merits the "I would get serious" category."

Well, I can't see myself having a serious relationship with a woman that's 15 years older than me & has a kid. I don't know why that upsets you? It's not like I would lie to her about it. 

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No, it was just interesting, that it wasn't her personality that made you put her in the FWB category, but rather her age, and the "kid" sounds like he's much older and wouldn't require much looking after on your part. No worries though, Age-ism is still quite common in this day and age. Why bother with a FWB with an older woman, a younger one would also be able to do the FWB also? Then you'd be able to move towards the serious stage if it works out with the younger person. Just a bit curious about what made you contact her in the first place.? (not that you have to answer)

Edited by melplus
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Just now, melplus said:

No, it was just interesting, that it wasn't her personality that made you put her in the FWB category, but rather her age, and the "kid" sounds like he's much older and wouldn't require much looking after on your part. No worries though, Age-ism is still quite common in this day and age.

Well, as I said I just can't see myself with someone quite a bit older than me for a serious relationship. I just don't know really. I think maybe 5 to 7 years at most. A lot of people don't want to have serious relationships with big age differences. Just go on online dating sites like OKCupid or Plenty of Fish & you can even list your own criteria for age. A lot of people do it so they don't get messages from people a lot younger or older than them.

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10 minutes ago, melplus said:

No, it was just interesting, that it wasn't her personality that made you put her in the FWB category, but rather her age, and the "kid" sounds like he's much older and wouldn't require much looking after on your part. No worries though, Age-ism is still quite common in this day and age.

Yeah its kinda of like shes disposable you,ll sleep with her but then want to meet someone else to be in a relationship then what would you do just go oops sry your to old for me. You should have made plans within a few messages or the day you started talking to her instead waiting for her to suggest somewhere,yes she will probably be turned off if you work in a retail job depending on what she does for work.

 

Edited by scienceguy
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Right, you have a criteria, and that happens to be age. And that may work for you.There seems to be a reason why she made it past your criteria...... , and if she just happens to have a criteria about types of jobs so it works both ways.

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4 minutes ago, scienceguy said:

Yeah its kinda of like shes disposable you,ll sleep with her but then want to meet someone else to be in a relationship then what would you do just go oops sry your to old for me. You should have made plans within a few messages or the day you started talking to her instead waiting for her to suggest somewhere,yes she will probably be turned off if you work in a retail job depending on what she does for work.

 

Seems everyone here keeps thinking I'll lie to her & pretend I want a serious relationship with her but really don't. I'd never do that. I don't even know if she's even interested at all to begin with. All I'm going by is the whole birthday message she sent me. But I don't get why everyone thinks I'd lie to her & tell her I want something serious. 

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3 minutes ago, Teddy545 said:

I thought it was common knowledge that having a serious relationship with someone 10 or more years older then you probably wont work out.  He just wants to see if she wants a fwb thing too.   I think he's also looking for more experience too. 

This exactly. I don't see what's so wrong with that if no one is being misled. 

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3 minutes ago, melplus said:

Right, you have a criteria, and that happens to be age. And that may work for you.There seems to be a reason why she made it past your criteria...... , and if she just happens to have a criteria about types of jobs so it works both ways.

I'd say that's fair to say. If she has an issue with my job than so be it, that's her right. 

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FWB by definition is code for  "until I find something better."  Serous, can mean anything from, I want to do boyfriend/girlfriend things with you and only you, up to/ and/or hey let's get married. No matter what age. It was just interesting to see how each "goal" was applied to a certain age group.

Edited by melplus
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8 minutes ago, Teddy545 said:

I thought it was common knowledge that having a serious relationship with someone 10 or more years older then you probably wont work out.  He just wants to see if she wants a fwb thing too.   I think he's also looking for more experience too. 

I never new it was common knowledge I don,t want kids though so maybe I think differently then most people, i tend to get along with women who are older. i never dated any women that were younger then me, or wanted to the women im interested in or get crushes always end up being older then me. i never really though of going out with some for the sole purpose of having sex with no romantic attraction at all. I could understand how some one who just wanted sex might not really care about age all that much.

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42 minutes ago, Teddy545 said:

I thought it was common knowledge that having a serious relationship with someone 10 or more years older then you probably wont work out.   

Well,  relationships with a person that has mental illness  or condition don't have a high rate of success either, but I've seen that when they end, people also get upset about how their depression is used against them.  Or that they were ":categorized"

With depression, there is always a chance at improvement. Everyone will age and there's not much that can be done about it.

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8 hours ago, Teddy545 said:

I think he would have fwb with someone his age if a girl wanted that too, right? 

I learned in a group not to try to have a relationship with someone when there's a 10 year age difference. Now when I look it up all I find are people saying that's wrong. I'm not attracted to people with that much age difference anyway. 

Teddy, it's definitely fine if someone is not attracted to an older person. We all have different criteria that we apply to our relationships. That woman is old. We get that. But if older is not attractive or, or dating someone that has/had a child is not attractive then so be it. Cut her loose. "looking for experience" is normal, but not at the expense getting that experience just because they are old.   She already has two things or maybe more that are "strikes" against her.  But going in with mindset,  of "well it's common knowledge, that relationships with older men/women don't work out," Or, "One can't have a seriously have a relationship with an older person."  It devalues anything else like personality, intelligence, chemistry, that can make a relationship successful. Everyone deserves a chance to enter into a relationship with someone that if not attracted to, then at least open minded about qualities or circumstances that they can't really do anything about.

It would be like me saying, " well, I've been on this dating website and talking with a guy who suffers from depression and works at a lower paying job. "  "Those are two qualities that I am not attracted to,  so I am just going to use him for free dinners and drinks and whatever money he'll put out." "Because it's common knowledge that relationships with a guy that has a mental illness just don't work out, Not to mention that guys with low paying must be desperate, so I won't really have to much effort into the relationship, and I'll be able to get some experience in dating out of it!" " But what I really want is a serious relationship with a guy that doesn't suffer from a mental illness and is much richer."

I would be completely discounting somebodies worth and other qualities because they are depressed and because they have low paying job. If it's not ok to do that to a guy  in these circumstances I'm not quite seeing why it's ok to do it with woman with circumstances such as age and a kid?

If you happen to be young now, it may be harder to have empathy in situations like this.Hopefully as  you get older, you help lessen the bias towards both men and women when it comes to age,, mental illness, that society deems to be a liability.

 

 

Edited by melplus
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