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Depression destroyed my friendship?


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Hello all,

 

I suppose I needed somewhere to get it all out as my other half has had to deal with my venting for over a year now. I am finally feeling hopeful to be beating my depression, overcoming my demons. This is that positive feeling that just lets me know that the worst stage is over because I am actually seeing some positive in life now - something I have been battling to do for at least a year. 

In this past (just over a) year, I suffered from the loss of my three grandparents which affected my mental health hugely. I was unaware that I suffered from depression at the time anyway, so this tipped me over the edge. It wasn't until I was bullied by a manager at my part-time job of four years that led to a very public (I worked in a supermarket) nervous breakdown. From this, things just went from bad to worse and I was sent to see a doctor by my worried parents. They diagnosed me with depression which, looking back, made sense. Just three months on from a funeral for both my nan and grandad (I delivered the eulogy which took a lot out of me) my 'friends' fell out with me because on an impromptu night out, I changed my mind and left after a couple of hours. Might I add that I am in a relationship and they are single, and they were out with a view to meet guys. 

Since we fell out that night (because they went to my other friend and sat there calling me selfish to her among other names, and then she rang me up and told me that they no longer were talking to me) I've barely spoken to them. We had a group of five, and one of my friends was dangerously ill with anorexia. These 'friends' decided to tell me that it was down to me to tell her that we were worried and she needed help. I felt it was not my place as her mum was approaching the subject carefully and I didn't want to intervene and ruin that. One of them them guilt tripped me by stating that I was the difference between her dying and her living. This was really stressful to deal with at the time, and although they did not realise I was depressed at first, I was still stressed from grieving for my family.

Fast forward to now, and it has been a year since I fell out with them and I tried to make amends since then. I even explained that I have depression. But none of them have contacted me, not a single one has spoken to me, and they never invite me out. I thought at first I was just looking too much into it, but every day they all have very public conversations by tagging each other of Facebook and talking on that for the world to see. They never include me.

After actually being invited for the first time in ages out with them the other day, I came to the realisation that not a single one of them die red conversation at me, asked how I was, or even really acknowledged me. I felt like I was there by accident. They did the same to my friend who is anorexic (well, now recovering) but she was dying so hard to get joined in that it was painful to watch. Nobody should have to battle that much to be included. 

One of these people has been my friend for about 15 years and I would hate to lose that. But to be honest, she always says she cares yet never contacts, invites me out, or even replies to my texts half the time. 

Right now, if it wasn't for my family and particularly my other half of five years, I don't think I would have coped mentally. In a way, they helped me to realise that myself and the loneliness can exist side by side and actually almost exist in harmony.

Yet I sometimes wonder where it is I went wrong. Has anyone else experienced this? Or has anybody been in my friends' positions? 

 

Thanks.

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hello loistarr, to be honest it really doesn't seem like they are your friends, as friends should be supportive, understanding and caring. It certainly isn't your depression that drove them away, it's who they are that drove this friendship away. I understand 15 yrs is along time but people also change a lot in that time frame. Perhaps at one time, you guys were actually great friends, but you guys are just at different places in life due to different experiences and that is perfectly normal. There are lots of other people out there that can be the understanding and supportive friends that your current friend(s) is failing to provide. Regardless of whether you have depression or not, as a friend, they should be there for you when you need it. 

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This was aggravating to read. You deserve much better than this. They're not your friends. If they do not have enough empathy to realize the struggle you're going through, they're not for you. 

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Thank you guys for your replies. I'm so glad it's not just in my head, and that third parties are able to see what I thought was not my fault. It feels like most people in my life have no clue of depression or how it affects the actual person. 

Being called 'selfish' was probably a low point. I could see that perhaps I was selfish around 80% of the time, pitying myself for so long, but the lack of support really astounded me.

Now I am recovering and friendless, but honestly I feel like I am coping well with having no friends. 

Thank you guys.

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