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My birthday was the worst


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05/28 was my birthday. I didn't expect it to be all sunshine and rainbows, but I also didn't expect it to be one of the worst days I've had this year.

It started off crappy with a friend, good news we worked it out and things are fine between us. Next I get crap from my own mother. Then my ex (was in the process of getting back to together with), made it hell. 

He kept calling me a brat and I shouldn't expect to have happiness on my birthday. It's a nuisance to have go deal with me and see me that day. I have to keep in mind though, that he still put in effort to see me (his words). He kept texting me asking if he should stop by or not and was getting really impatient with me. You would think that if he had an common sense, he would call me. He was impatient because he had to go to the store. No I call him and ask him why is he coming over? Is it to make me feel worse or what? I never got an answer but I went outside and it was nothing but arguing. He can't even be the least bit nice because it's my birthday. When he told me that I shouldn't expect to be happy, I went inside. How can a person who says I love you, want to work things out and act like that. Then he calls and texts me that he's sorry, he didn't mean to say it and asked if I was really done. He wants me to give him a chance to make it up to me. Things go downhill and he right away says goodbye.

I have delt with this emotional abuse for 6 years, we were together for a total of 7. First year was perfect and then he got attention from girls, but he claims he isn't the bad guy and is justified in his actions.

I smoked garden shrub and did XTC, anything to escape that reality. A healthy person would have just left, but I have Stockholm syndrome. I now suffer from panic disorder with agoraphobia. He had the nerve to tell me that I was better before I had anxiety, like he could handle me better. It was a sure way to make me feel great about myself. I was always alone when I had bad anxiety or panic attacks, but he aways said he loved me.

When we broke up, I was working on myself and practicing self love. He comes in and ruins it. I'm gonna remember how he ruined another one of my birthdays. Idk what drives a person to act so terrible. 

Idk what to do with myself and I need a friend to talk to

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1 hour ago, Wounded_Spirit said:

05/28 was my birthday. I didn't expect it to be all sunshine and rainbows, but I also didn't expect it to be one of the worst days I've had this year.

It started off crappy with a friend, good news we worked it out and things are fine between us. Next I get crap from my own mother. Then my ex (was in the process of getting back to together with), made it hell. 

He kept calling me a brat and I shouldn't expect to have happiness on my birthday. It's a nuisance to have go deal with me and see me that day. I have to keep in mind though, that he still put in effort to see me (his words). He kept texting me asking if he should stop by or not and was getting really impatient with me. You would think that if he had an common sense, he would call me. He was impatient because he had to go to the store. No I call him and ask him why is he coming over? Is it to make me feel worse or what? I never got an answer but I went outside and it was nothing but arguing. He can't even be the least bit nice because it's my birthday. When he told me that I shouldn't expect to be happy, I went inside. How can a person who says I love you, want to work things out and act like that. Then he calls and texts me that he's sorry, he didn't mean to say it and asked if I was really done. He wants me to give him a chance to make it up to me. Things go downhill and he right away says goodbye.

I have delt with this emotional abuse for 6 years, we were together for a total of 7. First year was perfect and then he got attention from girls, but he claims he isn't the bad guy and is justified in his actions.

I smoked garden shrub and did XTC, anything to escape that reality. A healthy person would have just left, but I have Stockholm syndrome. I now suffer from panic disorder with agoraphobia. He had the nerve to tell me that I was better before I had anxiety, like he could handle me better. It was a sure way to make me feel great about myself. I was always alone when I had bad anxiety or panic attacks, but he aways said he loved me.

When we broke up, I was working on myself and practicing self love. He comes in and ruins it. I'm gonna remember how he ruined another one of my birthdays. Idk what drives a person to act so terrible. 

Idk what to do with myself and I need a friend to talk to

oh wounded, I've been there. love is an addiction, it's harmful. maybe that's negativity talking but there's heartbreak behind what I say.

you know logically he is he wrong person for you bc he disrespects you. if there is no respect there is nothing. because a person that doesn't respect you will never regard your feelings. people like that are selfish by nature and borderline narcissistic. some are aware and dont care others don't realize they're like that bc they're selfish, they mask it under the guise of this is who I am or are just hypocrites and say the right things like they want love and respect and equality but they don't hold themselves up to their own standards.

emotionally.. its Stockholm syndrome. they've F'd up our self esteem that we might as well have a collar and leash tied around our necks. 

but sadly, we allow it to happen. it's not an excuse for their dumb behavior. but I feel like if we have issues and low self esteem we will gravitate toward those that are the same or worse .. probably bc that means we don't have the pressure of fixing ourselves, we don't want to confront our demons, we want to fix them like we would want someone or even them to fix us.

im not sure how old you are... I'm 33 and that's what I did for 18 years just had crappy boyfriends bc I had low self esteem and I was dead afraid of being alone. still am though. but who isn't?

it hurts like hell to leave, you do sink into darkness and despair and depression . and it's scary bc we have never been on our own emotionally before. bc we are afraid of loneliness. but it is the best thing you can ever do for yourself.

im just starting to rebuild myself and my self esteem. I have promised myself to surround myself with healthy people. I am scared of being alone. but I am even more scared of being neglected and alone in a relationship while bearing witness to the person's pleasure in keeping me down. nothin is worse than that.

you shouldn't have been treated like that on your birthday, or ever. the fact that this guy kept texting you- should I come was his little passive aggressive way of making you feel like crap bc why? he wanted the spotlight on him, is it any coincidence that he threw a little damn tantrum on your birthday? nope.

for him to apologize later is bc he got over the excitement (I don't mean that in a positive way but like in a sensory/stimulus kind of way) of being a jerk and getting over the "obstacle" that is your birthday, that he somehow even remotely realized that he F'd up. and I wouldn't be surprised if you got fed up with him and basically told him to F off in your own way. so now he comes around apologetic, bc he knows that you put your foot down in some way and oh sh*t is gonna hit the fan bc now he risks you not being around anymore.

dont buy it. the only way .. well there might be more... that you can release this stress is to wean yourself off of this guy. I know it's hard, the cellphone is right there and he's only a text or call away. but start small..don't respond to his antics right away. create time distance from you and him and slowly build. the more you put your foot down the less he will cross that line. if he really cares about you he will work on respecting you. if he cries and throws tantrums.. then there's your answer.

take it from me. I was with a guy for 2.5 years: he cheated on me several times, he denied being with me in public as i later found out, he lied to me about having a son he said his son died at child birth, his son is 7 . he empregnated 3 women while he was with me. I had negative self esteem. i fell into a physically debilitating  depression. and on top of it all he called me crazy to his new girlfriend and a bunch of people after I discovered it. 1 year after he did the same to that woman and even more. he got blasted online..

my point is that these guys are actually worse than they seem, done be me. don't waste your time. that's where my late 20s went and now I am on my own with wrinkles. I'm not saying it's a cake walk once you leave. I dated more crappy guys after but this year I finally said no more. I'm not gonna be a lawn in anyone's game and I'm not going to dance every time a guy tells me too. I'm fighting depression I don't need to feel like some trained sad angry mistreated monkey on top of that.

...you are a deserving and resilient person. you have to look out for yourself, trust your gut it will never fail you and go with your gut even if your heart holds it and your brain hostage. you will be wounded but you will be alive! 

you deserved a good birthday and YOU DESERVE happiness. bc you are a worthy human being that deserves to be loved and to love.:console:

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