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Just registered - sister banned me from my nephew


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Hello all,

I'm new to the forums. Let me jump in and tell you what's got me really down. Here's the very very short backstory. I lost my job and I'm living with my sister, and I'm seeing a therapist for severe depression, general anxiety, social anxiety, and inattentive ADD.

Here's the latest blow that has been really getting me down. My other sister just banned me from seeing her son, my only nephew. He and I get along great and have (had) lots of fun. It's a great uncle/nephew bond, just like I had with two of my uncles. I'm banned because my sister says I'm a bad role-model for him. I'm devastated. I don't even know how to respond to her. My mom and dad are beside themselves. The sister I live with is also upset because she now gets less time to see our nephew. I just don't know what to do.

Finch

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I would just tell your sister that you enjoy being his Uncle alot, listen to what her concerns are and don't react just listen, and ask her if its OK if you still send him postcards once in a while (she can obviously then read them) to keep up your relationship with him.

If she doesn't see your positive growth as a man happening, learning how to navigate the body you were given, etc, then know that it's her problem, not yours.  Her son will need to learn loyalty from you, not his Mom.

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Hi Gouldian Finch,

I am so very sorry that this has happened to you.  I hope that things can go back to what they were before these events.  You deserve better.  I am also so terribly sorry you are suffering from the mental illnesses you mention.  Any one of them is brutal beyond words and all together they are unimaginably painful.  I would like to write more but tendinitis in both hands makes it impossible for me to write for long.  Sorry.

Respectfully, Epictetus

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I am so sorry that happened to you. I have experienced being completely shut off from family members before, so I can relate to the pain that you are feeling.

I hope that you are able to find some comfort by sharing your story.

Welcome to the site!

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That is an unfair situation to be in, I've been "threatened" with not being able to see my nephew before. I resented  "being threatened" like that so I was quick to respond. I did like GSpolar said and asked for specifics regarding their concerns. If they were legitimate, then I acknowledged that and let them know I would work on xyz behavior or I gave them an explanation for the xyz behavior. More often than not, my brother could not give me adequate reasoning and really, it was just him creating drama and trying to use my nephew to get me to toe the line. Then you can also ask about the "parameters" in which you are not to see your nephew. i.e. are family events ok to be around your nephew, but  alone time  or after school activities are a no-no? Really, it will take her a lot of extra work to have to "keep him away from you, and to field the questions and explanations when your nephew starts asking about why he can't see his uncle. As long as you haven't done anything illegal or harmful that would be considered detrimental to a child. Then you know that you have been and will be a positive influence on your nephew.

Your other relatives seem fine with you and your nephew, so all they can do hopefully is speak positively about you, if your name happens to come up in family conversation.

Ultimately your sister is his mother, and will always have the final say, regarding her son. But you can make your peace with it, by just knowing that your door is always open to both your nephew and sister if they want pursue a relationship with you. And that you have not gone behind her back and ignored her requests/concerns, You   In the meantime, all you can do is work on being a version of yourself that you are content with.

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