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Don't no wat to do anymore


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My dad died on 10th April and was cremated on 11th may which was his birthday. Then was put in a graveyard on 23rd may. But I jus feel like I can't move on. Every day feels like it's getting harder and some days I feel like I can't even breath. My mums I'll aswell at moment so have to b strong for her. But I feel like I'm drowning and can't cope. I struggle everyday to even get out of bed. I've self harmed in past but have been 2 years clean. But it's getting harder to not go back to old ways. 

 

Thanks for reading 

??? 

Edited by dontnowat2doanymore
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I feel your pain I really do. I lost my father a couple of years ago and I felt as you do right now. I still haven't dealt with his death for multiple reasons, some of it might be denial I don't know or an ability to truly accept it. 

Is there someone you can confide in? Talking it out helps a lot.

Hugs to you and I hope that you can feel better soon. I would make a better post but my piano student just walked in the door. :(

Natasha

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1 hour ago, dontnowat2doanymore said:

Not got anyone to talk to. As I'm the strong one usually so everyone leans on me for support. 

Do you think that it's possible they could surprise you? You could always approach it as a talk about your favourite things about him. It will be difficult in terms of emotions but you'd be surprised how it can help! And if there is an opportunity, you can add in there somewhere that you are having a rough time with it. Maybe, just maybe those that you are always strong for will step up to the plate for you and be able to realy hep yo. It will also strengthen any bonds.

When my father went, I took care of all of the music for his Memorial Mass as a soloist (piano and voice). Everyone was surprised that I did that because let's face it, our faily lost its heartbeat. I think the good thing about your situation is you recognize that you are having difficulty. I wasn't even aware of it when it happened to me. 

1 hour ago, dontnowat2doanymore said:
My dad died on 10th April and was cremated on 11th may which was his birthday. Then was put in a graveyard on 23rd may. But I jus feel like I can't move on. Every day feels like it's getting harder and some days I feel like I can't even breath. My mums I'll aswell at moment so have to b strong for her. But I feel like I'm drowning and can't cope. I struggle everyday to even get out of bed. I've self harmed in past but have been 2 years clean. But it's getting harder to not go back to old ways. 

 

Thanks for reading 

??? 

I want to say hooray for no self harm for 2 years! Please try very hard to keep going with that. I know that's hard. I know. This is another reason why I think it would be a good idea to try what I suggested. You may get a release from that and not have the need. 

I really hope that you feel better soon, but these things take time and what you are going through is so normal. I slept with one of my dad's sweaters in my arms for a year and a half and even travelled with it. Now I just do it when I'm having severe difficulty with life/events or if I just simply feel the need because I miss him. 

Hugs. PM me if you want to talk more. I'll be here for you when I'm on.

Natasha

Edited by Natasha1
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I am also sorry that you just lost your dad.  I think you are smart to reach out and talk about your feelings.  Don't stop doing that sweetheart.  You mention there is no one you can talk to........what about your pastor or priest.  Look into free counseling if you can't manage it but many places go by scale and will charge you what you can afford.  Make the move to get out of all the thoughts and work them out with someone else.  It works, you can count on it.  If you don't have your own little family when you lose a parent it can be harder than if you did.  Try and focus on maybe a relative who needs some help with their kids or a friend.  When you begin to see that while it is hard to let go of our parents it is times for  us to start a new chapter in our grown up lives.  Do something new and if you need to talk I am here.   It will pass sweetheart but don't just wait for that......jump up and get some help.  You are worth it.  Love your beautiful face.  you are never alone.  xoxoxo

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I just reread the can't cope and can't hardly get out of bed in the morning.  Please see a doctor. No need to let yourself get farther down.  promise you will do that.  you might just need some help for a bit to get you up and over.  take care and don't stop reaching out.  FB?

 

 

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Sorry this is so painful. Don't pressure yourself. Try to be gentle - it is a very short time since your dad died.

Depending on what your mother's illness is and how she is reacting to the death you may find she welcomes talking about the pain of the loss. If you have a close relationship with her then she may already know how much pain you are in and want to comfort you, but not want to intrude. 

If not your mother then as Natasha1 said you might be surprised at your friends.

In the UK there is a specialist charity about bereavement called Cruse. Not sure if there are similar organisations in other countries. Something like that or a depression helpline might be useful just to talk to someone if you don't want to approach the people you know or in the middle of the night if it feels like there is nobody there. 

What helped you to not self harm over the last couple of years when there was stress? (If part of it was your father are there any words or phrases he used or activities and would it help to repeat/remember  those? Don't if you think it will be too painful to try to recall the memories).

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On Sunday, 29 May 2016 at 5:33 AM, dontnowat2doanymore said:

Thank u for all the kind posts. I've heard of a friend that if u go to docs and they prescribe anti depressants. Then social services can get involved as ur on prescribed drugs and have children. Not sure if this is true or not.

I don't know if it's true elsewhere but it doesn't pass the logic test if it is.

It would surely tempt anyone desperate about their children and (rightly) fearful of that sort of intervention away from a prescribed solution into an unprescribed alternative. If any place in the world is encouraging that then....well!?

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I'm so sorry you lost your dad. It's hard to live in a world where your dad doesn't exist. It must be a lot of pressure to feel like you need to be the strong one for the family. I really hope you can find someone to talk to and lean on in this painful time in your life. Maybe a social worker or pastor? 
I so proud of you for being clean for two years! That is so awesome and incredible and I know your dad is looking down on you and so proud of that! 
This may not help with the pain of losing your father but a friend told me this once, "perhaps they are not stars in the sky, but rather openings where our loved ones shine down to let us know they are happy." 
Keep your family close and don't be afraid to ask for help! Hang in there :) 

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