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What Am I Doing?????

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This is my first post EVER to a depression forum, although I've suffered with Major Depression for the majority of my life. My life feels completely out of control at this point. I quit my job after 15 years, working in social services. It became too burdensome to try to help others with their issues, when mine were blaring in my head daily. Also, I felt extremely hypocritical telling others to "get their lives together" while mine was falling apart. Now, I feel so worthless not working, although I quit my job to have time to work on myself. Well, I've not done that. I've spent 6 months sitting on the couch watching television EVERY SINGLE DAY! I had so many projects that I wanted to complete and NONE have begun. I have ZERO motivation to get up and do anything. My body is so tired and I know it is from inactivity, but I just don't feel like doing ANYTHING. I am extremely lethargic and apathetic. My husband is very supportive, but he doesn't understand depression completely, so he sometimes believes that I should just will myself out of it. I have the opportunity to do anything that I want to do right now career wise. I can start over, but I cannot get up off the couch. HELP

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I'm so sorry for what you're going through. I wish I had wise words to offer, but the truth is, I've never found any way out of inertial slumps like that except by just forcing myself to get up out of them. To do exactly what I feel like not doing, and don't have the energy to do. Unfortunately, the lethargy that comes from inactivity just can't be done away with any other way. It's sad, but in my experience, "taking time out" to try to get your psychological state in order is just the worst mistake. It's only ever led to a downward spiral for me.

I'm glad you have a supportive spouse. Trust me, that's huge, and probably will be tremendously powerful in your recovery. Other than exercise, I'd recommend therapy. Try to get to the root of all this.

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I work in public services, so I understand how hard it is to help people day after day and feel like there is no help for you, or understanding for what you're going through. I want to do something else sometimes. I was out of work for quite some time and I understand how easy it is to just not do anything. It's a "tomorrow, tomorrow I'll do something..." kind of thing.

I am glad for you that you have support to have the time off, but please do what you can to use that time. I squandered mine (well, that's not entirely true my mom got sick and I helped with her but I wish I'd done more with my time) and now I am feel like I'm stuck until I get something better or I go completely irretrievably off the deep end.

Keep talking here. these people are so helpful!

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Welcome to our forum.

Sounds like good old depression is doing a nasty, nasty job on your psyche.

I have learned that unless I play a clever set of tricks right back depression takes over.

Deep, dark depression will keep us trapped in the darkness. However every depression/cave has an EXIT which serves as the ENTRANCE too.

For me the idea is to own my depression/cave and put it to use.. No matter how deep you find yourself there is always a way out.

Keep posting and check out the other posts for support and insights. We are all here for you.

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I felt exactly the same 12 years ago. I took a time out for a whole year(My GP at the time sent me for a psychological assesment and I was diagnosed with depression and burnout) I did nothing to further myself career wise. Perhaps I should have done more at the time.

But sometimes doing nothing and accepting depression(for the time being!) is the best thing you can do. At the time it was the ONLY thing I could do.

Please don't treat yourself harshly. None of it is your fault.

If it feels tough doing anything at all, think small. Forget big projects for a while and just focus on doing one thing, however small.

Something that could bring a smile on your face. Or someone elses.

Or even a semblance of a smile. And move on from there.

Oh, and welcome!




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Sometimes just doing one small thing can have a huge effect when you're feeling stuck like that. Would it be realistic for you to consider seeing a counselor/therapist? It's easy to get all tied up inside your head when you're depressed, especially if you're spending a lot of time alone, and having someone knowledgeable and compassionate to talk to might help you to sort out where you want to go from here.

Just spending an hour a week with a counselor, or even with a good friend in honest conversation, might help you feel like you're making progress. In addition, it will keep you in practice for interacting with other people, and I can tell you from bitter experience that those skills are quick to atrophy and hard to regain once they're lost. If nothing else, spending a little time here and there talking to someone will keep your conversational muscles in shape!

Finally, don't forget to give yourself credit for any little (or big) thing you do accomplish. It's easy for depressed people to discount our accomplishments just because they aren't what we think we should be getting done. You posted here, for example; you deserve recognition for doing that.

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