Jump to content

How to deal with being alone?


Nisei

Recommended Posts

Often I feel like I am the loneliest person in the world. I have nobody. I also don't work (can't find a job) so I can't afford any activities/courses/classes where I could meet someone new. And even if I had the money, I doubt that could work for me. I am extremely disconnected and alone. The only "person" who is available to me is my dog. I see no way out. I am afraid of people and life in general. I have a great deal of difficulty in talking with strangers and frankly, I have no desire to mess with anyone.

The internet is not working either, it seems like only the idiots and evil people are present on this media. Okay, intenet is extremely useful for boredom (downloading movies and playing games is still better than staring into a wall) but I am unable to establish any deeper connection or interaction with someone. Futhermore, I am too scared of ending up being judged, disapponted and rejected, so I am no longer trying anything new. Of course, I ended up like feeling totally depressed, depleted and empty. Nothing makes any sense to me. I just want to sleep. Or maybe to die too.

Any thoughts?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

15 minutes ago, Nisei said:

Often I feel like I am the loneliest person in the world. I have nobody. I also don't work (can't find a job) so I can't afford any activities/courses/classes where I could meet someone new. And even if I had the money, I doubt that could work for me. I am extremely disconnected and alone. The only "person" who is available to me is my dog. I see no way out. I am afraid of people and life in general. I have a great deal of difficulty in talking with strangers and frankly, I have no desire to mess with anyone.

The internet is not working either, it seems like only the idiots and evil people are present on this media. Okay, intenet is extremely useful for boredom (downloading movies and playing games is still better than staring into a wall) but I am unable to establish any deeper connection or interaction with someone. Futhermore, I am too scared of ending up being judged, disapponted and rejected, so I am no longer trying anything new. Of course, I ended up like feeling totally depressed, depleted and empty. Nothing makes any sense to me. I just want to sleep. Or maybe to die too.

Any thoughts?

I'm in the same boat as you. minus the dog. 

its depression and loneliness and the difficult adjustment to an overstimulated connected but disconnected world . there is no depth anymore. no good people.

everything has turned to a fast food system. it's about here and now. moments are fleeting.

i hang on to what I can. firstly, I accepted at my age, 34. I'll be alone, I won't have kids, I'll make minimum, I have college debt.

with that..I try to just grab on to small things like walking at the park. one day I'll jog around the park.

is that something you'd like to do? kind of reconnect with nature by taking your pooch around to the park or walk around the neighborhood. dog parks? 

we are alone but at least we can surround ourselves with nature and it's beauty. 

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

If you wish to find chances to meet potential friends I suggest visiting low-key local voluntary groups, such as a writing group or a general social group or even a therapy group. Of course, this would require a great deal of confidence for the first few sessions. It might help for your own peace of mind to say that you struggle to communicate but you have come so that you may meet new people. Otherwise you can try to introduce little activities here and there to nudge your confidence in communication such as visiting shops and cafes more and jumping on opportunities to talk when you can (i.e. if the staff mention the weather, add an extended response such 'yeah, it's been pretty terrible, hopefully the rest of the week will be better'). It all depends on your individual moods as well as your physical well being. Taking the dog for lots of walks can help your disposition to communicating. Plus, you have everyone on here who are all generally friendly and open to talking.

I know it can be very difficult - I used to be so unable to communicate I couldn't even post things online - but it can be possible to raise our barrier a little, at least to a more manageable level.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

hello Nisei. listening to podcasts helped me immensely when i was lonely but didn't have the energy to interact with people. i still listen to them regularly.

try these for both casual and serious talks on mental illness:
"wrestling with depression"
"mental illness happy hour"

this one is for meaningful intellectual conversations about important things - "On Being (with Krista Tippett)"

this one is somewhere in between and mostly awesome - "*** with Marc Maron"

and this one is just for laughs - "Comedy Bang Bang"

i would post links to these podcasts but links are forbidden entirely on this forum (very bad and irrational decision in my opinion). just google those names and you'll find them. 

take care,
V.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

You deal with it everyday. 

I just met a person who had polio, and on a wheelchair, in his 30s, looking for someone as his companion. But he has his own company, educated, decent, and has a fantastic sense of humour. 

You keep living life like there is no tomorrow. Things will happen along the way, dont keep waiting for it. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

9 hours ago, Nisei said:

Often I feel like I am the loneliest person in the world. I have nobody. I also don't work (can't find a job) so I can't afford any activities/courses/classes where I could meet someone new. And even if I had the money, I doubt that could work for me. I am extremely disconnected and alone. The only "person" who is available to me is my dog. I see no way out. I am afraid of people and life in general. I have a great deal of difficulty in talking with strangers and frankly, I have no desire to mess with anyone.

The internet is not working either, it seems like only the idiots and evil people are present on this media. Okay, intenet is extremely useful for boredom (downloading movies and playing games is still better than staring into a wall) but I am unable to establish any deeper connection or interaction with someone. Futhermore, I am too scared of ending up being judged, disapponted and rejected, so I am no longer trying anything new. Of course, I ended up like feeling totally depressed, depleted and empty. Nothing makes any sense to me. I just want to sleep. Or maybe to die too.

Any thoughts?

 

6 hours ago, Cloudy888 said:

You deal with it everyday. 

I just met a person who had polio, and on a wheelchair, in his 30s, looking for someone as his companion. But he has his own company, educated, decent, and has a fantastic sense of humour. 

You keep living life like there is no tomorrow. Things will happen along the way, dont keep waiting for it. 

I agree with Cloudy888. It's something that you temporarily get used to for a bit, but humans wound up going insane after a while due to lack of company. I'm not trying to scare you or anything. I'm just saying that you need to go outside more often to find out what suits you best. What are you hobbies and what do you like to do? Start from there and see what you can do with finding a job and friends. City and country living can also affect this. It seems that an introvert may have an easier time living in the city due to the technological advancements and public transportation available for them.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I can totally relate to what Nisei and ejc are saying. Except that I am even older. What's sad is that because I am disconnected, I have even gone out for a drive on freeways during rush hour just to be around people. ( sad I know.)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I put on a sitcom or talk to myself since I live alone I try to message people or use online dating websites at the points of my life that im not broke or busy. I go to stores and talk to people in line or talk to the cashiers. I would say in your situation would to be  to look really hard for a job or see if you could hang out with your family members and maybe they can slowly introduce you to people.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I have a lot of the same issues.

After a lengthy bout of total agoraphobia along with other anxiety/depression/medication issues (10+ years) where I didn't come out of my room, I finally got back on my feet - more or less - a few years ago. I got my own house and vehicle (again; I had lost everything), was able to function enough to go to the store on my own again, take care of myself, and even work part time, though it's still a big struggle. The loneliness issue that got buried under everything else started to get much worse.

I don't talk to anyone in person away from work. I can't deal with the social anxiety of just talking to someone, much less in that kind of way. I can't handle the racing thoughts about embarrassing myself, the way I look, the way I talk, etc. I feel so out of place. Like I don't belong with other people. I feel like I'm humiliating myself just looking at someone.

Online isn't much different. I'm almost as socially anxious on the internet, too. I do my best to talk to people, but I'm completely aware of the fact that I'm about the least interesting person on the planet. I completely isolate, have no friends, etc. Immature/unpopular interests for my age. Nothing to talk about, having spent most of my adult life hiding in my room and not talking to anyone.

As much as the loneliness is destroying me lately, there's just no way for me to make it work. I'd be a miserable partner. Shyness isn't cute at my age, especially to this degree. I don't like the same things as other people. I like to stay inside and watch Twitch all day for 'company'. I do get up and go out pretty regularly out of restlessness, but it's just to run to a store or gas station for a snack and go for a little drive. I don't talk to anyone. Then it's back to staying inside. And I don't actually want to change that. I'm not a "go out and have fun" kind of person. So it's a weird predicament. The loneliness became my number one source of depression, but I also don't want to be around people, because I can't really handle it. I've only recently gotten back to communicating with anyone online, and it has become obvious that I can't handle being around people, even electronically. So I have no idea what to do. It's like developing a severe allergy to your favorite food or something.

I'm just meant to stay in here alone for the next 10 years. It's all I can handle.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

At one point I hate being alone but at the other point it's the only time I'm really happy.  People have destroyed me.  When I go somewhere I see other people happy together so it's possible but it was never really possible for me.  People drive me crazy because they're all about themselves.  I would love to have healthy relationships with people but I don't believe they really exist anymore.  Going back through life relationships have mostly just damaged me.  It's sad really.  I think it's human nature to think that having perfect relationships with people around us can save us and make us feel better but from my experience it just isn't true.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

2 hours ago, melplus said:

I can totally relate to what Nisei and ejc are saying. Except that I am even older. What's sad is that because I am disconnected, I have even gone out for a drive on freeways during rush hour just to be around people. ( sad I know.)

:console: I've driven aimlessly just bc I wanted to be connected. I know how you feel. It's hard. I tried online dating too. That makes me feel even lonelier. Meet people and then that's it, one date and see ya. I have nothing else to say, it sucks. Sucks. Big. Time. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

It sucks being alone. I'm 30 years old & never even been in a relationship. I feel like I'm in a bind now since I don't feel well enough to be with anyone, but at the same time I just wonder when will I ever. It just sucks seeing other couples together looking happy while always being alone. I know the feeling of feeling like you're alone. I've been trying out Tinder for the past week or two, but not sure if I should continue to bother since I don't know how I'll have a healthy relationship when I start to get into really bad moods at times as well as struggle with OCD issues.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

2 hours ago, sober4life said:

At one point I hate being alone but at the other point it's the only time I'm really happy.  People have destroyed me.  When I go somewhere I see other people happy together so it's possible but it was never really possible for me.  People drive me crazy because they're all about themselves.  I would love to have healthy relationships with people but I don't believe they really exist anymore.  Going back through life relationships have mostly just damaged me.  It's sad really.  I think it's human nature to think that having perfect relationships with people around us can save us and make us feel better but from my experience it just isn't true.

What you have said speaks to me completely.  I totally get what you are experiencing, and have similar ones.  I have been very damaged through failed relationships, friends who take but don't give.  Generally I like people, always have, that was my career.  But I'm keeping very much more to myself now and I'm o k with that.  I make my appointments, run errands, see friends occasionally,  talk on the phone, and participate in forums like these. But home is my safety net and when people tell me I'm isolating, I just tell them maybe in your mind you see that, but in my mind I feel safe and relatively happy for the moment.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

14 hours ago, Nisei said:

Often I feel like I am the loneliest person in the world. I have nobody. I also don't work (can't find a job) so I can't afford any activities/courses/classes where I could meet someone new. And even if I had the money, I doubt that could work for me. I am extremely disconnected and alone. The only "person" who is available to me is my dog. I see no way out. I am afraid of people and life in general. I have a great deal of difficulty in talking with strangers and frankly, I have no desire to mess with anyone.

The internet is not working either, it seems like only the idiots and evil people are present on this media. Okay, intenet is extremely useful for boredom (downloading movies and playing games is still better than staring into a wall) but I am unable to establish any deeper connection or interaction with someone. Futhermore, I am too scared of ending up being judged, disapponted and rejected, so I am no longer trying anything new. Of course, I ended up like feeling totally depressed, depleted and empty. Nothing makes any sense to me. I just want to sleep. Or maybe to die too.

Any thoughts?

I pretty much just wrote this, it's me.

Anytime you want to vent.....

Link to comment
Share on other sites

1 hour ago, GAJ123 said:

It sucks being alone. I'm 30 years old & never even been in a relationship. I feel like I'm in a bind now since I don't feel well enough to be with anyone, but at the same time I just wonder when will I ever. It just sucks seeing other couples together looking happy while always being alone. I know the feeling of feeling like you're alone. I've been trying out Tinder for the past week or two, but not sure if I should continue to bother since I don't know how I'll have a healthy relationship when I start to get into really bad moods at times as well as struggle with OCD issues.

:console:I'm afraid to try tinder.  im on okc. not getting any interest.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

1 minute ago, ejc said:

:console:I'm afraid to try tinder.  im on okc. not getting any interest.

OKC I was on in the past but haven't been on there in about a year & a half now. Not sure if I'd want to try it out again or not. I'm really not a fan of online dating though since everyone could be talking to literally a dozen people at once & the odds of me standing out compared to the rest would be slim to none. I'd highly likely never be someones number 1 option if they had multiple options to choose from. Tinder I think is mainly more of a hookup app but there is some that look for actual relationships. Only reason I went on it really was just to see who I match with out of curiosity. I'd have to connect really well with someone to want to meet with them off of there. I think I could have met with some woman like 2 weeks ago on there but she lived too far for me to want to meet up with her but I could tell she was interested since she messaged me a few days after our previous conversation. But she unmatched me when I never messaged her again. Just felt it would be a waste of time since she was too far of a drive for me to want to meet up. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

1 hour ago, ejc said:

:console:I'm afraid to try tinder.  im on okc. not getting any interest.

Maybe you need a better picture when I put one up I was getting alot of messages and managed to get two dates on there. 

I feel so old at 25 to have always been alone. I don,t feel bad about its just so strange to me though. I don,t even know what the normal expectations are when people are friends, Every time I talk to people I feel like im not talking enough for them and go out of my way to force myself to. Before they lose interest everyone else just seems to naturally do that. I if my view points and opinions to or keep them to myself because I always end up having people argue with me and lot of the time I don,t care or don,t have a opinions on things, I have to pretend I do to keep conversations going, its a real pain in the ass. Im trying to be more genuine but then im to quiet or to controversial for people I don,t share values or the same view points of the majority of people i meet. So they always want to start arguing with me when I don,t care if im right or wrong.

 

 

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I know what you mean with that.  I can be a very quiet person.  I talk if something interests me but most things people do or say on a regular basis don't interest me.  I remember that one friend I had.  It was nothing for me to go to his house and say nothing for the first hour I was there.  Conversation is very forced for me when I do it.  It is pretend and I get sick of it.  After doing this for 37 years I'm so sick of the regular boring routine you have to go through to survive in this world.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

4 hours ago, sober4life said:

I know what you mean with that.  I can be a very quiet person.  I talk if something interests me but most things people do or say on a regular basis don't interest me.  I remember that one friend I had.  It was nothing for me to go to his house and say nothing for the first hour I was there.  Conversation is very forced for me when I do it.  It is pretend and I get sick of it.  After doing this for 37 years I'm so sick of the regular boring routine you have to go through to survive in this world.

Worse is when people label you as "weird" or "antisocial" just because you talk less. 

I am being judged by my coworkers at my office because I mostly keep to myself, and they make comments behind my back, and even present crude examples to the management. Management, I believe, would concentrate on the quality of work I produce, but management are also "people" after all. 

The irony of it: you call an introvert "weird" but cannot say it on his face, but behind his back. who is the weird one here?

Edited by Cloudy888
Link to comment
Share on other sites

36 minutes ago, Cloudy888 said:

Worse is when people label you as "weird" or "antisocial" just because you talk less. 

I am being judged by my coworkers at my office because I mostly keep to myself, and they make comments behind my back, and even present crude examples to the management. Management, I believe, would concentrate on the quality of work I produce, but management are also "people" after all. 

The irony of it: you call an introvert "weird" but cannot say it on his face, but behind his back. who is the weird one here?

eah this aggravates me so much i have had it happens when I hang out with people then they say whats wrong I go nothings wrong lol Makes me so aggravated though because it happens so often and people started getting a attitude with you. Or like you said talking behind you back but then you need to go over and be like whats up guys what are you talking about I over heard my name it makes it akward as hell for them. When i acted extroverted and blend i hear them talk crap about quiet people I like or less social people and I always end up sticking up for them, this seems like normal behavior for most people makes me not want to have friends.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I'm in the same boat as you. :< It seems like many of us are wandering in the endless ocean of loneliness hopelessly and not finding each other who could relate to us or at least someone who we could call as a friend, a close friend. It doesn't matter what is missing, friend(s), a partner or a family... Or even if someone would have all of that, they could still feel lonely...

I think I dropped my oar into the ocean in this deep blue despair ages ago and now feeling so lost and alone... 

Maybe there's a safe island for all of us?

Otherwise all this wandering seems so pointless and depressing, devastating...

Couldn't describe it without metaphors...

Best wishes to you and everyone!

Loneliness really sucks.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I relate to everything. Even as a young boy I could never talk much in a group. I had a friends in the neighborhood I never had a close friend they always faded away, even now I was at a church for 8yrs and never made a friend a couple of other churches I went to It was like they may say hi but that's it.The strange thing is i can talk to elderly people better than people my age. I did enjoy giving communion to the people in the assisted living they were always happy to see you. At work all you hear is gossip and its meaningless.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Do you walk your dog?  Sometimes there is interaction in nodding to other people who are walking dogs.  If you wear earphones, you don't have to talk, but can just nod or wave.  When I go out for a walk (no dog, just me),  I feel better afterwards because I nodded or smiled at a few people.  I also go to the same few grocery stores and coffeeshops, so I sometimes talk to the same people at the register, even if it is only one or two words.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Funny thing, I've started paying attention more to animals lately and admire them for how they are.

 

They do what they have to do survive.  Eat, sleep and avoid humans (cars) in particular.

It's mind blowing that everyone takes them for granted, but if you think about it, they're absolutely fckn brilliant.

 

Sound crazy to you? Maybe.

Do I care? No.

Should I take my cue from them?  Just try to go through whatever it is you're going through and chug-a-long.

 

 

It's tough, but sometimes the fact that we can rationalize things better than animals, maybe it isn't so great.

 

 

Just a ramble of some thoughts on the issue.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
×
×
  • Create New...