I didn't go to work today.. major guilt.

[Char12]

I started a new job 2 months ago. My previous one I had for 3 months and left because it wasn't right for me (I had no clue what I was doing and my manager was horrible). I really hit a low and I quit by handing a sick note in along with my resignation letter. During the time I was unemployed I came off my antidepressants as they weren't working and didn't switch onto my new ones, because I actually felt temporarily better. By the time I my depression did hit again, I was going to start my new job and didn't want to deal with any side effects.. I thought this new job may lift my mood too and felt hopeful about a fresh start. 

In this job I am constantly being criticized for mistakes I make even though I've not been told how to do certain things. It's to the point of nitpicking. My "supervisors" are around the same age as me, 22, and I think are constantly on at me and calling me to the office because they're training to for some management program. They're all friendly with each other too and I just don't fit it. For example I made a mistake on the till once and since then they all gather in a circle to check the figures after I've been on it which makes me feel stupid.

I'm now in the same position as my previous job, literally going through the motions to make it through the day. It doesn't help that this job is only part time on minimum wage so I can sometimes be out for 8 hours for a 4 hour shift because I travel, and an hour of that goes towards my train fare. The hours are awful too, tomorrow I'm going to finishing at 10 o clock at night and getting home for 11:30 although In my interview I was told the latest I'd finish was 8. This weekend was my first full weekend off for a month and I got a text on Saturday morning asking If i could come in the next day. I'm waking up on the nights before work constantly with an awful sinking feeling and when it's time to get up I'll be physically shaking with anxiety. This happened this morning and I rang up to let them know I wouldn't be in and my manager was angry asking if I really couldn't make it in as there was an event on today. I'm guessing they're understaffed because so many have left the past week.

My family are starting to think I'm just lazy and tell me "nobody likes there job, just put up with it" but I can't anymore. I feel guilty too that I've dragged myself in for 2 months feeling so down and missing weekends with family only to have today off anyway. I have been applying for other jobs and have an interview in 2 weeks.. I'm trying to hang onto this job until I get another but I just feel so done with everything. Should I start taking the prozac I was given but never took? I'd really appreciate some advice.

[ejc]

3 hours ago, Char12 said:

I started a new job 2 months ago. My previous one I had for 3 months and left because it wasn't right for me (I had no clue what I was doing and my manager was horrible). I really hit a low and I quit by handing a sick note in along with my resignation letter. During the time I was unemployed I came off my antidepressants as they weren't working and didn't switch onto my new ones, because I actually felt temporarily better. By the time I my depression did hit again, I was going to start my new job and didn't want to deal with any side effects.. I thought this new job may lift my mood too and felt hopeful about a fresh start. 

In this job I am constantly being criticized for mistakes I make even though I've not been told how to do certain things. It's to the point of nitpicking. My "supervisors" are around the same age as me, 22, and I think are constantly on at me and calling me to the office because they're training to for some management program. They're all friendly with each other too and I just don't fit it. For example I made a mistake on the till once and since then they all gather in a circle to check the figures after I've been on it which makes me feel stupid.

I'm now in the same position as my previous job, literally going through the motions to make it through the day. It doesn't help that this job is only part time on minimum wage so I can sometimes be out for 8 hours for a 4 hour shift because I travel, and an hour of that goes towards my train fare. The hours are awful too, tomorrow I'm going to finishing at 10 o clock at night and getting home for 11:30 although In my interview I was told the latest I'd finish was 8. This weekend was my first full weekend off for a month and I got a text on Saturday morning asking If i could come in the next day. I'm waking up on the nights before work constantly with an awful sinking feeling and when it's time to get up I'll be physically shaking with anxiety. This happened this morning and I rang up to let them know I wouldn't be in and my manager was angry asking if I really couldn't make it in as there was an event on today. I'm guessing they're understaffed because so many have left the past week.

My family are starting to think I'm just lazy and tell me "nobody likes there job, just put up with it" but I can't anymore. I feel guilty too that I've dragged myself in for 2 months feeling so down and missing weekends with family only to have today off anyway. I have been applying for other jobs and have an interview in 2 weeks.. I'm trying to hang onto this job until I get another but I just feel so done with everything. Should I start taking the prozac I was given but never took? I'd really appreciate some advice.

I'm sorry. there's nothing like the misery of a sh*tty job to pretty much ruin your life. we all have been there. your parents come from a different generation where they just put up with crap like this, the culture was different. you just accepted being in a bad environment without question.

now, it's not like that. it shouldn't be like that. anyway...

you could do 2 things. either try one option first or not.

1. try your best one day, at the end of the day before you leave see if you can talk to the manager. if you do say: I wanted to talk to you because I have noticed, as you might have too, that I made a couple of mistakes. I've been thinking a lot about it and I want to make sure i do my job well. so,  is it possible for me to get training so that I don't make those mistakes again? 

...I know its BS bc they dropped the ball and didn train you. but they'll never admit that. but, if you go up to them and ask for training it:

1) forces them to address the problem 2) it puts the responsibility on them to do it 3) if they don't train you it's their failure because you put them on notice & they can't claim later that the lack of effort or whatver was your fault. 

what can happen? 

1. you get trained and you'll do better and it won't be as bad

2. they might fire you for dumb reasons .. which could be good because that means you qualify for unemployment and you won't have the immediate pressure of finding a job. (at least that's the procedure here in CA)

3. if you get fired or you quit , you tell your parents what you did (talked to the manager) and they should be more understanding and maybe just maybe realize it wasn't your fault. 

you can do all this knowing you'll quit and that's ok. at least you'll feel relief that you're trying to change something instead of letting it fester. 

now as for the Prozac, that's a personal choice. if you feel you need it in order to get back to a daily routine and balance your emotions then thats what it's for right? I mean that's why you were prescribed the medicine. 

no job is worth feeling miserable. I worked a job at minimum for 7 years. I regret ever staying that long. plus today you shouldn't be in a job that long. it looks bad on your resume bc people think.. well what happened that she didn't move up? loyalty is a thing of the past. and thats something your parents will never understand. back then you stayed bc it was a good job. today jobs are like fast food. they hire you and don't care bc they can pick anyone off the street who'll take your place. 

look out for #1, you! the sooner you do that, the better. you don't have to be treated like that.

also.. have you ever considered working for a non profit? search on craiglist or idealist.org those jobs don't pay much though if you're doing minimum then that's about what they pay but they don't treat you like crap for the most part. and it's rewarding. plus you get to network and connect with people and that can lead into another job.

anyway, confronting the problem is better then going in every day miserable and them making the situation worse. it's scary I know. but plunge into it like you would plunge into a cold pool. just run and plunge into it. 

keep us posted 

Edited May 23, 2016 by ejc

[Cloudy888]

Hiya,

What you wrote, is kinda what I went thru and am going thru. 

In my last workstation, I worked for only 5 months; I left mainly because of immense office politics and an extremely manipulative and a difficult boss; I did not actually wanna leave the workplace, but I was indirectly forced to leave, the HR did not even have the guts to talk to me about it; I even wrote to the CEO, no answer, and I was amazed, really surprised. But I did not make a scene, I quietly resigned. 

It took me 2.5 months to get another suitable job. It is a different setting, a different department altogether, and I expected this switch would be better for me. 

I am an introvert, love to keep to myself, I talk really less, I love to work and learn, and I HATE chit-chats, and I HATE backbiting and gossiping, so I end up saying very less all the time. And as you know, in today's extroverted work culture, introverts are discriminated against, and they are labelled to be "not cooperating" or (to the extreme) somewhat "anti-social". 

So back to my current workplace. I had expected this workstation and my colleagues to be sweet people, busy people, who do not have the time for office chit-chats and backbiting, BUT I was wrong, and I always will be, because WHERE THERE ARE PEOPLE, THERE ARE CHIT-CHATS AND BACK-BITING, it is only a simple human phenomenon. 

I am OKAY with it, as long as it does not involve me, but due to introverted nature, I have recently found that people have started to talk behind my back, and even pass rude comments indiscretely, at which I cannot point my fingers and cannot blame one certain person. I am mostly found doing my work in my cubicle, and I speak really less, and I UNFORTUNATELY, I am falling a victim of office politics AGAIN, and I HATE IT, more than anything in this world. 

It surprises me how much, just HOW MUCH, people LOVE to hurt eachother. How much people SAY SOMETHING and do NOT mean them AT ALL, and end up doing exactly THE OPPOSITE of what they have been preaching. 

I am working with TEACHERS. I am a part of the faculty in a SCHOOL. I had expected these people to be kinder, softer, sweeter, empathetic, BUT look. They preach students to be kinder to eachother, not to bully eachother, not to cheat eachother. But (not all, and no offense please), their ACTIONS are not parallel to their WORDS. 

Just forget it. If I look at my mistake... 

No one can bully you or treat you bad, unless you allow them to. I ALLOW PEOPLE TO BULLY ME. How? I remain quiet, I ignore, I speak softly (so people assume I am weak), I speak less, I do not run to mamma for every little thing that my colleague had told me. I feel a little intimidated by my managers, and due to my depression, I feel less confident. But If I wanted I could present a 100 page complaint against my colleagues and their activities to the manager, but where would that leave me? 

BUT, the point is, DONT TALK BACK, but SPEAK OUT. You know what I mean? Do not be rude to anyone, and do not lose your temper. If there are things bothering you, make a note of it, and keep observing. If a "certain" someone is bothering you, make an observation of his/her demeaning behavior (towards you) on three different occasions, and on the 3rd occasion make the move. Go to your manager and talk. Give examples of what you observed. Same goes towards situations, if it is not "people" who are bothering you. Make note of 03 similar incidents that seem extremely bothersome to you, and is affecting your productivity negatively, and then you know what to do. 

TALK IT OUT. not loudly, not rudely, but softly and with evidences.

And please do not forget to criticise yourself too. See to it that you are not making mistakes, due to inattentiveness or carelessness. When you are at work, be mindful, pay attention ONLY to work. 

One of my managers once told me to share my workplace insecurities and pains with them, because If I dont, someone else will speak about my problems. Please share with your manager what is bothering you. If your supervisors showing you how to do your work or checking every of your work after you are done with it, is bothering you for logical reasons, talk it out. When they are checking your work, are they demeaning you, or embarrassing you? If yes, it is not right. Talk it out. If not, then I would suggest you take it as a learning experience; your supervisors may be young, but maybe they have a lot of work experience. Take me for example, when I was 22, I already had 4 years of work experience. 

Shake hands with them if what they are telling you is constructive, and not demeaning or destructive. 

If there is anything that I have realised, life is too short to remain quiet. On my deathbed, I do not wanna cry a single tear thinking about how someone had bullied me and got away with it, or how much better I cud have done IF ONLY... 

Edited May 23, 2016 by Cloudy888

[DevotedBaker54]

I'm so sorry you're going through this. It's tough when you have to go to a place everyday and work with people you don't get along with who try to bully you. I think at the end of the day, no job is worth having anxiety over or losing sleep over. If you're only getting minimum wage and part-time anyway, it wouldn't hurt to find any other minimum wage job for the time being. 
Your health should be your #1 priority. 
If you do go back to your current job, just be kind, do your work, try your best, and go home knowing you did your best and that's all you can do. 
Hang in there, and I hope you find a better job real soon!  :)

[melplus]

I can totally relate to your situation. I do like all the suggestions that everyone has given as they do seem proactive. Sometimes it's just hard. As for the Prozac, of course it is your decision, (I've never taken Prozac myself). Maybe there is something weaker that you can take for the short term? An herbal tea of some sort? or something that you think might work to bring the anxiety down while you are at work until you can get out of there? ((     )).

[SBelle94]

I know this feeling all too well.  Not showing up, or just dragging, being late,and being miserable at work and not liking the people there.  It's good to see that you're applying to other jobs.  I think that it would be a good idea to take the prozac.  However, have you tried therapy?